If then mothering

Awoken by the upbeat tune of her alarm clock while she's bunking with big sisters after a late night movie, I sit with coffee, moving her latest piece of artwork from my seat. Ah, that little girl is growing up too fast! I don't spend enough time with her. How could I engage more with her? Enter her world? 
I open my Bible to Proverbs 2 and ponder wisdom.
My thoughts shift to the littlest one in our gang and I thank God for the good night's rest and then ask forgiveness for doubting that I'd get it. As I went to bed last night, I was already begrudging and fretting over a presumed middle of the night crying. Ah, selfish mom. 
The buzz word in my circle of friends is, "mom guilt." And it's not even true. It's a lie from Satan himself. But I hear those lies: you're not enough, you messed up again, he's not thriving...
Then I look out the window and up to see cotton ball clouds scattered across the light blue skyline. Considering my grand, awe-inspiring God, stops me in my tracks. That's the answer: God. Where does my help come from? How do I combat mom-guilt? How do I not fall for the lies? How do I mother well? God.
Tucked in Proverbs 2, is a amazing if then formula for mothering.

IF I make my ear attentive to God's wisdom;
IF I turn and make my heart to understand;
IF I ask God for insight and understanding;
IF I pursue God's perspective and wisdom and insight like I would pursue cold hard cash,
THEN I WILL understand the best way to live and discover His know how.
For God gives wisdom...
And I will be delivered from "mom guilt,"
Satan's path of lies leads to death: depression, lack of an abundant life and shame.
"Mom guilt" is a dead end street.
Escape the dead end: ask God how. Proverbs 2, my paraphrase

The truth is, despite my seeking, I will mess up. My life is a string of messing up, heading down that dead end road, believing Satan's lies, following the way of guilt and then making a u-turn, headed on God's road.
For instance, two days later, my morning mind fast-forwarded to the list of tasks in the bursting-full day ahead and she entered the kitchen in a mood. I fell for the trap, the dead end, reacting in my own snappy voice, rushing hastily and rudely. Though I realized my mistake, the whole day felt drab and heavy. It was almost as if I couldn't believe God's grace really was meant for me AGAIN. Would He really lead me out of this "mom guilt" (and wife guilt) road again? Why was Romans 8:1 (no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus) so hard to accept, to believe?
Because it's truly unfathomable! Even though I choose to forgive a wrong done to me, do I forget it? No, it's always there, in the back of my mind. Sometimes in the forefront when I think of that person. But God doesn't work that way. He forgives and forgets.
How do I move on, out of the guilt that lingers even though theologically I believe I'm forgiven? The answer might be tucked deeper in Romans 8. "For the mind set on flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace." I can't move out of the "mom guilt" because I'm thinking about my sin, my shortcoming, my inability. What I started thinking about God's unfathomable grace, His forgiveness (and forgetting) and the abundant life He's promised me instead? That's God's perspective and I must set my thoughts on His way, then I will find wisdom in mothering.
Whether you're a mom, dad, employee, neighbor, friend or co-worker, where is your thought life today? Are you feeling insecure, condemned, not enough? These are lies luring you down a dead end road. Ask God to lead you in a u-turn, teaching you His perspective, His way of life and peace.

Trying

Setting about my morning shower, her words before catching the school bus echoed through my mind, "I'm trying." We called her out on the attitude and she said she was trying to get over it; trying to be pleasant.
Lately, I've been wrestling with this idea that Christ followers try too hard. The beauty of the gospel is that we don't have to try harder but rather let God do the heavy lifting. Being saved from eternal death comes through faith in Jesus alone, not Jesus plus this or that (Ephesians 2:8).  Jesus already did the hard work when he set his face toward death on the cross. Yet, like my teenager, I find myself trying harder to be patient or kind or humble or ____. You fill in the blank.
Recently, while mediating on Romans 8:6, I had this little revelation: it's not about doing but thinking deeply on Christ, on the good news of salvation, on the Holy Spirit.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace...

Letting my thoughts linger on the good news of freedom from death, that's why Jesus went to the cross. So we can win! We see this command to think on the Spirit in Colossians 3:2 as well.
Jesus paid the ultimate price (His life) to set us free from trying harder to get over our habits, hurts and hang-ups!

...you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ... 1 Peter 3:18-19

Then, putting on mascara and thinking about how to not try harder to have a good attitude, I saw the log in my own eye. Typically, my contentment and joy is bound in my family's contentment and joy. But when someone in our family is out of sorts, I easily take on the same attitude, even though I'm telling myself to try hard not to have a sinful disposition. Even if there are moments in our home when no one is happy, my focus, my thoughts need to be on Jesus! My joy and peace and contentment should be from the good news: freedom, reconciliation, peace, hope of heaven. If I get to see happiness within the walls of my home, it's icing on the cake. And Lord willing, I may win them over with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4).
Jesus talked about this himself, the idea of not trying harder in Matthew 11:25-30:

At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.  Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

This understanding or revelation indeed is a gift to those who find it. Dwell deeply on the gospel. Come to Me (Jesus), not try harder or pull yourself up by the boot straps but rather, think about Me.
This isn't to say we sit around and do nothing. 1 Peter 1:17 begins, "If you call on Him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear (respect, reverence) throughout the time of your exile." You don't have license to do whatever you want because of your faith in Jesus. You will want to do the right thing. In fact, right after we read that salvation comes from faith ALONE in Jesus, Ephesians 2:10 goes on to tell us that we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus FOR good works, which God planned for us to do. When we can do something good, we shouldn't sit back and say, "I could give money toward digging wells in Africa, but I'm just going to sit here and think about Jesus." When given the opportunity to encourage, to give gifts, to serve others, we will want to and we should.
However, when you feel like you can't win, can't seem to do the good you really want to do, when the right attitude is hard to come by or patience alludes you, you don't try harder. You stop and think on the gospel. On the Spirit.
Admittedly, I fail miserably, especially when the baby's crying and needs to be fed simultaneously as the big golden heads. Or when I'm tired. Or when I crave more sugary, sweet stuff. Ahh! Think deeply. Feel deeply. About Jesus. About my freedom. About the Holy Spirit.
Is letting the Spirit work in me really only a cerebral effort on my part? I think and the Spirit works. I'm thinking life-giving, holy characteristics: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, love, obedience, reverence, glory of eternal life... That's where I stop and then let the Spirit do the work? Really? It sounds too easy. But then, so does salvation from eternal death by faith alone in Jesus Christ: Jesus lives a perfect life, dies on the cross as a payment for my sins and then God raises Him to life. I believe it and and I'm given eternal life.
For two weeks, I've been experimenting with this idea. And every time I stop to think about my attitude and actions, they truly are always a reflection of my thought patterns.
So what will you think about today? Are you sick and tired of trying harder only to fail or win sometimes? Will you join me in thinking deeply about Jesus? About the cross? About the Holy Spirit? About the gratitude? About the fruit of the Spirit? If so, I'd love to hear how it works for you. Leave a comment below and encourage us all with your thought pattern experiences.

Screaming

As I stepped outside into the winter air to start the grill, I thanked God that He caused the ignition switch to work so I didn't have to hunt down matches, try light the gas grill in the cold wind and thus delaying dinner which needs to be completed on a tight schedule so our family is punctual for evening activities. Is it unspiritual for me to think that a grill ignition switch is something for which to be thankful? I've been conducting a little experiment this week: tracking my attitude and my thought patterns throughout the day, then seeing how they relate.
As I returned inside from preheating the grill, I noticed how calm and peaceful I was before a busy night. Indeed, I think choosing to thank Jesus for the little gift of a working ignition switch rather just chalking it up to good luck is giving God glory and it changes my attitude to one of joy and peace.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6
Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2 

One way, among many, to set my mind toward things of the Spirit (yielding life and peace) is practicing thanksgiving. Paul commands thankfulness in all circumstances to the church in Thessalonica (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
However, I admit that I'm not good at thanking Jesus for a screaming baby. Just a day ago, our 12-week old decided he would have nothing to do with cuddling before nap time. Nothing! Squirm, squirm, cry, scream. Set him in his crib and within minutes, he's soothing himself to sleep. Thinking on this later (not in the moment) I realized that this is new found independence for him is a gift. Yes, it comes with screaming, but he already wants to do something on his own. So thank you Jesus for a self-soothing, sleeping baby.
She's mad. I'm steaming. She's stuck in a rut with a new song on the violin. Stinkin' rhythm, staccato, accents, quarter notes, eighth notes. It's hard. I think she wants help, so I offer. This has only made the situation worse. Leaving the room and leaving her to herself, I continue listening (honestly, I'm still steaming) as she works through the piece. However, at times I can tell she's figuring it out. On her own. Thank you Jesus for nine-year-olds learning the violin.
She hates to enter new places by herself. She loves the comfort of momma beside her. But lugging a carseat in and out isn't exactly fun or easy and she knows it. When I drop her off at her appointment she asks, "Going in myself?" "Yes, please," I plead. And she bounds out the door. Thank you Jesus for twelve-year olds who can (and will) go by themselves.
"Are you sure you don't want someone to go over it with you?" both mom and dad have asked the middle schooler before her next math test. Lately, the engineer hasn't been helping her with any homework but she simply says, "I got it." As parents, we choose to let her go and trust her work ethic. Days later when she delivered the news: 100% on the test, we celebrated with her. Thank you Jesus for her discernment and confidence.
All these  prayers of thanksgiving are really thanking God for my children moving toward independence. Independent children are a gift.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, are the children of one's youth. Psalm 127:4

Arrows aren't meant to stay in the quiver or case, they are meant to go out. Our little (and not so little anymore) golden heads aren't meant to stay in our fold forever, but to go out into the world and spread the gospel. These prayers of gratitude for the little things are really prayers of thanksgiving for a bigger gift of independence. Independent children are a gift.
So on second thought, I will thank God for the screaming baby.
What circumstance in your life seems less than ideal? Sassy children, lying co-workers, broken dishwasher, waiting for surgery, the mundane day-to-day? Will you choose to find gratitude somewhere in that? In Corrie TenBoom's The Hiding Place, she tells the story of her sister, Betsy, thanking God for fleas. Later, the sisters realize it is because of the fleas, the Nazi guards let them have Bible Study and prayer in their bunk beds with other prisoners. Betsy chose to thank God for the circumstance in her life and in the bigger picture, the miserable circumstance was a gift. If you choose to offer prayers of thanksgiving, maybe like me with the screaming baby, you'll see the larger gift.

I'm pleased to report the baby boy found a new pacifier he likes and will occasionally let me cuddle him before naps. Thank you Jesus for pacifiers too!

Table

I like to snuggle up in a cozy blanket. Not just in my quiet times, but any time. Sometimes even in the summer. Weird, I know. I followed my bent as I snuggled on the couch in my suite at the Broadmoor. Turning my gaze from the fireplace, I focused on the long, elegant dining table adorned with a huge hurricane shaped centerpiece and flowers. Hmmm. I wonder what it feels like to sit in those large, plush dining chairs, high-backed and heavy as you slide out from under the table. And what if I sat at that table, picturing myself invited to the Lord's marriage supper? I was off the couch in a second (don't worry, my blanket came with me).

At your banquet table, where delectable appetizers sit at each setting, chilled sparkling water dances in each glass, linens are folded, candles flicker, full-table service is offered, and I am adorned with the most beautiful gown of righteousness.

Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, "Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us exult and give Him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure"-- for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
And the angel said to me, "Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb." And he said to me, "These are the true words of God." Then I fell down at his feet to worship him, but he said to me, "You must not do that! I am a fellow servant with you and your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God." For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. Revelation 19:6-10

Surrounded by authentic, vibrant worship. Wouldn't the goosebumps just rise all over your body?

At that table, the bride is ready (vs. 7). I'm luck to be a woman. I get this. I've been the bride. But to Christ, the Church or believers in Christ are His bride (men included). Just as the engineer chose me, Christ chooses those who will believe in His ministry. As a woman, I know the work and effort the bride goes through before revealing herself to her groom. It's daunting because she wants to look her best. And in that day of the Lord, the song will ring out, "…the Bride is ready.." The Church is ready for Christ to see her face to face. And the Bride is wearing pure, bright white, stunning linen of the finest thread. She's done the work of preparation; not hair and make-up but seeking Him continually, being made holy, allowing the Holy Spirit to empower her to stand firm no matter what and worshiping God. And at that marriage of Christ and His bride, the preparation behind us, we will be complete in His presence at the banquet table and all that remains is worshiping God. Maranatha!

Blessed are those who are invited (9). We are invited to be His Bride. The invitation is blessing enough. After we stand through trials of this life, we will be gorgeously adorned and ready to look Him in the face. Be sure you'll be there. This is one table you won't want to miss!

Kaboom!

Sometimes I have an Ah, duh! moments. And I've been thinking for the last four days, I need to claim the power available to me because Christ lives in me. The process has seemed so elusive to me.

"I also pray that you will begin to understand how incredibly great God's power is to help those who believe him. It is that same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God's right hand in heaven." Ephesians 1:19-20, TLB

Overwhelmed would well describe the past few weeks for me. So much to shuffle, struggling to manage my time and priorities, tired physically and emotionally of parenting, selfishly wanting time for myself (which one would think is crazy since all the golden heads are in school now and I have the entire school day quiet) and wrestling with connection and communication with the engineer. I haven't quite figured out what to do with myself. I know Jesus holds the answer but how?
As I was preparing to teach on Paul's letter to the Corinthians, I became convicted of needing to take hold of the power available to me. It's like the Starbucks gift card in my wallet that I'm saving for "special occasions," so it remains unused. I have this power "card", but like my Starbucks card, I'm saving it for when I "really" need it. Ah, duh, I need it now. I need it every day. And unlike a gift card, God's power never runs out. God keeps reloading the card.
Lying in bed in the middle of the night, my mind goes full circle. Months ago, I learned and committed to memory: God as my loving Father will meet all my needs, all my physical needs and my need for purpose, peace and power. And He can meet those needs when the  Holy Spirit is ruling my life. Ah, duh, I knew that! I couldn't sleep anymore. Power, power, power kept flashing through my mind. While the sky lightened, I picked up Mark chapter two and power keep surfacing: power to heal, power to witness to the unsaved, power to be Lord of all.

"For the kingdom of God (Christ within me)…is living by power!" 1 Corinthians 4:20

How? I need a plan. To steel the one-liner from the A-Team, "I love it when a plan comes together." So what is my plan? My plan includes

1. Self-talk: In my moments of temptation, trial and weakness, I need to tell myself, "I am empowered by the Holy Spirit and that is more than enough power to make it through ___." 
2. Taking a deep breath, confessing my mess-up and choosing to do the opposite. 
3. Praying for the one who's driving me nuts. 

If I choose to use it: kaboom! His power will always comes through for me.
So what's your plan? How do you remind yourself to claim the unlimited, unending power available to you?

Ministry

I keep seeing the wedding picture God's painted in my mind. He the bridegroom, the engineer and golden heads the precious bride, and me as Christ's equally treasured best man. Christ completes my joy and He has strategically placed me beside Him in this marriage. Christ must become greater, and I must become less, (John 3:30).
Christ must become greater because He is perfect and I am not. For God's Spirit is constantly in Christ. Yet, because I have chosen to believe in Christ, I was given a seal of truth (John 3:33).
In this instance, seal means to set a mark upon a thing as a token of its authenticity or approvedness that God is true; He is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. It reminds me of the Dairy REAL seal marked on packages (authentic milk) versus the package of cheese puffs claiming, "made with with real cheese." It's easy to spot a phony and even the calculating one reading this raised her eyebrows in questioning unbelief, really?
When placing my belief in Christ, I got the real seal (or the True seal). And my charge is filter everything through that true seal as well as to echo all I know to be true. Another way of understanding is that when we choose to believe, we are sealed with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13).The Holy Spirit directs me and teaches me what is true. Just as Christ was controlled by the Spirit, I too can be controlled by the Spirit. However, Christ was CONSTANTLY led by the Spirit, but I must choose to invite or ask the Spirit to rule and influence my life. The same power is available to me if I do invite Him. And it can speak words of life and truth to my beloved family.
My ministry as a mom and wife is to tell them what God teaches me and by God's design, Christ will increase in their lives and I will decrease.
The influence of this encourager, the best man, is undeniable. And I've experienced it first hand. Driving to meet grandma, I was listening to lies: I really am a horrible mother. I don't think the engineer likes me. I'm not a leader. I can't do anything well…. Ready to cry, in the pit of despair, something within tells me these are lies. And then we arrive. I have envisioned seeing her, crying, venting, complaining. And there she is, this special woman, this fellow "best man" to her family's wedding and she smiles while she embraces me. And that is enough. This woman, whose joy is complete in Christ, controlled by the Spirit helps me overcome the lies and spiritual battle in my mind simply through her presence.
Do I do that for my family? A convicting question. An iCal fanatic, I arrange my calendar to reflect that I cherish the bride, my family, but that my joy is completed by the groom, Christ. Now, I must follow the plan.

You make know to me the path of life;
in Your presence there is fullness of joy;
at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

What wedding picture is set in your mind when you read John 3:29-30? 

According to the gift of God's grace, I was given a ministry achievable only by the working of His power in me. Though I am the very least of all the saints, this ministry was given to tell my family the unsearchable riches of Christ and to bring to light for them what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things….For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant my family to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in their inner beings, so that Christ (not me) may dwell in their hearts through faith--that the engineer and golden heads, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breath and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that they may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:7-9,14-19, my paraphrase

What is your ministry? In that ministry, will you become less so Christ can become greater?

Do well

Some would say I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I can't deny my emotions even that much. I simply wear them on my face. I can't lie or mask what I'm feeling. I've come to view this as a  blessing. But, frustrated this week, I went beyond wearing them on my face; I totally vented. I still don't really know the root of the marital issue. However, I was feeling disconnected, separate, and not enjoying his company. My whole demeanor long-faced, feeling hopeless, I stumbled upon some notes I had taken from Victory over Darkness a year ago. It drew my attention to Genesis 4:4-7.

 4 and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, 5 but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. 6 The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." 

God clearly says to Cain, you can't feel your way into good behavior. You behave your way into good feelings. Is this what I've been missing in the busyness of summer schedules?
The ESV translates countenance as face. Cain clearly, like me, wore his emotions on his face, the outside of his body, not bottling it. But God who sees all, inside and out, takes note of Cain's outward appearance. His face which is obviously a reflection of his heart.
I think the punch is packed in verse 7. God tells Cain to do well. Actually in the Hebrew, God uses this word two times. This must be important. This word means to be good, pleasing, well, glad, joyful, rejoice, deal well with, do thoroughly, to make a thing good, right or beautiful. Sounds like a call to action. And yet, now I sit, sulking. Not much different than Cain.
"And if…" God says. Clearly, God is reminding Cain he has a choice: do good or sulk.
If Cain chooses to sulk, Satan crouches at the door. Satan wants nothing more than to bring men and women down. He's sneaky and waits at the door, waiting for an entrance. Like a cat that makes a v-line into the house the second the front door is opened. And in these moments of dejection, sulking, Satan knows we are weak. He sees the door cracked open and he'll weasel his way right in. Satan knows our points of vulnerability. He's a sneaky, creep.

…Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 1 Peter 5:8-9

God commands Cain to master or rule over the sin. I really think this can't be done outside of the Holy Spirit ruling in the life of a believer. Only then can the power of sin be defeated.

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? 1 John 5:4-5

We know the rest of the story in verse 8:

Cain told Abel his brother. And it came about when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him.

I have a choice: good actions or stewing over the negative. Cain choose to let sin referee his life. I can't feel my way into good behavior. I behave my way into good feelings. This is a conscious choice. I'm feeling crumby about my marriage today. I could sulk and feel miserable all day. Or do something that I enjoy or set to work enjoying the feeling of accomplishment. Emotions are real, but they can't be trusted. I must choose to do well.
You must constantly be checking yourself and asking, "Who's ruling in my heart?" Invite the Holy Spirit to rule, direct and influence all of you. Then do well.

Master Gardener

Early in the spring, I purchased some violas; cold-tolerant, hardy and sometimes they return next year as perennials (a bonus for the frugal woman in me). I couldn't possibly go wrong. Except that it was so cool, I neglected to water them. Half of them are dead now and I admit, I am no Master Gardener.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

I love this verse. It's always been a model of excellence I've wanted to strive toward. Many times I have pondered what attribute I need to increase or cultivate. What a friend has helped me to understand for the first time is that it is the Spirit doing the work, not me. The Holy Spirit is the Master Gardener. (And thankfully, He won't forget to water!) The Holy Spirit is God within me influencing and satisfying my life.
Another thing I've never gave thought: fruit is the metaphor for these sweet, desirable attributes. In Minnesota, we can't grow many fruit trees, but IMO our honey crisp apples are the best. A newly planted apple tree takes 2-5 years before you have any fruit to harvest. All the time and energy invested into that first yield is no small sum. There's pruning in the winter months, keeping it free of pests (bugs, worms, deer, ect), fertilization in spring and fall, extra watering during drought... A hailstorm would make the year a bust. A late spring frost could destroy the blossoms and yield no harvest in the fall. A strong wind storm could tear all the apples off the tree, thrashing them to the ground. An early fall frost might bite them before the gardener has opportunity to harvest or before they are fully ripened.  Left on it's own, I'm not sure there would be an apple harvest. Thank goodness for the gardener. And a final note about apple trees. They typically are fruit bearing every other year. Every fruit plant needs a time of rest or dormancy.
The attributes depicted in Galatians will have seasons and we need protection as well as provision. But we can't just try harder to make love, joy peace...describe our lives. It has nothing to do with us, but the Master Gardener. We must allow the Spirit to prune, protect and provide. Verse sixteen describes it as walking by the Spirit.
This is a continual and conscious decision: to give the Master Gardener control. Left on my own, I will attempt satisfaction by my own selfish desires.

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. Galatians 5:17

I want to have self-control in my eating habits. But Satan knows me and he can use sugar to lure me into a binge. In a binge, I am not allowing the Holy Spirit to be my Master Gardener. But I have a choice in the matter. Naturally, I won't have self-control and will keep binge eating. If I don't consciously relinquish control to the Master Gardener, in essence I'm choosing sin to influence me.
The golden heads tucked in tight and prayed over, I walked into the kitchen. This is usually my biggest temptation to binge eat: celebrating another day of mothering accomplished. Empowered by this new revelation of choice, I said to myself, I am controlled and led by the Holy Spirit and walked out of the kitchen for the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, it will take many repeated choosing the Master Gardener experiences to replace my ingrained old habits but He who is in me is greater than the sin living in me (1 John 4:4). And The Master Gardener is faithful, He will surely do it (1Thessalonians 5:24).
Have you been trying hard to let your life be marked by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? Spend some time thinking about the only One who can really do this work in your life. Then choose to repent. Turn away from your own way of trying and turn toward God, allowing the Holy Spirit to be the Master Gardener. If you consciously choose Him, He won't forget to water!

Caving while I wait

We love superheros. It should little a surprise the volume of superhero movies resurfaced in the recent past. Just in time, at the climactic moment, the superhero sweeps in and saves the day. Do I see God as a superhero, expecting him to sweep in and save the day when I deem appropriate?
Studying in 1 Samuel 13, the beginnings of Israel's first king, Saul, we read that King Saul disobeyed God's law and though, not a priest,he offers the burnt offering to God himself instead of waiting to Samuel, the priest, (13:12).  To King Saul's credit, his back is against the wall, the moment of crisis at hand! The ginormous Philistine army approached the Israelite few. Picture 4000 Israelites versus the Philistines troops that looked like the sand on the seashore (not to mention the 30,000 chariots and 6000 horsemen, 13:5). Outnumbered hardly begins to describe the situation. Further, the Israelite troops are deserting. King Saul has been told to wait at Gilgal seven days and Samuel will come over sacrifice for Israel (10:8), and on day seven the King Saul ceased to wait any longer and took matters into his own hands. Of course, right after King Saul disobeys, Samuel shows up. King Saul waited, but didn't wait long enough. Samuel confronts King Saul's sin and Saul responds by blaming the Israelites for scattering and Samuel for delaying (13:11). Unfortunately for Saul, God takes away his kingship over Israel (13:13-14).
I do not judge Saul; I relate. When I am hard pressed and tempted to sin, I do pray but I don't wait long enough for God's wisdom or strength. Last week, I shared an instance when I didn't know how to parent; I prayed, waited and God gave a solution. I don't usually wait long enough, act prematurely (outside of God's best plan) and then have a mess on my hands and guilt to go with it.
Comfort food for example. The calculating one is pushing all my buttons as we argue and she disobeys. As I prepare a snack for the boisterous one, I am tempted to deal with my stress by turning to food. I pray Matthew 4:4, "Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God." Without taking a breath, I repeatedly shove cracker and frosting into my mouth. What's worse is I blame the golden heads  for stressing me out. See?  I'm just like Saul.
And I'm just like our western culture, in love with superheros. Too often, I expect God to be a superhero, expecting Him to come instantly to my rescue. He can choose to do this, but sometimes He wants to teach me in the waiting.

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it. 1Thessalonians 5:23-24 

He will do it: this work of making us holy. I need to learn to wait. I've not met a soul who's said, "I've got all the patience I need." I need this fruit of the Spirit. I have faith God hears my prayers of intercession but, I lack the patience to wait for His response. I read recently, patience can't be learned but through experience.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my get upon a rock, making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.
Psalm 40:1-3

Do you relate to King Saul? Do you cry out God, even in the moment of panic, expecting His answer will be to swoop in and save the day as a superhero? What game plan can you develop to "wait patiently for the Lord," as the psalmist David wrote?

Overwhelmed

Sitting down to collect thoughts, my heart is heavy. Not with depression or burden but with gratefulness. While the world would tell me to feel overwhelmed with the great responsibilities placed before me, I feel like I could scream of the faithful provider God!
The boisterous one loves praise God for being a giver. A giver indeed. He gives me a High Priest, Jesus. The best counsel ever. Hebrews 7-10 is a treasure trove of ways Jesus is my perfect priest. When I need advice, when I need an liaison, a minister, and best of all, He has offered Himself as a perfect, one time, for all of time sacrifice for all my sin.
He gives the Holy Spirit within me and the Spirit will never leave me. It's mind blowing that I can have the mind of Christ. "You don't know what I'm thinking!" golden heads spout to me. Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians 2:6-16. As Christ's child, indwelled by the Holy Spirit, I can receive a secret hidden wisdom of God (v. 7). These things are revealed to me by the Spirit in me and the Spirit knows, because He is God (v. 10). We have received the Spirit of God so we can understand what God's heart is on matters and we can give these words to others. Therefore, Paul concludes, "We have the mind of Christ," (v. 16). AMAZING!
He gives me godly friends and their words (given to them by the Spirit) minister to me just when I need them most! Affirmation and clarification, just when my faith begins to buckle.
What in the world have I done to deserve this? I am not perfect! I am daily struggling with idols…turning to food not Christ for comfort! I am raising my voice to the calculating one. I am least deserving of His faithful provision. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 reminds me of what God's will is for me:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for me…

To be joyful always, constantly pray and be habitually thankful demands that I spend my entire life in His presence, in relationship with Him. He is my invisible friend.
For years now, the boisterous one has had invisible friends that are constantly by her side and experiencing life with her. When she experiences something, wouldn't you know, her friend Brianna had the same thing happen…. Do I see God as my invisible friend? When I'm against the wall, do I realize my invisible friend has experienced this before, is empathetic and has a solution?
When I fully embrace a lifestyle of God as my invisible friend, I will realize that He speaks and He directs me in all my burdensome responsibilities. As a wife, waking in the middle of the night, burdened the current circumstances between me and the engineer, God gives me direction and tells me to practice the gentleness of 1 Peter 3:4. As a mom, the golden heads telling me how to parent as they fight and bicker; I pray, asking God what to do and He gives me an idea I've never had before allowing the golden heads to address the heart of the issue. As a spiritual leader, needing to call upon additional leadership for the coming year. I've been praying, (practically impatiently waiting) and then God gives the words of affirmation for other leadership in perfect timing.
God is a generous giver. May I spend my life in the prescence of my perfect invisible friend, being joyful, praying and thanking Him for being that Giver.
List out what responsibilities lay heavy on your mind and heart. For each responsibility, thank God for the opportunity to have that responsibility. This will give you a joyful heart. Pray He directs your path in that area. Practice this consistently throughout your day and expectantly wait for Him to give what you need, when you need it most.

Drip time

Months ago, I ditched "drip time" because it seemed counter productive. I could use that time to take a quick shower and then grab coffee in one hand and Bible in the other. But it's been reinstated.
In church yesterday, we were challenged with the question, "Are you filled with the Holy Spirit and directed by Him?" In order to be directed by the Holy Spirit, we need to take time to stop, be quiet and listen. For some busyness is an idol. For me, productivity is an idol. I tore it down.
And after the beans are ground, the pot turned on, and the coffee aroma begins to fill the air as hot water drips through the filter, I snuggle in. I stare at God's gorgeous creation. Watch a sunrise (or the twinkling stars). Listen. And that's when I realized, "drip time" is back.
Are you in step with what the Holy Spirit is doing? Do you need to begin your own "drip time?" Make time listening for God part of your daily routine. Ical it in today!

What's the plan?

At Canvas a month ago, I heard Jeff Wendt ask, "So, what's the plan?" Teaching from the book of Acts, Jeff shared how life doesn't always go as expected, but we have the promise then when life doesn't go as planned, we have the promise and comfort of knowing we don't face difficult circumstances alone. Jesus promised his disciples in John 14:27, peace and commands do not be troubled or fear for He is with them. This promise is for me today as well. He is with us, He will never leave for forsake us (Hebrews 13:5, Deut. 31:6). I decided to wake every morning and ask God what His plan is for the day. I may have a plan, but I've decided to let God direct my steps (Proverbs 16:9).
This morning, reading and rereading Psalm 16, suddenly the last verse, 11, jumped out of the page: "You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." I see three promises:
1. When I ask God to show me His plan, He will show me a path for life, not sin and death. "The mind set on the flesh (self) is sin and death, the mind set on the spirit is life and peace," Romans 8:6. I can not see His plan unless my mind is set upon Him.
2. When I'm on the path for life, I am in His presence and no matter the circumstance, I can experience joy. His presence is enough.
3. At His right hand...my mind's eye sees Jesus sitting at God's right hand and me kneeling down beside Jesus' right hand in worship experiencing pleasure forever more!
Even as I type, the sun peers from behind a cloud as if God is saying, Yes, you get it, now stay in a posture of worship at my right hand today!

More to faith

Friday, May 4, 2012

Pistis, the greek for faith: firm persuasion, conviction, belief in truth, reality or faithfulness. The first thing that comes to mind when I hear faith is Hebrews 11:1’s definition, “Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.” This faith is based on fact; Christ’s resurrection from the dead. This is faith that I stand on; faith that saves me from death. However, digging deeper, I never understood faith to mean firm persuasion about what God wants you to do. Romans 14:22 says, “The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.” In application I might paraphrase, “Where and how God leads you, have firm faith and conviction, that He led you there. You will be happy to not condemn yourself when you stand firm in this faith.” Raymond Edman once said, “Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light.” After all, Romans 8:1 tells us, “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” I struggle with consistently second-guessing myself in actions and words. Before this revelation, I did not realize that this second-guessing is sin. Because, if I am walking in the Spirit on a daily basis, (Romans 8:4-5) I must believe that my words and deeds are what God leads me to say and do. To doubt His leading is sin: “But he who doubts is condemned if he waivers in convictions because his wavering is not from faith: and whatever is not from faith is SIN,” Romans 14:23. I am not referring to times when I know I am not walking according to the Spirit but rather the flesh. When walking according to the flesh, mouth and actions will yield sinful flesh. Of this, I must repent to both God and those I have offended. However, if I am daily offering my body as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1) and hourly, minute by minute walking in the Spirit, replaying and constantly analyzing the past is a trap from the devil. They are simply opportunities for me to doubt my convictions and leading from the Lord. When I find myself being lured into the trap, I need to set my mind on true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, excellent and praiseworthy things (Philippians 4:8). I need to stop, and say “Jesus,” to choose to quote scripture. This is my putting on the full armor of God so I can take my stand against the devil’s schemes. The mind is a battlefield, but with God’s armor, we are more than victorious! (Romans 8:37)

1.       Teachable moments

2.       Tylenol

3.       Sprinklers

4.       Water balloons

5.       Doctors & walk-in clinics

6.       Two-hour sit of the boisterous one

7.       Finger smudges on the wall

8.       Being still

9.       Kind pediatrician

10.   Warm and inviting medical clinic

11.   Kind affirmations from father-in-law & mother-in-law

12.   Wind to blow away tree worms

13.   Table Saw

14.   Excitement about homework

15.   Sweet strawberries at $1.19/#

16.   Eager hands to pack groceries

17.   Perseverance of the calculating one

18.   Three golden heads speaking all at once, excited to see daddy

19.   Judy Moody…

20.   The compassionate one up in the middle of the night with sister’s bad dream

21.   The compassionate one praying when I’m clean out of compassion

22.   Teaching the golden heads

23.   Teachable spirits

24.   Zumba

25.   Golden heads helping dad build

26.   Saving for a Hello Kitty camera

27.   Safety through the storm

28.   Documentaries

29.   Working alongside the compassionate one

30.   Daddy treating the golden heads to a movie

31.   Ruined appetites from popcorn & milk duds

32.   Wonder of finding the lost thought gone

33.   Diamonds to pass down to a golden head

34.   Fragrance of washed hair

35.   Playing teacher with the golden heads

36.   Thank you notes 

37.   Invitation to God’s kingdom

38.   Gift of righteousness given after saving faith

39.   Being the object of God’s love

40.   Being a chosen child of God

41.   Pillow talk with Derrick

42.   A dream shared

43.   A struggle shared

44.   Edification from the engineer

45.   Leadership of the engineer

46.   Quicken

47.   Budget meetings

48.   Opportunity to tithe

49.   Condensation on window panes

50.   Worms wriggling across path

51.   The engineer memorizing Colossians

52.   The boisterous one falling asleep without sucking

53.   Pink casts

54.   Gifts that brighten the face when you have a broken arm

55.   Two blonde toddler heads in the stroller

56.   Friends at the park

57.   Walk with a friend

58.   “”Shoot, shoot, shoot,” says the boisterous one

59.   Coffee with a friend in the sunroom

60.   Grandma in heaven, perfection

61.   Time to rebuild connections with family

62.   Leaving a Lois Legacy

63.   Peace during mourning

64.   Legacy of grandma

65.   Cousins playing in the rain

66.   Basement room at visitation for cousins to play in

67.   Priceless memories of staying with mom & dad while waiting to buy a home

68.   Mom sharing health issue with me

69.   All ten siblings and mom and dad around the table for pizza at home

70.   Coffee with Derrick on the deck

71.   Inspiring cousins raising Shaedyn with downs

72.   Micah’s smile

73.   Heart-bearing talk with Traci

74.   Thirty-minute drive to Beaver Creek

75.   Memories shared of grandma

76.   Cousins playing a “game”

77.   Daniel servant-leading the cousins

78.   Derrick quietly supporting my grief

79.   Ten grandkids singing “Jesus Loves Me”

80.   Aliya sleeping through the funeral

81.   Grace of God and family to pull Grandpa through

82.   Grandma’s faith example leading grandpa to faith

83.   No outbursts with Jess

84.   Dar making it through “Consider the Lilies”

85.   Grace sufficient in weakness

86.   All grandkids and great-grands at the funeral

87.   Cousins to play with

88.   Hospitality shared

89.   Serving mom and dad a steak dinner

90.   First campfire smoke of the year

91.   Toasted outside of marshmallow

92.   Spongy, soft, sweet angel food

93.   Servant mother-in-law

94.   Knowing Pipestone is home

95.   Serving mom a meal

96.   Lucas’ gift of hospitality

97.   Beautiful hymnal chords and harmonizing

98.   Desire to be a better person