Watching and stilling

It's 4:51 in the morning and it begins. Decide the final plans for the coming weekend. Turn the sprinklers on in the garden. She asked me to make scones (presumedly for my birthday breakfast). I should finish the laundry before the golden heads wake. Practice this morning at 10am. Oh no, she still needs a slip to wear with her skirt tomorrow. And with my mind whirling, I figure, might as well wake up and get going.

My typical notion is that if I wake early enough (long before anyone else) I can escape any demands and expectations from others and sip my morning coffee and be with Him, my Maker. But this morning, I thought I'd get a few things done first: scones, laundry, email, watering... An hour later, I finally set the coffee to drip and something out of ordinary catches my eye while stopping my heart. What was that? Perched on the deck railing was an adult red-tailed hawk. I froze, taking in the wonder. Two, no three, things immediately came to my mind.

1. Man, that thing is huge.
2. Roz on Monsters Inc, "I'm watching you, always watching you."
3. Should I sneak away and grab my camera?

Enough is enough with the things to do! Spend time with Jesus, my Maker. Yes, He's watching me scuttle about, but delights in my quiet moments, my quiet heart before Him.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
He utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. 

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how He has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
He burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Psalm 46

Nothing happens in my day that takes Him by surprise. Nothing that He can't control or destroy in an instant. Only when I let Him live and thrive within me can I be full of joy and completely solid and strong. I just need these few quiet minutes with Him, to be still. To stop and be sure He is on the throne of my heart. Then trust and fully believe that He is in control of every aspect of this day, month, year and His plans for me are for my good.

And who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his span of life? ... Therefore, do not be anxious saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we wear?" for the Gentiles seek after these things and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first, the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:27, 31-33

Are you intentionally setting aside your worries and choosing to stop, rest in Jesus and express your trust in His righteous plan for your life? He's watching you. He's got you. No matter the worry or list of things to do this day, express your trust in His perfect power and protection.

"In…Summer!"

Who doesn't love Olaf? Arguably the most lovable character in Disney's Frozen, this adorable snowman sings and wishes for summer. Obvioiusly, this snowman doesn't realize he's going to be a puddle in summer. I do hope my wishes and dreams for summer aren't so unrealistic.
I believe I've mentioned before; I like a plan. A friend challenged me to think about a Rule for Life (from Peter Scazzero's book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality). Not a legalistic rule, but more like a plan for a holistic life. I've met amazing people who claim a mission statement for life, but I've always wondered what that looked like in day-to-day real life.
I began by listing what things in my life were both important and necessary: work I need to do, goals for spiritual growth, relationships in which to invest and rest or recreation that refreshes my spirit. I researched books, I made inquiries, I wrote reoccurring items in my calendar.

I trust God will work and direct my plan.
My steps are established by the Lord,
when I delight in God's way;
though I may mess up, I will not be devastated,
for the Lord holds my hand.
You see, I have gray hair and therefore I have perspective,
I know that God always works for the good of His children.
Psalm 37:23-24a, my paraphrase

I know I'll mess up. I always do. I will lack discipline, get distracted, forget, change my priorities… But I trust God gave me this vision and passion and He will unfold each day in order to fulfill His will for my life. I can trust God because I readily recall His faithfulness throughout my lifetime. He will not stop now.
Last week, I wrote about every day being an opportunity to be joyful because Jesus became a gate I can enter through to eternal life. He gave me this summer to rejoice, to become transformed into His image "in…summer!"

Now I must choose commitment to my rule for life, because it is a righteous plan that leads to holiness. Romans 6:19b, my paraphrase

God's given you this summer to be joyful and become more like Him, what are you going to do with it?

Kaboom!

Sometimes I have an Ah, duh! moments. And I've been thinking for the last four days, I need to claim the power available to me because Christ lives in me. The process has seemed so elusive to me.

"I also pray that you will begin to understand how incredibly great God's power is to help those who believe him. It is that same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God's right hand in heaven." Ephesians 1:19-20, TLB

Overwhelmed would well describe the past few weeks for me. So much to shuffle, struggling to manage my time and priorities, tired physically and emotionally of parenting, selfishly wanting time for myself (which one would think is crazy since all the golden heads are in school now and I have the entire school day quiet) and wrestling with connection and communication with the engineer. I haven't quite figured out what to do with myself. I know Jesus holds the answer but how?
As I was preparing to teach on Paul's letter to the Corinthians, I became convicted of needing to take hold of the power available to me. It's like the Starbucks gift card in my wallet that I'm saving for "special occasions," so it remains unused. I have this power "card", but like my Starbucks card, I'm saving it for when I "really" need it. Ah, duh, I need it now. I need it every day. And unlike a gift card, God's power never runs out. God keeps reloading the card.
Lying in bed in the middle of the night, my mind goes full circle. Months ago, I learned and committed to memory: God as my loving Father will meet all my needs, all my physical needs and my need for purpose, peace and power. And He can meet those needs when the  Holy Spirit is ruling my life. Ah, duh, I knew that! I couldn't sleep anymore. Power, power, power kept flashing through my mind. While the sky lightened, I picked up Mark chapter two and power keep surfacing: power to heal, power to witness to the unsaved, power to be Lord of all.

"For the kingdom of God (Christ within me)…is living by power!" 1 Corinthians 4:20

How? I need a plan. To steel the one-liner from the A-Team, "I love it when a plan comes together." So what is my plan? My plan includes

1. Self-talk: In my moments of temptation, trial and weakness, I need to tell myself, "I am empowered by the Holy Spirit and that is more than enough power to make it through ___." 
2. Taking a deep breath, confessing my mess-up and choosing to do the opposite. 
3. Praying for the one who's driving me nuts. 

If I choose to use it: kaboom! His power will always comes through for me.
So what's your plan? How do you remind yourself to claim the unlimited, unending power available to you?

Ministry

I keep seeing the wedding picture God's painted in my mind. He the bridegroom, the engineer and golden heads the precious bride, and me as Christ's equally treasured best man. Christ completes my joy and He has strategically placed me beside Him in this marriage. Christ must become greater, and I must become less, (John 3:30).
Christ must become greater because He is perfect and I am not. For God's Spirit is constantly in Christ. Yet, because I have chosen to believe in Christ, I was given a seal of truth (John 3:33).
In this instance, seal means to set a mark upon a thing as a token of its authenticity or approvedness that God is true; He is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. It reminds me of the Dairy REAL seal marked on packages (authentic milk) versus the package of cheese puffs claiming, "made with with real cheese." It's easy to spot a phony and even the calculating one reading this raised her eyebrows in questioning unbelief, really?
When placing my belief in Christ, I got the real seal (or the True seal). And my charge is filter everything through that true seal as well as to echo all I know to be true. Another way of understanding is that when we choose to believe, we are sealed with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13).The Holy Spirit directs me and teaches me what is true. Just as Christ was controlled by the Spirit, I too can be controlled by the Spirit. However, Christ was CONSTANTLY led by the Spirit, but I must choose to invite or ask the Spirit to rule and influence my life. The same power is available to me if I do invite Him. And it can speak words of life and truth to my beloved family.
My ministry as a mom and wife is to tell them what God teaches me and by God's design, Christ will increase in their lives and I will decrease.
The influence of this encourager, the best man, is undeniable. And I've experienced it first hand. Driving to meet grandma, I was listening to lies: I really am a horrible mother. I don't think the engineer likes me. I'm not a leader. I can't do anything well…. Ready to cry, in the pit of despair, something within tells me these are lies. And then we arrive. I have envisioned seeing her, crying, venting, complaining. And there she is, this special woman, this fellow "best man" to her family's wedding and she smiles while she embraces me. And that is enough. This woman, whose joy is complete in Christ, controlled by the Spirit helps me overcome the lies and spiritual battle in my mind simply through her presence.
Do I do that for my family? A convicting question. An iCal fanatic, I arrange my calendar to reflect that I cherish the bride, my family, but that my joy is completed by the groom, Christ. Now, I must follow the plan.

You make know to me the path of life;
in Your presence there is fullness of joy;
at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

What wedding picture is set in your mind when you read John 3:29-30? 

According to the gift of God's grace, I was given a ministry achievable only by the working of His power in me. Though I am the very least of all the saints, this ministry was given to tell my family the unsearchable riches of Christ and to bring to light for them what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things….For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant my family to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in their inner beings, so that Christ (not me) may dwell in their hearts through faith--that the engineer and golden heads, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breath and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that they may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:7-9,14-19, my paraphrase

What is your ministry? In that ministry, will you become less so Christ can become greater?

Best man

"Never love family more than you love Jesus. Our priorities should be Christ, spouse, family…" I thought I was doing well. Then in disappointment, I realized I had elevated my family. They did not meet my "need." Since Christ meets all my needs, expecting my family to meet my needs makes them essentially an idol. I took Christ off the throne of my life and put these four wonderful, yet imperfect beings, on the throne. My eyes were on my family, not on Christ.

Then God revealed to me a beautiful picture of a wedding. The bride is beautifully adorned spoken for by the groom. The groom has eyes fixed on and passion for his bride. And then, as a supporting witness to this marriage is the best man. He stands beside the groom and listens to the groom; he is loyal to the groom. Yes, he values the bride, but his first priority is the groom. Christ is the groom. Christ, not the bride, completes the best man's joy. My family is the bride. I am the best man. When I value and cherish the bride more than the groom, the bride (my family) becomes my focus, my influence, and I depend on them to meet my needs. Needs only Christ (the groom) is meant to fulfill. (See John 3:29-30.)
Family is a blessing, not a provision. When I feel frustrated and let down by my family (I'm sure the feeling is mutual), I need to reaffirm in my mind that Christ meets all my needs.

…since He Himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. Acts 17:25

'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.' John 14:27

You keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

…that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:19

I am inspired by Paul's example. Paul loved the church (Ephesians 3:14-19) and he prayed for the church but he loved Christ more!

I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Philippians 3:8 

Do you trust God to meet all your needs or like me, do you expect others to meet some of these needs? (For example: security, your value and purpose, physical needs--affection, possessions, quality time, etc--, peacefulness, strength, etc…) Could it be these amazing people in your life have been elevated beyond the bridegroom, Christ? Consider a prayer like this and reestablish Christ as your focus.

I repent of making the golden heads and engineer my focus, my idol. I turn to you. Holy Spirit, rule, reign and influence my life. And may, you, the bridegroom be the apple of my eye forever! Amen.

Do well

Some would say I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I can't deny my emotions even that much. I simply wear them on my face. I can't lie or mask what I'm feeling. I've come to view this as a  blessing. But, frustrated this week, I went beyond wearing them on my face; I totally vented. I still don't really know the root of the marital issue. However, I was feeling disconnected, separate, and not enjoying his company. My whole demeanor long-faced, feeling hopeless, I stumbled upon some notes I had taken from Victory over Darkness a year ago. It drew my attention to Genesis 4:4-7.

 4 and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, 5 but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. 6 The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." 

God clearly says to Cain, you can't feel your way into good behavior. You behave your way into good feelings. Is this what I've been missing in the busyness of summer schedules?
The ESV translates countenance as face. Cain clearly, like me, wore his emotions on his face, the outside of his body, not bottling it. But God who sees all, inside and out, takes note of Cain's outward appearance. His face which is obviously a reflection of his heart.
I think the punch is packed in verse 7. God tells Cain to do well. Actually in the Hebrew, God uses this word two times. This must be important. This word means to be good, pleasing, well, glad, joyful, rejoice, deal well with, do thoroughly, to make a thing good, right or beautiful. Sounds like a call to action. And yet, now I sit, sulking. Not much different than Cain.
"And if…" God says. Clearly, God is reminding Cain he has a choice: do good or sulk.
If Cain chooses to sulk, Satan crouches at the door. Satan wants nothing more than to bring men and women down. He's sneaky and waits at the door, waiting for an entrance. Like a cat that makes a v-line into the house the second the front door is opened. And in these moments of dejection, sulking, Satan knows we are weak. He sees the door cracked open and he'll weasel his way right in. Satan knows our points of vulnerability. He's a sneaky, creep.

…Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 1 Peter 5:8-9

God commands Cain to master or rule over the sin. I really think this can't be done outside of the Holy Spirit ruling in the life of a believer. Only then can the power of sin be defeated.

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? 1 John 5:4-5

We know the rest of the story in verse 8:

Cain told Abel his brother. And it came about when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him.

I have a choice: good actions or stewing over the negative. Cain choose to let sin referee his life. I can't feel my way into good behavior. I behave my way into good feelings. This is a conscious choice. I'm feeling crumby about my marriage today. I could sulk and feel miserable all day. Or do something that I enjoy or set to work enjoying the feeling of accomplishment. Emotions are real, but they can't be trusted. I must choose to do well.
You must constantly be checking yourself and asking, "Who's ruling in my heart?" Invite the Holy Spirit to rule, direct and influence all of you. Then do well.

Invitation

I love invitations. Beyond the graphically creativity, it's so exciting to get invited; to think the host values your presence at the event.
This week, I was pondering a bit more about the peace of God ruling in my heart and how I need to invite Him there.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which you were called in one body…Colossians 3:15a

When we ask Christ to rule in our hearts, He will. No need to wait on a RSVP. However, my revelation is if we don't ask the Spirit to influence and rule our lives, sin will rule my life. Sin or Satan need no invitation. Sin imposes and influences when we are not intentionally choosing to invite the Spirit to rule. My lack of action or invitation results in sin dictating my thoughts, feeling, emotions and whole being. Satan is a slithering, sneaky little snake.
And pondering what have I let control me in recent past is humbling. Sin takes many forms: personality bent (pleasing, bossy, controlling…), emotions, addictions (food, alcohol, drugs, sex, power…), people and even insecurities that become idols. This one I totally overlooked! Nearly my entire life, I have been so insecure in regards to my physical appearance that I didn't realize that it has controlled me.
It's evident that we need to constantly analyze our hearts and ask ourselves, Who's ruling or controlling me right now? If it is not the Spirit, then we need to practice the ART of confession then ask His Spirit to control us.
Even if you don't feel differently, know that He is ruling according to faith in His command and promise. God commands us to be filled or controlled by His Spirit:

"Don't be influenced by wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be influenced by the Holy Spirit." Ephesians 5:18

God's promise is that He hears and gives us anything we ask for that aligns with His will:

"And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him." 1 John 5:14-15

Reflecting on the past six month or year, what has been controlling you? Choose right now to practice the ART of confession and invite the Holy Spirit to rule your life. No need to await His RSVP, He's been waiting for the invitation.

Broken

Empty egg shells scatter the ground each spring. Unless the egg hatches, the baby bird isn't realized. It can't become what God created it to become until the shell breaks.
I've been enjoying, The Calvary Road by Roy Hession the last few weeks. A fairly easy read, its thought provoking messages teach me. Among others, the theme of brokeness prevails. "Brokenness in daily experience is simply the response of humility to the conviction of God," (p. 23). It's contemplative essays have really caused me to thoroughly examine my heart consistently. And if my heart is not at peace, then sin is prevailing. As I wrote last week, this means sin is on the throne of my heart.

Let the peace of God rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:15

The word rule in this verse is where we get our word referee. Just as a referee blows a whistle when a foul is committed, my restless heart means there is sin lurking within; a foul has been made.
This began changing my quiet times, but now even my moments throughout the day. If I find myself irritable, I stop and ask, Why is there no peace in my heart? Often, I find that I respond in sin when others ruffle my feathers; everything that disturbs our relationships comes between us & God. In respond to other's sin, I sin; we don't loose peace with God over another person's sin, only our own. Defensiveness of the engineer suggesting I concentrated the weed killer a little too much; self-righteousness.
Or pride. At bedtime last week, the compassionate one began reading the Psalms on her own, reading a verse I had shared just prior in the day at breakfast. "Mommy, you are amazing!" Finally, someone gives me credit for all the time I spend studying and memorizing Scripture. And the next morning, I feel awful: Pride.

..God is light and in Him is no darkness at all…If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:5b, 7

But when anything is exposesd by the light, it becomes visible. Ephesians 5:13

You see, when I walk with God, He will show me my sin. He will break me and expose the reason the referee has blown the whistle. When I confess my sin and turn to God, the Holy Spirit is again on the throne of my life. Peace is ruling. Like the baby bird in its shell, only when I am broken can I become all He has planned for me.
As you go through your day, ask yourself if you are at peace. If so, keep walking with Him with the Holy Spirit on the throne of your life. If not, it's time to get dirty, pull up the sleeves and crack the shell.

Lightbulb

Sometimes things just click. Come together. Sometimes I can suddenly say as Mr. Gru in Despicable Me, “Lightbulb!” And God in His gracious, merciful being reveals these truths to me in layers, perfectly timed so that I might see the picture He's masterpiecing.

Driving last weekend, Dara MacLean's, "Free" came on the radio. Belting it out as countless times before, suddenly I realized God wants me to claim my freedom.

Hurting heart and broken wings
Cannot stop Your love from always finding me
No more days wasting away
I finally realize the gift inside of me
My strength alone will never be enough
Your arms keep lifting me up.
You tell me I've been made free
You give me everything I need to walk in my dreams.

I saw a glimpse of God telling me, stop claiming your insecurities...I made you free. When you feel insecure, claim that I have made you free.

My mind went to studying "Who I am in Christ" through Neil Anderson's book Victory Over the Darkness. I am accepted, secure and significant. When I feel insecure about my body, I need to continually claim that I am complete in Christ, there is no condemnation for me because I'm in Christ, I am adopted as His child and He can never reject me.

Fast-forward two days...working through discipleship with a mentor and parked in Matthew 6:25-34. In my 30 years of following Christ, I have never notice Jesus saying in this verse, "Do not be anxious about your life...nor about your body." Years of quickly summarizing this passage saying, don't worry about food or drink or clothes but I’ve missed the phrase tucked between those two…“nor about your body.” The birds don’t worry but simply carry on daily tasks as God created them to do. They take care of their bodies but don’t worry or fret about their bodies.

My mind quickly tries to justify, but what about the literal scars on my body from the past: Stretch marks, flabby skin? Yet Jesus took my shame upon Himself, on His scarred body on the cross (Psalm 69:9).

Jesus doesn’t see those literal or emotional scars anymore so why would I fret about them?

Therefore, do not be anxious saying, “What do I look like?” For unbelievers seek after these things and your heavenly Father knows your body. Instead, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:31-33, my paraphrase

Anxiety is to be replaced by two directives. The first, seeking the kingdom of God, is submitting every area of my life, even my insecurities, to Him and letting all of me be under His domain. The next directive, seeking His righteousness, is choosing to obey His commands, His written Word. When I take the focus off myself (my insecurities) and focus on His rule, reign and my obedience to Him, security in my body image will be given to me.

In studying this scripture, the question was asked, What have you let rule and control your life in the past months? Why? Lightbulb! I suddenly see that in trying so hard to overcome my bodily insecurities by reading books, studying how to, I have let these bondages that I’m trying to break free from, rule and control my life, motives, actions and attitudes. I have also let food, what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, etc, rule my life. The insecurity of my body and food has been sitting on the throne of my life. It is what I have been focusing on instead of Christ and allowing His rule on my life. Why? Deep down, I don’t trust God to heal or sustain me through this process. But what of trust?

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And rely not on your own understanding,
But in all your ways acknowledge Him
And He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

And we know that for the good of those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:38

Lack of trust, lack of His rule and reign in my life, has resulted in no spiritual fruit, no peace, no gain in self-confidence. Jesus said by their fruit you will know they are His. I have lacked fruit. I want fruit.

So I keep thinking, who cares? Who cares if I eat dessert? I am accepted. There is no condemnation for me. Who cares if I have a belly? God calls me His own, I am His and He can never reject me. When insecurity creeps in, I literally say, Christ doesn’t care about the insecurity; it doesn’t define me. He accepts me.

Realizing this truth is huge, but consistently, continually letting Him rule and control my life is my next step. The hardest step. In my quiet time, I see and grasp this concept so easily and clearly. Then the day begins…I quickly loose sight. A visual comes to mind of Jesus’ yoke. Neil Armstrong describes Jesus’ teaching recorded in Matthew 11:28-30 in his book Victory Over the Darkness. A yoke is designed for two oxen, pulling in the same direction. Often, a younger ox is trained side by side by an older, seasoned ox. I am the younger, inexperienced, don’t know what I’m doing at times ox. Jesus is the strong, experienced, older ox carrying most the burden, teaching me. And when Isaiah paints a contrasting picture of worn out or renewing strength in chapter 40:28-30, I see the yoke:

He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
And to him who has no might He increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
And young men shall fall exhausted;
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary;
They shall walk and not faint.

Growing up, my parents had a corkboard with the phrase, “Things I have to remember not to forget.” So as I focus on being yoked with Jesus throughout my day, I think to myself, God, help me to remember not to forget that YOU are the seasoned ox, I may be weary, I may feel insecure, but You call me Your own and You renew my strength.

What or who has been ruling and reining your life the past months? Why? What steps will you take today to let God back on the throne of your life as the seasoned ox?