If then mothering

Awoken by the upbeat tune of her alarm clock while she's bunking with big sisters after a late night movie, I sit with coffee, moving her latest piece of artwork from my seat. Ah, that little girl is growing up too fast! I don't spend enough time with her. How could I engage more with her? Enter her world? 
I open my Bible to Proverbs 2 and ponder wisdom.
My thoughts shift to the littlest one in our gang and I thank God for the good night's rest and then ask forgiveness for doubting that I'd get it. As I went to bed last night, I was already begrudging and fretting over a presumed middle of the night crying. Ah, selfish mom. 
The buzz word in my circle of friends is, "mom guilt." And it's not even true. It's a lie from Satan himself. But I hear those lies: you're not enough, you messed up again, he's not thriving...
Then I look out the window and up to see cotton ball clouds scattered across the light blue skyline. Considering my grand, awe-inspiring God, stops me in my tracks. That's the answer: God. Where does my help come from? How do I combat mom-guilt? How do I not fall for the lies? How do I mother well? God.
Tucked in Proverbs 2, is a amazing if then formula for mothering.

IF I make my ear attentive to God's wisdom;
IF I turn and make my heart to understand;
IF I ask God for insight and understanding;
IF I pursue God's perspective and wisdom and insight like I would pursue cold hard cash,
THEN I WILL understand the best way to live and discover His know how.
For God gives wisdom...
And I will be delivered from "mom guilt,"
Satan's path of lies leads to death: depression, lack of an abundant life and shame.
"Mom guilt" is a dead end street.
Escape the dead end: ask God how. Proverbs 2, my paraphrase

The truth is, despite my seeking, I will mess up. My life is a string of messing up, heading down that dead end road, believing Satan's lies, following the way of guilt and then making a u-turn, headed on God's road.
For instance, two days later, my morning mind fast-forwarded to the list of tasks in the bursting-full day ahead and she entered the kitchen in a mood. I fell for the trap, the dead end, reacting in my own snappy voice, rushing hastily and rudely. Though I realized my mistake, the whole day felt drab and heavy. It was almost as if I couldn't believe God's grace really was meant for me AGAIN. Would He really lead me out of this "mom guilt" (and wife guilt) road again? Why was Romans 8:1 (no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus) so hard to accept, to believe?
Because it's truly unfathomable! Even though I choose to forgive a wrong done to me, do I forget it? No, it's always there, in the back of my mind. Sometimes in the forefront when I think of that person. But God doesn't work that way. He forgives and forgets.
How do I move on, out of the guilt that lingers even though theologically I believe I'm forgiven? The answer might be tucked deeper in Romans 8. "For the mind set on flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace." I can't move out of the "mom guilt" because I'm thinking about my sin, my shortcoming, my inability. What I started thinking about God's unfathomable grace, His forgiveness (and forgetting) and the abundant life He's promised me instead? That's God's perspective and I must set my thoughts on His way, then I will find wisdom in mothering.
Whether you're a mom, dad, employee, neighbor, friend or co-worker, where is your thought life today? Are you feeling insecure, condemned, not enough? These are lies luring you down a dead end road. Ask God to lead you in a u-turn, teaching you His perspective, His way of life and peace.

Choices

Whether I'm opening my "coffee" cupboard at home or standing in front of the menu at the local coffee shop, there are a lot of choices to make in this moment. First off, caffeine or no caffeine? Then, coffee or tea? Iced or hot? Calories or no calories? Cream or no cream? The possibilities abound.

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. Psalm 16:4-6

The choices I make every day, all day are just that: choices. I don't have to choose Jesus. This world has a lot of other alternatives: pleasure, entertainment, idleness, possessions, money, popularity, vanity, sex, creation...just to name a few.
In the past week, I've been convicted of an irritable spirit toward my family. I'm often harboring a rude sarcastic tone toward them and their choices. I believe the reason why I respond this way is because my eyes are set on me and my selfish preferences. I've created myself to be a little god and I'm choosing me as a god, not the true God. I'm choosing my portion, not God's perfect design and plan for me, not trusting His sovereignty over every area of my life, from the first morning waking to the last bedtime prayer. Verse 4 of Psalm 16 says that running after my own self as a god (or any other worldly god) multiplies my sorrows. In contrast, choosing His portion, results with the pleasant places and the beautiful inheritance from the Lord (verse 6).
Praise God that He's made this choice possible for me, to choose Jesus and His cup for me because of what Jesus did by becoming a man, living a perfect life, dying the death I deserved and giving me a new life. And even now He is living within me and providing me with power to choose His cup over and over again. His cup looks like this when I'm irritated:

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which brings everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:12-14

I need to be reminded when I grab that "coffee" cup to fill in the morning, that my attitude, my focus, my aim for this day is whatever Jesus wants to put in my cup: cleaning up messes, paying the bills, grocery shopping, taxiing golden heads... And while He's pouring the portion in my cup, I can (because of His grace) be compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, patient, forgiving and loving.
The next time you pull up to Starbucks or start the coffee pot in the morning, stop and think about what attitudes and choices you will choose to make today.

Untimely

An organized woman would have written this before the Hallmark holiday we call Mother's Day. I want to dismiss it from my mind and think maybe next year, but the thoughts won't go away. I must commit them to "paper."
On Mother's Day weekend, our family traversed across the city (along with the rest of the metro population), through the beginnings of lake country and into the pine forests for our first camping experience of the year. As we picked up the golden heads from school, this small voice began percolating in my head, You're the lucky one. I woke the next morning on a flat air mattress next to the engineer and two of the three golden heads snuggled beside. As my family exited to start the fire and make warm drinks, I lingered under the covers listening: to two little sisters exploring in the woods, to big sister tending the fire, to giggles, to sips of hot chocolate... I am blown away.
I am the lucky one this Mother's Day weekend. Though I know the grief of two babies miscarried in the past year, I have three healthy, god-fearing daughters trying to walk with Jesus. I have hugs to receive, "I love you"s to hear, homemade gifts to open and extra dishes and clothes to wash. My unheld babies are held tightly in heaven until I meet them face to face and embrace them in my own arms and meanwhile on this earth, my cup truly runs over.
I am extremely grateful yet, it hardly seems fair as I think about those who've lost only children. Those who've dreamed of children for years and yet still wait and wonder. My heart has been pricked for these dear, tender hearts this past week.
So what should be my response? As I woke that Saturday morning to the sounds of my family, God reminded me of Colossians 1:16-17,

For by (Jesus) all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together...

My position is nothing about me. It is all about Jesus. It is all because of Jesus!
Only in Jesus could my marriage be healed from years of neglect and strengthened with endearment and genuine admiration because only Jesus reconciles all things (Colossians 1:22). In a culture where teens struggle with depression, identity, insecurity and anxiety, only Jesus has the power to hold these three golden heads near to Him (and their parents.) So I admit my uselessness, and look only to Jesus. There seems to be no other security than to "continue in the faith (of Jesus), stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel (Jesus)..." Colossians 1:23. Jesus is my only hope in this life today and forever.
I want to trust that if Jesus is strong enough and big enough to hold together my family of five, He is definitely powerful enough to sustain and hold together the hearts and lives of those dear women who's arms do not yet embrace a little one. I pray for you tender ones that you would continue in the faith, held together by Jesus and experience the hope only possible through Jesus.

It Came

I've been tickled at the rivalry between the boisterous and calculating golden heads to post the "Days 'Til Christmas" on our decor. Mostly because it means that I have one less "to do" and because I delight in their anticipation. Closer and closer...more about Jesus, less about cookies...
Challenged by a fellow blogger to really think about the words we sing at Christmas, I began wrestling over verse three of "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear."

O ye, beneath life's crushing load
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow
Look now! For glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing;
O rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing

After a little research, I found that minister Edmund Sears penned this five-stanza poem in 1849 per  request for a Sunday School class on Christmas Eve. The world was not at rest and it seems this weighed heavy on Sears who could hardly pen an eloquent poem focused on beauty and peace in Bethlehem while the Christ-child was born within. America was at war with Mexico, revolution loomed in Europe and Sears saw the world in a rage and not wanting to hear the Christmas message: Jesus came once to save mankind and He's coming again.
If we have ears for the Christmas message, we can look forward to the "glad and golden hour" Jesus will return and even now "rest beside the weary road." However, how much of the world is caught up in the rituals and expectations of Christmas festivities, anxiety over a new president, finances, health care...? We can't possibly hear the Holy Spirit speaking to our souls: peace and reassurance, the promise of eternal life in God's presence.
No matter where your heart is this Christmas (I must admit, mine easily gets caught up in lists, cooking, wrapping, shopping...) will you rest and hear the message the angels brought 2000 years ago? This child came to change everything for us. Without His arrival, we were destined for torturous eternal death. Yet, if we would believe that all our sins were heaped upon Him and He satisfied God's wrath toward our sins by offering Himself as a perfect substitution for us, we can be assured of eternal life without fear. This is the "peace among those with whom He is pleased," (Luke 2:14) that the angels sang. Revel in this truth consistently this week.

It came upon the midnight clear,

That glorious song of old,

From angels bending near the earth,

To touch their harps of gold:

"Peace on the earth, goodwill to men,

From heaven's all-gracious King."

The world in solemn stillness lay,

To hear the angels sing.

Still through the cloven skies they come,

With peaceful wings unfurled,

And still their heavenly music floats

O'er all the weary world;

Above its sad and lowly plains,

They bend on hovering wing,

And ever o'er its babel sounds

The blessèd angels sing.

Yet with the woes of sin and strife

The world has suffered long;

Beneath the angel-strain have rolled

Two thousand years of wrong;

And man, at war with man, hears not

The love-song which they bring;

O hush the noise, ye men of strife,

And hear the angels sing.

And ye, beneath life's crushing load,

Whose forms are bending low,

Who toil along the climbing way

With painful steps and slow,

Look now! for glad and golden hours

come swiftly on the wing.

O rest beside the weary road,

And hear the angels sing!

For lo!, the days are hastening on,

By prophet bards foretold,

When with the ever-circling years

Comes round the age of gold

When peace shall over all the earth

Its ancient splendors fling,

And the whole world give back the song

Which now the angels sing.

Surely Shirley

I still can picture her. A tiny little frame with perfectly colored and curled hair, ninety plus years of age saying, "You won't forget my name: Shirley. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Dad's aunt Shirley from Hull, Iowa, using her name and her years of wisdom to testify to the faithfulness of Jesus.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23:6

For whatever reason, I woke in the middle of the night saying that verse, picturing her face over and over again. I didn't know really know Shirley. Who really gets to know their dad's aunts? She's in heaven now, but I bet her life wasn't always a bundle of roses. I bet she faced rough times in her marriage, finances, parenting, community and church. Drought, job loss, death... Yet in the last days of her life, she testified to God's goodness and mercy all the days of her life.
This inspires me. Overall, God's given me a good life: a husband I can't wait to wrap my arms around at the end of every work day, three healthy daughters who are learning what it means to walk with Jesus, way more house than I need, a garden I can get my hands dirty in, time to express my heart in words, friends that pray for me, parents and siblings that accept me. But then there's the tough stuff: babies I didn't get to hold, years of disconnection and disappointment in marriage, the willfully disobedient toddler years, the hormonal roller-coaster tween years, moving from close friends, burying my eleven-year old nephew, changing families... These things I'd like to forget; in which I hardly see goodness and mercy.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Psalm 23:1-3

God loving leads us through all of it. He provides rest, refreshment and restoration as we need. He doesn't make a wrong turn. All the circumstances of our life refine us and bring Him glory. ALL the days of our life, not just the good ones. He uses those rough days we'd like to forget to shape us more like Jesus. We must accept these realities that we can not change. Maybe He knows we couldn't learn to be like Jesus, couldn't get truth through our thick-skulls if there weren't hardships. In the hardship, He reveals Himself to us so we can mirror Him. Even in those ugly times, He's still leading perfectly and gives gifts of goodness & mercy that follow us around like little chicks following their mother.
Every time I go to the grocery store with all three golden heads, I feel this phenomena. I can't get rid of them. Seriously, they're 12, 11 and 8, but they follow me, nearly stepping on my heels. And while this can be infuriating, suffocating and feel like leeches, I've never lost them in a large store and that's a good thing! Just like a baby chick won't leave their momma, neither will God's inherent goodness and mercy leave those He leads. Granted sometimes for a while, that goodness and mercy might be disguised, in the most tiny form (barely a bud), or seem a nuisance, but goodness and mercy are present. God promises they are present all the days of our lives.
Whether you're in the middle of the good, lush green grasses or you think your surroundings look like desert, choose to trust God's leading you and His plan and purpose is for goodness and mercy to be nipping at your heels, even if you don't quite yet understand.

Realist

They wanted to stay for the Performing Arts Contest Awards. Would the sister duo get an Award of Excellence for their song and dance? They hoped. We stayed.
During the awards, it was announced their club got Reserve Grand Champion in a skit performed earlier that night. My golden heads also performed in this skit with the other members but sat clapping as other members jumped up and down and ran on stage. The next morning at breakfast, she said to me, "Mom, I didn't understand why everyone was so excited that our club got second place. There were only two club participating; we got last place. What's the big deal?"
Realist. I'm not saying the kids didn't do a great job. I'm saying it's wise to have an eternal, real grasp on life.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:8-12

Before the competition of the fair began, we had a talk about what mattered most during fair week. Building our lives on the eternal Jesus and showing Jesus to those around us through our attitudes and actions: that's what matters. Not champion ribbons, not she got one more malt than me, not the hot sticky weather or the torential downpour. The reality is that this life is just a dim reflection of the eternal life with Jesus to come, when we see Jesus face to face. And right now, totally matters if we show and invite others to an eternal life with Jesus.
I'm not going to lie. It was thrilling to watch the compassionate one walk across the stage to receive her Champion Banner and shirt. But even if she walked away without these, what matters is how she conducted herself not just when she got Champion, but when she got a red ribbon.
Was she be mindful of eternal consequences of her choices? If she spent all her time and money on one project, there would be any resources left to give to serving others or financially supporting the children in Africa that she loves? If she was rude to other competitors and cheated for the win, would she be showing others that Jesus is patient, kind, humble, generous, forbearing, believes the best about others and loves what's righteous?
Truly, what matters in competition (whether the Olympics of the County Fair) is having an eternal perspective. Is what I'm doing now inviting others of an eternal life with Jesus? The Olympics will end. The County Fair ended. Eternity with Jesus has no end. Today is a precursor. I will give up the worry and anxiety of today and seek to be known by Jesus and introduce those around me to Jesus. I will be a realist in a world that sometimes wants to forget reality.
Are you choosing to believe what's real and what matters? Are you living with an eternal perspective and inviting others to be known by Jesus?

Layers

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

There are two "ands" in Hebrews 11:6. The first begins the sentence as a term conclusion. It refers to what the writer of Hebrews was speaking in verse 5: Enoch. A man we meet in Genesis, who walked with God or pleased God. Moses makes note of Enoch's pleasing walk with God two times, so we shouldn't make light of it.

When Enoch had lived 65 years, he fathered Methuselah. Enoch walked with God (Septuagint: pleased God) after he fathered Methuselah 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Thus all the days of Enoch were 365 years. Enoch walked with God (Septuagint: pleased God) and he was not for God took him. Genesis 5:21-24

So Enoch pleased God or walked with God in God's ways, and remember that without confidence in God's ability to draw us up out of sin, it is impossible to delight Him. Enoch had confidence in God's ability to save him from sin that leads to death.

The second and: "And God rewards those who seek Him." To seek Him is an active verb that means to seek out, search for, investigate, scrutinize, beg, crave, to demand back or require. It seems like there's another layer to delighting God. When we go beyond accepting His offer to draw us up and wipe us clean, and choose to actively investigate Him; look for Him and His ways; crave Him; beg, need and require God's presence.

Driving in the truck, blinker had shorted out and was not working. This has been an on-going quirk for which I've found a "bandaid solution": don't move the steering wheel column. I was instantly upset; the engineer had moved the steering wheel position. Simultaneously, I knew I wanted to respond to this frustration in God's way (not in my anger). So I took a deep breath, God, help me to not be angry at him for moving the steering wheel, and just like that, the steering wheel locked into the correct position for the blinker to work consistently. I was shocked that God immediately answered my prayer. It wasn't until later that I realized that I didn't pray that God would fix my problem, I prayed that God would give me the power to act in His way of patience and forbearance.  "He rewards those who seek Him."

Don't get me wrong, every day I confess areas where I fail miserably at seeking Him and have walked far down my own path navigating life; anger, bitterness, self-righteousness, hardness, selfishness, doubt in His plan... But choosing His way for my life is rewarding, both immediately and eternally. Accepting His gift of righteousness through His generous offer (Isaiah 1:18) and then consistently choosing His way is what brings God most delight and gives us a secure eternal future in heaven and abundant, full, satisfying life now.

If you've accepted His offer, spend some time contemplating what path you're walking on: yours or His? It's never to late to turn around and get on His highway of righteousness.

Alive

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of sharing a piece of my journey with Jesus in our church. They asked me to record it in written form for the church's blog.

Read the full entry here.

My Advisor

Jesus is my good advisor; I have all I need and desire nothing more than His presence in my life.
Jesus makes me sit still in His abundant power (not my own strength),
He brings me rest, quiet and comfort in a foul, chaotic, fast-paced world.
He refreshes my soul like hot coffee in the early morning.
Jesus covers a battered, tattered me with His perfection because it delights Him and brings applause to His deserving Name: Jesus.

When my life becomes burdened, busy and miserable,
I don't have to worry,
for Jesus is with me;
His written Word and its instruction bring me hope and comfort when I choose to follow them.

Jesus gives me as much love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control as I could ever want, like a Thanksgiving Day feast.
This is all within my grasp while Satan watches and scowls because He can't have me;
No instead I have all the resources I need for a full, rich, meaningful life.
Only good gifts and undeserved favor will describe my life,
when I choose to live my life in Jesus' advisory office.
Psalm 23, paraphrase

Is Jesus your advisor? "[Satan] comes only to steal and kill and destroy. [Jesus] came that we might have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10. Choose abundance!

Changes

It's the end of summer and my potted plants look rough; the pansies have long bit the dust; weeds have taken over the garden, lawn and landscape; the pool has a film of algae clinging to its sides; the house hasn't been vacuumed in a month, (don't even ask about the layer of dust on the mantle); I have more green beans in the fridge than I care preserve; the school supplies are sold out in the store; the birds don't sing as loudly; and the sun peaks later each day. In contrast, the mums look gorgeous; hints of red are popping out on the neighbor's maple trees; the acorn squash blossoms flourish; the golden head's lockers and desks are loaded with supplies after open houses; and invitations have been sent for fall ministries. There's something sad yet beautiful about this transition. Defeating yet victorious about this shifting.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man. Eccelsiates 3:1-13

The wise King Solomon teaches us that God makes "everything beautiful in its time." Sometimes the beauty is yet to come: like when the seeds have just been buried underground. And sometimes the beauty is over: like the thirty birthdays cards and written wishes from friends and family. Beautiful and edifying then, but now just scrawls on a page.
Solomon also instructs us that God "has put eternity into man's heart." God has put a longing and desire for eternity with Him in our souls. Indeed He has given us eternal life that begins when we first know Jesus Christ. "And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent," John 17:3. And though our eternal life begins at belief in Jesus Christ and leads us into His presence in heaven, we don't know the route. However, the route He leads us on is always on purpose and on time even though the seasons change and beauties come and go.

Solomon "perceived that there is nothing better for (us) than to be joyful and do good," as long as we live out our eternal life on this side of heaven. We should enjoy these changes God places strategically on our path. They are God's gifts to us.  

As you walk through your own transitions, do good and do well from a healthy, trusting attitude. To do otherwise would be to cling to a dead daisy when a beautiful mum is within your grasp.

Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man... Ephesians 6:5-7

Source

Canoeing down the St. Croix, we were curious. Squinting at the map, we followed the blue squiggly line and spotted the source in northern Wisconsin, from which water runs year round into this 169-mile river. It's precious beginning is how the river gets its substance; including housing nearly 100 different species of aquatic fish. God is the source of true life.

Then the angel showed me a river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb. It flowed down the center of the main street. On each side of the river grew a tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, with a fresh crop each month. The leaves were used for medicine to heal the nations. No longer will there be a curse upon anything. For the throne of God and of the Lamb will be there, and his servants will worship him. Revelation 22:1-3

And [Christ] is before all things (the source) and in [Christ] all things hold together. Colossians 1:17

He creates and sustains the tree of life that bears twelve different fruits, one being harvested every month. There is no tree that does that now, but He is making all things new in heaven (Revelation 21:5). Fruit is sweet, refreshing, nourishing and desirable. I think about how after the cold winter, comes the first round of tangy rhubarb; the fruit of the plains. And I could hardly wait to chop up my first batch of chives: something fresh, that grew right outside my door. In His eternal presence, because He's an ever-present source for the tree of life, there will be no fruitless winter! A revolving door of sweetness in our lives after we've been healed.

The leaves of the tree of life will be used to heal believers. When I was twenty, I thought some people just had it all together. As I approach 40, I realize that no one has it all together and if it appears they do have it all together; they're just good actors. The truth is we all need healing. As I think about the scars in my life that need permanent healing I recall the apostle Paul and his thorn (2 Corinthians 12:9). God did not take the thorn away on this earth so that Paul would find rest and power in Christ, not himself. But in heaven, our thorns will be taken away, scars dissolved by the leaves from the tree of life. In the new heaven and new earth, there will be no more scars, pain, loss, addictions, insecurities, bad memories, infirmities, imbalances…but permanent healing. In Christ's presence there is healing.
I recall the story of the poor woman who suffered bleeding for twelve years recorded in Mark 5. She knew that if she could only be in Jesus' presence, if she could only touch the edge of His cloak, she would be healed. Do we seek His presence that much? In heaven, we will be forever conscious of His presence, the Source of all wellness and therefore healed. Yet even on earth, the more we are aware of His presence the more healing we will experience now. 

We have so much to look forward to in heaven. But we don't have to wait. Jesus said that eternal life starts when we know the One true God and Jesus Christ the one God sent (John 17:3). So what do we do now? How will you be aware of His presence in this day? Find the Source, know the Source, talk to the Source, listen to the Source and begin to experience the sweetness of healing.

"In…Summer!"

Who doesn't love Olaf? Arguably the most lovable character in Disney's Frozen, this adorable snowman sings and wishes for summer. Obvioiusly, this snowman doesn't realize he's going to be a puddle in summer. I do hope my wishes and dreams for summer aren't so unrealistic.
I believe I've mentioned before; I like a plan. A friend challenged me to think about a Rule for Life (from Peter Scazzero's book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality). Not a legalistic rule, but more like a plan for a holistic life. I've met amazing people who claim a mission statement for life, but I've always wondered what that looked like in day-to-day real life.
I began by listing what things in my life were both important and necessary: work I need to do, goals for spiritual growth, relationships in which to invest and rest or recreation that refreshes my spirit. I researched books, I made inquiries, I wrote reoccurring items in my calendar.

I trust God will work and direct my plan.
My steps are established by the Lord,
when I delight in God's way;
though I may mess up, I will not be devastated,
for the Lord holds my hand.
You see, I have gray hair and therefore I have perspective,
I know that God always works for the good of His children.
Psalm 37:23-24a, my paraphrase

I know I'll mess up. I always do. I will lack discipline, get distracted, forget, change my priorities… But I trust God gave me this vision and passion and He will unfold each day in order to fulfill His will for my life. I can trust God because I readily recall His faithfulness throughout my lifetime. He will not stop now.
Last week, I wrote about every day being an opportunity to be joyful because Jesus became a gate I can enter through to eternal life. He gave me this summer to rejoice, to become transformed into His image "in…summer!"

Now I must choose commitment to my rule for life, because it is a righteous plan that leads to holiness. Romans 6:19b, my paraphrase

God's given you this summer to be joyful and become more like Him, what are you going to do with it?

Who am I

"I can't walk. I always have to share. My legs hurt. I can't bend my knee. Sisters are always mean to me. She called me a baby…." On and on and on the saga continues and I want to scream. God, help me know what to do. This is when I am most attentively listening for His answer and truly expect His reply in direction. In my reading this week, I realized I need the answer to a much bigger, important question, God, help me understand who I am. This prayer is far less frequent that the prior almost daily prayer. Since I don't usually ask God to reveal this to me, without invitation, the world provides a multitude of answers: Your skin is dull; eat this super food for radiant skin. You need to lose weight; crossfit will shed the pounds. You're angry; take a time out. You're overworked; have a glass of wine. You are better than this; give Mr. Difficult an ultimatum. You deserve it; buy it. Answers that don't satisfy, frustrate and are at times unrealistic. The prophet Jeremiah says this is a curse and is in fact turning our hearts from God or plugging our ears to God's answer.

This is what the LORD says:
“Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
who rely on human strength
and turn their hearts away from the LORD.
They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
with no hope for the future.
They will live in the barren wilderness,
in an uninhabited salty land." Jeremiah 17:5-6

In contrast, when we ask God to answer the question and listen, Jeremiah says this man is blessed who trusts in God's answer and is living by a stream like a tree with deep roots and constantly bears fruit.

[This is what the LORD says:]"But blessed are those who trust in the LORD
and have made the LORD their hope and confidence.
They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
and they never stop producing fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

In order to be confident in or trust God's answer implies that I'm listening to His answer. Listening to the world may sometimes seemingly bear fruit or benefits for a while, but the world's answer is planting our life tree in the desert and the water will run out and the benefits burn up with the sun. This is why we are seldom satisfied. We lose weight or face conflict at work and feel so happy and proud of ourselves. But it is seldom enough. We determine to lose more weight. To change our hair color. To have surgery. Get a new job. To join a new club…
Who am I? We don't ask God and so we inadvertently listen to lies: you are a wife, a mom, a teaching director, overweight, addicted to food, inconsistent, not good enough. All these things are temporary. And while some may be true as far as status goes, because they are not eternal, they are not fixing our eyes and establishing lives based on what is eternal; and therefore I don't believe it's God's answer.
Only God knows who I am. He understands my heart. Listening to God's answer to who am I is planting myself next to the fountain of living water and setting my thoughts on eternity. Eternally, I am beautiful, His child, forgiven, accepted, with Christ, living with purpose, never alone, made new, in eternal relationship with Him, significant.

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
and desperately wicked.
Who really knows how bad it is?
[This is what the LORD says:]"But I, the LORD, search all hearts
and examine secret motives.
I give all people their due rewards,
according to what their actions deserve." Jeremiah 17:9-10

God understands my heart in this battle. He knows my heart is sly, slippery, easily deceived and sick beyond healing. I can not comprehend or am conscious of the vile, ill ways of my heart, but He does. And though it may be covered with dark, gooey muck, He can clean off the mire. He answers with eternal perspective if I choose to listen.
If I listen to the lies of the world, I may temporarily experience gain and delight, but it will not last and will soon become pain and curse. If I listen to God's answer, I can experience joyful, rich, meaningful life.

My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh. Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:20-23

How often do you stop to analyze your heart? What are you thinking, feeling, believing right now? Does it align with God's Word? Listen to Him and literally destroy the lies of Satan.

Discipline

I didn't want to make the call. I just want to spend my day not working. I called her anyway, out of duty and discipline. Our conversation lifted my spirits, reminded me of tangible gifts, humbled me in leadership and reminded me of my calling.

I didn't want to run. Discipline sent me lacing my shoes and bundling up. It turned out to be a perfect pre-dawn run: 19 degrees, no wind and Christmas lights. The endorphins kicking in feel fantastic and the coffee dripping smells inviting.

Tempting to not clean the bathroom. After all, it's not that bad. Likely, if I skip it, an emergency will come up next week on bathroom cleaning day and it won't get cleaned that week either (….gross!) Maintaining in discipline gives a sense of accomplishment and wise stewardship.

The more I contemplate, the more I understand that there are gifts of joy and blessing lurking behind self-discipline. Sometimes you choose to begin the task out of duty or mere discipline but then the gift follows.

After rebuilding Jerusalem's wall, Nehemiah chapter 8 describes the Jewish exiles that have returned to Jerusalem, are counted, read and taught the law which brings them to tears. But Nehemiah and the Levite priests commands them to celebrate the holy day of the Lord; "And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength," (verse 10). The Jews left the assembly  to eat, drink, share with others and "make great rejoicing." I have a hard time picturing a grieving person feeling like eating, drinking and rejoicing. They were moved to grief, tears, and weeping. Out of obedience and self-discipline, the Jews chose to celebrate. Initially, it likely felt heavy-hearted and obligatory. But their actions started rejoicing, and their hearts followed that choice.

Time in God's Word? Oh, I'll do it after I go grocery shopping, vacuum the floors and make the girls' after school treat. Ahg, by 4pm, my Bible and journal haven't budged. I feel the ache in my heart, the lack of power because I haven't plugged into the power source. Choice out of discipline is hard, but I have experienced over and over the gift that follows the choice.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

What choice do you need to make today out of discipline? Watch the joy of the Lord unfold as you discipline yourself.

Life

In my hiker opinion, there's a difference between just strolling along a path you see from the highway and getting out the map, consciously choosing a destination and then planning the trail route. In both instances, you might see some pretty neat things, but likely the routed path will yield more spectacular views. But the extra work of planning the excursion is a choice.
Rewind four-thousand years to Moses leading Israel through the desert recorded in Deuteronomy 30.

15 “Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster. 16 For I command you this day to love the Lord your God and to keep his commands, decrees, and regulations by walking in his ways. If you do this, you will live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you and the land you are about to enter and occupy.17 “But if your heart turns away and you refuse to listen, and if you are drawn away to serve and worship other gods,18 then I warn you now that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live a long, good life in the land you are crossing the Jordan to occupy.19 “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! 20 You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. And if you love and obey the Lord, you will live long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”

Israel had a choice on the quality of their life. It was irrevocable that they were a people chosen and called by God (Deuteronomy 7:6-9) and they were undoubtedly in His flock, but the quality of their life was determined by their choice: life and prosperity or death and disaster.
We have the same choice. When we choose to believe in the work of Jesus paying the penalty of my sin on the cross, we are choosing to accept eternal life and enter into His flock. After that initial choice, comes the daily choice: to love my LORD, follow His ways in all I think, say and do, and hold fast to Him (verse 20).
This is the key to living a full, meaningful, rich life because He is my life. After our initial choice to accept eternal life, our old life is buried, dead and gone (Galatians 2:20). He is my length of days. The quality of my today depends on my choice to love, follow and hold onto Jesus. This is the difference between living a ho-hum life as a believer (a pitiful existence) and living with purpose and joy. Some people say choose your attitude, I say choose LIFE!
Deliberately choose a trail on the map, don't just mosey on down whatever path is laid before you because that path will not be satisfying! To not consciously choose is to choose the unsatifsying life.
Every day when you come before God, picture Him like Moses before Israel, asking you, "Will you choose good or evil?" And just like Moses pleaded with Israel, He pleads with you to choose life.
Will you consciously choose life today: to love God, follow His ways and hold onto Him as your surety?

Presence

Disappointed with myself, pondering,  "What happened last night?" God keeps planting Psalm 16:11 in my mind.

You have made known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

I knew the good I ought to do, but last night I had stopped entertaining His presence and now in the morning, my joy was paper thin.
Likewise, the engineer and I can be in the same room without acknowledging each other's presence. We can live under the same roof, but hardly speak to one another or touch one another. There's no joy in that relationship. I may choose to never leave the engineer, but that commitment alone doesn't ensure a meaningful relationship. However, when we choose to engage in conversation, take a stroll around the neighborhood or read side by side with our legs draped over one another, the relationship is is truly satisfying and joyful.
The Holy Spirit that came to live in me when I first believed in Christ, and He will never leave me (John 6:37), but that doesn't mean I will always acknowledge His presence. God's plan for me is to engage in His presence throughout my entire day. I must constantly be fixing my mind on Christ or else my mind will naturally wander to the ways of this world.

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:5-6

If I am not cognizant of the fact that the Holy Spirit is always within me, I won't entertain Him. If I am not entertaining God's presence within me, I will begin to entertain sin. This will be a snippy, smart, sarcastic reply to the golden heads. Or impatience, unrest, craving sinful desires, believing Satan's lies... Sometimes, if I just take a deep breath, saying to myself, I am controlled by the Holy Spirit, I can respond to any situation according His Word and fullness of joy is experienced.
What action will you take today to be consciously aware of God's presence throughout the day? Share your ideas and successes.

Master Gardener

Early in the spring, I purchased some violas; cold-tolerant, hardy and sometimes they return next year as perennials (a bonus for the frugal woman in me). I couldn't possibly go wrong. Except that it was so cool, I neglected to water them. Half of them are dead now and I admit, I am no Master Gardener.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

I love this verse. It's always been a model of excellence I've wanted to strive toward. Many times I have pondered what attribute I need to increase or cultivate. What a friend has helped me to understand for the first time is that it is the Spirit doing the work, not me. The Holy Spirit is the Master Gardener. (And thankfully, He won't forget to water!) The Holy Spirit is God within me influencing and satisfying my life.
Another thing I've never gave thought: fruit is the metaphor for these sweet, desirable attributes. In Minnesota, we can't grow many fruit trees, but IMO our honey crisp apples are the best. A newly planted apple tree takes 2-5 years before you have any fruit to harvest. All the time and energy invested into that first yield is no small sum. There's pruning in the winter months, keeping it free of pests (bugs, worms, deer, ect), fertilization in spring and fall, extra watering during drought... A hailstorm would make the year a bust. A late spring frost could destroy the blossoms and yield no harvest in the fall. A strong wind storm could tear all the apples off the tree, thrashing them to the ground. An early fall frost might bite them before the gardener has opportunity to harvest or before they are fully ripened.  Left on it's own, I'm not sure there would be an apple harvest. Thank goodness for the gardener. And a final note about apple trees. They typically are fruit bearing every other year. Every fruit plant needs a time of rest or dormancy.
The attributes depicted in Galatians will have seasons and we need protection as well as provision. But we can't just try harder to make love, joy peace...describe our lives. It has nothing to do with us, but the Master Gardener. We must allow the Spirit to prune, protect and provide. Verse sixteen describes it as walking by the Spirit.
This is a continual and conscious decision: to give the Master Gardener control. Left on my own, I will attempt satisfaction by my own selfish desires.

For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. Galatians 5:17

I want to have self-control in my eating habits. But Satan knows me and he can use sugar to lure me into a binge. In a binge, I am not allowing the Holy Spirit to be my Master Gardener. But I have a choice in the matter. Naturally, I won't have self-control and will keep binge eating. If I don't consciously relinquish control to the Master Gardener, in essence I'm choosing sin to influence me.
The golden heads tucked in tight and prayed over, I walked into the kitchen. This is usually my biggest temptation to binge eat: celebrating another day of mothering accomplished. Empowered by this new revelation of choice, I said to myself, I am controlled and led by the Holy Spirit and walked out of the kitchen for the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, it will take many repeated choosing the Master Gardener experiences to replace my ingrained old habits but He who is in me is greater than the sin living in me (1 John 4:4). And The Master Gardener is faithful, He will surely do it (1Thessalonians 5:24).
Have you been trying hard to let your life be marked by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? Spend some time thinking about the only One who can really do this work in your life. Then choose to repent. Turn away from your own way of trying and turn toward God, allowing the Holy Spirit to be the Master Gardener. If you consciously choose Him, He won't forget to water!

Take My Life

1. Unexpected to me, the life of Samson (Judges 13-16) resounds greatly in my soul. Two totally different topics strike me. Samson's parents and Samson as a servant of God. First, Samson as God's servant.
2. As a child we read stories of Samson, impressed by his God-given gift of strength, like a Old Testament Superhero. Yet, as an adult we see Samson's life marked by lack of character and missed opportunity to bring God glory. Samson was self-indulgent, hot-headed and lacked self-control. Had Samson lived for God and others instead of himself, what an inspiration he would have been. Yet God used Samson to do His will and protect the Israel from total oppression by the Philistines for twenty-years. Samson could have totally saved Israel and ruled in righteousness had He been totally sold out to God. However, this was God's plan and His plan always prevails. When God's servants are not seeking Him for direction or obeying His ways, they aren't submitting to God's divine authority and typically, it doesn't go very well.
3. Taking stock of my life, am I really that much different than Samson? In struggling to rebuild relationship with the engineer, what God has revealed to me most recently is how selfish I am with my time. Saturday with the family, continually self-speaking, Die to self. "Yes, I'd love to help you do that."It's not about me. "Yes, I'd love to look for that with you." Direct my paths Lord. "Yes, let's play a game." Left on my own, I would have rather had done something for myself, shopped for myself, spent money on myself, made my favorite dinner. But, I've tried that and it didn't go very well. For years, after the golden heads were tucked in tight, I spent my time doing what I wanted to do. Time was seldom spent doing something with the engineer. Under the same roof, we went our own ways. It doesn't take long before I realized, I don't have any of the same interests as this man I live with and I don't even think I love him. Yet love is a choice. I need to choose to build relationship with him. I need to put myself aside and choose him. It wasn't going well. What's amazing is choosing to put self aside and spend time with the engineer immediately results in a closeness and intimacy. It's so evident. Choosing God's way and prioritizing others is the way God will bless.
4. My life these days is filled with self talk. I don't know how long this happens before it becomes first nature. Maybe it never will be. But it is the right road.

1. The path of the righteous is the like the light of the dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day. Proverbs 4:18

1. My life is not mine. I do believe my favorite hymn is "Take My Life," by Frances R. Havergal.
Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise.
2. Take my hands and let them move
   At the impulse of Thy love.
   Take my feet and let them be
   Swift and beautiful for Thee.
3. Take my voice and let me sing,
   Always, only for my King.
   Take my lips and let them be
   Filled with messages from Thee.
4. Take my silver and my gold,
   Not a mite would I withhold.
   Take my intellect and use
   Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
5. Take my will and make it Thine,
   It shall be no longer mine.
   Take my heart, it is Thine own,
   It shall be Thy royal throne.
6. Take my love, my Lord, I pour
   At Thy feet its treasure store.
   Take myself and I will be
   Ever, only, all for Thee.
7. 
   
8. Take some time to sing to the Lord and ask yourself these questions: Am I choosing to live for the Lord or for myself? Does my life inspire others to walk more closely with the LORD? Decide to yield yourself to His complete control and rest in His strengthening power.

Cling

I can't seem to get it from my mind: cling. When Joshua gave the Israelites their last charge in Joshua 23, CLING to the Lord was in his directives.

Be strong to keep and do all that is written in the Book of the Law of Moses, turning aside from it neither to the right hand nor to the left…but you shall cling to the LORD your God just as you have done to this day. Joshua 23:6, 8

This Hebrew word literally means to be glued. It may be translated, to be attached to God as if you were glued to Him. A couple word pictures come to mind. The new couple: they can't do anything apart from each other, they hold hands constantly, hold hands, they are consumed with each other. A hungry baby longing for the milk he needs for his very life. Do I hold fast to God and His Word in the same way?
How do we cling to the Lord? What actions do we need to take?

• Read God's Word
• Study God's Word
• Meditate on God's Word
• Memorize God's Word
• Listen for His sell small voice
• Apply God's Word to my life

Every morning, God reminds me, peering out my window, a few last maple leaves, clinging to their source branches. He echoes, "Cling to me, child. That last leaf will fade away, but you can cling. I am strong enough to hold onto you through all seasons."
Interestingly, it seems like we'll cling to something be it an idol, thorn in our life or the one true God. Joshua uses the same word just three verses later to describe the Israelite's alternative option: cling to the remaining Canaanites and their gods.

Be very careful, therefore, to love the LORD your God. For if you turn back and cling to the remnant of these nations remaining among you…know for certain that the LORD your God will no longer drive out these nations before you… Joshua 23:11-13.

It's absurd that we might choose to cling to anything but Him. It is so obvious, any choice but Him leaves us powerless and alone. But I do. I cling to food. I cling to productivity. I cling to entertainment. I cling to the disrespectful behavior of a golden head. I cling to selfish desires. When I revert to the ways and thinking of my old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires, I beg God remind me to put on the new self that is being renewed day by day (Ephesians 4:22-24.)
Peering out toward the pond, the silhouette of two remaining ducks capture my thoughts. They waddle on the thin sheet of ice that lay just under the water's surface. Then they sit in the icy water. Stand, sit, stand, sit they repeat. I'm reminded of Peter, walking on water when he kept his eyes on Jesus rather than the tretrorous waters (Matthew 14:28-30). I could cling to Him and walk on water in the midst of my trials with the calculating one, or I could let my mind cling to the current struggle and sit its icy cold waters. There are always two options.
When the calculating one has pushed all my buttons and I begin to scream, but Jesus' name forms on my lips and I rest in Him for that moment...This is clinging to the Lord.
Examine your mind, soul and emotions and answer the question, "What am I clinging to?" If you are not clinging to the LORD, what steps will you take to claim the new eternal life given to believers?

Plunder...but they can't take the good stuff

...you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For "Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and perserve their souls. Hebrews 10:34-39

It's hard to maintain perspective in this country that seems to be falling further and further away from the True Vine, Jesus. Watch the news on any given night and you see the "fruit" of abiding in Christ is NOT there often enough. Disrespect, self-glorification, rising taxes, scandal... I'd be lying if I said fear never creeps into my mind. This week, I read this passage in Hebrews and it reassured me of hope. I love the end of verse 34, even if we are stripped of everything we work to physically possess, we have a better possession! We have an inheritance: eternal life, and NO government or ill-will citizen could ever take that away from us. But don't overlook the last phrase in this verse: "we have an abiding [possession]," Christ with us, present tense! Every time fear begins its attack...I need to have confidence that He that is in me is more powerful than Satan who is in the world (1 John 4:4). Those in this world Satan uses may plunder and strip me of all my earthly possessions, but they can't take the good stuff, Christ in me--my eternal life!