Spy and dig deeper

I spy with my little eye, eastern Montana's golden hills, scattered trees and arid landscape. How many people living here stop to marvel at this daily beauty? To see something every day is to begin not seeing. But to gaze once a year is eye candy if we only take time to let it soak in. Would they say the same about the cornfield out my window?

I spy with my little eye… What amazes me is that it's so easy to spy other's sin. Is this so that we dig deeper into our own lives?
In Doreen Cronin's children's book, Diary of a Worm, the worm's story is told.

April 4
Fishing season started today. We all dug deeper.

What if we dug deeper instead of judging? I am quick to spy the selfishness in a golden head. Yet, if I dig deeper to consider my own life; I am typically concerned with myself and my "needs." From across the isle, I spy the busy schedule of those who couldn't possibly be able to spend quality time with God at such pace. Yet, I am running helter-skelter this month to squeeze every last minute out of summer. I spy the stern demanding of one's own way, yet I spaaz out when the engineer suggests something that wasn't on my ical. I spy unsubmission, but know I am guilty.

Judge not, that you be not judged, For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite..  Mt 7:1-5a

What I am thankful in this digging is that it helps me see how ugly my sin is and brings me to repentance. I can look on others' sins and see how putrid it looks, but choosing not to judge and spying my own sin log humbles me and makes me grateful for the forgiveness of my ugly sin! If I only take the time to dig deeper…

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139:23-24

When did you last spy the sin of a brother or sister in Christ? Likely not long ago, since none of us have become the believer God intends. Did you judge them? Dig deeper, asking God what He is really trying to show you through the situation.

Invitation

I love invitations. Beyond the graphically creativity, it's so exciting to get invited; to think the host values your presence at the event.
This week, I was pondering a bit more about the peace of God ruling in my heart and how I need to invite Him there.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which you were called in one body…Colossians 3:15a

When we ask Christ to rule in our hearts, He will. No need to wait on a RSVP. However, my revelation is if we don't ask the Spirit to influence and rule our lives, sin will rule my life. Sin or Satan need no invitation. Sin imposes and influences when we are not intentionally choosing to invite the Spirit to rule. My lack of action or invitation results in sin dictating my thoughts, feeling, emotions and whole being. Satan is a slithering, sneaky little snake.
And pondering what have I let control me in recent past is humbling. Sin takes many forms: personality bent (pleasing, bossy, controlling…), emotions, addictions (food, alcohol, drugs, sex, power…), people and even insecurities that become idols. This one I totally overlooked! Nearly my entire life, I have been so insecure in regards to my physical appearance that I didn't realize that it has controlled me.
It's evident that we need to constantly analyze our hearts and ask ourselves, Who's ruling or controlling me right now? If it is not the Spirit, then we need to practice the ART of confession then ask His Spirit to control us.
Even if you don't feel differently, know that He is ruling according to faith in His command and promise. God commands us to be filled or controlled by His Spirit:

"Don't be influenced by wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be influenced by the Holy Spirit." Ephesians 5:18

God's promise is that He hears and gives us anything we ask for that aligns with His will:

"And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him." 1 John 5:14-15

Reflecting on the past six month or year, what has been controlling you? Choose right now to practice the ART of confession and invite the Holy Spirit to rule your life. No need to await His RSVP, He's been waiting for the invitation.

Master Gardener

Early in the spring, I purchased some violas; cold-tolerant, hardy and sometimes they return next year as perennials (a bonus for the frugal woman in me). I couldn't possibly go wrong. Except that it was so cool, I neglected to water them. Half of them are dead now and I admit, I am no Master Gardener.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

I love this verse. It's always been a model of excellence I've wanted to strive toward. Many times I have pondered what attribute I need to increase or cultivate. What a friend has helped me to understand for the first time is that it is the Spirit doing the work, not me. The Holy Spirit is the Master Gardener. (And thankfully, He won't forget to water!) The Holy Spirit is God within me influencing and satisfying my life.
Another thing I've never gave thought: fruit is the metaphor for these sweet, desirable attributes. In Minnesota, we can't grow many fruit trees, but IMO our honey crisp apples are the best. A newly planted apple tree takes 2-5 years before you have any fruit to harvest. All the time and energy invested into that first yield is no small sum. There's pruning in the winter months, keeping it free of pests (bugs, worms, deer, ect), fertilization in spring and fall, extra watering during drought... A hailstorm would make the year a bust. A late spring frost could destroy the blossoms and yield no harvest in the fall. A strong wind storm could tear all the apples off the tree, thrashing them to the ground. An early fall frost might bite them before the gardener has opportunity to harvest or before they are fully ripened.  Left on it's own, I'm not sure there would be an apple harvest. Thank goodness for the gardener. And a final note about apple trees. They typically are fruit bearing every other year. Every fruit plant needs a time of rest or dormancy.
The attributes depicted in Galatians will have seasons and we need protection as well as provision. But we can't just try harder to make love, joy peace...describe our lives. It has nothing to do with us, but the Master Gardener. We must allow the Spirit to prune, protect and provide. Verse sixteen describes it as walking by the Spirit.
This is a continual and conscious decision: to give the Master Gardener control. Left on my own, I will attempt satisfaction by my own selfish desires.

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. Galatians 5:17

I want to have self-control in my eating habits. But Satan knows me and he can use sugar to lure me into a binge. In a binge, I am not allowing the Holy Spirit to be my Master Gardener. But I have a choice in the matter. Naturally, I won't have self-control and will keep binge eating. If I don't consciously relinquish control to the Master Gardener, in essence I'm choosing sin to influence me.
The golden heads tucked in tight and prayed over, I walked into the kitchen. This is usually my biggest temptation to binge eat: celebrating another day of mothering accomplished. Empowered by this new revelation of choice, I said to myself, I am controlled and led by the Holy Spirit and walked out of the kitchen for the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, it will take many repeated choosing the Master Gardener experiences to replace my ingrained old habits but He who is in me is greater than the sin living in me (1 John 4:4). And The Master Gardener is faithful, He will surely do it (1Thessalonians 5:24).
Have you been trying hard to let your life be marked by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? Spend some time thinking about the only One who can really do this work in your life. Then choose to repent. Turn away from your own way of trying and turn toward God, allowing the Holy Spirit to be the Master Gardener. If you consciously choose Him, He won't forget to water!

Exposed

A year and half parked in the book of Romans and the determination to persevere, God inspired a new goal just last week: finish the last 3 chapters by summers' end. One chapter a month of dissecting, inductive study. (Thank you Anne Streeter for teaching me how to wrestle with God's Word!)

Finishing up with cross-referencing in Romans chapter 13, I see the stark contrast between light and darkness explained by Paul in Ephesians 5. First, notice that the light is called armor; it protects. The darkness is simply called deeds; the things you do, not offering any protection.

	Armor of Light	Deeds of Darkness
Action	Love neighbor (Rm 13:8-10)	Sexual immorality, impurity, covetness (Eph 5:5) Orgies, drunkedness, sexual promiscuity, sensuality, strife, jealousy (Rms 13:12-13)
Words	Thanksgiving (Eph 5:4)	Filthiness, foolish talk, crude joking, empty words (Eph 5:6)
Status	Daughter of King, in the Lord (Rms 13:14) Inheritance of kingdom of God	Daughter of disobedience (Eph 5:6) No inheritance (Eph 5:5)
Appearance	Good, right, true (Eph 5:9)	Bad, liar, false (inferred opposite of Eph 5:9)
Demeanor	Discerning, confident (Eph 5:10,12) Exposed, no secret (Eph 5:11-14)	Ashamed (Eph 5:12) Secretive (Eph 5:11-14)

Most strikingly, I realize exposing sin removes shame (Eph 5:12&13). Because light is 180 degree opposite of darkness, choosing to take what is shameful to you and making it visible (not secret) will essentially be taking what is unfruitful in appearance (bad, lies, false) and make it fruitful (good, right, true).

I've seen it so many times in my repentant golden heads. The boisterous one screaming is in her room, throwing a temper tantrum; acting out the deeds of darkness. After the tantrum, she feels guilty, ashamed. When she humbly chooses to ask forgiveness, she is immediately brought into the light. With her confession, the shame is removed and she is again confident that she is a loved daughter.

Of course, I am not perfect either and am guilty of my own deeds of darkness. Some time ago, I found myself judging the calculating one's heart and assuming she was falling into the same trap of making food an idol. A parent never wants to pass on generational sins and this is my fear. Something in me knew that if  I confessed my judgement to the engineer, it would expose my sin to light and diminish the shame in my heart. It did.

Idolizing food can be a big area of darkness to me. Eating in private often leads me to binge, trying to find satisfaction in food instead of Christ. Ashamed of this lack of self control, I find that when I eat in public, in the company of friends and family (exposed) and able to keep my eyes on Christ, finding satisfaction in Him.
Finally, Romans 13:14 makes it clear that by not exposing sin, is to make provision for the flesh (or sin.) In secret, the sin problem grows worse and worse. It's like a thick fog when you are unable to see anything. But when the secret is exposed, the sun comes, heating the earth, and the fog disappears.
Friends, the fog is not fun. It's torture. It's living life ashamed, embarrassed of your thought life and actions. What fog of sin are you groping around in? I challenge you to find a trustworthy sister in Christ and expose what is in secret. It is the beginning of freedom from sin and walking in Light.

Transparent

I can't express how much I appreciate people being willing to be transparent, real and willingness to take off the mask that hides hurts, struggles and pain.
Today, I will be quite transparent. Something that God's brought to my attention lately is how easily I am offended. A fabulous discipler from Billings, Fred Nelson, teaches that a sign of spiritual maturity is that you are not easily offended. Lately, this has been a big struggle for me, which is humbling, because you'd think at this point, I'd be getting at least a bit spiritually mature. In the past two weeks, I've caught myself get especially offended when the engineer points something out to me. He might be pointing out the fact that I'm in sin or he may be simply asking a question about how I do something, but my initial response is to get edgy, defend myself and think of a reason why it's really someone else's fault. For example, when he tells me that my tone of voice was rude to the waitress, it's not her fault the menu doesn't list something, immediately I feel personally attacked and blame him for attacking me. Not so graceful! This has probably gone on for years but by God's grace, I've noticed in recent weeks.
I was so thankful that God gave me a verse this week,

He who covers his sins will not prosper,
but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.
Proverbs 28:13

When I get defensive and blame someone else for my mistake or actions, I am covering my sin and will not prosper. That's not a direction I want to head in life. By confessing and choosing to turn away from that sin, I will be shown mercy by my Maker. Quite convicting truth to me and I'm praying that when I begin to feel offended, I will be prompted to repeat this verse, so to begin breaking free from this flesh habit.
I'm been thinking lately that this whole sanctification process is hard! And honestly, sometimes I'm sick of it and want to quit! Thankfully, God gives me grace to persevere! Now I understand why Paul quoted the psalmist in Romans 8:36, "For your sake, we are being put to death all day long. We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered." It wasn't until about a week ago, when I was wrestling with doing a crappy job as a wife that I finally understood the point Paul was making. Sanctification is a daily (hourly, minute by minutes sometimes) process of dying to my flesh and replacing the flesh with things of the Spirit. This revelation happened about the time Micah went to heaven and I truly rejoiced for him because praise Jesus, his sanctification is complete. He's done with that, perfect, mature and complete! Lately, Toby Mac's "Break Open the Sky" has been the cry of my heart!

Break open the sky 

Won't You turn off gravity so we can fly?

We wanna see Your faceSo tear the roof off this placeJesus, break open the sky

But until He chooses to call me home, I will, by God's grace, persevere in the process of being made holy. And pray that the next time I am offended, I will choose the wisdom of Proverbs 28:13 and expose my sin, confess it and repent of it and then be given mercy.

Eyes on the LORD

As I was struggling with a common sin for me (one you might call a pity-party) God directed my path to Psalm 25. I could barely peel my eyes from the Text. What kept resonating with me was verse 15:

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for He will release my feet from the snare.

I love the word picture snare creates in my mind's eye: a trap, hidden in the brush, waiting to clamp its jaws around my leg. Satan wants nothing more than for me to be tangled in my sin, thinking that I am unable to be freed. My snare is a bad attitude and assuming the worst about the Engineer. This is a sin because I am not rejoicing in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4) and not obedient to 1 Corinthians 13:7, "love believes all things."
So I look, I look, I look. I look to Him. At this moment, all I can do is keep reading and rereading Psalm 25. I begin to notice the if...then statements.

  3 - IF I hope in God THEN God will not let me be shamed
12 - IF I fear God THEN God will instruct me in the way
14 - IF I fear God THEN God will confide in me
15 - IF I keep my eyes on God THEN He will release me from the snare
21 - IF I hope in God THEN God will let integrity and uprightness protect me

I have to first choose these things THEN He is able to show up. I also can't help but notice that David asks for forgiveness in verse 11 and verse 18. This strikes me and makes me realize that even though I feel victim, I am not without sins...they are many and great offenses. It makes me stop to examine my own heart and confess my own sins of selfishness, pride and judgement. I need to own it and realize it's not about the blame game.

I love how this psalm begins and ends with hope. Something I blogged about last week. No one who hopes in God will ever be put to shame (verse 3) and my hope is in you (verse 21).  Praise be to God, for He alone is my hope! My hope of future glory, my hope to have the ability to change my sinful actions into integrity and uprightness. Where would I be without my amazing Savior?

Lastly, David asks much of God in this psalm. I count 16 things David asks of God and I probably missed some. As I stood in church to receive the benediction of Ephesians 3:20-21:

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generation, forever and ever. Amen.

I realized that our list of asking may be long, but may I never forget that He can do way more than I can even imagine!

Eucharisteo precedes the miracle

Monday, August 13, 2012
For months, the tug of war keeps repeating. The passions and selfishness of my mortal body wage war against the law of my mind where God is on the throne. A struggle with the sin of my flesh as Paul describes in Romans 7. I see a new battle on the horizon. I know the good that I want to do as the occasion ahead arrives, but I know too well from the past, that I may not win this war. I'm feeling disheartened. Oh Lord, how can I emerge victorious?
This morning, with kids conversing in the background while munching on the once-in-a-very-rare-while treat of Lucky Charms, God reveals a mystery. Still parked in Romans 7, and reading about Paul's wrestle, letting it sink in, I read verse 24-25, "Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" What I've found interesting for weeks if that "thanks" in the NASB is Strong's G5485, charis. I recall this word well after reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's greek for grace, God's gift that cause us joy. Digging deeper, and looking to other translations, I see that in the KJV, "thanks" is labeled with Strong's G2168, eucharisteo, which contains the root word charis, but means to be give thanks for the the gift of grace that causes joy. I am struggling to see how gift and joy fits into this context. (I may be slow to connect the threads.) I review my notes from One Thousand Gifts. In Voskamp's work, she studied all the different occasions eucharisteo occurs in the New Testament. One of them is John 11:41, when Jesus prays and thanks God for hearing him right before Lazarus is raised from the dead. Eucharisteo-thanksgiving-always precedes the miracle.
In that moment, the lightbulb goes on! Yes, I know that Jesus is the only way I can be free from the slavery of sin, but the vehicle He uses to set me free might just be eucharisteo!
As I face the situation ahead which I expect to be a struggle and doubt I can emerge mature and complete in my faith, is all I need eucharisteo? I believe it! From making my list of 1000 gifts, I have seen God completely change my attitude and heart in tough situations by intentionally naming the gifts He does give, why would he not also set me free now as I give thanks? Yes, I will start my list of thanks, fully expecting eucharisteo to precede the miracle!

More to faith

Friday, May 4, 2012

Pistis, the greek for faith: firm persuasion, conviction, belief in truth, reality or faithfulness. The first thing that comes to mind when I hear faith is Hebrews 11:1’s definition, “Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.” This faith is based on fact; Christ’s resurrection from the dead. This is faith that I stand on; faith that saves me from death. However, digging deeper, I never understood faith to mean firm persuasion about what God wants you to do. Romans 14:22 says, “The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.” In application I might paraphrase, “Where and how God leads you, have firm faith and conviction, that He led you there. You will be happy to not condemn yourself when you stand firm in this faith.” Raymond Edman once said, “Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light.” After all, Romans 8:1 tells us, “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” I struggle with consistently second-guessing myself in actions and words. Before this revelation, I did not realize that this second-guessing is sin. Because, if I am walking in the Spirit on a daily basis, (Romans 8:4-5) I must believe that my words and deeds are what God leads me to say and do. To doubt His leading is sin: “But he who doubts is condemned if he waivers in convictions because his wavering is not from faith: and whatever is not from faith is SIN,” Romans 14:23. I am not referring to times when I know I am not walking according to the Spirit but rather the flesh. When walking according to the flesh, mouth and actions will yield sinful flesh. Of this, I must repent to both God and those I have offended. However, if I am daily offering my body as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1) and hourly, minute by minute walking in the Spirit, replaying and constantly analyzing the past is a trap from the devil. They are simply opportunities for me to doubt my convictions and leading from the Lord. When I find myself being lured into the trap, I need to set my mind on true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, excellent and praiseworthy things (Philippians 4:8). I need to stop, and say “Jesus,” to choose to quote scripture. This is my putting on the full armor of God so I can take my stand against the devil’s schemes. The mind is a battlefield, but with God’s armor, we are more than victorious! (Romans 8:37)

1.       Teachable moments

2.       Tylenol

3.       Sprinklers

4.       Water balloons

5.       Doctors & walk-in clinics

6.       Two-hour sit of the boisterous one

7.       Finger smudges on the wall

8.       Being still

9.       Kind pediatrician

10.   Warm and inviting medical clinic

11.   Kind affirmations from father-in-law & mother-in-law

12.   Wind to blow away tree worms

13.   Table Saw

14.   Excitement about homework

15.   Sweet strawberries at $1.19/#

16.   Eager hands to pack groceries

17.   Perseverance of the calculating one

18.   Three golden heads speaking all at once, excited to see daddy

19.   Judy Moody…

20.   The compassionate one up in the middle of the night with sister’s bad dream

21.   The compassionate one praying when I’m clean out of compassion

22.   Teaching the golden heads

23.   Teachable spirits

24.   Zumba

25.   Golden heads helping dad build

26.   Saving for a Hello Kitty camera

27.   Safety through the storm

28.   Documentaries

29.   Working alongside the compassionate one

30.   Daddy treating the golden heads to a movie

31.   Ruined appetites from popcorn & milk duds

32.   Wonder of finding the lost thought gone

33.   Diamonds to pass down to a golden head

34.   Fragrance of washed hair

35.   Playing teacher with the golden heads

36.   Thank you notes 

37.   Invitation to God’s kingdom

38.   Gift of righteousness given after saving faith

39.   Being the object of God’s love

40.   Being a chosen child of God

41.   Pillow talk with Derrick

42.   A dream shared

43.   A struggle shared

44.   Edification from the engineer

45.   Leadership of the engineer

46.   Quicken

47.   Budget meetings

48.   Opportunity to tithe

49.   Condensation on window panes

50.   Worms wriggling across path

51.   The engineer memorizing Colossians

52.   The boisterous one falling asleep without sucking

53.   Pink casts

54.   Gifts that brighten the face when you have a broken arm

55.   Two blonde toddler heads in the stroller

56.   Friends at the park

57.   Walk with a friend

58.   “”Shoot, shoot, shoot,” says the boisterous one

59.   Coffee with a friend in the sunroom

60.   Grandma in heaven, perfection

61.   Time to rebuild connections with family

62.   Leaving a Lois Legacy

63.   Peace during mourning

64.   Legacy of grandma

65.   Cousins playing in the rain

66.   Basement room at visitation for cousins to play in

67.   Priceless memories of staying with mom & dad while waiting to buy a home

68.   Mom sharing health issue with me

69.   All ten siblings and mom and dad around the table for pizza at home

70.   Coffee with Derrick on the deck

71.   Inspiring cousins raising Shaedyn with downs

72.   Micah’s smile

73.   Heart-bearing talk with Traci

74.   Thirty-minute drive to Beaver Creek

75.   Memories shared of grandma

76.   Cousins playing a “game”

77.   Daniel servant-leading the cousins

78.   Derrick quietly supporting my grief

79.   Ten grandkids singing “Jesus Loves Me”

80.   Aliya sleeping through the funeral

81.   Grace of God and family to pull Grandpa through

82.   Grandma’s faith example leading grandpa to faith

83.   No outbursts with Jess

84.   Dar making it through “Consider the Lilies”

85.   Grace sufficient in weakness

86.   All grandkids and great-grands at the funeral

87.   Cousins to play with

88.   Hospitality shared

89.   Serving mom and dad a steak dinner

90.   First campfire smoke of the year

91.   Toasted outside of marshmallow

92.   Spongy, soft, sweet angel food

93.   Servant mother-in-law

94.   Knowing Pipestone is home

95.   Serving mom a meal

96.   Lucas’ gift of hospitality

97.   Beautiful hymnal chords and harmonizing

98.   Desire to be a better person