"Always"

"This is what you always do," she groans. "You tell me to do something I have no idea how to do. You just expect me to know."
I hate that word, "always." Really, "always"? I almost wonder if we should take it out of the English dictionary. Or at least my vocabulary.
I want to retaliate. Really, do we need to wash the dress right now at 7:30am? The kitchen is a mess, the baby wants to be held and I'd rather just drink a cup of coffee. And there's that stinkin' word always. Why does she always have to make mornings so difficult?
"Okay, let's go wash the dress." We muddle through the function of each machine dial and while holding baby brother, get the dress she wanted to wear to school today in the wash machine.
I retreat to the kitchen mess and begin my one-handed clean-up. While singing "So Rise and Shine," the umpteenth time, I ponder.
She stomps back to the kitchen, throwing herself into her chair at the table. "Draw a goldenrod."
"What?" I ask in bewilderment. What does the goldenrod she learned about in iNature have anything to do with washing clothes?
"See, you don't know how to draw it. You need me to show you," she makes her point and spins back out of my sight.
Finally, I hear her say that I don't teach her. She's saying she'd like to know how and I'm not taking the five minutes to teach.
I return to her pouting body sprawled out on the living room floor, admit that I've not done a good job of teaching her, I'd like to do better and I suggest we return to the whirling washing machine to review the dials on the machine. Why do moms need to be willing to change? Can't I just be right all the time?
Thankfully, she bounded off to the bus with a kiss, hug and smile while I retreated to my coffee cup and study of 1 Peter.

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9

I've been studying the meaning of the word translated, "bless." Our English word, eulogy is derived from this greek word. Zodhiates argues that it would be better translated "speak well of one" and also in 1 Peter three, it implies asking God to act in one's life. The application couldn't have been more spot on for the morning that had just unfolded. Every inch of my being wanted to retaliate, yell, justify my actions but God says through Peter, don't shout back, don't criticize or insult your child but instead speak well of her, listen to her and ask God to work in her life.
So often, I think of Scripture applying to the really big things in life, like being hauled to court and sued for holding fast to your moral convictions. Not what happened over the breakfast table, at the checkout lane or on the highway. Thankfully, my nine-year old helped me see that it indeed applies to the seemly little occurrences and encounters.
The rest of verse nine says, speaking well of others no matter how they treat us is why we were called into God's family or saved, so that we can be spoken well of by God and invite His work in our lives. Through this loving, sympathetic conversation with the golden head, humbly admitting my wrong and inviting Him to work in her life, He will also always work in my life. These encounters refine me to make me more like Jesus. And I think that's a better use of the word always.
The next verses in 1 Peter 3 reference Psalm 34:12-16, which I understand to be a formula for wisdom or the fear of the Lord. ("Come, o children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord," Psalm 34:11.) Take a few minutes right now to mediate on these verses. How does God want you to pursue peace today so that He might work in your life as well as those you speak well of, no matter how they may criticize you.

Puddle

Writing the date in my journal and wondering why darkness hovers over me this morning, I remembered. Two years ago today, I sat in an outpatient surgery prep room, fighting nausea and waiting for the wee lifeless baby to be removed from my womb. This was my first lost little one. And even though two years of goodness and growth have been graced to me since that 2015 spring morning, my eyes still weep, my chest still heaves in sobs. I am a puddle.
Just this morning, over yogurt, strawberries and granola, the golden heads read the account of George Mueller's miraculous orphanage provision in the breakfast devotion and were encouraged by Romans 8:28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." We were challenged to remember throughout our day that Scripture says, all things. Not just a few things. Or a lot of things. Most things? No, ALL things.
I can testify to God's goodness and working even in my miscarriage: a stronger faith and trust in God, a strengthened marriage, a beautiful space between children and a healthy little baby boy. But that doesn't mean I don't cry for what was lost. I feel at loss of where to turn. Trusting God in the big picture, but remembering that stroke right now hurts. What do I do, right now in the hurt?

Likewise (waiting with full confidence for heaven) the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

I am trusting the Spirit to minister and direct my course of action and thoughts today. And then I ask those who know me best to pray.
Sometimes, I fault the engineer for being seemingly indulgent with our golden heads: too many Wild hockey games, downhill skiing, vacations, Twins games... But the truth is, we get to hold these children and kiss them in the morning and at night. We get to spoil them and it's just money anyway. Money we can't take and won't need in heaven. Hmmm. I think we need to celebrate with icecream today after school.
During these days with a four-month baby, I'm frequently quoting that song by The Shirelles, "Momma said there'll be days like this..." or Judith Viorst's Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, "Some days are like that, even in Australia." Don't you agree? Some days are just tough! What we do on those days? It's okay to shed a tear. It's okay to have an extra cup of coffee. It's wise to sit at the feet of Jesus and let Him speak to you and reassure you that even though there are days like this, He will work it out for our good and His glory!

Weakness

"Mom?" she yells as the front door begins to crack and I answer as the golden heads return from another day of middle school.
"Oh, shoot. I know this sounds terrible, but I was hoping you wouldn't be here." Hoping for a post-it on the table that says, "At the hospital," she can't hardly wait to meet her new baby brother or sister. And yet, here I sit. And wait.
Why do we often question God and lack confidence in His provision for us?

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19. 

Right now, I'm sick and tired of waiting. Of holding every plan loosely. Of disappointing the others in this family who can't wait to meet our newest member face to face rather than by the twitch of my abdomen. Of wondering what to fill my day with while I wait for either the contractions to sustain or one of them to break my "water."
A wise friend once told me that in her opinion, she needed a little more to be well supplied but turned right around to say, "However, it is quite possible our Lord thinks we are good for now. He's always right. Wonder why I keep arguing!"
As I laid in bed last night, my mind racing with possible to-do lists during the wait, I stubbornly agreed that God thinks I might be good for now. However, I'm confident that two-minutes later, I took it back and argued that I really wasn't well supplied and won't be until this baby is in my arms.
This is my weakness; I hate to admit it. I want to be that radiant face of unwavering trust in my Lord God, who holds steady as a rock. It's so easy to think we should be stronger and more trusting, but in truth: trust is hard.
As I listened on the phone, I wanted to point out the obvious. She was lacking trust in God's provision for her. She teared up as she explained, God is good and life is good but it's not how she expects goodness to look. I wanted to scream that God is providing for you, why are you not seeing it as His good, sufficient provision?
Somewhere in my insomnia wrestle with Jesus, my own hypocrisy became as evident as neon lights. I have the exact same weakness. When will I quit arguing with what my Lord says is enough?

For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10b

A week or so ago, when I first realized that I was irritable and unsettled, I took some extra time when I felt physically refreshed to contemplate the root of my actions. You know, "Search me and know my heart, and show me if there be any grievous way in me," from Psalm 139:23-24. About half cup of coffee later was when I first came to realize that I was sick of waiting to meet this little one. I wanted baby in my arms sooner than later. My time, not God's time.
Pinpointing the root of an unsettledness is hard work, time consuming and contemplative. Essentially, you're choosing to stare your own sin in the face, confess it and then ask for God's power to destroy it and walk away from the sin.
I chose to take the next step which is is no small fry either. It's humiliating: choosing to admit your sin to others and ask them to pray for you. I asked three trusted friends to pray that I would wait well. I admitted my weakness and asked for God's help and provision. By the time I went to bed that same night,  I realized I had a different demeanor. I felt calm, content and peaceful. Truly, God's power in me was overcoming my own weakness.
This is the truth of 2 Corinthians. We are absolutely powerless weaklings but this is to show off God as more glorious. When we admit, we got nothin', God can step in and be the hero. He has placed His power within us and and works in us to supply us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Because we've admitted our powerlessness, everyone knows it's God's power providing and working in us and He gets the fame.
Days later, I'm still teeter-tottering trusting God's timing of baby's arrival and arguing with Him about my own timing. I'm still admitting my powerlessness to wait well and begging for His power in me.
Don't lie. You're reading this, likely judging me for not being patient to wait for God's timing of our baby taking first breath. I would be if someone else was writing this. "What's the big deal? No baby has ever not eventually come out of utero. Just wait." But what if you took a cup of coffee to sit quietly with your Lord God as asked him to show you your distrust, discontentment and lack of faith in what He's already supplied for you? I challenge you to get your Caribou (or Folgers if that's your thing) and get serious with God. Then join me in admitting your weak spot and knowing that God will be the hero as He works brilliantly within you.

Too easy

Self-diagnosed, I feel the beginning stages of arthritis every time I ring out a rag or twist off a canning jar ring. I tell the engineer, "I'm going to have arthritis just like grandma and I haven't worked near as hard as she did in her life. Pathetic!"
For years, I've been thinking it: My life is too easy; I feel too incredibly blessed. Mostly, these thoughts come to me as I think about the lives of my grandmothers. How different my life is compared to theirs. I garden because I love the feel of the earth in my hands and the flavorful benefits; they gardened out of necessity because it put food on the table for the year to come. One grandma worked outside the home to make ends meet; the five years I worked outside the home, it was to feel a sense a normalcy and self-worth. The other grandma farmed alongside her husband because there was no other way to get the work done and a harvest reaped; I pack a lunch for the engineer to take to work. She sewed everything; I like Kohl's and Amazon.com while leaving sewing in the hobby category.
James Dobson has said that hard times create emotional and physical toughness. The opposite is also true; ease and abundance create weakness. It is possible that God may in fact allow adversity to make us stronger (When God Doesn't Make Sense, 1993, pg. 150).
Going through a trial in my own life right now, an opportunity to trust God even though I do not understand, I "almost kinda" wish my past was harder. I remember just having purchased a fixer-upper, Taco John's 6-pack and a pound in my hand, a one-year old and two-year old sitting with me at the picnic table left behind by the previous owners, thinking, This is impossible. There is too much to accomplish. I can't do this! Fast forward a year, house in operating order and the engineer is traveling 12-weeks straight, maybe seeing the girls and I for 12 or at most, 24-hours a week, thinking, I hate my life. I can't be a single mom. It's too taxing. A few years later: our basement flooding and working like gangbusters to move everything upstairs with no clue how high the waters will rise, God, I can't go on. I don't have the strength. I'm overwhelmed. Looking back, I see that those times made me stronger. I came through those adversities stronger physically, emotionally and spiritually. And I "almost kinda" wish I had more rough times. (But who seriously wishes for those out-loud?)

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

All joy? As I wrestle through my own trial, I need to think, "joy"? So I choose not to shrink back. To thank God for this opportunity to grow in faith and trust in God's divine interruption of my life in order to make me complete, lacking nothing. Will you welcome the rough roads? I think it's easier when I take a step back and envision what it will look like to have grown. To consider how God might strengthen me. Yes, maybe my life is easier than Grandma's, but God uses opportunities for growth that are perfectly designed for my bent. I choose to trust Him with all joy.

Surely Shirley

I still can picture her. A tiny little frame with perfectly colored and curled hair, ninety plus years of age saying, "You won't forget my name: Shirley. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Dad's aunt Shirley from Hull, Iowa, using her name and her years of wisdom to testify to the faithfulness of Jesus.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23:6

For whatever reason, I woke in the middle of the night saying that verse, picturing her face over and over again. I didn't know really know Shirley. Who really gets to know their dad's aunts? She's in heaven now, but I bet her life wasn't always a bundle of roses. I bet she faced rough times in her marriage, finances, parenting, community and church. Drought, job loss, death... Yet in the last days of her life, she testified to God's goodness and mercy all the days of her life.
This inspires me. Overall, God's given me a good life: a husband I can't wait to wrap my arms around at the end of every work day, three healthy daughters who are learning what it means to walk with Jesus, way more house than I need, a garden I can get my hands dirty in, time to express my heart in words, friends that pray for me, parents and siblings that accept me. But then there's the tough stuff: babies I didn't get to hold, years of disconnection and disappointment in marriage, the willfully disobedient toddler years, the hormonal roller-coaster tween years, moving from close friends, burying my eleven-year old nephew, changing families... These things I'd like to forget; in which I hardly see goodness and mercy.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Psalm 23:1-3

God loving leads us through all of it. He provides rest, refreshment and restoration as we need. He doesn't make a wrong turn. All the circumstances of our life refine us and bring Him glory. ALL the days of our life, not just the good ones. He uses those rough days we'd like to forget to shape us more like Jesus. We must accept these realities that we can not change. Maybe He knows we couldn't learn to be like Jesus, couldn't get truth through our thick-skulls if there weren't hardships. In the hardship, He reveals Himself to us so we can mirror Him. Even in those ugly times, He's still leading perfectly and gives gifts of goodness & mercy that follow us around like little chicks following their mother.
Every time I go to the grocery store with all three golden heads, I feel this phenomena. I can't get rid of them. Seriously, they're 12, 11 and 8, but they follow me, nearly stepping on my heels. And while this can be infuriating, suffocating and feel like leeches, I've never lost them in a large store and that's a good thing! Just like a baby chick won't leave their momma, neither will God's inherent goodness and mercy leave those He leads. Granted sometimes for a while, that goodness and mercy might be disguised, in the most tiny form (barely a bud), or seem a nuisance, but goodness and mercy are present. God promises they are present all the days of our lives.
Whether you're in the middle of the good, lush green grasses or you think your surroundings look like desert, choose to trust God's leading you and His plan and purpose is for goodness and mercy to be nipping at your heels, even if you don't quite yet understand.

Valley

When you're sitting in the valley, sometimes you just need time. Right there in the valley. No hurry to get out. You just want to sit. Not because you feel sorry for yourself but you just want to be. How many hours would I love to sit with my hands wrapped around something warm, nestled in a blanket and staring out at the hills just thinking? Pondering God. Considering majesty. Wondering His purposes. Is it wrong for me to be here?
I wonder how long Jesus let the angels minister to Him after His fast and then temptation from Satan in the desert.

Then the devil left (Jesus), and behold, angels came and were ministering to Him. Matthew 4:11

We can't know for sure, but I bet Jesus sat there and let the angels comfort and provide for Him for more than ten minutes before moving on to begin His public ministry in Galilee. He had fasted for forty days then faced extreme temptation, maybe He let Himself rest there in that safe, comforting place for a couple days or weeks. God provided for His Son, why wouldn't Jesus just want to stay? I'd want to. And I think nestled in this safe, quiet spot, I'd like to stay a while too.
This sitting, considering and pondering is part of my waiting for the Lord, being strong and letting my heart take courage (Psalm 27:14). He comes to me here. He comforts me here, ministers to me here and waters my tiny seed of faith that it might become of bud of trust. And yes, I may cry here. But why wouldn't that be okay? God made me with emotions and He reaches my heart in the middle of my emotions.
"It's okay, to not be okay. This is a safe place," begin the lyrics of the song by Plumb. If you're in a valley, it's okay. But don't be in the valley alone. Let Jesus minister to you there. Even if it doesn't look like a structured Bible Study or devotional time. He ministers in many different ways. Just be sure you're with Him there. Real comfort comes from no other place and just as Jesus moved on to begin His ministry, in God's time we will too.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me,
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Psalm 27:13

Deceived

"Character is built in adversity. Character is built in adversity. Character is built in adversity..." I repeat over and over in my mind as we paddle canoes down the river in the heavy rain. I recall the gorgeous paddling weather of the day before and press on, trying my best to see every beautiful gift from the Maker and setting an example for the golden heads.
From across the river, wrapped in a poncho and perched under an umbrella in the middle of the other canoe, sits the one the engineer has coined, the "Egyptian Princess," mainly because of such requests as, "Could you not splash me?" and "Could you paddle faster?"
Meanwhile, the engine paddler on my canoe has had her fill of paddling in the rain! "That's it. I'm not paddling anymore. She's not the only princess. I want to be the princess too!"
Knowing, there was seriously little to be done about our predicament, I reasoned, "Sweetie, I'm so sorry that you weren't born into royalty. You would make an wonderful princess with your fair skin and golden blonde hair." The truth is, she is a princess of an eternal kingdom (Ephesians 1:5, Galatians 4:5).
What a creep Satan is to feed her lies that would cause her to believe that in her trialous state of paddling down the river in the rain, she would be somehow be dethroned from her heirship.
But oh how I relate! Out on a morning run, the deceiver  (Revelation 12:9) fed me a lie. Right away, I thought, This seems like a lie from Satan. I muttered some words I knew to be true but wasn't convinced. Later that evening, I shared the lie with my trusted friend. His reaction was enough to make me see this was a lie and I had believed it. Throughout the hours of insomnia, I was able to speak truth over and over in my mind and in the morning sunshine, thank God (and the engineer) for the truth I believe; I am valued and accepted.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Some of our trials will seem silly. Like paddling in the rain. Some a crisis of who we are in Christ or a crisis of faith in a good God. Big or little, these pain-staking bumps in the road give us a chance to strengthen our faith, build our character to be more like Jesus'.
What trial are you facing right now? Will you allow yourself to be lied to by the deceiver or will you face Satan with the truth, stand on the Word of God and become more like Jesus.

Cheerios

After an evening of disappointment and loneliness turn anger, anxiety and fear, a box of Cheerios catches my eye on the kitchen counter. Still processing my emotions from the night prior, something within bides me to pay attention to that bright yellow box. Cheerios. A heart-shaped bowl filled with wholesome oats, milk and an adorning strawberries. What about that box? 
Cheerios. Cheer-ios. The Bible uses the word cheer. 

And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy; Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee. Matthew 9:2 

(When Jesus' disciples were caught in a storm on the Sea of Galilee and Jesus walks on the water toward them in the boat:) For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid. Mark 6:50 

(When Jesus was with his closest friends:) These things I (Jesus) have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33 

(When Paul was on trial and the Jews made a plot to end his life:) And the night following the Lord stood by him, and said, Be of good cheer, Paul: for as thou hast testified of me in Jerusalem, so must thou bear witness also at Rome. Acts 23:11 

(When Paul was on ship headed to Rome to stand trial for his faith he directed the ship crew in midst of a terrible storm:) "And now I exhort you to be of good cheer: for there shall be no loss of any man's life among you, but of the ship. For there stood by me this night the angel of God, whose I am, and whom I serve, saying, 'Fear not, Paul; thou must be brought before Caesar: and, lo, God hath given thee all them that sail with thee.' Wherefore, sirs, be of good cheer: for I believe God, that it shall be even as it was told me...Then were they all of good cheer, and they also took some meat. Acts 27:22-25, 36 

This greek word is a verb, an action that means to put in good spirits, gladden, make cheerful; to be joyful, be of good cheer, of good courage. The English Standard Version translates "be of good cheer" as take heart, take courage or encouraged.

What strikes me about these verses is they are commands or directions from the Lord. (Even if God speaks to others through Paul.) God the Father, Jesus the Son and God the Holy Spirit direct us to choose to be cheerful and they make cheer possible. God says to us in the Scriptures, "(My child,) in this world you will have troubles, but take heart, have good cheer, choose to be encouraged; I have overcome the world." In the morning, cheer is possible; He is present. In the darkness, cheer is possible; God is present.

Cheerios. The i-o-s resembles Theos, the Greek for God, the creator and sustainer of all things, the One who is with us. Theos is my maker and sustainer and shelter of my heart in all times, including the tough times; a place where my heart can cheer. 
Nothing else can give real, lasting cheer: not a paid off mortgage, not a relationship, NOTHING else. He is simply 100% Pure Righteousness, Faithfulness and goodness that cheers me. May I choose to only let Him fill my heart to the brim. And if other great gifts come along, they can be the adorning strawberries in my heart-shaped bowl.
How have you tried (and failed) to fill you heart-shaped bowl? Thank God for His ability to fill and satisfy you. He sustains you and He is with you. Choose cheer. 

Growing

They've caught the fever: fairy garden fever. The golden heads each want their own and the dollar signs rack up in my mind. How many plants at $4 a piece? For a fairy garden? You can't even eat that! One of the little branches of a minature $4 plant cracks off and I'm wondering if I can sprout that branch and grow another mini plant. It works with most house plants, why not this one? So for about three weeks, I've been nurturing this little stub of a plant, giving it just enough water every day to keep the bottom immersed. Today, I got sick of that little stub and plastic cup in my window sill and tossed it out.
How often do I get frustrated in pursing the fruits of God's presence in my life and just throw those out: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control? (Yes, I'm typically tossing self-control and patience out with the trash.) Yet these are evidence of God's residence in my life. Further, I'm suppose to be done with the impatience, anxiety, harshness and living for self-pleasure.

We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. Romans 6:6-7

If I am promised my old ungodly habits have no more power over me, why is it so hard? Why do I have to wait? It seems that when I came to true saving faith and trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, the old habits and patterns should have almost instantly vaporized. Like making a bag of microwave popcorn: wait 2 minutes on high power and ding: popcorn's ready. I want ding: no more struggles with sin.
In his book, Pursuit of Holiness, Jerry Bridges explains holiness as a growing process that takes time and I must choose to be committed. I must repeatedly choose to

1. Renew my mind (Romans 12:2)
2. Set my affections on things above (Colossians 3:1)
3. Submit my will to God (James 4:7) (I like to think of this as choosing God's way in all I think say and do.)

As I feel the desire to act according to my old unhealthy habits, I can be saying these Scriptures aloud. Some additional concepts Bridges teaches are also helpful for me.

• God most often appeals to my will by reason.
• Satan most often appeals to my desires.
• Satan attacks my reason and confuses an issue.

I've seen this happen just this week. It was Sunday night, and I had too much for dinner; my stomach was full. But with the kids in bed and knowing "Monday Monday" was around the corner, I began to desire the last bowl of popcorn sitting in the corner of the room. Oh, wouldn't that taste so great? And it's just a little bowl. Oh, and I can sprinkle nuts and M&Ms on top. I deserve it! Tomorrow is Monday. Sitting there I realized, this is Satan appealing to my emotions, my lust for food, and trying to cloud my reason. If I would listen to reason (God's typical method), I'd hear. Hey listen, your stomach is so full it still hurts from dinner. The popcorn will be there tomorrow. 
Another helpful arrow in my armor I heard this week is to envision God's glory in the midst of attack. In my mind, begin to imagine heaven and it's perfection and wonderfulness and think, I want to be there! And even though this struggle with sin and temptation is hard, I want that more.
The truth is sometimes I win this battle in my mind and sometimes I don't. No, it's not like the bag of microwave popcorn, but more like that little fairy plant that takes weeks and weeks to sprout new roots. This process will be on-going until the day I meet Jesus face to face. It's part of my journey. But I don't do it alone.

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

He provides the power within me, in the Holy Spirit to make choices, daily, hourly choices that look like Jesus. I can expect growth as I make wise godly choices. So, like the cabbage and cucumbers that I haven't given up on, I'll be growing.

Foggy

It's there, I know it: a beautiful summer sunrise in the northern horizon. It's brilliant orange and reds blurred as in an abstract painting through the foggy pane of the window. Only when I step outside into the damp, crisp morning air can my eyes focus on the glory of this gift.
Isn't it the same in the midst of pain, struggle, trial and testing? I know God is there in the midst of trial, He has a path for me to walk on and His glory, like the radiant sunrise, is present, but I have only an obscured view from behind the foggy window pane. I can't see or grasp it fully.
Consider David, fleeing from King Saul: exiled, a nomad, living from cave to cave, running for his very life.

Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am languishing;
heal me, O LORD, for my bones are troubled.
My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O LORD—how long?
Turn, O LORD, deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love.
For in death there is no remembrance of you;
in Sheol who will give you praise?
I am weary with my moaning;
every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping.
My eye wastes away because of grief;
it grows weak because of all my foes.
Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
for the LORD has heard the sound of my weeping.
The LORD has heard my plea;
the LORD accepts my prayer.
All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;
they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment. Psalm 6:2-10

I can't help but get this picture of David pouring out his heart to God and then in verse 3, he says, "Yehovah…." and with a deep sigh thinking, You can relieve this pain, You are able, but "How long will you make me wait?" and by the way, what's the purpose of this struggle? Can you relate?

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13

Four times David asks, "How long must I wait because I know you can deliver me, Lord." It's never a question of God's ability, but usually a question of His will. Even Jesus prayed, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine," (Matthew 26:39). So David too, leaves room for God's perfect will and in the meanwhile, David trusts in God's plan and timing, rejoices that he's saved and he sings.
David hasn't forgotten the ultimate truth. Yes, he's miserable. David knows God is present yet he can't quite see God's glory, goodness and plan in all of it.
An hour later, the heavy dew evaporated by the warmth of the sun, my view of the morning sun is unobscured. It just takes time. But His glory, His presence, His power has been there all the while. Sometimes in the moments of anxiety or trial, I love to sing to God, inviting His presence to my life. This is a favorite by Francesca Battistelli.
Cry out to Him because you know He's listening and His glory is present. Trust in His sovereign plan, rejoice in your eternal salvation and sing.

Broken

So to keep me from being conceited...a throne was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:5b-9

Somedays, I am mad at God for not taking away my physical insecurity. Early in my faith walk with Jesus, I thought that my insecurity issues were just as Paul said, thorns that I had to live with. Years later, intentionally consistent in my faith walk, I became confident, that God could heal me from my physical insecurities. I claimed it. I trusted Him for it. In recent months, I've come to understand that while He is able to remove my insecurity, He uses my physical insecurities as a tool.
It's so easy for me to become prideful. To compare myself and my faith walk with others'. I'm embarrassed to admit that. Further, it's hard for me to understand the prophet Isaiah.

In that year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; the train of his robe filled the temple…And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!" Isaiah 6:1,4-5

Woe to me? Well, really God, I'm not the worst of sinners. I'm doing pretty well. Have I mentioned, I'm embarrassed? As I sat in worship with other believers and listened to Isaiah 6, my stomach churning from my food binge the night prior, I had messed up again! I forgot to be influenced by the Spirit and I went on autopilot. Ahg, I am truly the worst of sinners. I can't overcome this. Really, God, I know you can heal me of this stumbling block, this thorn. And I felt Him say, "But don't you see, this is right where I need you to be. Needing me. Broken. Humble. Stripped. The worst of sinners."
If I only ever remember two things, I want them to echo the words of John Newton, "My memory is nearly gone; but I remember two things: That I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Savior."
My thorn doesn't look like your thorn. But we hate the thorns. We wish them gone. God is saying to you, to me, "The thorn draws you to me, acknowledging that I am your only hope. And I'm more worried about your relationship with your Deliverer than I am about delivering you from your thorn." (Wolf, Katherine. CBS Teaching Director Conference. Broadmoor Resort, Colorado Springs, CO. 2015 Jan 23. Hope Heals.)

Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his had a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said; "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for." And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here I am! Send me." Isaiah 6:6-8

My sin and shame is taken away. My thorn is not. But praise be to God, in the posture of humility and brokenness, and I am available to be used by Him because it causes me to come to a realizing His Holy Spirit in me is my only hope of victory.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10

I'd be lying if I said, "I love my food issues and my constant awareness of my imperfect body." But I strive to follow Paul's example, to be content. To praise God that my insecurities make me dependent on Him and then I can be used by Him. What thorn brings you to your knees in humility and allows God to use you? Will you choose to be content with it?

Kaboom!

Sometimes I have an Ah, duh! moments. And I've been thinking for the last four days, I need to claim the power available to me because Christ lives in me. The process has seemed so elusive to me.

"I also pray that you will begin to understand how incredibly great God's power is to help those who believe him. It is that same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God's right hand in heaven." Ephesians 1:19-20, TLB

Overwhelmed would well describe the past few weeks for me. So much to shuffle, struggling to manage my time and priorities, tired physically and emotionally of parenting, selfishly wanting time for myself (which one would think is crazy since all the golden heads are in school now and I have the entire school day quiet) and wrestling with connection and communication with the engineer. I haven't quite figured out what to do with myself. I know Jesus holds the answer but how?
As I was preparing to teach on Paul's letter to the Corinthians, I became convicted of needing to take hold of the power available to me. It's like the Starbucks gift card in my wallet that I'm saving for "special occasions," so it remains unused. I have this power "card", but like my Starbucks card, I'm saving it for when I "really" need it. Ah, duh, I need it now. I need it every day. And unlike a gift card, God's power never runs out. God keeps reloading the card.
Lying in bed in the middle of the night, my mind goes full circle. Months ago, I learned and committed to memory: God as my loving Father will meet all my needs, all my physical needs and my need for purpose, peace and power. And He can meet those needs when the  Holy Spirit is ruling my life. Ah, duh, I knew that! I couldn't sleep anymore. Power, power, power kept flashing through my mind. While the sky lightened, I picked up Mark chapter two and power keep surfacing: power to heal, power to witness to the unsaved, power to be Lord of all.

"For the kingdom of God (Christ within me)…is living by power!" 1 Corinthians 4:20

How? I need a plan. To steel the one-liner from the A-Team, "I love it when a plan comes together." So what is my plan? My plan includes

1. Self-talk: In my moments of temptation, trial and weakness, I need to tell myself, "I am empowered by the Holy Spirit and that is more than enough power to make it through ___." 
2. Taking a deep breath, confessing my mess-up and choosing to do the opposite. 
3. Praying for the one who's driving me nuts. 

If I choose to use it: kaboom! His power will always comes through for me.
So what's your plan? How do you remind yourself to claim the unlimited, unending power available to you?

Do well

Some would say I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I can't deny my emotions even that much. I simply wear them on my face. I can't lie or mask what I'm feeling. I've come to view this as a  blessing. But, frustrated this week, I went beyond wearing them on my face; I totally vented. I still don't really know the root of the marital issue. However, I was feeling disconnected, separate, and not enjoying his company. My whole demeanor long-faced, feeling hopeless, I stumbled upon some notes I had taken from Victory over Darkness a year ago. It drew my attention to Genesis 4:4-7.

 4 and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, 5 but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. 6 The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." 

God clearly says to Cain, you can't feel your way into good behavior. You behave your way into good feelings. Is this what I've been missing in the busyness of summer schedules?
The ESV translates countenance as face. Cain clearly, like me, wore his emotions on his face, the outside of his body, not bottling it. But God who sees all, inside and out, takes note of Cain's outward appearance. His face which is obviously a reflection of his heart.
I think the punch is packed in verse 7. God tells Cain to do well. Actually in the Hebrew, God uses this word two times. This must be important. This word means to be good, pleasing, well, glad, joyful, rejoice, deal well with, do thoroughly, to make a thing good, right or beautiful. Sounds like a call to action. And yet, now I sit, sulking. Not much different than Cain.
"And if…" God says. Clearly, God is reminding Cain he has a choice: do good or sulk.
If Cain chooses to sulk, Satan crouches at the door. Satan wants nothing more than to bring men and women down. He's sneaky and waits at the door, waiting for an entrance. Like a cat that makes a v-line into the house the second the front door is opened. And in these moments of dejection, sulking, Satan knows we are weak. He sees the door cracked open and he'll weasel his way right in. Satan knows our points of vulnerability. He's a sneaky, creep.

…Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 1 Peter 5:8-9

God commands Cain to master or rule over the sin. I really think this can't be done outside of the Holy Spirit ruling in the life of a believer. Only then can the power of sin be defeated.

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? 1 John 5:4-5

We know the rest of the story in verse 8:

Cain told Abel his brother. And it came about when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him.

I have a choice: good actions or stewing over the negative. Cain choose to let sin referee his life. I can't feel my way into good behavior. I behave my way into good feelings. This is a conscious choice. I'm feeling crumby about my marriage today. I could sulk and feel miserable all day. Or do something that I enjoy or set to work enjoying the feeling of accomplishment. Emotions are real, but they can't be trusted. I must choose to do well.
You must constantly be checking yourself and asking, "Who's ruling in my heart?" Invite the Holy Spirit to rule, direct and influence all of you. Then do well.

Stressed out

"…And I pray that Mommy and Daddy wouldn't get so stressed out…" Shaking my head and looking at the engineer, I roll my eyes at this repetitive plea to God from a Christ-following golden head. I want to scream, Why are you choosing to be the reason for the stress? 

Sitting alone with God and my coffee, He speaks to me. Why do you see yourself  any better than they?  

But He was wounded for our transgressions;
He was crushed for our iniquities;
Upon Him was the chastisement that brings us peace,
and with His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

Just a sliver of Jesus' torture, for our benefit, is revealed to me through parenting. In parenting, I often feel rejected, despised, sorrow, grief and disrespected (v. 2). Yet because I love these golden heads, I carry these sorrows (v. 3) while they only see me "stressed out" and afflicted (v. 4). Upon the mother and father is the charge to teach them to be at peace with God (v. 5); to introduce them to God and disciple them. Jesus' sorrow, grief and beatings were extreme; mine are light in lieu of His, but my sin took Him there. Not just theirs. I am no less a sinner than they (v. 6). Yet, Jesus never opened His mouth to complain, yell or correct (v. 7). I open my mouth plenty. Too much. This is not helpful or beneficial to yell and complain. And so I find myself in confession: admitting sin, repenting and thanking Him for forgiveness.

For this sin and all sin, He was put through torturous grief and death (v. 10). Jesus offering His life as a perfect sacrifice for all sin gives me life and prolongs my days (v. 10). This was God's will because He is just (must administer punishment for all sin). Jesus' death sacrifice was our payment for our sin, satisfied God's requirement for justice and made a way for all to be great and righteous before Him (vv. 11-12). 

My sorrow and grief in training them, in teaching them how to be at peace with God is all so that they too might be righteous before God (v. 11). 

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 2 Corinthians 4:9-10

I am "stressed out" so the life of Christ might live in my golden heads.

What area in your life is stressing you? Does this give you a vague glimpse of Jesus at the cross? Do you realize that YOUR sin took Him there? Thank Him for His willingness to give His life and choose to live your life in service so others might find peace with God.

Sifting

A couple years ago, a dear friend introduced me to the wonder of grinding fresh wheat flour. Unfortunately, she had acquired some wheat that had not yet been cleaned of all the chaff. A relatively easy task, was easily quadrupled in time as we labored over each kernel of wheat, making sure every kernel was free of chaff. Unless the wheat kernels are separated from the chaff, the wheat is not ready to be ground into flour.
This past experience returned snuck to the forefront of my memory as I recalled Jesus' conversation with Peter predicting Peter's denial of Himself in Luke 22:31. "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat." Strikingly, Satan sometimes asks God for permission to test us (recall Job's testing) and sometimes we need the sifting. This concept was first introduced to me by Beth Moore in her book, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things, over four years ago. So should we ask for sifting? What a dangerous prayer! Many would say it like this, "Oh Lord, refine me." The refining is so difficult. But it comes with a promise.
I love Paul's prayer for the Thessalonians in his first letter, chapter 5:23-24

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

 This is the prayer I need to pray. Notice that it begins with the proclamation that God is peace. He provides me peace and He is at peace with me because I believe Jesus' sacrifice for my sin makes me right with God (Romans 5:1). It is this God, at peace with me, that will make all of me holy, pure and blameless. He will use daily challenges and life's obstacles to make me holy. Do I truly embrace this? When my compassionate one is having an "emotional moment," crying and yelling at her sisters and I feel helpless, myself ready to scream, do I see this as God making me holy? When I'm impatient with friends spinning their wheels in their own poor choices and I want to yell, "Just stop it," but am called to love, encourage and pray. Do I welcome this sifting? Every obstacle in life, no matter big or small, is an opportunity to be transformed into the image of Christ. Unless I am sifted, like the wheat my friend and I cleaned, I am not ready to be used by the Lord.
Last, don't overlook the promise at the end of the verse; God is faithful and He will do it. He will do the refining as I look toward Him.
This reflecting makes me realize, it's always so easy to see other people's sin. I can see God using circumstances to refine others, somehow, I think I'm missing the refining He wants to do in me. Why is it always so easy to see other people's sin? Peter didn't recognize his sin until the rooster crowed the third time. I'm not much different. How do I prevent this? When we look at others we have a different perspective. Imagine looking at a VanGogh from two inches away. Now step back two feet. You see a different picture. Do I step back from my own life often enough to see a different picture? Driptime is a great time for this. Use this time to examine your life. Use Psalm 139:1-2, 23-24 and 1 Corinthians 11:28 to evaluate your circumstances and listen to God. I've been woken up in the middle of the night lately with revelations I believe are from God. Most recently, He revealed to me us use my circumstance to practice being gentle in spirit.
Also, do I have people in my life who love me enough to speak the truth in love? Someone who loves me enough to step up to the plate when I need a 2x4 over the head to realize I'm being stupid and need to stop and repent? These people are grounded in God's Word and tell me the truth from His Word, not what I want to hear.
Jesus went on to tell Peter, "But I have prayer for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." Jesus prays for us and cheers us on through our times of sifting. We need to trust, persevere and when necessary, repent. Turn 180 degrees to the Lord and after we've been strengthened, encourage the church.
I am so thankful that Peter was sifted! When you read the first 12 chapters of Acts, you see how mightily God used Peter to build the church through Peter's leadership, witness, preaching and even miracles.
Take two steps back from your life's circumstance and examine it. Ask God to speak to you (1 Samuel 3:9) and listen. How is God using this circumstance to sift you? Pray for strength to persevere and claim a verse to repeat out loud every time the battle gets too hard.

Digging holes

One of my favorite family movies is "Holes." A wrongfully convicted boy is sent to a brutal desert detention camp where he joins the job of digging holes for some mysterious reason. The comical warden of the camp, Mr. Sir, explains why the boys are digging holes:

"You take a bad boy, make him dig holes all day in the hot sun, it turns him into a good boy. That's our philosophy here at camp green lake."

Digging holes would build character. Character is forged in adversity. Think on the apostle Paul. Ironic that the book of Philippians is likely one of the most quoted books of the Bible for it's inspirational, encouraging verses yet when you look at it in context…the wake up call. Paul penned these inspirational words from prison, in chains. Talk about adversity. Yet, here's one thing he says,

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. Philippians 4:12

Often, I've looked at this verse in terms of financial state. Today, I look at it in the context of stage of life. Whether you're a college student, starting your first job, in a taxing career, just married, feel "bare foot and pregnant" with kids crawling and running all over, a "soccer mom" taxiing children all over the place, sending your children off to college, experiencing an empty nest or spending your days serving the Lord, have you determined to be content in your life stage? Or do you find yourself, as I do often, thinking if only… or someday when...
Every stage of life has some obstacle. These obstacles will build your character. I've heard it said once that who you are at 30 is highly a result of your circumstances, but who you are at 40 (and beyond) is a result of your character. 
Abraham Lincoln said, "Reputation is the shadow. Character is the the tree." In essence, character  is who we are when no one is looking. Jesus said, "You will recognize them by their fruits," Matthew 7:16, 20. Who we are underneath our skin is evident by what we say and do. 
Do our lives exude the characteristics of a Holy Spirit-filled life as Paul taught in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? This is character of the highest caliber.
No matter your stage of life and obstacles in your stage, trust in God's purpose for this stage and allow Him to use it to transform you to be more like His Son, Jesus, our perfect example. 

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

He is faithful in supplying our needs but what we need most is sanctification; to be made holy, to be like Christ Jesus (Romans 8:20). He called you to this season of life for such a time as this…to be conformed, so be content with whatever state you're in. 
Who do you want to be in ten years? Are you allowing the "digging of holes" in your current stage of life to build character? God did not call you to this stage of life to show how strong, smart or talented you are but rather how faithful He is. Choose contentment and trust in His purpose.

Stormy Weather

Each night lately around here, brews with it another powerful thunderstorm. I recall the first evening, lying in bed, unsure if I heard bits of hail or just hard pelting raindrops pounding the window, imagining the ruin I would wake up to in my garden and potted flowers. Yet when the sun began shining, I rose to find every plant looking healthier than before. And each morning after storm, there has been new flowers that seemly bloomed overnight despite the wind and pelting rain. 
It makes me think of my life on earth, when life's storms rage, do I emerge blooming or stripped and dying? Neil Anderson, makes the analogy explaining that we as believers are diamonds in the rough, but given enough time and pressure, we will emerge brilliant, shining diamonds, revealing the glory of God (Victory over the Darkness, 84).
As I reflect on my own pressures, the theme of loss emerges; grievousness. The biggest loss of Micah, first on the list, if followed by a loss of friendships left behind in Montana, loss of grandma, loss of intimate and edifying relationships, loss of the essence of Montana in the summer, loss of deep  friendship with the engineer (because life is too busy.) As the tears flow, I know I have much for which to be thankful. My God is a good God. But I am needy and afflicted, as Mike shared this week;

I am afflicted and needy; hurry to me, God. You are my help and my deliverer; Lord, do not delay. Psalm 70:5

Though I ache for the day Jesus takes us home, He has given me work to do here, and I am determined to persevere. Given enough time, these pressures will surely create in me a brilliant shining like a diamond that reveals His glory. 

Determine today to persevere through life's storms and pressures. Claim James 1:2-4:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.