Screaming

As I stepped outside into the winter air to start the grill, I thanked God that He caused the ignition switch to work so I didn't have to hunt down matches, try light the gas grill in the cold wind and thus delaying dinner which needs to be completed on a tight schedule so our family is punctual for evening activities. Is it unspiritual for me to think that a grill ignition switch is something for which to be thankful? I've been conducting a little experiment this week: tracking my attitude and my thought patterns throughout the day, then seeing how they relate.
As I returned inside from preheating the grill, I noticed how calm and peaceful I was before a busy night. Indeed, I think choosing to thank Jesus for the little gift of a working ignition switch rather just chalking it up to good luck is giving God glory and it changes my attitude to one of joy and peace.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6
Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2 

One way, among many, to set my mind toward things of the Spirit (yielding life and peace) is practicing thanksgiving. Paul commands thankfulness in all circumstances to the church in Thessalonica (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
However, I admit that I'm not good at thanking Jesus for a screaming baby. Just a day ago, our 12-week old decided he would have nothing to do with cuddling before nap time. Nothing! Squirm, squirm, cry, scream. Set him in his crib and within minutes, he's soothing himself to sleep. Thinking on this later (not in the moment) I realized that this is new found independence for him is a gift. Yes, it comes with screaming, but he already wants to do something on his own. So thank you Jesus for a self-soothing, sleeping baby.
She's mad. I'm steaming. She's stuck in a rut with a new song on the violin. Stinkin' rhythm, staccato, accents, quarter notes, eighth notes. It's hard. I think she wants help, so I offer. This has only made the situation worse. Leaving the room and leaving her to herself, I continue listening (honestly, I'm still steaming) as she works through the piece. However, at times I can tell she's figuring it out. On her own. Thank you Jesus for nine-year-olds learning the violin.
She hates to enter new places by herself. She loves the comfort of momma beside her. But lugging a carseat in and out isn't exactly fun or easy and she knows it. When I drop her off at her appointment she asks, "Going in myself?" "Yes, please," I plead. And she bounds out the door. Thank you Jesus for twelve-year olds who can (and will) go by themselves.
"Are you sure you don't want someone to go over it with you?" both mom and dad have asked the middle schooler before her next math test. Lately, the engineer hasn't been helping her with any homework but she simply says, "I got it." As parents, we choose to let her go and trust her work ethic. Days later when she delivered the news: 100% on the test, we celebrated with her. Thank you Jesus for her discernment and confidence.
All these  prayers of thanksgiving are really thanking God for my children moving toward independence. Independent children are a gift.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, are the children of one's youth. Psalm 127:4

Arrows aren't meant to stay in the quiver or case, they are meant to go out. Our little (and not so little anymore) golden heads aren't meant to stay in our fold forever, but to go out into the world and spread the gospel. These prayers of gratitude for the little things are really prayers of thanksgiving for a bigger gift of independence. Independent children are a gift.
So on second thought, I will thank God for the screaming baby.
What circumstance in your life seems less than ideal? Sassy children, lying co-workers, broken dishwasher, waiting for surgery, the mundane day-to-day? Will you choose to find gratitude somewhere in that? In Corrie TenBoom's The Hiding Place, she tells the story of her sister, Betsy, thanking God for fleas. Later, the sisters realize it is because of the fleas, the Nazi guards let them have Bible Study and prayer in their bunk beds with other prisoners. Betsy chose to thank God for the circumstance in her life and in the bigger picture, the miserable circumstance was a gift. If you choose to offer prayers of thanksgiving, maybe like me with the screaming baby, you'll see the larger gift.

I'm pleased to report the baby boy found a new pacifier he likes and will occasionally let me cuddle him before naps. Thank you Jesus for pacifiers too!

Untimely

An organized woman would have written this before the Hallmark holiday we call Mother's Day. I want to dismiss it from my mind and think maybe next year, but the thoughts won't go away. I must commit them to "paper."
On Mother's Day weekend, our family traversed across the city (along with the rest of the metro population), through the beginnings of lake country and into the pine forests for our first camping experience of the year. As we picked up the golden heads from school, this small voice began percolating in my head, You're the lucky one. I woke the next morning on a flat air mattress next to the engineer and two of the three golden heads snuggled beside. As my family exited to start the fire and make warm drinks, I lingered under the covers listening: to two little sisters exploring in the woods, to big sister tending the fire, to giggles, to sips of hot chocolate... I am blown away.
I am the lucky one this Mother's Day weekend. Though I know the grief of two babies miscarried in the past year, I have three healthy, god-fearing daughters trying to walk with Jesus. I have hugs to receive, "I love you"s to hear, homemade gifts to open and extra dishes and clothes to wash. My unheld babies are held tightly in heaven until I meet them face to face and embrace them in my own arms and meanwhile on this earth, my cup truly runs over.
I am extremely grateful yet, it hardly seems fair as I think about those who've lost only children. Those who've dreamed of children for years and yet still wait and wonder. My heart has been pricked for these dear, tender hearts this past week.
So what should be my response? As I woke that Saturday morning to the sounds of my family, God reminded me of Colossians 1:16-17,

For by (Jesus) all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together...

My position is nothing about me. It is all about Jesus. It is all because of Jesus!
Only in Jesus could my marriage be healed from years of neglect and strengthened with endearment and genuine admiration because only Jesus reconciles all things (Colossians 1:22). In a culture where teens struggle with depression, identity, insecurity and anxiety, only Jesus has the power to hold these three golden heads near to Him (and their parents.) So I admit my uselessness, and look only to Jesus. There seems to be no other security than to "continue in the faith (of Jesus), stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel (Jesus)..." Colossians 1:23. Jesus is my only hope in this life today and forever.
I want to trust that if Jesus is strong enough and big enough to hold together my family of five, He is definitely powerful enough to sustain and hold together the hearts and lives of those dear women who's arms do not yet embrace a little one. I pray for you tender ones that you would continue in the faith, held together by Jesus and experience the hope only possible through Jesus.

Embrace

It had been a long, twisting, exhausting string of days on my own away from home. Exhausted, I reentered our home sweet home in Minnesota. Back in the engineer's embrace, I feel safe, protected, provided, comfortable and accepted. And then with a sigh and prayer of thanksgiving, I recognize again the miraculous gift God has given in the redemption of our marriage over the past year. So much thought occurred during this embrace because I lingered and breathed into the depth of the comfort of it. And in my pause, God gave me a gift of revelation or reminding of the symbol marriage on this side of heaven. It reflects Christ's love for the church; Christ's love for each church member; His love for me.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... Ephesians 4:25

It gives me a glimpse of the complete, perfect way Jesus protects, provides, comforts, accepts me and so much more. What a comforting picture God's given us of His relationship with us.
Whether married or not, the next time you embrace someone, hold that embrace, breathe deeply and thank God for the gift He gives in relationships that reflect just a tiny fraction of how He is in relationship with you.

Tough Stuff

Though I may be hard pressed to find last minute Thanksgiving decorations (apparently the stores have moved onto Christmas), the calendar does beckon me to Thanksgiving. All I wanted was little leaf stickers to decorate my Thanksgiving notes...never to be found. I digress.
The writer in me wanted to share something really inspirational about gratitude. Thankfulness. Something thought-provoking. But I'm afraid I've come on the side of Debbie Downer or Negative Nellie.
What I find more thought-provocing these days, most profound is the choice to be grateful for the obstacles in life. The tough stuff. The things I've said before that I'd really just like to forget are happening or have happened in my life. I'm not suggesting that it's great to be stranded on the side of the road with an overheated car, to be in a tail-spin with your husband or be terminated from your job. I'm just wondering, if we put on aerial-view glasses, should we welcome these difficult circumstances because they give opportunities faith to grow?
I woke in the middle of the night with heavy feelings of bitterness. Why at three in the morning did the Holy Spirit see fit to convict me of bitterness toward someone? Because I had to deal with it, that's why. After confessing and pleading with God to change my bitterness into compassion, empathy and prayer, I'm realizing this isn't likely a one-time confession. This is like a wound that needs more consistent dressing changes. Likely for some time, I'll be confessing the bitterness that's emerged (again), thanking God for forgiveness (again) and asking Him to replace those feelings. Ahh, this will be a long road. Shouldn't I be thankful for the long road? Thankful for the opportunity to be right in my relationship with not only this person, but with God?
Though this will be a longer road than I'd like, "the best things are always achieved by the most difficult paths," (Streams in the Desert, pg.429). Don't I want more compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and love, to bear with others and forgive as Christ forgave me (Colossians 3:12-14)? If this is the circumstance I find myself in to practice and learn these virtues, then why wouldn't I choose to say, thanks for conflict?
This Thanksgiving, go deeper than thanking God for family, a home, health... Yes, these are all great gifts from a generous heavenly Father! And will you also choose to thank Him for the opportunities to grow in character and virtue? Will you choose to thank Him for the tough stuff?

Dreaming

I value dreaming. Possibly even daydreaming. How many times has the boisterous one waved her growing hand in front of my face saying, "Mom. Mom! Are you lost in a daydream?" I believe it healthy to look forward and anticipate something whether its a lunch date with your husband or a family vacation. God wants us to be excited to receive His gifts.

However, sometimes things don’t turn out the way we expected. You anticipated your date ending with cuddling by the fireplace but it ends in a fight. The "surprise" vacation was found out by the golden heads and was a stressful time in your family relationships instead of the bonding time you anticipated. The newborn child you anticipated welcoming into your fold slipped into Jesus' arms before he could make it to your nursery.

Some of these disappointments are more heart wrenching than others. But I'm going to ask the hard question (which is much easier to apply to the date gone nightmare than a lost child). What if in being focused on what you wanted (your dream), you missed what God gave? Missed the skyline He painted for you. Missed the opportunity to encourage. Missed the rich, bold taste of your coffee. Missed the feel of your child’s hand tucked in yours. Missed the smell of summer rain (when it’s winter at home). Why would you miss these? Because you focused on the disappointment of your dream. You focused on yourself.
It's easier to see God's gifts in the good times than the difficult times.

Which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! Matthew 7:9-11

The Jews had been waiting for a promised leader for centuries when Jesus arrived on the scene as an infant. The prophets has predicted the arrival of a savior, a Messiah. The Jews believed this savior would come as a powerful, mighty, earthly king and deliver them from Roman oppression and rule the nation in perfect justice. Many Jews had overlooked the prophet Isaiah who predicted a suffering servant who would be rejected and killed (Isaiah 52:13-53:12).
A few recognized this Messiah, in Jesus, the Son of God becoming a man to establish a heavenly kingdom. Thank goodness these select few shared how they saw Jesus, by writing and telling the message to others. Because of their firm belief, we can see God today.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be satisfied... Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God... Matthew 5:6, 8

But how often am I like the Jews who didn't recognize their savior? I get so wrapped up in how I believe God should paint the story of my life I forget He (not me) has the blueprints of my future. I focus on my disappointment, not His gifts.
I don't know how deep your disappointment is today. Maybe you grieve over a lost Saturday or a lost child. They're both grief. But I know this, God is there (Psalm 139:7-12). In the midst of your disappointment, don't miss Jesus. You'll usually find His fingerprints in the details.

Forgotten

I'm tired. Exhausted. Worn out. The petunias in my hanging pot describe me well. As my friend said last week, pitch the old annual flowers, "It's time for mums." In contrast to my end-of-summer petunia-like fatigue, I am encouraged that God's enlightenment and truth never needs replacing. It's always vibrant.
Paul has only just got started in his letter to the Ephesians, when he conveys his personal prayer for them: he gives thanks to God for them and asks that God gives them, as a result of being controlled by the Holy Spirit, the opportunity to go deeper in their relationship with Jesus.

..that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe... Ephesians 4:17b-19a

What Paul emphasizes is the experiential and practical knowing Jesus, not just a feeling, sense or desire. If you have any history, be it 10 minutes or 10 years walking with Jesus, you have experienced Him, His goodness and His grace. But you may be like me. You may have simply forgotten what's you've experienced!
In my summer fatigue, I've found myself taking on anxiety and I shared this anxiety as a prayer request with a few trusted friends. One friend pointed me to Philippians 4:6 that charges me to present petitions to God with thanksgiving.
Ah...yes! I knew that, I've experienced Philippians 4:7's peace in the past, I had just forgotten! I needed reminding.
The practice of thanksgiving, in my experience with Jesus, is choosing to see, identify and write down my gifts. This has made a huge impact on my life. On one of the hardest days of my life, I was forcing myself through the routine of the morning. The coffee didn't even taste good (no offense Starbucks) and I felt numb. Sitting in my chair with coffee cup in hand, I realized I was forced with a choice: His way or my way. A grateful heart or grieved heart. On that dark day of my life, I chose gratitude. And I continue to choose gratitude. It gets me through the rough days, when I feel like the petunias in August: dried out, leggy and ready to be tossed. My experience with Jesus is always fresh and revitalizing.

Your past is your lens for today. In what way have you experienced Jesus (peace, joy, love, forgiveness...)? Will you share in a comment below? Maybe other readers need to remember what they've forgotten.

Now

I was ugly. I was impatient. I was irritable. I was frustrated. At the root of it all, I wasn't trusting God. We had looked forward to this day at Valleyfair with the boisterous one since Christmas and the pain shot and pierced from my back to my middle. How would this day look when I couldn't enjoy any attractions and one-on-one moments with my dear child? How long would the day feel if all I did was wait on the bench while she and the engineer went on ride after ride without me? There was so much uncertainty. What if I went on a ride despite my ailment and was left completely debilitated for days?
As I slowly hinged at the waist to tie my shoes, I thought about how I wasn't trusting God's plan for my today, even though I've applauded many obedient believers who have trusted God. I wanted so badly to trust and I know that God is trustworthy, but I couldn't cross that line.
I envisioned gratitude saving my day if I was forced to sit and wait through each ride by myself. I would consciously choose to thank God for every gift: sunshine, leaves, blue hair, smiles, missing teeth, the smell of wet clothes...
On the other side of our day at Valleyfair, I see God's faithfulness and provision. I was able to ride and my back feels none the worse (maybe better). As I confess my bitterness and lack of trust, I realize that truly what matters is trusting God's plan for my now. This ailment has made me realize that

• sometimes God calls my now to be serving others
• sometimes God calls my now to be resting in Him
• sometimes God calls my now to be trusting in His provision.

God told the rebellious Israelites through Isaiah, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength," (Isaiah 30:15.) The Israelites were unwilling to return, rest, be still and trust in God's plan for their now (especially when their nation's future seemed so uncertain) and so God let them go to their own demise.
I'm so used to doing. I have a heritage of doing. When you're Dutch, you serve; it's what you do. But this ailment has often denied me the opportunity to do anything (literally). And God, in His generosity toward me, showed me how He loves me through the engineer. My programmed brain believes that if I can serve my husband and if I can do more for him, he'll love me more. Yet, in his constant concern with how I'm feeling, his offered hand of assistance, his consistent meeting my needs and then embracing me when I least expect it and saying, "I love you," when I couldn't do anything, I see that my worthiness of love has nothing to do with what I accomplish. That's how God loves me. I don't have to do anything and He loves me and delights in me even when I can't do anything (Zephaniah 3:17).
I trust He will call me to work for Him again. God's given me a passion and love for serving others, but that may not be His plan for my now.

"O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch." Psalm 5:3

I never know how I'm going to feel each morning: could be great, could be awful. But every morning, I can come to Jesus and say, Here I am. Here's my now. I trust in Your plan for my now. And then I watch Him show up.
How is God calling you to trust His plan for your now? Will you choose to rest in the truth that your worthiness of love has nothing to do with what you can accomplish? He simply loves you for being you!

Copy

Cumulus clouds stand out in stark contrast against the intense red sunrise in the northern horizon. Different from the blanket of loose clouds above them, the way these hold their shape and definition captivates my attention. And I ponder, how would I be defined by appearance and externals? I met a lot of new moms yesterday at a field trip with the calculating one and wonder what these women saw in me. How would they describe me? What did they notice about me? It seems what's going on inside a person always finds a way to bubble to the surface (Luke 6:45; Proverbs 4:23).

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand... Philippians 4:4-5

Let my reasonableness be known to everyone. The NIV translates it gentleness; the NLT: consideration; the KJV: moderation. By definition, it means equitable, fair-minded, gentle. It's greek root words literally translate to copy over. What am I suppose to copy over? I believe it's connected to the next phrase: the Lord is at hand. To show the world what God looks like. He is near, fair, gentle and in control of every detail of my life.

If am conscious of God's sovereign orchestration of all things in my life for His glory and my good, this will be apparent to those around me. And Paul goes on to tell us what this looks like on us:

...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

• Joy, joy, joy, joy
• Absence of anxiety
• Communication with God
• Trust
• Gratitude
• Peace

If these attributes were true of one, that person would stand out against the normal culture of fear, anxiety, selfishness and complaint like the cumulus cloud in my morning sunrise.

But how do I start? Again, Paul does not leave us hanging, he says, start with your thoughts.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9

And so when adversity creeps my way and I'm tempted to chameleon to the world's pattern of complaint and self-centeredness, sirens of alert should be going off in my head. STOP! Change course. I want to stand out against the crowd, I want to copy Jesus. Guard my thoughts. In this particularly challenging situation, what is 

• True
• Honorable
• Just
• Pure
• Lovely
• Admirable
• Excellent
• Worthy of praise?

By choosing to direct my thought patterns, my reasonableness will be known by those around me so they can see what Jesus is like. Jesus is different than the world we live in. He is love, joy, peace, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and controlled. I choose to copy Him.
What situation are you facing today that you need to stop and adjust your thought patterns so that what's in your heart beautifully bubbles up to the top and mirrors Jesus to the people in your sphere of influence? 

A-B-C

I'm not a neat freak, but I do like thing in order. I like things clean, but I don't lysol my house daily. I'm not legalistic, but I love routine. I love a list of things neatly checked off every day, but I admit sometimes my list is too ambitious.
As I curled up in the oversized chair after the golden heads were in bed and set down my glass something out of place caught my eye: a tiny, u-shaped, white wad in the corner of the coaster. "Oh, here you go, want a piece of A-B-C gum?" (A-B-C stands for already been chewed), I offered the engineer. We decided that I should offer it to the golden heads at breakfast the following morning. But I forgot and now after the morning rush to school, I snuggle in for some quiet reflection with God and it's still there.
And then I laugh. And I thank. I'm thankful for the young woman who likely took her gum out of her mouth to play trumpet. I thank God for the privilege of having three daughters. I'm thankful for a minute to sit down at the end of the day. I'm thankful for coffee in my cup this morning. I thank God that He made me new and caused me to not react in my old way and personality that would have blown up about not throwing your gum in the trash, but rather I responded with the new self: smiled and made a joke about it. (Seriously, does it really matter?)

I have been crucified with Christ [that is, in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. Galatians 2:20, AMP

I'm not super natural, I haven't "arrived" at always being patient and kind. Don't worry, I'll likely blow up about the trinkets and wrappers they leave behind tomorrow, but today, I'm going to smile and thank God.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Will you choose to give thanks today? Stop right now, close your eyes and thank God for five things.

Chose

Walking through the crisp winter sunshine, I am overwhelmed! This must be a dream. How could I be so lucky? It's 8:05am and I've already engaged in two great conversations with brilliant young ladies, drank two cups of Caribou coffee made by the engineer, baked breakfast for my family, enjoyed a hot shower, have bed-sheets in the washing machine, stirred up bus-stop chatter with neighborhood kids, received a greeting and wave from a new neighbor and am shoveling the drive-way. I am so blessed! My thoughts immediately went to the engineer who holds down the other end of the teeter-totter: working long-days at a stressful, high-paced job. What did I do to deserve the better end of that (well, today anyway as there were no "trouble on the high-seas" among the golden heads before school)?
Then I saw the connection.

--but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 8:5

I was depraved, hopeless, pitiful and ugly and He chose me. I see myself on the lighter end of the teeter-totter.

…(God) chose me in (to be in) Christ before the foundation of the world, that I should be holy and blameless before Him. Ephesians 1:4

I was an enemy of God and He couldn't even look at me because I was sinful, yet God made a way for me to be at peace with Him because Jesus said yes to death on the cross. I did nothing to deserve saving from eternal condemnation and death. My penalty for being sinful should have been death forever in hell, but God gave me a gift: a get out of jail free card in Jesus. He wanted to have a relationship with me.

For our sake God made Christ to be sin who knew no sin, so that (when we are) in Christ we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

If you are in Christ, when was the last time you fully realize how blessed you really are? Take time right now to praise Him for choosing you!

Spy and dig deeper

I spy with my little eye, eastern Montana's golden hills, scattered trees and arid landscape. How many people living here stop to marvel at this daily beauty? To see something every day is to begin not seeing. But to gaze once a year is eye candy if we only take time to let it soak in. Would they say the same about the cornfield out my window?

I spy with my little eye… What amazes me is that it's so easy to spy other's sin. Is this so that we dig deeper into our own lives?
In Doreen Cronin's children's book, Diary of a Worm, the worm's story is told.

April 4
Fishing season started today. We all dug deeper.

What if we dug deeper instead of judging? I am quick to spy the selfishness in a golden head. Yet, if I dig deeper to consider my own life; I am typically concerned with myself and my "needs." From across the isle, I spy the busy schedule of those who couldn't possibly be able to spend quality time with God at such pace. Yet, I am running helter-skelter this month to squeeze every last minute out of summer. I spy the stern demanding of one's own way, yet I spaaz out when the engineer suggests something that wasn't on my ical. I spy unsubmission, but know I am guilty.

Judge not, that you be not judged, For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite..  Mt 7:1-5a

What I am thankful in this digging is that it helps me see how ugly my sin is and brings me to repentance. I can look on others' sins and see how putrid it looks, but choosing not to judge and spying my own sin log humbles me and makes me grateful for the forgiveness of my ugly sin! If I only take the time to dig deeper…

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139:23-24

When did you last spy the sin of a brother or sister in Christ? Likely not long ago, since none of us have become the believer God intends. Did you judge them? Dig deeper, asking God what He is really trying to show you through the situation.

ART

"She won't listen to me mom! I want to apologize but she won't listen!"
How many times have I heard this? The golden heads, needing forgiveness from each other, begging, pleading with the offended, trying to rectify the wrong.
How many times have I done this myself with God? Recently, I realized how messed up that is: pleading with God for forgiveness. I'm already forgiven.

For our sake (God) made (Christ) to be sin. Who knew no sin, so that in (Christ) we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

On a quick study of Hebrews chapters nine and ten, I counted five times the writer says "once for all" or "for all time."

(Christ) entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of His own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. Hebrews 9:12

..But as it is, He has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself. Hebrews 9:26

And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jeus Christ once for all. Hebrews 10:10

But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God.. Hebrews 10:12

For by a single offering He has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified. Hebrews 10:14

Get it? Christ BECAME our sin, and our sin was crucified on the cross so that God's need for justice was satisfied.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

However, heavy is the word confession. As we look to Psalm 51, I think you will agree that confession is for our benefit. David confesses his adultery with Bathsheba. "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight…" (vv. 3-4a). David admits his wrong doing.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me," (v. 10). Broken, David decides to turn from sin to God. A.W. Tozer gave us the image of a coin. One side of the coin is sin, the other God or righteousness. We can't look at both sides of the same time. We must choose to turn tails on sin and head toward God. This is the choice David has made in Psalm 51: repentance.
"..and my tongue will wing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise," (vv. 14-15). David is thanking and praising God for forgiveness.
I like to recall this acrostic the ART of confession.

Admit
Repent
Thank

And then in Psalm 32, David contrasts confession with the pride of not confessing.

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered,
Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is not deceit. Psalm 32:1-2

vs.

For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as the that of summer. Ps 32:3-4

David admits his sin (v.3, "I acknowledged my sin to you"), repents and is forgiven (v.3, "and You forgave the iniquity of my sin,"). There is no need to beg and plead for forgiveness as the golden heads plead with their sisters, or we beg forgiveness to those we have offended. We've already been forgiven, we just need to admit, head toward God and thank Him for His forgiveness.
Pray Psalm 139:23-24 and let God reveal any sin in your life.

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139:23-24

Practice the ART of confession. No need to beg and plead. Rather admit, repent and thank Him!

Joy in the rain

A cold April rain wakes me. Sitting in the quiet dark, I hear the birds begin. Same as every sunny, bright morning, the birds wail and sing their morning songs regardless of the rain. Do I sing even in the cold, disappointments and discouragements of life?

It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
to sing praises to your name, O Most High,
to declare your steadfast love in the morning,
and your faithfulness by night,
to the music of the lute and the harp,
to the melody of the lyre.
For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work;
at the works of your hands I sing for joy. Psalm 92:1-4

I can imagine the birds' lyrics, "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it," (Psalm 118:24). Everywhere we turn, God is and God made, so we should constantly be singing.
This week, some friends found out they are having a baby girl. Excited for them, I recalled the birth of our first golden head. And though every parent has dreams and aspirations for their children, God created that child and knows their personality, likes and dislikes. Not long after the compassionate one was born, the engineer bought her a Minnesota Twins onesie. (I'm not going to lie, our bald headed baby girl looked like a boy wearing red, white and blue.) His hope was sharing a love of sports with his daughter, including baseball. Ten years later, there are no Twins jerseys but practice for the Spring Show's Daddy Daughter Dance. The engineer could be upset, refusing to engage in her world, disappointed and stone-hearted. But he smiles, and says, "We nailed it tonight!" exchanging high-fives with his firstborn. He's "singing" for joy at the work of God's hand.

• When it's snowing in April (or May) again; sing for joy! He's showing off His power, anything is possible.
• When the golden head lies again; sing for joy! He trusts me to bring her up in the way she should go.
• When I disobey again; sing for joy! He's forgiven all my sins; past, present and future. 
• When I watch my children struggle with the same respectable sin with which I wrestle; sing for joy! He's giving me opportunity to replace consequence of generational sin (Exodus 34:7) with righteousness to my children's children (Psalm 103:17). 

What disappointment, struggle or discouragement will you choose to respond to with thankfulness and joy? Determine how your personality sings for joy: journaling, talking out loud with the Lord, walking, dancing, singing, playing an instrument, writing, photography.... God created you. He knows when your heart is singing.

Rejoice in the Lord always. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Overwhelmed

Sitting down to collect thoughts, my heart is heavy. Not with depression or burden but with gratefulness. While the world would tell me to feel overwhelmed with the great responsibilities placed before me, I feel like I could scream of the faithful provider God!
The boisterous one loves praise God for being a giver. A giver indeed. He gives me a High Priest, Jesus. The best counsel ever. Hebrews 7-10 is a treasure trove of ways Jesus is my perfect priest. When I need advice, when I need an liaison, a minister, and best of all, He has offered Himself as a perfect, one time, for all of time sacrifice for all my sin.
He gives the Holy Spirit within me and the Spirit will never leave me. It's mind blowing that I can have the mind of Christ. "You don't know what I'm thinking!" golden heads spout to me. Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians 2:6-16. As Christ's child, indwelled by the Holy Spirit, I can receive a secret hidden wisdom of God (v. 7). These things are revealed to me by the Spirit in me and the Spirit knows, because He is God (v. 10). We have received the Spirit of God so we can understand what God's heart is on matters and we can give these words to others. Therefore, Paul concludes, "We have the mind of Christ," (v. 16). AMAZING!
He gives me godly friends and their words (given to them by the Spirit) minister to me just when I need them most! Affirmation and clarification, just when my faith begins to buckle.
What in the world have I done to deserve this? I am not perfect! I am daily struggling with idols…turning to food not Christ for comfort! I am raising my voice to the calculating one. I am least deserving of His faithful provision. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 reminds me of what God's will is for me:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for me…

To be joyful always, constantly pray and be habitually thankful demands that I spend my entire life in His presence, in relationship with Him. He is my invisible friend.
For years now, the boisterous one has had invisible friends that are constantly by her side and experiencing life with her. When she experiences something, wouldn't you know, her friend Brianna had the same thing happen…. Do I see God as my invisible friend? When I'm against the wall, do I realize my invisible friend has experienced this before, is empathetic and has a solution?
When I fully embrace a lifestyle of God as my invisible friend, I will realize that He speaks and He directs me in all my burdensome responsibilities. As a wife, waking in the middle of the night, burdened the current circumstances between me and the engineer, God gives me direction and tells me to practice the gentleness of 1 Peter 3:4. As a mom, the golden heads telling me how to parent as they fight and bicker; I pray, asking God what to do and He gives me an idea I've never had before allowing the golden heads to address the heart of the issue. As a spiritual leader, needing to call upon additional leadership for the coming year. I've been praying, (practically impatiently waiting) and then God gives the words of affirmation for other leadership in perfect timing.
God is a generous giver. May I spend my life in the prescence of my perfect invisible friend, being joyful, praying and thanking Him for being that Giver.
List out what responsibilities lay heavy on your mind and heart. For each responsibility, thank God for the opportunity to have that responsibility. This will give you a joyful heart. Pray He directs your path in that area. Practice this consistently throughout your day and expectantly wait for Him to give what you need, when you need it most.

The Giver

What has our Thanksgiving holiday become? Honestly, the thanking is often set aside as thoughts run toward time with family, turkey, pumpkin pie and Black Friday Sales. But twice God has stolen my attention. Once in an email, the sender intending good but missing God, types on her thoughts of Thanksgiving,

It's a nice time to reflect on what each of us have and how much we take for granted and should be thankful for.

Somehow I think the point is missed that anything we have is God's on loan to us and so we should give thanks to the Giver.
Second, in a study of the Names of God, my thoughts fixed on Yehavah Yireh: the name of the place where Abraham was ready to sacrifice Isaac, his only son to the LORD. However, the Giver sees the need for a substitutionary sacrifice and provides a ram (Genesis 22:8-14).
So in our lives, God sees our needs first, then provides. Even now, sitting at the computer trying to reconstruct my thoughts, my entire body shakes in intense anxiety. I need peace. He sees my need. He will provide.
As I look over the New Testament verses I'm overwhelmed at the generosity, unlimited resources and power of the Giver.

In past generations He allowed all the nations to walk in their own ways. Yet He did not leave Himself without witness, for He did good by giving you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, satisfying your hearts with food and gladness. Acts 14:17 

He who did not spare his own Son but willingly gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32 

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8 

And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 

As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. 1 Timothy 6:17

He has unlimited resources and power and even when we walk in our own selfish ways, He willingly, generously provides for us. Isn't He the Giver?
While I have confessed my own falling away from making Thanksgiving a reflection and an offering back to the Giver, I was delighted to learn when Thanksgiving was instated by President Lincoln, the intention was to collectively thank God as a whole nation.

October 3, 1863By the President of the United States
A Proclamation
The year that is drawing toward its close has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever-watchful providence of Almighty God.
In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign states to invite and provoke their aggressions, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere, except in the theater of military conflict; while that theater has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.
Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defense have not arrested the plow, the shuttle, or the ship; the ax has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege, and the battlefield, and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.
No human counsel hath devised, nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.
It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American people. I do, therefore, invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a Day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens. And I recommend to them that, while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation, and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and union.

Take assessment of your heart's attitude toward the Thanksgiving holiday. I know that changing my attitude will result in God granting me the peace that I desperately need. As I wait expectantly for His provision because I know He sees it, I start a new list of gratitude… 

1. The compassionate one making pancakes for breakfast
2. The engineer cleaning the kitchen
3. The engineer strumming guitar
4. Gigi
5. Big coffee cups
6. Pinochle with the oldest girls
7. Zodhiates Greek Dictionary
8. Knitting needles
9. Sunshine warming through window
10. ...

Won't you begin a list with me?

In the abyss

One snide remark and I've spend the last week in the abyss, unsure of who I am in Christ. Anger fills my heart toward that owner of those rude words. Yet I know that God is using this for growth. To become more like Christ. To remember that I am secure in Christ, claiming my identity in Him. My weight doesn't define me, it might explain me but it doesn't define me. I am a child of the King. He's crazy about me. I am free.
As I've wrestled with this issue again, I've thought about being thankful. Seeing what God's given as a gift to add to my list of 1000+. In mid-vacuum swipe, I came to my senses: I need to be thankful for my weight. It was this wrestle that brought me to a deeper relationship with Him! After my last golden head was born, I began the Lord's Table. I lost weight, but more importantly, I began to understand that life is more than food, that "Man does not live by bread alone," as Jesus quoted Old Testament in the desert (Matthew 4:4). This obstacle was pivotal in my daily walk with Jesus and really began my deeper love for Him and seeking of Him. Thank you God that you used my insecurity to bring me to You.
What has brought you closer in intimacy with Christ? Have you thanked God for it? God never wastes a hurt (Rick Warren.) The issue you wrestle with the most, can turn you to God or make you run away. Even if you run away, He will stay right by your side. "If we are unfaithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny His Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13.

Trust and deepest desire

"Trust in the LORD, and do good;

dwell in the land and feed on faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the LORD,

and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4

Nearly two-years ago, we had everything we owned packed with nowhere to go. Trust in the LORD. We knew that God had opened the door for us to move back "home" to Minnesota: it had been an on-going 4-year prayer to get closer to family, a good fit job was offered to the engineer and in a slumped housing market, our rambler sold in just eight days. Living in my parents' basement for an undetermined span of time, we searched for a home in the southern metro area. After three months, we moved into our home.
So we were dwelling in the land, and it became apparent that feeding on His faithfulness was essential to get through the grieving process that accompanies moving cross-country. We experienced both strikes and affirmations. The strikes: missing deep friendships, Montana's landscape and recreation, no connection in a local church, and realizing the different culture into which we had slid (who knew Montana and Twin Cities mentality was so different?) "But we prayed!" is what my mentor reminded me as our first affirmation. Another affirmation was glaringly obvious: little more than a month after moving in, Micah was admitted to the ICU in Rochester with failing kidneys and complications. We found ourselves to be the closest family members to the hospitals there and couldn't imagine being 13+ hours from helping my sister and her family. We don't always get the big picture, God often chooses to reveal one-piece at a time. Feeding on His faithfulness was learning to have a heart of gratitude. Being thankful for His faithful provision & blessings increases my trust in His plan for me. I began my mornings listing that which to be grateful:

1. Having the "Sechler Seven" around my table the night prior
2. Light on the pumpkin pumpkin bars for dessert so Micah can have one
3. Mike & the engineer laughing at how similar Traci & I are
4. Living in Minnesota
5. Being with family
6. Traci talking about the Big Big House Micah's going to
7. All the good food Micah will soon get to eat: Mountain Dew, chocolate, pizza with lots of cheese...
8. The engineer playing Mario Kart with his nephews
9. The sweet sound of cousins playing
10. Singing and praying alongside Micah before we left
11. Kissing Micah's head
12. "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller on the radio
13. The engineer being girl-trapped 5 times over
14. Cousins playing outside without shoes on
15. A face to face visit with Lori
16. ...

Recalling His faithfulness by listing my blessings from Him, is an act of delighting myself in the Lord, not "the good old days" living in Montana or when my children were younger and "never" disobeyed. After the Israelites lose men & stature to the soldiers of Ai, we saw Joshua turn his lament to the Lord (Joshua 7:6-9). Am I wise enough to turn my sorrows over to the Lord? And I wise enough to truly trust in Romans 8:28, "We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." When I contemplate on the next verse, I see this tough stuff is used to conform me to His image. "For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son..." Becoming more like Christ is the deepest desire of my heart, so even though the transition of moving (yes, even two-years later) is hard and parenting the calculating one is the most taxing thing I've done, I delight in the faithfulness of the Lord and continue to trust in Him.

Are you are trusting in the Lord to work in your current battle, working it out for good? Consider how is He using the same circumstance to make you more like Him.

Happy

So much rattles through the space between my ears. Today, I've reacquainted myself with the difference between being blessed and being happy. Strong's number 3107, makarios, and adjective meaning

• blessed
• favor with God
• fullness from God
• said of those who believe in Jesus, God's Son and are then indwelt by the Holy Spirit
• satisfied no matter the circumstance
• kingdom of God in your heart
• opposite of needy
• in the world, yet independent of the world
• satisfied by God, not circumstance

What strikes most is that I am blessed and it isn't dependent on my circumstances. Last night, mothers visiting, realizing that we need to soak in the moments of now, not just look forward to the future. Yet, how do I keep from yearning for what's next, assuming it will be better, more blessed? I know the key lies in giving thanks...counting my gifts. Ironic that a synonyms for makarios is eulogeo (2127), to bless, thank.
I know

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promise so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature..(2 Peter 1:3-4)

and that

I have been filled in Christ, who is the head of all rule and authority. (Colossians 2:10)

Happiness depends on circumstance. Indeed, the root hap means luck as a favorable circumstance or happenings. A circumstance is temporary: the spilled milk, the millionth "teachable moment", the fighting sisters, broken dish, a whining or defiant child. But the kingdom of God in my heart is now and it is eternal (Luke 17:21).
Again, I will begin my list making...1000 things to thank God because I AM blessed. Determine today to begin a written list of reasons you are makarios.

Here & then gone

I've learned a bit about gratitude this past year. And I'd like to think that I see things to be grateful for which a year ago may have escaped me. Unfortunately, it is easy for me to be stuck in a rut and ungrateful, pessimistic. A grouch really.
This past week, waking as usually, to what the boisterous one has coined my "own time" and setting a pot of coffee, I see the thin, sliver of a crescent moon gorgeously illuminated and nestled into passing clouds. I saw this beauty as a gift, "Thanks God for this gorgeous sight! It is beautiful! You are so crafty!" I continued with setting the coffee to drip and snuggled into my chair with a blanket, continuing conversation with my Maker. Glancing out the window, I see that it's gone. The gorgeous sliver of a crescent moon is now diffused light behind puffy clouds. What struck me was that I realized it was a gift when I could see it. Imagine my obliviousness and loss had I not purposely stopped to thank God for that gift.
Contemplating more, I'm sure there are many gifts that He gives that I don't see: little feet kicking me at night, stinky golden head breath in the morning, golden heads fighting and arguing again, opportunities to snuggle, teach or impart wisdom. Oh, I am so foolish! James said in 4:14, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." Just like I didn't know that three minutes after I saw the crescent moon, it would be out of my sight, I don't know which of the gifts He's given to me will be gone tomorrow, or in a minute for that matter.
My thoughts and prayers weep for my dear sister. I know she saw her precious Micah as a gift. A gift on loan from God. And now her gift is out of sight. My heart aches even though we don't mourn like those who have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18)
Pressing on, I will strive to "Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances, give thanks for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

Opened

I've journaled repeatedly how pivotal choosing a life style of gratitude has been to me: choosing to thank God's for each gracious gift that brings joy. Reading Ann Voskamp's, One Thousand Gifts opened my eyes to this truth that is constantly revealed in scripture. In Luke, Jesus walks with Cleopas and another disciple on the road to Emmaus after the resurrection. These men walked with Jesus, were taught by Jesus, probably touched Jesus, they were with Jesus, but they didn't know it was Him until Jesus "took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they knew Him," (Luke 24:30-31). Giving thanks opened their eyes to see Jesus.
Yesterday, we found out that quite soon our nephew Micah will go meet Jesus. How God made Micah is so amazing and wonderful, the doctors can't figure it out, so it's time for Jesus to restore Micah in heaven. It's a whirl of emotions, I can't imagine being the parent in this situation, it's heart-wrenching enough being the aunt and sister. But when despair gets too great, I have stopped myself to think...this is the hard eucharisteo, the hard thanksgiving, but I know it's there. Much for which to give thanks. I begin a mental list...pictures with Micah the night before he got really ill, his love for root beer, living in Minnesota now instead of being 12 hours away in Montana... Then I recall the passage in Luke. Giving thanks opened the disciples' eyes to see Jesus. When we ask why (just as the disciples were asking why Jesus had to be crucified), we can't see Jesus in the midst of our pain of losing Micah. When we list each of God's gifts, we see Jesus, our hope. I feel led to begin at one:

1. Having the "Sechler Seven" around my table the night prior
2. Pictures that turned out
3. Micah throwing his spiral with his mom
4. Micah getting his wish from Make A Wish
5. Micah excited about his really good book and A&W
6. Talking "normal life" with my sister
7. Traci taking over in my kitchen
8. Light on the pumpkin pumpkin bars for dessert so Micah can have one
9. Mike & the engineer laughing at how similar Traci & I are
10. Living in Minnesota
11. Quoting "When I am afraid, I will trust in You" Psalm 56:3 when I had a missed call from Mike and the calm that followed
12. The compassionate one praying for the Sechler family while we waited to leave school
13. The golden heads reaching out to comfort mom...holding my hand, hugs, rubbing my back and arm
14. The engineer knowing to go be with family
15. Safe travel to and from Litchfield
16. Laughing about the boisterous one's "opinions"
17. "Grandpa Leon is here?" followed by a big smile
18. Being with family
19. Peacefullness exuded by Mike and Traci
20. The new digital camera arriving
21. Hospice nurse
22. Kids Club that the cousins got to go to
23. Sitting alongside Micah
24. Traci talking about the Big Big House Micah's going to
25. All the good food Micah will soon get to eat: Mountain Dew, chocolate, pizza with lots of cheese...
26. Dad and Lucas being finished in the field
27. The engineer playing Mario Kart with his nephews
28. The sweet sound of cousins playing
29. Rebekah asking for a tray to play house with all the cousins
30. Coffee and caffeine in general
31. Getting Abi-girl ready for bed
32. Singing and praying alongside Micah before we left
33. Kissing Micah's head
34. Christian Music
35. "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller on the radio
36. God directing steps
37. No school for the golden heads the next few days
38. Mercies new every morning
39. "Break Open the Sky" on the drive...tears streaming down
40. Good Music to lift us up
41. Mike's silly smile and quirks despite the grief--makes him, him
42. The boisterous one playing play dough with Abigail
43. Abigail's big smile
44. The engineer being girl-trapped 5 times over
45. Mike taking a picture of it
46. Caleb being excited about XBox and needing another controller
47. An abundance of goodies to choose from
48. Mom's goey lazy day bars
49. Holding Rebekah for a long snuggle
50. Talking with dad on the phone
51. Sharing memories of Micah
52. "Brother, let's make a deal"
53. "I got a booger"
54. Remembering the Amazing Race
55. Seeing pictures on Facebook of Micah
56. Being with family
57. Giving fun gifts...Keurig
58. More pieces for the game room delivered
59. Seeing each golden head as a bit more precious...a gift on loan
60. Kisses stolen while the golden heads sleep
61. Shopping as therapy
62. Being 2 hours from Litchfield
63. Toby Mac tee
64. Cousins playing outside without shoes on
65. Dad processing grief through the truth of scripture
66. Cuddling with Caleb
67. The compassionate one giving up to so Abigail could have a gift bag
68. Daniel's servant heart - bringing his computer
69. Pictures
70. Photo albums
71. Lori
72. Amazing attitudes of our golden heads 
73. Micah's thankfulness journal
74. Micah's letter to Rebekah
75. A face to face visit with Lori
76. Hugs
77. Seeing extended family
78. Watching Traci & Mike worship
79. And Abigail too!
80. Rootbeer Keg
81. Pizza
82. Visit with Ashley
83. A huge real hug from Traci
84. Vacation for the Sechlers
85. ...