Weakness

"Mom?" she yells as the front door begins to crack and I answer as the golden heads return from another day of middle school.
"Oh, shoot. I know this sounds terrible, but I was hoping you wouldn't be here." Hoping for a post-it on the table that says, "At the hospital," she can't hardly wait to meet her new baby brother or sister. And yet, here I sit. And wait.
Why do we often question God and lack confidence in His provision for us?

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19. 

Right now, I'm sick and tired of waiting. Of holding every plan loosely. Of disappointing the others in this family who can't wait to meet our newest member face to face rather than by the twitch of my abdomen. Of wondering what to fill my day with while I wait for either the contractions to sustain or one of them to break my "water."
A wise friend once told me that in her opinion, she needed a little more to be well supplied but turned right around to say, "However, it is quite possible our Lord thinks we are good for now. He's always right. Wonder why I keep arguing!"
As I laid in bed last night, my mind racing with possible to-do lists during the wait, I stubbornly agreed that God thinks I might be good for now. However, I'm confident that two-minutes later, I took it back and argued that I really wasn't well supplied and won't be until this baby is in my arms.
This is my weakness; I hate to admit it. I want to be that radiant face of unwavering trust in my Lord God, who holds steady as a rock. It's so easy to think we should be stronger and more trusting, but in truth: trust is hard.
As I listened on the phone, I wanted to point out the obvious. She was lacking trust in God's provision for her. She teared up as she explained, God is good and life is good but it's not how she expects goodness to look. I wanted to scream that God is providing for you, why are you not seeing it as His good, sufficient provision?
Somewhere in my insomnia wrestle with Jesus, my own hypocrisy became as evident as neon lights. I have the exact same weakness. When will I quit arguing with what my Lord says is enough?

For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10b

A week or so ago, when I first realized that I was irritable and unsettled, I took some extra time when I felt physically refreshed to contemplate the root of my actions. You know, "Search me and know my heart, and show me if there be any grievous way in me," from Psalm 139:23-24. About half cup of coffee later was when I first came to realize that I was sick of waiting to meet this little one. I wanted baby in my arms sooner than later. My time, not God's time.
Pinpointing the root of an unsettledness is hard work, time consuming and contemplative. Essentially, you're choosing to stare your own sin in the face, confess it and then ask for God's power to destroy it and walk away from the sin.
I chose to take the next step which is is no small fry either. It's humiliating: choosing to admit your sin to others and ask them to pray for you. I asked three trusted friends to pray that I would wait well. I admitted my weakness and asked for God's help and provision. By the time I went to bed that same night,  I realized I had a different demeanor. I felt calm, content and peaceful. Truly, God's power in me was overcoming my own weakness.
This is the truth of 2 Corinthians. We are absolutely powerless weaklings but this is to show off God as more glorious. When we admit, we got nothin', God can step in and be the hero. He has placed His power within us and and works in us to supply us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Because we've admitted our powerlessness, everyone knows it's God's power providing and working in us and He gets the fame.
Days later, I'm still teeter-tottering trusting God's timing of baby's arrival and arguing with Him about my own timing. I'm still admitting my powerlessness to wait well and begging for His power in me.
Don't lie. You're reading this, likely judging me for not being patient to wait for God's timing of our baby taking first breath. I would be if someone else was writing this. "What's the big deal? No baby has ever not eventually come out of utero. Just wait." But what if you took a cup of coffee to sit quietly with your Lord God as asked him to show you your distrust, discontentment and lack of faith in what He's already supplied for you? I challenge you to get your Caribou (or Folgers if that's your thing) and get serious with God. Then join me in admitting your weak spot and knowing that God will be the hero as He works brilliantly within you.

Maintenance

Somewhere in the midst of a toddler and preschooler, a wise woman shared with me a systematic lifestyle of maintenance. Every day has its task and if you choose to accomplish these few tasks every day of the week, you won't be overwhelmed by a huge task later. These days, that means the golden heads vacuum (if we're lucky) Mondays and Wednesdays and I do the thorough "mom" job on Fridays. (Not that I always vacuum the corners, but I definitely catch a larger percentage of the popcorn crumbs.) So this Friday, sweep by sweep, I began thinking of the value of maintenance. Not waiting until the house is a complete disaster (which maybe the kitchen floor was) to clean but day by day, task by task, maintaining.
What about spiritual maintenance? How do we maintain our hearts? Not our ministries. Our hearts? How do we maintain our relationship with Jesus?
Having moved a handful of times across the country, I can vouch, if you don't maintain a friendship with regular contact, the relationship will fade.
Ever thinking of my resolution to make this Christmas about Jesus, not cookies, I know that He wants a relationship with you and me. Two truths come to mind: relationships are intentional and relationships take time.

And because of His glory and excellence, He has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share His divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires. In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. 2 Peter 1:4-5a

"Make every effort," or be intentional! Just as I must choose to pick up the phone and call a friend, I must choose to STOP and spend time with Jesus. With Jesus, our time can look different from day to day. For example, you might be wrapped in a blanket, in the dark and just listening; writing; reading a Bible passage; meditating or memorizing a verse; stopping irritated veins at the dinner table and asking Jesus to see them through His eyes with patience and love. He doesn't box us in!
Susanna Wesley, mother of 19 children, intentionally spent time with Jesus and her children knew it. At random throughout the day, she would toss her apron over her head and when she did, her children knew that she was spending time with Jesus.
At this time of year, no one seems to have enough time as our "to do" lists get longer and longer. Even a relationship with Jesus will take precious time. However,  I am learning from a new friend how I take time for granted. I choose to spend time on things that don't matter, things without eternal significance, even things that will eventually trip me up spiritually. What if we chose to do things that matter? What if we chose relationships over things? If we're honest, I'm pretty sure that we'd agree, we can all make time for Jesus.
Whether at home or within relationships, maintenance is important and it's also a choice. Don't let Jesus be a relationship you let go this Christmas while you move onto baking and shopping.

Valley

When you're sitting in the valley, sometimes you just need time. Right there in the valley. No hurry to get out. You just want to sit. Not because you feel sorry for yourself but you just want to be. How many hours would I love to sit with my hands wrapped around something warm, nestled in a blanket and staring out at the hills just thinking? Pondering God. Considering majesty. Wondering His purposes. Is it wrong for me to be here?
I wonder how long Jesus let the angels minister to Him after His fast and then temptation from Satan in the desert.

Then the devil left (Jesus), and behold, angels came and were ministering to Him. Matthew 4:11

We can't know for sure, but I bet Jesus sat there and let the angels comfort and provide for Him for more than ten minutes before moving on to begin His public ministry in Galilee. He had fasted for forty days then faced extreme temptation, maybe He let Himself rest there in that safe, comforting place for a couple days or weeks. God provided for His Son, why wouldn't Jesus just want to stay? I'd want to. And I think nestled in this safe, quiet spot, I'd like to stay a while too.
This sitting, considering and pondering is part of my waiting for the Lord, being strong and letting my heart take courage (Psalm 27:14). He comes to me here. He comforts me here, ministers to me here and waters my tiny seed of faith that it might become of bud of trust. And yes, I may cry here. But why wouldn't that be okay? God made me with emotions and He reaches my heart in the middle of my emotions.
"It's okay, to not be okay. This is a safe place," begin the lyrics of the song by Plumb. If you're in a valley, it's okay. But don't be in the valley alone. Let Jesus minister to you there. Even if it doesn't look like a structured Bible Study or devotional time. He ministers in many different ways. Just be sure you're with Him there. Real comfort comes from no other place and just as Jesus moved on to begin His ministry, in God's time we will too.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me,
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Psalm 27:13

What is that?

I like re-dos. Sometimes when a sentence gets said with a wrong attitude or disrespectful tone, I like to give myself or the golden heads a "try that again." I mess up all the time. I'm thankful for the opportunity to do it better the second time.
It's a daily choice, or discipline, to sit quietly before the Lord allowing Him to search my heart and reveal ways I've offended Him, the opportunities for a re-do. Actually, it's not really that much fun. It reveals what I've done wrong, and like most, I don't like being wrong.
This got me thinking about how even confession is a type of trial that builds character, and if I let the Holy Spirit do its work in me, it produces Christ-like character. But what is that tangibly? What was Jesus like as he walked on this earth? One answer is found in what I would consider the most unlikely of places, in what most of us call the "Love Chapter" of the Bible: 1 Corinthians 13. You know, the one read at weddings. What I've realized is that this chapter contains a beautiful list that begins with the value of character, then describes character that builds until we meet Christ and can literally see His every character quality.

I could be the best Teaching Director in all of CBS or writer in all America, but if I don't have Christ-like character, I might as well be a bump on a log. I could have the most awe-inspiring spiritual gifts but if I don't build Christ-like character, I might as well not have any gifts. I could be the most generous giver of all time, serving others with every ounce of my time and resources, but if I don't give and serve with genuine Christ-like character, it's all for nothing.
Christ-like character worth striving for is patient, kind, not jealous, humble, generous, courteous, puts others before myself, forbearing, goes out of my way for others, doesn't hold grudges, believes the best possible outcome about others and always gives the benefit of the doubt. Christ-like character believes and establishes its life on every syllable of God's Word. The person with Christ-like character trusts in God's protection and that God works every detail of their lives out for His glory and their ultimate good, even when she can't know or make sense of all the details.
As I build more Christ-like character, I will be sustained by God and grow more and more consistently in character until I meet Jesus face to face.

I won't perfectly attain these, but I must daily choose to obey the Holy Spirit working out these characterists in me. And when I derail, missing the mark, I'll confess, thanking for forgiveness and allow the Holy Spirit to rule and work these out again. These derailings, these confessions are a part of the adversity that builds Christ-like character.
Spend some time this week rewriting 1 Corinthians 13 for yourself and ask the Holy Spirit to begin working these characteristics out in you.

Watching and stilling

It's 4:51 in the morning and it begins. Decide the final plans for the coming weekend. Turn the sprinklers on in the garden. She asked me to make scones (presumedly for my birthday breakfast). I should finish the laundry before the golden heads wake. Practice this morning at 10am. Oh no, she still needs a slip to wear with her skirt tomorrow. And with my mind whirling, I figure, might as well wake up and get going.

My typical notion is that if I wake early enough (long before anyone else) I can escape any demands and expectations from others and sip my morning coffee and be with Him, my Maker. But this morning, I thought I'd get a few things done first: scones, laundry, email, watering... An hour later, I finally set the coffee to drip and something out of ordinary catches my eye while stopping my heart. What was that? Perched on the deck railing was an adult red-tailed hawk. I froze, taking in the wonder. Two, no three, things immediately came to my mind.

1. Man, that thing is huge.
2. Roz on Monsters Inc, "I'm watching you, always watching you."
3. Should I sneak away and grab my camera?

Enough is enough with the things to do! Spend time with Jesus, my Maker. Yes, He's watching me scuttle about, but delights in my quiet moments, my quiet heart before Him.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
He utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. 

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how He has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
He burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Psalm 46

Nothing happens in my day that takes Him by surprise. Nothing that He can't control or destroy in an instant. Only when I let Him live and thrive within me can I be full of joy and completely solid and strong. I just need these few quiet minutes with Him, to be still. To stop and be sure He is on the throne of my heart. Then trust and fully believe that He is in control of every aspect of this day, month, year and His plans for me are for my good.

And who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his span of life? ... Therefore, do not be anxious saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we wear?" for the Gentiles seek after these things and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first, the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:27, 31-33

Are you intentionally setting aside your worries and choosing to stop, rest in Jesus and express your trust in His righteous plan for your life? He's watching you. He's got you. No matter the worry or list of things to do this day, express your trust in His perfect power and protection.

"Christ"mas

It keeps reverberating in my head, Pastor Bruce’s question in his first Advent sermon this year, “How do you keep materialism out of Christmas?”

We went Black Friday shopping as an extended family outing. It did not bode well for my first-grader. She kept wanting everything and we kept saying, “Well, Christmas isn’t far away. We’ll add it to your list. You can’t have that (or that, or that or that) today.” Toward the end of the outing, she was moping alongside her shopping grandma when she said, “I just see all this stuff and I want it all. I know I shouldn’t feel that way.” Christmas in America creates a mentality of materialism.

Along with materialism, how do we not get caught up in the chaotic preparations for celebrating? As Christ-followers, how do we remember to dwell with Jesus, the “Christ” in Christmas?

Visiting with a friend after church last Sunday, she shared her experience of being miserably sick with the flu last Christmas. She expressed that all the things she had to do went undone and Christmas still happened. And she still experienced joy.

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, ‘In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.’  Isaiah 30:15

In this verse, we see how we might save Christmas from materialism and chaos. By sitting, with coffee cup and Bible in hand, resting in Jesus. In stopping daily to confess my mess-ups to Jesus. Driving in silence; talking and listening to God instead of the radio. In making a to-do-list but verbally telling God that I trust He will allow me to accomplish exactly what He desires for this day. By prioritizing Jesus, not things, stuff, events or my infamous “to do list.” (Someone please tell me I’m not alone with my lists…) By choosing to stop your family once a day and read an Advent devotional (or any Scripture). Through our example, those in our sphere of influence (family, friends and neighbors) will see the Christ in Christmas, not the materialism or busyness.

Are you prioritizing Christ in Christmas? How will you choose to return and rest this December?

Passion begins with discipline

This next phase of parenting almost blindsides me at times. There's so much for which no loving advice or book could really ever prepare you. However, there are plenty of gifts in the tween years. One gift is seeing life through a different lens. Our family brings seven different musical instruments (including vocals) to the table in the musical world. One of my mom duties includes making sure everyone practices 30-minutes a day. Short of bribery, this is a grueling task not often met with excitement and willingness. In the wake of this drudgery one day, I thought about the discipline learned. As a parent, we plead and urge our children into the discipline of practicing by oneself in the hopes that at some point, the playing becomes a desire, joy and pleasure to our child.
How beautiful this process is if it completes its goal: pleasure. How similar this is to spending time with Jesus. For nearly 25-years, spending time in God's Word and daily communing with Him was truly a discipline I was trying to develop. Sometimes I would do better than others and sometimes the discipline would completely cease. But it still was a discipline, not a desire as the psalmist wrote.

O, God you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Psalm 63:1

What a vivid picture of passion. Inductive Bible Study is what caused my discipline to cross over into passion. As I learned more and more, I realized that I could study my Creator God for the rest of my life and still not wrap my mind around His ways, character and attributes. Wow! That's my God. That's a God I can be excited to discover! For passion to begin and continue, it seems logical that we have to develop new methods, continually discovering ways to experience and relate to God. Some might include memorization, inductive Bible Study, fasting, meditating, different ways to pray, reflection, journaling, study of creation and reading through the Bible just to name a few. There isn't one set way to build your relationship with God. And sometimes we need to mix things up a bit. He created you uniquely you; He wants to meet you where you are and in the way He wired your brain.
At some point, I hope the golden heads develop a passion and love for music, but even more importantly, I pray they practice the discipline of relating to God that transpires into a passion and thirst for Him.
In your personal relationship with God, are you working on discipline or have you crossed over into passion in your relationship? Begin by asking God to give you a passion for Him. Pray Psalm 63 to Him. Then decided what discipline will you choose to implement this week or month? 

Black bird

Spying on the black birds raiding the garden, I try determine the cause of their charge. His head, buried under a newspaper left for mulch, lifts the paper up and down. After minutes of satisfied pecking, the black bird flies away. What did he find under that newspaper? I hope it was something good: a grub, worm or bug that filled his belly.

I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with Him. Philippians 3:7-8

There was a lesson in the black bird. His sights were on finding the goods and he did whatever he had to do to get them. He pushed the garbage out of the way. Do I move the garbage out of the way and dig for the good stuff? Do I move the "to do list" out of the way, the busyness of each day, stubbornness, bad habits, false emergencies, pride, worry, fear? Paul said all these things are worthless garbage even if the world esteems them. Even our dreams and goals can keep us from finding what's valuable.
What's good? What's most valuable? Knowing Jesus so intimately that you are becoming one with Him or becoming more like Him every day. This is a present tense action verb and is on-going, not a one-time event. He desires a relationship with you and you can intimately know Him. Will you push the garbage out of the way and dig?
What garbage do you need to push out of the way to get to the the most valuable treasure of knowing Jesus? After God reveals what your garbage is, make an action plan. How will you push that item out of the way and focus on Jesus and grow in intimacy with Him?

Table

I like to snuggle up in a cozy blanket. Not just in my quiet times, but any time. Sometimes even in the summer. Weird, I know. I followed my bent as I snuggled on the couch in my suite at the Broadmoor. Turning my gaze from the fireplace, I focused on the long, elegant dining table adorned with a huge hurricane shaped centerpiece and flowers. Hmmm. I wonder what it feels like to sit in those large, plush dining chairs, high-backed and heavy as you slide out from under the table. And what if I sat at that table, picturing myself invited to the Lord's marriage supper? I was off the couch in a second (don't worry, my blanket came with me).

At your banquet table, where delectable appetizers sit at each setting, chilled sparkling water dances in each glass, linens are folded, candles flicker, full-table service is offered, and I am adorned with the most beautiful gown of righteousness.

Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, "Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us exult and give Him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure"-- for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
And the angel said to me, "Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb." And he said to me, "These are the true words of God." Then I fell down at his feet to worship him, but he said to me, "You must not do that! I am a fellow servant with you and your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God." For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. Revelation 19:6-10

Surrounded by authentic, vibrant worship. Wouldn't the goosebumps just rise all over your body?

At that table, the bride is ready (vs. 7). I'm luck to be a woman. I get this. I've been the bride. But to Christ, the Church or believers in Christ are His bride (men included). Just as the engineer chose me, Christ chooses those who will believe in His ministry. As a woman, I know the work and effort the bride goes through before revealing herself to her groom. It's daunting because she wants to look her best. And in that day of the Lord, the song will ring out, "…the Bride is ready.." The Church is ready for Christ to see her face to face. And the Bride is wearing pure, bright white, stunning linen of the finest thread. She's done the work of preparation; not hair and make-up but seeking Him continually, being made holy, allowing the Holy Spirit to empower her to stand firm no matter what and worshiping God. And at that marriage of Christ and His bride, the preparation behind us, we will be complete in His presence at the banquet table and all that remains is worshiping God. Maranatha!

Blessed are those who are invited (9). We are invited to be His Bride. The invitation is blessing enough. After we stand through trials of this life, we will be gorgeously adorned and ready to look Him in the face. Be sure you'll be there. This is one table you won't want to miss!

Discipline

I didn't want to make the call. I just want to spend my day not working. I called her anyway, out of duty and discipline. Our conversation lifted my spirits, reminded me of tangible gifts, humbled me in leadership and reminded me of my calling.

I didn't want to run. Discipline sent me lacing my shoes and bundling up. It turned out to be a perfect pre-dawn run: 19 degrees, no wind and Christmas lights. The endorphins kicking in feel fantastic and the coffee dripping smells inviting.

Tempting to not clean the bathroom. After all, it's not that bad. Likely, if I skip it, an emergency will come up next week on bathroom cleaning day and it won't get cleaned that week either (….gross!) Maintaining in discipline gives a sense of accomplishment and wise stewardship.

The more I contemplate, the more I understand that there are gifts of joy and blessing lurking behind self-discipline. Sometimes you choose to begin the task out of duty or mere discipline but then the gift follows.

After rebuilding Jerusalem's wall, Nehemiah chapter 8 describes the Jewish exiles that have returned to Jerusalem, are counted, read and taught the law which brings them to tears. But Nehemiah and the Levite priests commands them to celebrate the holy day of the Lord; "And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength," (verse 10). The Jews left the assembly  to eat, drink, share with others and "make great rejoicing." I have a hard time picturing a grieving person feeling like eating, drinking and rejoicing. They were moved to grief, tears, and weeping. Out of obedience and self-discipline, the Jews chose to celebrate. Initially, it likely felt heavy-hearted and obligatory. But their actions started rejoicing, and their hearts followed that choice.

Time in God's Word? Oh, I'll do it after I go grocery shopping, vacuum the floors and make the girls' after school treat. Ahg, by 4pm, my Bible and journal haven't budged. I feel the ache in my heart, the lack of power because I haven't plugged into the power source. Choice out of discipline is hard, but I have experienced over and over the gift that follows the choice.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

What choice do you need to make today out of discipline? Watch the joy of the Lord unfold as you discipline yourself.

Excess

Awake in the middle of the night, the to do list blinks through my racing mind. Oh, Jesus, I have so much to accomplish tomorrow. Please multiply my time so that I finish well what NEEDS to be done and the let the rest take care of itself. Somehow I fell back to sleep and awoke with the alarm, choosing to begin my day on-time despite the lack of sleep and doing the routine that makes me better (a short workout, drip time and time with God.) My prayer remained, God, multiply my time. I don't see how I can get all this done! Multiply. Make it divinely only possible because You work in my middle.
By 5pm, there was only one item on the list remaining: preparing a devotion for the next day. God had not yet impressed on me what He wanted me to share. Clearly, it would take some time just sitting and listening to Him. The compassionate one had dinner in the oven and I smiled. I had an hour until dinner to spend time listening. Sitting in the middle of the bees buzzing around the blooming flowers, I was in awe. How'd He do that? How'd I get all that done? I didn't seem possible that I should have an extra hour in my day. Yet here I was sitting in the sunshine, adoring His creation: the bees, flowers, clouds, leaves, blades of grass, the sound of children playing…
Somehow that night, I wasn't anxious for the first day in my new leadership role at Community Bible Study. I enjoyed a bike ride, time reading with a golden head, bedtime prayers and PBS with the engineer.

"..in every way you were enriched in Him in all speech and all knowledge--so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:5-9

When Paul writes, “that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge,” based on the meaning of the greek word translated enriched, it means God goes so far to richly supply in excess, every thing in every way for every need by means of the Holy Spirit IN the believer. The Christ follower lacks nothing while they wait for Christ to return.
I'm reminded of how Jesus fed the 5000 men (plus women and children) with five loaves of bread and two fish. When the disciples collected the leftovers (seriously, leftovers?) they took up twelve baskets full of broken piece and of the fish. God supplied richly, in excess! (Mark 6:30-42)
I know God chooses to do that for us sometimes. He seemly warped time to provide for me. Don't get me wrong, I loathe, dispose and hate time-travel movies. Ask the engineer, in two-minutes I'll be mentally checked out and snoring in five! But somehow when God's the one bending the time, it's a bit more realistic and fascinating! And I'm part of that action flick.
Where is God calling you to trust Him to richly supply in excess? Time, money, patience? Talk to Him continually and get ready to pick up the leftovers!

Broken

Empty egg shells scatter the ground each spring. Unless the egg hatches, the baby bird isn't realized. It can't become what God created it to become until the shell breaks.
I've been enjoying, The Calvary Road by Roy Hession the last few weeks. A fairly easy read, its thought provoking messages teach me. Among others, the theme of brokeness prevails. "Brokenness in daily experience is simply the response of humility to the conviction of God," (p. 23). It's contemplative essays have really caused me to thoroughly examine my heart consistently. And if my heart is not at peace, then sin is prevailing. As I wrote last week, this means sin is on the throne of my heart.

Let the peace of God rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:15

The word rule in this verse is where we get our word referee. Just as a referee blows a whistle when a foul is committed, my restless heart means there is sin lurking within; a foul has been made.
This began changing my quiet times, but now even my moments throughout the day. If I find myself irritable, I stop and ask, Why is there no peace in my heart? Often, I find that I respond in sin when others ruffle my feathers; everything that disturbs our relationships comes between us & God. In respond to other's sin, I sin; we don't loose peace with God over another person's sin, only our own. Defensiveness of the engineer suggesting I concentrated the weed killer a little too much; self-righteousness.
Or pride. At bedtime last week, the compassionate one began reading the Psalms on her own, reading a verse I had shared just prior in the day at breakfast. "Mommy, you are amazing!" Finally, someone gives me credit for all the time I spend studying and memorizing Scripture. And the next morning, I feel awful: Pride.

..God is light and in Him is no darkness at all…If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:5b, 7

But when anything is exposesd by the light, it becomes visible. Ephesians 5:13

You see, when I walk with God, He will show me my sin. He will break me and expose the reason the referee has blown the whistle. When I confess my sin and turn to God, the Holy Spirit is again on the throne of my life. Peace is ruling. Like the baby bird in its shell, only when I am broken can I become all He has planned for me.
As you go through your day, ask yourself if you are at peace. If so, keep walking with Him with the Holy Spirit on the throne of your life. If not, it's time to get dirty, pull up the sleeves and crack the shell.

Before the blossom

Why is it at Mother's Day, Christians pull out Proverbs 31? The woman described seems like the ideal model. She's amazing: a blessing to her husband "all the days of her life," works hard and willingly, provides for family, friends and the poor, creates a home and clothing to protect her family and therefore has no worries for her family. She's wise, in shape, in the marketplace, disciples her children, works in ministries, is dignified, fears the Lord, teaches, proactive, prays…. How in the world?
I think what comes first is clearly at the beginning,

"She is far more precious than jewels," (v. 10b). 

She knows who she is. She's not just someone's wife, mom or mentor. She's in Christ. The Proverbs 31 woman knows that she is the jewel of her heavenly Father's eye. She knows, He rejoices over me with gladness; He will quiet me by His love; He will exult over me with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17). She is in Christ.
Planting season is upon us. Peering through a book from the library, gaining tidbits of knowledge, I noticed a tip for planting annual seedling: "Pinch off any flowers or buds so the plant can focus it's energy on getting it's roots established rather than flowering, then water well." This Proverbs 31 woman, establishes her roots in Christ. She knows she is fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). She knows she is the apple of God's eye (Psalm 17) and that she is His treasured possession (Deuteronomy 7:6), she's forgiven (1 John 1:9), gifted (1 Corinthians 12:7), and blessed (Ephesians 1:3). After she's grounded in Christ, she can focus her energy on the rest of her attributes and blossom.
Establishing her identity in Christ, is only the beginning of her spirituality. If you noticed, in my gardening book, the last phrase was, "then water well." I think the wise Proverbs 31 woman waters in verse 15:

She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.

Rising "while it is yet night" is her daily multi-vitamin. Solomon was not referring simply to physical food. He was also speaking of spiritual food. When the alarm goes off at 5am, I'm not always excited to jump out of bed, but I know that if I don't, I'll regret it. If I wake early, spend time marinating in God's Word, I'm ready to give. Contrary, if I hit snooze for an hour, waking the same time as my family, I am like a dry wilting, stressed plant, and it's ugly. The wise Proverbs 31 woman knows she needs a daily spiritual vitamin. This rich time of fellowship with God in the morning, feeds our spirit throughout the day and gives us energy to blossom.
Read Proverbs 31:10-31. Which attributes of this Proverbs 31 woman convicts you the most? She is overwhelming! Select ONE area that you will focus on this week. Can I suggest you begin with establishing your worth in Christ or nourishing your spirit with Him daily if these are areas of conviction?

All about me

Hanging on the wall in her room, it says, "All About Me." Once a week, in first grade, a student was spotlighted within the class and encouraged to share personal information, interests and experiences that shaped her. Something about the title of the poster always bothered me. I couldn't place my finger on it. Until today.
I hate charts in Bible Studies. Yet, staring at me is the chart with instructions: Write the phrase David uses to describe God as he faces Goliath in battle and explain it's importance. David is appalled that anyone dare defame the name of the Lord and as Goliath taunts God's chosen people, the Israelites. David steps out in confidence that God will use him to defeat the Philistine champion (I Samuel 17). And in obedience to the "menial task" set in front of me (the chart) I begin writing. It wasn't until a week later that I'd finally get it. I am a slow learner.

David calls God 

• "the Lord of hosts"
• God is supreme over all other gods and authorities
• "God of the armies of Israel" 
• God is in charge, not man
• "the Lord will deliver"
• God is a faithful deliverer (not man)
• "all earth will know there is a God in Israel"
• God winning against all odds makes His name great; it glorifies Him
• "the Lord saves not with sword or spear"
• God's ways aren't our ways; His tactics are smarter, more creative, better
• "the battle is the Lord's"
• God is a warrior; David is simply the vessel God uses to accomplish His battle
• "(God) will give you into our hand"
• God is with David in this battle
• "all this assembly may know"
• God's power and authority will be reaffirmed in both Israel (who are dismayed and greatly afraid) and Philistine (gloating with pride and human power)

Do you see the main point? It took me a while. Look again if you didn't see it….
GOD! I'll say it again. God. Too often in my struggles and battles, I focus on myself. This is the problem! I need to make it about God. After all, the battle is His.

For the battle is the Lord's, and He will give you into our hand. I Samuel 17:47

I'm the type of person who doesn't even like my picture taken. I'm happy to be a wall flower. However, I wonder if I should post an "All About Me" poster in the house just because it would be a ridiculous, sarcastic reminder of the truth revealed: it's all about God. Yet when the stress of a defiant child mouthing off to me causes me to shove fistfuls of junk food in my mouth as I wallow in self-pity, "I can't handle this," "I don't deserve this," "I don't know what to do," "I…I….I…"  I think I might as well admit; in this moment, it's "All About Me."
We know David defeats Goliath; it's the most famous story in the Bible. But I think we quickly forget that David won because it wasn't his battle. It was His battle. You only think they're your battles. It's God's battle. That defiant personality is the Goliath and God is going to shoot it down. He's just using me to sling the stones. David stepped out and did what God wanted him to do.
Protect your times of refreshment. David came in from shepherding in the fields and defeated the giant. He had a fresh perspective and healthy relationship with God. You won't be able to face your Goliaths unless you are fresh. Make time with God a consistent, number one priority. And put up an "All About Me" poster. Yes, it will make you laugh. But maybe, just maybe it'll catch your eye as you step into battle.

Nurture

As my favorite annual gerberia daisy comes to live inside and cold sets in, my quest is that it survive winter and create many happy blossoms again in the spring. How many mornings I walk into the room to see the blooms drooping, in dire need of water.

Isn't our relationship with the Maker like that? Like any other relationship, being friends of Christ takes time. I know time is best spent

• Reading the Word
• Studying the Word
• Meditating on the Word
• Memorizing the Word
• Applying the Word to my life

It seems that if much time passes without any of the above, I begin to wilt like the Gerberia Daisy.

Psalm 119 sings of the sweetness and desirous nature of God's Word and instruction. 

How sweet are Your words to my taste,
Sweeter than honey to my mouth. Psalm 119:103

This morning my plant is in worst state ever, but my relationship with my Maker is solid. Waiting on The Lord during my "drip time," I realize my marriage is also a relationship that needs constant tending to...nurturing. I covet your prayers as the engineer and I work through new obstacles. This new phase of parenting preteens is emotionally exhausting, and I am so selfish desiring time on myself, not on us. Paul's letter to the Philippians convicts me.

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection, any sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:1-4

Selfishness with my time is not honoring to God. Forgive me Lord for not making my covenant with You and the engineer higher priority. With Christ's power, we can overcome!

Make time to read all of Psalm 119 this week and consider your own love and seeking of the Word. Does it measure up to the Psalmists'? Assess your most important relationships (spouse,  siblings, parents, close friends). Which relationships need some nourishing & how will you water, prune and fertilize that relationship?

In the abyss

One snide remark and I've spend the last week in the abyss, unsure of who I am in Christ. Anger fills my heart toward that owner of those rude words. Yet I know that God is using this for growth. To become more like Christ. To remember that I am secure in Christ, claiming my identity in Him. My weight doesn't define me, it might explain me but it doesn't define me. I am a child of the King. He's crazy about me. I am free.
As I've wrestled with this issue again, I've thought about being thankful. Seeing what God's given as a gift to add to my list of 1000+. In mid-vacuum swipe, I came to my senses: I need to be thankful for my weight. It was this wrestle that brought me to a deeper relationship with Him! After my last golden head was born, I began the Lord's Table. I lost weight, but more importantly, I began to understand that life is more than food, that "Man does not live by bread alone," as Jesus quoted Old Testament in the desert (Matthew 4:4). This obstacle was pivotal in my daily walk with Jesus and really began my deeper love for Him and seeking of Him. Thank you God that you used my insecurity to bring me to You.
What has brought you closer in intimacy with Christ? Have you thanked God for it? God never wastes a hurt (Rick Warren.) The issue you wrestle with the most, can turn you to God or make you run away. Even if you run away, He will stay right by your side. "If we are unfaithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny His Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13.

Drip time

Months ago, I ditched "drip time" because it seemed counter productive. I could use that time to take a quick shower and then grab coffee in one hand and Bible in the other. But it's been reinstated.
In church yesterday, we were challenged with the question, "Are you filled with the Holy Spirit and directed by Him?" In order to be directed by the Holy Spirit, we need to take time to stop, be quiet and listen. For some busyness is an idol. For me, productivity is an idol. I tore it down.
And after the beans are ground, the pot turned on, and the coffee aroma begins to fill the air as hot water drips through the filter, I snuggle in. I stare at God's gorgeous creation. Watch a sunrise (or the twinkling stars). Listen. And that's when I realized, "drip time" is back.
Are you in step with what the Holy Spirit is doing? Do you need to begin your own "drip time?" Make time listening for God part of your daily routine. Ical it in today!

Start with you

A life of service begins by focusing on yourself. That's a dangerous statement. It doesn't sound biblical. We're taught things like the acronym for joy:

Jesus
Others
Yourself

and Jesus himself said that "the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many," (Matthew 20:28). We are called to serve, but service should come as a natural reaction from the healthy heart. Unless your heart is focused on Christ, you can't serve with right motivation.

Even Jesus, the ultimate Servant, made His relationship with the Father His first priority. Before He began His public ministry, He spent 40 days in the desert fasting and worshipping the Father. Amidst His ministry, He took time to rest, get away and spend time with the Father. Why would we as wives, mothers, friends and servants not follow that example?

Time with God allows us to examine our hearts and love ourselves so we can love others. Jesus taught that the first and greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul. The second is to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-40). First love God. Second, you will realize your worth and from that you will be able to love others. Do you see the inference that to love your neighbor as yourself, you must first love yourself?

Furthermore, Jesus taught that we can't lead and serve others unless we have our hearts right before Him. 

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Matthew 7:3-5

It is impossible for me to lead my goldenheads and walk in faith with the engineer if I am not constantly examining my own heart. Time with God allows me to do this. Just last week, I felt this constant heaviness, ugliness, downcast spirit. I was a horrible wife and mother. Unpleasant. I spent much time wrestling with God, begging, why is my Spirit heavy within me? In that wrestling, God revealed to me unrepented sin of slander toward the engineer. As this was revealed and confessed, the weight was lifted and I felt like I could once again be in intimate relationship with the engineer and lead my goldenheads in example of my daily living.

In my spiritual maturing, it has been my challenge, to spend more time with God in the Word, study and prayer (which makes my heart beautiful) than time spent on outward appearance. I strive to spend more time with God than time spend in my workout, fixing hair and makeup. I love the story of Samuel anointing the little shepherd boy David as king. David was least likely of his brothers to become king but God said to Samuel, 

For the LORD sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart. I Samuel 16:7.

Take time to evaluate the quality and quantity of time you spend seeking your Maker. If the scales are not tipped toward time spent with Him but rather on outward appearance, begin making small changes in your routine to even out the scales. If the scale is mostly even, strive to make the time seeking Him even more weighty. There is no greater priority than to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things (inner and outward beauty) will be added unto you (Matthew 6:33.)

My work

The completeness of the Bible is mind bogglingly beautiful and reassuring to me! As God directs me in studying different books of the Bible simultaneously, I am tickled to see how the truths within overlap in perfect unity. Truly, "all scripture is God-breathed," (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
I uncover unity in Philippians 2 (written by Paul) and John 15 (as John writes of Jesus' ministry). In Paul's letter to the Philippians, he urges them to "work out your salvation with fear and trembling," (2:12-13).  "Work out" means to practice or bring that which has already been begun to completion. God has begun a good work in us and will be faithful to bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6). He is working through us...how are we to be working? Why are we to work after we accept the gift of salvation? Not because we have to but because we want to, because we are so grateful for Christ's sacrifice and do not want to do anything to offend such a merciful, gracious God. If someone gave you a house to live in and it wasn't quite finished (say trim work & some painting), would you decline the gift? I would be so thankful and live in it as the finishing touches were being fashioned. To decline the gift altogether or complain about it would seem offensive and ungrateful. How much greater a gift is salvation? God saved us (past tense) from the penalty of sin. God saves us (present tense) from the power of sin and God will save us (future tense) from the presence of sin when we enter heaven. 
What work do we need to do? I think a bigger picture can be seen when we take a look at Jesus' teaching at the Last Passover meal with his disciples in John 15 when he says, "I am the vine, you are the branches." A branch cannot draw nourishment from any other source other than the vine. It would not work for me to draw strength from any other source but Jesus. Think of a vine trying to get nourishment from a can of Diet Coke. That's absurd and it's absurd to think that I could be sustained by anything or anyone BUT the Vine, the Bread of Life, Jesus. Therefore whatever "I" do, it isn't really me doing it, it's God doing it through me. The branch doesn't give food and water to the grapes...it flows through the branch from the vine. So the good things "I" do, it's Jesus doing it through my body. If I detach myself from the Vine, I can do NOTHING! (John 15:5) Romans 11:18 also says "Remember it is not you who support the root, but the root that supports you." Jesus supports me.
So yes, I'm working out my salvation...working at abiding so the Christ can work through me to produce good fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control to name a few (Galatians 5:22-23). It is indeed a two-way flow. If I cut myself off by not abiding, He's still working, but the nourishment and strength He provides won't have any fruit to go to. And the vine is solid, even though I the branch can wilt in the stresses and trials of life. But the Vine, he's not going anywhere!
And while I'm working to remain connected to the Vine, I am to be humble, realizing that it is God who is working in me because He chooses me and because it gives Him pleasure to work in me (Philippians 2:13). The word "work" appears twice in verse 13 and means active energy, effective power or efficacy. This is how God works in me and makes me desire what He wants and enables me to do what He wants me to do. God always supplies the energy and desire to do His will.
My work is abiding, remaining with Him, to be united with Him, one with Him in heart, mind and will. The rest is God's work.

Never bored

The past three years have been marked by great spiritual growth and depth in my walk with Jesus. I have experienced other seasons in my life when I experienced spiritual growth, but those times have been just that: seasons. There was a beginning and an end. Secretly, in the back of my mind, I confess that I have fretted that this intimate "honeymoon"with Jesus with eventually end as the newness of marriage does shortly after the honeymoon. Before marriage, everything the engineer did was amazing, brilliant and wonderful and even after the ceremony, I just couldn't get enough of him. Then I began to notice his annoying (to me) habits and began to get bored with the same old routine. I have prayed against this stale, bored, stagnant relationship with Jesus. (Maybe I should pray against that in my marriage as well, however, not the point of my message here.)
What amazes me more and more every day I spend time with God, is that I keep finding out more about Him. I am constantly thanking Him for revealing to me more of the mysteries of Christ (Colossians 1:26). I know myself well and I know that when I get bored with something, I cease to do it anymore. Oh, I don't want to get bored seeking Him. This week, while reading Randy Alcorn's book Heaven, I read,

There will always be more to see when we look at God, because his infinite character can never be exhausted. We could--and will--spend countless millennia exploring the depths of God's being and be no closer to seeing it all than when we first started. This is the magnificence of God.. (pg. 179)

I am so thankful to serve such a big God that can never be put in a box and never have all figured out. I will seek Him and He will be fresh every day!