"Come to Me"

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
What would it look like if I learned what this really meant? For a month now, I've been praying this daily. Meditating on it. Believing it. Acting on it.
Today it means trusting in the Creator, not the created. Trusting in God for my hope and happiness, significance and security (New City Catechism, Question 17). My hope for this week doesn't depend on sticking to my new year's resolutions. My happiness for this day doesn't depend on a member of my family. My significance is not dependent on my job, or lack of employment.
The infamous they (whoever that is) say that one day your baby will just start waking up happy, jabbering to himself, playing, smiling... Well, I'm fourteen months into this and I can count on one hand the number of times that's happened. Nearly every wake time is followed by crying and panic. This little one wakes and depends on me for his happiness and security. It's a pathetic picture.
Is that what I look like? When the day's been a little tipsy-turvy, will I become an adult version of wailing, moaning and groaning for someone or something (uh, hum: chocolate and coffee) to be my hope and security? (Idolatry.) Or will I come to the Creator?
My security today and tomorrow rests alone in God my Creator, the very one who gives me breath.
I will claim that He is my happiness. He is my hope. He makes me significant. He is my security. I will come to Jesus and find rest.

Puddle

Writing the date in my journal and wondering why darkness hovers over me this morning, I remembered. Two years ago today, I sat in an outpatient surgery prep room, fighting nausea and waiting for the wee lifeless baby to be removed from my womb. This was my first lost little one. And even though two years of goodness and growth have been graced to me since that 2015 spring morning, my eyes still weep, my chest still heaves in sobs. I am a puddle.
Just this morning, over yogurt, strawberries and granola, the golden heads read the account of George Mueller's miraculous orphanage provision in the breakfast devotion and were encouraged by Romans 8:28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." We were challenged to remember throughout our day that Scripture says, all things. Not just a few things. Or a lot of things. Most things? No, ALL things.
I can testify to God's goodness and working even in my miscarriage: a stronger faith and trust in God, a strengthened marriage, a beautiful space between children and a healthy little baby boy. But that doesn't mean I don't cry for what was lost. I feel at loss of where to turn. Trusting God in the big picture, but remembering that stroke right now hurts. What do I do, right now in the hurt?

Likewise (waiting with full confidence for heaven) the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

I am trusting the Spirit to minister and direct my course of action and thoughts today. And then I ask those who know me best to pray.
Sometimes, I fault the engineer for being seemingly indulgent with our golden heads: too many Wild hockey games, downhill skiing, vacations, Twins games... But the truth is, we get to hold these children and kiss them in the morning and at night. We get to spoil them and it's just money anyway. Money we can't take and won't need in heaven. Hmmm. I think we need to celebrate with icecream today after school.
During these days with a four-month baby, I'm frequently quoting that song by The Shirelles, "Momma said there'll be days like this..." or Judith Viorst's Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, "Some days are like that, even in Australia." Don't you agree? Some days are just tough! What we do on those days? It's okay to shed a tear. It's okay to have an extra cup of coffee. It's wise to sit at the feet of Jesus and let Him speak to you and reassure you that even though there are days like this, He will work it out for our good and His glory!

Untimely

An organized woman would have written this before the Hallmark holiday we call Mother's Day. I want to dismiss it from my mind and think maybe next year, but the thoughts won't go away. I must commit them to "paper."
On Mother's Day weekend, our family traversed across the city (along with the rest of the metro population), through the beginnings of lake country and into the pine forests for our first camping experience of the year. As we picked up the golden heads from school, this small voice began percolating in my head, You're the lucky one. I woke the next morning on a flat air mattress next to the engineer and two of the three golden heads snuggled beside. As my family exited to start the fire and make warm drinks, I lingered under the covers listening: to two little sisters exploring in the woods, to big sister tending the fire, to giggles, to sips of hot chocolate... I am blown away.
I am the lucky one this Mother's Day weekend. Though I know the grief of two babies miscarried in the past year, I have three healthy, god-fearing daughters trying to walk with Jesus. I have hugs to receive, "I love you"s to hear, homemade gifts to open and extra dishes and clothes to wash. My unheld babies are held tightly in heaven until I meet them face to face and embrace them in my own arms and meanwhile on this earth, my cup truly runs over.
I am extremely grateful yet, it hardly seems fair as I think about those who've lost only children. Those who've dreamed of children for years and yet still wait and wonder. My heart has been pricked for these dear, tender hearts this past week.
So what should be my response? As I woke that Saturday morning to the sounds of my family, God reminded me of Colossians 1:16-17,

For by (Jesus) all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together...

My position is nothing about me. It is all about Jesus. It is all because of Jesus!
Only in Jesus could my marriage be healed from years of neglect and strengthened with endearment and genuine admiration because only Jesus reconciles all things (Colossians 1:22). In a culture where teens struggle with depression, identity, insecurity and anxiety, only Jesus has the power to hold these three golden heads near to Him (and their parents.) So I admit my uselessness, and look only to Jesus. There seems to be no other security than to "continue in the faith (of Jesus), stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel (Jesus)..." Colossians 1:23. Jesus is my only hope in this life today and forever.
I want to trust that if Jesus is strong enough and big enough to hold together my family of five, He is definitely powerful enough to sustain and hold together the hearts and lives of those dear women who's arms do not yet embrace a little one. I pray for you tender ones that you would continue in the faith, held together by Jesus and experience the hope only possible through Jesus.

Someone

"Well, I had to yell at someone and mommy was the only one home to yell at!" she verbally reasoned. While I didn't enjoy the hour of verbal abuse, I was more concerned with the heart of the matter: training her in the way she should go, teaching her Jesus' way of love and confronting anger.
Kevin Leman on parenting has revealed to me the wisdom of allowing my golden heads to experience natural consequences. But not knowing the best consequence (no sleepover, no swim party, no bonfire, make dinner for a week, doing sister's chores, doing dishes for a week...) my heart became anxious.

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore. Psalm 131

O mom, hope in God! Wait for God to mold this young heart. Expect that He will do His work in His time, today, tomorrow and always. I can't really know her heart. I can't truly discern her ways. It's too complex for my simple mind to understand. But God knows this face, this heart and what every day of her life beholds (Psalm 139:13-16).
And because I know God's got this golden heart, I can choose to calm my heart, my emotions, my mind, my whole character chooses to be calm. I take a deep breath and remember His control and His trustworthiness.
I trust that my heavenly Father knows best and is in control. Like a momma that knows when it's best to wean a nursing child, even if an infant isn't so sure. It's a natural next step. So also my Father knows best how to direct my child and my parenting, though the process might be grueling.
This anxiety isn't limited to parenting. You might be perusing Facebook and become burdened, concerned and disturbed with broadcasted choices. You could sense a call to something new and different but not know any details of this great unknown. You might desire something so badly yet not know if your will aligns with God's.
Deep breath. God's got her. God's got him. God's got you. God knows best. But maybe in the thick of the unsettledness, the unknown, you need to yell as someone. Please don't yell at your mom. She didn't sign up for that. Goodness knows, I didn't. But take your pleadings, anxiety and verbal shoutings to God. Pour your heart out before Him. Like weaning, the process is painful, but the outcome is peaceful, best and the bond between you and God is tightened because the process builds trust. And like a faithful parent, God's in it every step of the way.
What is your heart anxious or heavy with today? Will you choose to trust God's control over the circumstance and quiet your soul?

Trust

What does trust look like? I keep wondering the difference between trusting in the Lord and the Lord being my trust in Jeremiah 17:7.

[The Lord says,]
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord
And whose trust is the Lord. NASB 

Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. KJV 

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. NLT

The original Hebrew uses the verb batach in the first half of this sentence. This action verb means to trust or trust in, have confidence in any one. I enjoy backpacking. The worst part is having to carry everything you need on your back. Water seems to be the single-most heavy necessity. And thankfully, the engineer typically carries that two-liter reservoir in his pack; it lightens my load by nearly five-pounds. I have confidence in the engineer's strength as well as trust that at any time I have access to that water. Trusting in the Lord is choosing to throw my fears and needs on His back therefore lightening my load. It is after this choice that God becomes my trust or confidence.
In the second phrase, the noun form of the same root Hebrew word, mibtach, is used. In addition to trust and confidence, the idea of refuge, confiding and security is expressed. Because God is trustworthy, He is my go-to or safe place. Without second-thought, I should be tossing my heavy-load items on His back.
You can put your trust in a lot of things; people, jobs, homes, family, wealth... These aren't necessarily bad things, but are they worthy of your complete confidence? These things are temporary, imperfect  and eventually fail.

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust,
who does not turn to the proud,
to those who go astray after a lie! Psalm 40:4

God is the only permanent, dependable one. When your confidence is fixed anywhere else, you never know when it will be ripped away from you.

He is torn from the tent in which he trusted...Job 18:14

As I think about the daily grind full of trials, what does this kind of trust look like? When the bad news keeps piling up, anger and resentment reigns, decisions need to be made, people need to be managed, meetings need attending…how do you minute by minute place worries on His back when the world is coming apart at the seams?
It begins with knowing Him by studying His Word. As you know Him more, you'll consistently find that He is worthy of your trust. His own written Word is the best resource you can have to know Him more.

Next, it's practicing the presence of God, not compartmentalizing Him. Unfortunately, you can't ical Him into one segment of your day. He's always there, but do you consistently acknowledge His presence? If you would your day would have

• No fear
• No anxiety
• a continual flow of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control

This is trusting in the Lord; the Lord being your confidence. It begins with a choice and progresses into a lifestyle. When you've walked this road a while, God becomes your trusted go-to, your safe place no matter your situation.
Does your life seem raveling at the seams? Know Him. Feel Him. Throw the resevior on His back and keep walking with Him. This is trusting Him.

Lavished

Cheyenne Lake Suite, The Broadmoor, Colorado Springs, CO.

Sitting in the beautiful suite, surrounded by luxury I can not afford and did not earn, I marvel. Just one day prior, my stomach in knots, constantly breathing deeply, placing my trust in Christ as I ventured far from home and away from my family. And then I am shown to my accommodation: a suite on Lake Cheyenne. Seriously God?

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as (God) chose us in (Christ) before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love (God) predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has blessed us in the Beloved (Christ). In (Christ) we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of (God's) grace, which He lavished upon us in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of His will, according to His purpose, which He set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things to Him, things in heaven and things on earth.
In (Christ) we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of (God) who works all things according to the counsel of His will… Ephesians 1:3-11

Picture it. God, Creator, Father, before the creation of the world, having a strategic planning meeting (isn't that what we'd call it today?) with His Son and the Holy Spirit. And they create: "Let's make this big! Let's create beings like us. Let's make Becky, Joe, Kathy…. And they're going to have a problem because they won't be exactly like us, they won't be perfect. And then We'll be the Hero. We'll offer to save _(your name)_ and they'll have to accept Our offer. (Like a Hollywood epic where the hero extends a hand to the distressed hanging on the side of the sky scraper.) The distressed is totally unable to save himself. And the hero, Christ will extend His hand because He's strong, rich and powerful."

Forgive my imagination, this may be a far leap from actuality. But the truth is, before creation God chose us. He made a plan to swoop in and save us, the distressed. Because He had more than enough resources to go around (He's rich) and He wanted to give us a gift, His saving grace. But He didn't stop there. After we are saved from the life-or-death situation, He lavishes us with gifts. We are made holy, blameless, an heir to the kingdom, daughters and sons, and offered everything we need for a rich, full and meaningful life. 

Surrounded by earthly luxury, I understand: God is this extravagant! And I did not deserve it. Because of His undeserved gift, He blessed me. I am so undeserving. He's given me understanding of His mystery of salvation, Jesus as my scapegoat, an inheritance (adopted me as His daughter) and I am His praise and glory. Me?

And then He says, ask for more! I have it to give:

• a spirit of wisdom 
• revelation in knowing Him
• enlightened mind so that I understand:

• my hope

• my inheritance

• the power available to me. (Ephesians 1:17-19)

This is my God! In my distress, He offers me His hand and I have accepted. Then He gives me more. I could have declined His gift, just as I could have chosen to leave the suite and head home on the first flight back to MSP, but similar to His grace, I am shown extreme generosity. And I accept. Is this your God? Accept His gift today.

Broken

So to keep me from being conceited...a throne was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:5b-9

Somedays, I am mad at God for not taking away my physical insecurity. Early in my faith walk with Jesus, I thought that my insecurity issues were just as Paul said, thorns that I had to live with. Years later, intentionally consistent in my faith walk, I became confident, that God could heal me from my physical insecurities. I claimed it. I trusted Him for it. In recent months, I've come to understand that while He is able to remove my insecurity, He uses my physical insecurities as a tool.
It's so easy for me to become prideful. To compare myself and my faith walk with others'. I'm embarrassed to admit that. Further, it's hard for me to understand the prophet Isaiah.

In that year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; the train of his robe filled the temple…And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!" Isaiah 6:1,4-5

Woe to me? Well, really God, I'm not the worst of sinners. I'm doing pretty well. Have I mentioned, I'm embarrassed? As I sat in worship with other believers and listened to Isaiah 6, my stomach churning from my food binge the night prior, I had messed up again! I forgot to be influenced by the Spirit and I went on autopilot. Ahg, I am truly the worst of sinners. I can't overcome this. Really, God, I know you can heal me of this stumbling block, this thorn. And I felt Him say, "But don't you see, this is right where I need you to be. Needing me. Broken. Humble. Stripped. The worst of sinners."
If I only ever remember two things, I want them to echo the words of John Newton, "My memory is nearly gone; but I remember two things: That I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Savior."
My thorn doesn't look like your thorn. But we hate the thorns. We wish them gone. God is saying to you, to me, "The thorn draws you to me, acknowledging that I am your only hope. And I'm more worried about your relationship with your Deliverer than I am about delivering you from your thorn." (Wolf, Katherine. CBS Teaching Director Conference. Broadmoor Resort, Colorado Springs, CO. 2015 Jan 23. Hope Heals.)

Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his had a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said; "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for." And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here I am! Send me." Isaiah 6:6-8

My sin and shame is taken away. My thorn is not. But praise be to God, in the posture of humility and brokenness, and I am available to be used by Him because it causes me to come to a realizing His Holy Spirit in me is my only hope of victory.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10

I'd be lying if I said, "I love my food issues and my constant awareness of my imperfect body." But I strive to follow Paul's example, to be content. To praise God that my insecurities make me dependent on Him and then I can be used by Him. What thorn brings you to your knees in humility and allows God to use you? Will you choose to be content with it?

Anticipation

I prefer the anticipation to the aftermath. I wish it weren't so. I love the lights, the smells, the baking, gifts piled under the tree, shopping, wrapping (well, not so much the wrapping), watching the golden heads make gifts... And somehow when that's over; I feel let down. It's not as satisfying as I anticipated. And my middle aches. It's as if Christmas falls short, but I'm supposed to be celebrating the fulfillment of prophecy that my perfect, God Savior came down from heaven and became a baby boy: one significant step in the plan to save me. I'm not even sure what the lights, gifts, goodies and wrapping (wrapping for sure) have to do with any of that. Yes, we Christians come up with all sorts of justifications. The lights represent the star in the sky… The gifts remind us of the three wise mens' gifts…. Goodies represent the spices the kings brought… (There's no justification for the wrapping.)

Over and over, my expectations fail to satisfy: birthday gifts, desserts, dates, words of affirmation, acts of service, back rubs. I always think it sounds so thrilling and "perfect," but then it comes to pass and it doesn't quite meet the mark.

Thankfully, Christ will be the one thing that doesn't fall short! When I read Isaiah's prophecy in Chapter 6 and John's multiple descriptions of worshiping the Lamb in Revelation, there's no reason to think that worship left a void in ANYONE! Not in Isaiah, not in the elders, not in the angels or John. And when I worship, it satisfies.

There's a lesson in this. When the lights twinkle, presents are opened, family surrounded and goodies abound, I need to be focused on Christ, to be worshiping Him in that moment. Worship is 24•7 lifestyle: constant communing with God, ascribing to Him the glory He deserves.

At the end of the famous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13), Paul writes of the greatest virtues: faith, hope and love. And he notes that the greatest is love. Christ is love. When we meet Jesus face to face, both faith and hope will be realized and not necessary any longer. I hope for a great Christmas experience, I have faith in my family to make it a great experience, but experiencing Christ, worshiping Christ, is to experience love that never ends!

Though the presents not be received with excitement,
and the cinnamon rolls are gone,
and the mittens I bought are too small,
and the leftovers are gone,
and my family is driving me crazy
and I long for solitude,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
I will worship God, the Lord is my strength;
He satisfies my Christmas;
He lets me experience Him and surrounds me with His presence.
Habakuk 3:17-18 (Christmas paraphrase)

Until I meet Him on the day faith and hope are realized, I will wait with patience (Romans 8:25). I will worship Him, especially at Christmas. Now, if I would only remember not to forget.

 Will you join me in worshiping Him, the only one who satisfies this Christmas? Not gifts, not family, not goodies that fall short, but completely full of Him!

A tiny little Hebrew word

Continually remembering to take Jesus' yoke...still a daily challenge. I may be mostly through the day, hours after my morning cup of coffee with Jesus begging to let Him lead me (the younger, inexperienced ox) and yet, at 4pm thinking, "Oh, I forgot to let Jesus lead." I am so frustrated! Yet, I know His mercies are new every morning and that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Trudging on, ho!

Then tucked in my study of Romans (15:12), trying to follow the apostle Paul, he quotes Isaiah 11:10,

In that day the root of Jesse, who shall stand as a signal for the peoples--of him shall the nations inquire, and his resting place shall be glorious. 

Isaiah is predicting the righteous reign of Christ, a future event. A future that gets me stoked! The imagery of the wolf and lamb, cow and bear painting a picture of peace and rest is often quoted in this chapter of Isaiah. In that peaceful day, He will be a signal or banner. I picture a white flag of surrender as the nations, everyone, allows Him to rightfully rule and reign. And then looking deeper into the meaning of the word translated inquire, I am graciously blown away at His revelation to me.

The Hebrew word darash, H1875, is a verb that has multiple meanings:

1. To tread a place with feet, therefore, to go to a place frequently, to go to a person frequently with prayer, to implore his aid. (This is where we get our root word for threshing.)
2. To seek, search after.
3. To inquire from one.
4. To ask for, demand (beg, ask back, punishment).
5. To study, follow, practice, anything--to apply and care for anything.

To be frequently approaching Christ, seeking him, studying him, following him. Isn't this a beautiful picture of what it means for me to continually, constantly remember to take Jesus' yoke? And Isaiah's prophecy comes with a promise, "his resting place shall be glorious." The nations darash on Christ because they expect (hope) that He will answer, heal, help, guide, etc. Interestingly, when Paul quotes Isaiah's prophecy, he uses the word hope in place of inquire. Therefore, he obviously thought to inquire was synonymous with hope. Inquiring is similar to hoping, expecting His answer and as a result of this hope, Isaiah promises that we will receive rest! This is the easy yoke Jesus means in Matthew 11:28-30:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, an you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 

Christ is the hope in flesh. Without treading a worn out path toward Christ we have no hope and no rest. I am in Christ, but how do I darash Him? How do I have the persistence of a 4-year old who never gives up the asking and tugging on my arm until I go exploring with her or play a game with her?
Starring at the page, does verse 13 (Romans 15) answer my questioning?

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Paul believes God to fill the Romans with joy and peace so that their lives are marked by very much hope/darash/seeking/treading possible by the power of the Holy Spirit. So I start now by treading a path back and forth to Jesus and in time (marked by joy and peace) I will abound in the seeking. The path from me to Jesus will be a beat down dirt path. This is possible by the power of the Holy Spirit. I need to pray the Holy Spirit helps me darash.
Join me today, in begging the Holy Spirit allow us to darash (tread back and forth, inquiring) Jesus each day this week. In a week, we'll see if our status is marked by rest.

Opened

I've journaled repeatedly how pivotal choosing a life style of gratitude has been to me: choosing to thank God's for each gracious gift that brings joy. Reading Ann Voskamp's, One Thousand Gifts opened my eyes to this truth that is constantly revealed in scripture. In Luke, Jesus walks with Cleopas and another disciple on the road to Emmaus after the resurrection. These men walked with Jesus, were taught by Jesus, probably touched Jesus, they were with Jesus, but they didn't know it was Him until Jesus "took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they knew Him," (Luke 24:30-31). Giving thanks opened their eyes to see Jesus.
Yesterday, we found out that quite soon our nephew Micah will go meet Jesus. How God made Micah is so amazing and wonderful, the doctors can't figure it out, so it's time for Jesus to restore Micah in heaven. It's a whirl of emotions, I can't imagine being the parent in this situation, it's heart-wrenching enough being the aunt and sister. But when despair gets too great, I have stopped myself to think...this is the hard eucharisteo, the hard thanksgiving, but I know it's there. Much for which to give thanks. I begin a mental list...pictures with Micah the night before he got really ill, his love for root beer, living in Minnesota now instead of being 12 hours away in Montana... Then I recall the passage in Luke. Giving thanks opened the disciples' eyes to see Jesus. When we ask why (just as the disciples were asking why Jesus had to be crucified), we can't see Jesus in the midst of our pain of losing Micah. When we list each of God's gifts, we see Jesus, our hope. I feel led to begin at one:

1. Having the "Sechler Seven" around my table the night prior
2. Pictures that turned out
3. Micah throwing his spiral with his mom
4. Micah getting his wish from Make A Wish
5. Micah excited about his really good book and A&W
6. Talking "normal life" with my sister
7. Traci taking over in my kitchen
8. Light on the pumpkin pumpkin bars for dessert so Micah can have one
9. Mike & the engineer laughing at how similar Traci & I are
10. Living in Minnesota
11. Quoting "When I am afraid, I will trust in You" Psalm 56:3 when I had a missed call from Mike and the calm that followed
12. The compassionate one praying for the Sechler family while we waited to leave school
13. The golden heads reaching out to comfort mom...holding my hand, hugs, rubbing my back and arm
14. The engineer knowing to go be with family
15. Safe travel to and from Litchfield
16. Laughing about the boisterous one's "opinions"
17. "Grandpa Leon is here?" followed by a big smile
18. Being with family
19. Peacefullness exuded by Mike and Traci
20. The new digital camera arriving
21. Hospice nurse
22. Kids Club that the cousins got to go to
23. Sitting alongside Micah
24. Traci talking about the Big Big House Micah's going to
25. All the good food Micah will soon get to eat: Mountain Dew, chocolate, pizza with lots of cheese...
26. Dad and Lucas being finished in the field
27. The engineer playing Mario Kart with his nephews
28. The sweet sound of cousins playing
29. Rebekah asking for a tray to play house with all the cousins
30. Coffee and caffeine in general
31. Getting Abi-girl ready for bed
32. Singing and praying alongside Micah before we left
33. Kissing Micah's head
34. Christian Music
35. "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller on the radio
36. God directing steps
37. No school for the golden heads the next few days
38. Mercies new every morning
39. "Break Open the Sky" on the drive...tears streaming down
40. Good Music to lift us up
41. Mike's silly smile and quirks despite the grief--makes him, him
42. The boisterous one playing play dough with Abigail
43. Abigail's big smile
44. The engineer being girl-trapped 5 times over
45. Mike taking a picture of it
46. Caleb being excited about XBox and needing another controller
47. An abundance of goodies to choose from
48. Mom's goey lazy day bars
49. Holding Rebekah for a long snuggle
50. Talking with dad on the phone
51. Sharing memories of Micah
52. "Brother, let's make a deal"
53. "I got a booger"
54. Remembering the Amazing Race
55. Seeing pictures on Facebook of Micah
56. Being with family
57. Giving fun gifts...Keurig
58. More pieces for the game room delivered
59. Seeing each golden head as a bit more precious...a gift on loan
60. Kisses stolen while the golden heads sleep
61. Shopping as therapy
62. Being 2 hours from Litchfield
63. Toby Mac tee
64. Cousins playing outside without shoes on
65. Dad processing grief through the truth of scripture
66. Cuddling with Caleb
67. The compassionate one giving up to so Abigail could have a gift bag
68. Daniel's servant heart - bringing his computer
69. Pictures
70. Photo albums
71. Lori
72. Amazing attitudes of our golden heads 
73. Micah's thankfulness journal
74. Micah's letter to Rebekah
75. A face to face visit with Lori
76. Hugs
77. Seeing extended family
78. Watching Traci & Mike worship
79. And Abigail too!
80. Rootbeer Keg
81. Pizza
82. Visit with Ashley
83. A huge real hug from Traci
84. Vacation for the Sechlers
85. ...

Jesus is Hope

I've always thought of hope in the light of Hebrews 11:1, "Now hope IS being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." I believe that, but I never realized that it really only scratches the surface. Parked in Romans 8, I see the word hope repeatedly and I couldn't help but take a closer look.
As I've mostly understood hope, it is the desire of good with the expectation of obtaining it. I love the example that Paul gives the Romans  in Chapter 4:18, Abraham is said to be without grounds to hope (Sarah was barren and 90+ years old), but was still hoping in fulfillment of God's promise to give him as many descendants as the stars. I stop to ponder that and compare myself to this example. I am without grounds to hope (because I'm not deserving of any good thing on my own) but I am still hoping in the fulfillment of God's promise to be with Christ and to know Him even as I am fully known (1 John 3:2, 3). I fully expect to obtain this promise.
I am inspired by David in Psalm 16:9, "My flesh will also rest in hope." Because God gave him instruction for life, David rested in hope, not having seen the Messiah, long before Jesus came to earth in bodily form, died and rose again, David had hope. What preceded David's hope? A glad heart and his body being tranformed into glory rejoicing. Shouldn't I have much more hope having the Scripture that testifies to Christ's sacrifice, burial and resurrection?
What I failed to see in the past about hope is how Jesus is our hope. I have to back up a littler here. Back to when God gave Moses the law. I never full understood that God's purpose for the Law was that we'd realize that we couldn't keep it and that we need a better way. Christ was that way. Christ is our hope (1 Timothy 1:1).
Interestingly, Jesus didn't use the word hope. Perhaps He didn't want to deter Jews to believe in Him, the Messiah, he just said, come to Me (Matthew 11:28). It would not have made sense for Jesus to say have hope in Me. He was the hope fulfilled. When we get something and see it, we don't need to have hope in getting it anymore. Hope is complete...past tense at that point. I understand why Paul wrote, "Hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes in what he already sees?" Romans 8:24.
Today, our hope is closely tied up with our future transformation of glory, when we are made complete and perfect, just as Christ intended. But the creation was subjected to vanity, in hope (remember, Jesus is hope). So, we are subjected to vanity but IN Christ. Christ dwells in us and in this we have a small foretaste of the future glory. Christ is the hope of glory (Col 1:27). Therefore to be without Christ, is to be without hope....this reminds me of Obama's 2008 campaign slogan...Hope. Not really. Hope distinguishes us from non-believers. Those who do not have Christ do not have hope (Ephesians 2:12). I can't really imagine not having any hope. I need to pray that God gives me a bigger heart for those who don't have hope and courage to share hope (Jesus).
I am so relieved that I can have REAL hope, expecting what I long for to really happen. I have Jesus (hope) to heal Micah and those we love facing cancer. I have Jesus (hope) to give Madison a good friend at school. I have Jesus (hope) to provide good friends for our family in Minnesota. I have Jesus (hope) to provide us with a small group. I have Jesus (hope) to bring Derrick home safely from work travel. Now, may I follow David's example REST in hope (Jesus)!

*Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may about in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit

Eyes on the LORD

As I was struggling with a common sin for me (one you might call a pity-party) God directed my path to Psalm 25. I could barely peel my eyes from the Text. What kept resonating with me was verse 15:

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for He will release my feet from the snare.

I love the word picture snare creates in my mind's eye: a trap, hidden in the brush, waiting to clamp its jaws around my leg. Satan wants nothing more than for me to be tangled in my sin, thinking that I am unable to be freed. My snare is a bad attitude and assuming the worst about the Engineer. This is a sin because I am not rejoicing in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4) and not obedient to 1 Corinthians 13:7, "love believes all things."
So I look, I look, I look. I look to Him. At this moment, all I can do is keep reading and rereading Psalm 25. I begin to notice the if...then statements.

  3 - IF I hope in God THEN God will not let me be shamed
12 - IF I fear God THEN God will instruct me in the way
14 - IF I fear God THEN God will confide in me
15 - IF I keep my eyes on God THEN He will release me from the snare
21 - IF I hope in God THEN God will let integrity and uprightness protect me

I have to first choose these things THEN He is able to show up. I also can't help but notice that David asks for forgiveness in verse 11 and verse 18. This strikes me and makes me realize that even though I feel victim, I am not without sins...they are many and great offenses. It makes me stop to examine my own heart and confess my own sins of selfishness, pride and judgement. I need to own it and realize it's not about the blame game.

I love how this psalm begins and ends with hope. Something I blogged about last week. No one who hopes in God will ever be put to shame (verse 3) and my hope is in you (verse 21).  Praise be to God, for He alone is my hope! My hope of future glory, my hope to have the ability to change my sinful actions into integrity and uprightness. Where would I be without my amazing Savior?

Lastly, David asks much of God in this psalm. I count 16 things David asks of God and I probably missed some. As I stood in church to receive the benediction of Ephesians 3:20-21:

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generation, forever and ever. Amen.

I realized that our list of asking may be long, but may I never forget that He can do way more than I can even imagine!

Waiting eagerly

My nephew Micah is eleven years old and is really sick. He's been in and out of the hospital many times since April of this year. All the while, I've been trying to persevere with memorization of Romans 8. Somehow, whenever I get to the paragraph beginning with verse 18 ("For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us,") my spirit is always lifting their family up in prayer. And meditating on this passage more and more I notice that within that paragraph, "wait eagerly" is used three times. In verse 19, creation waits eagerly for the revealing of glory. In verse 23, even Paul admits to wait eagerly for his adoption as a son, the redemption of his body. In verse 24, Paul encourages the Romans to wait eagerly for what they do not see. In every usage, I understand that what we wait for is glory.
I think this applicable in every struggle. Whether you are waiting eagerly for healing, an addition to your family, redemption in your marriage, to make friends in a new community or any difficult circumstance, it is hard in the midst of struggle, but notice that verse 22 says, all creation groans and suffers with the pains of childbirth. Paul even admits that although the Spirit lives in him and he has the first fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control), he can hardly wait for the redemption of his body. However, hope is what keeps Paul persevering. We don't see the glory yet, but we long to see that glory. "But if we hope for what we do not see, but with perseverance (doing good despite difficult circumstances), we wait eagerly for it," Romans 8:25.
In Exodus 33:18-23, Moses asks God to show him His glory. Moses' request comes right after God promises that His presence will go with Moses as he leads the Israelites and God will give him rest (verse 14). So God grants Moses as much of the request as possible, for no one came see God's face while on earth. God placed Moses by Himself, He covered Moses with His hand while He passed, and after it was "safe" Moses could look at the back side (if you will) of the glory.
I can't help but stop and reflect on these three things:

1. We have a place BY God
2. He covers us with His hand
3. We will only see the back side of the glory

When I read this, thinking about waiting eagerly for His glory I wonder, what if His glory is passing by and we don't realize it in the midst of the painful circumstances? Surely, we are in the cleft of the rock, being covered by His hand. And if we persevere as we hope for what we do not see (Romans 8:25), God's glory will pass by and we'll see Him and His will from behind. I love the picture that Casting Crown's song, "Already There," paints:
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there...

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit

Praise the Lord that He's already there and while we don't see the glory yet, He's covering us with His hand.