If then mothering

Awoken by the upbeat tune of her alarm clock while she's bunking with big sisters after a late night movie, I sit with coffee, moving her latest piece of artwork from my seat. Ah, that little girl is growing up too fast! I don't spend enough time with her. How could I engage more with her? Enter her world? 
I open my Bible to Proverbs 2 and ponder wisdom.
My thoughts shift to the littlest one in our gang and I thank God for the good night's rest and then ask forgiveness for doubting that I'd get it. As I went to bed last night, I was already begrudging and fretting over a presumed middle of the night crying. Ah, selfish mom. 
The buzz word in my circle of friends is, "mom guilt." And it's not even true. It's a lie from Satan himself. But I hear those lies: you're not enough, you messed up again, he's not thriving...
Then I look out the window and up to see cotton ball clouds scattered across the light blue skyline. Considering my grand, awe-inspiring God, stops me in my tracks. That's the answer: God. Where does my help come from? How do I combat mom-guilt? How do I not fall for the lies? How do I mother well? God.
Tucked in Proverbs 2, is a amazing if then formula for mothering.

IF I make my ear attentive to God's wisdom;
IF I turn and make my heart to understand;
IF I ask God for insight and understanding;
IF I pursue God's perspective and wisdom and insight like I would pursue cold hard cash,
THEN I WILL understand the best way to live and discover His know how.
For God gives wisdom...
And I will be delivered from "mom guilt,"
Satan's path of lies leads to death: depression, lack of an abundant life and shame.
"Mom guilt" is a dead end street.
Escape the dead end: ask God how. Proverbs 2, my paraphrase

The truth is, despite my seeking, I will mess up. My life is a string of messing up, heading down that dead end road, believing Satan's lies, following the way of guilt and then making a u-turn, headed on God's road.
For instance, two days later, my morning mind fast-forwarded to the list of tasks in the bursting-full day ahead and she entered the kitchen in a mood. I fell for the trap, the dead end, reacting in my own snappy voice, rushing hastily and rudely. Though I realized my mistake, the whole day felt drab and heavy. It was almost as if I couldn't believe God's grace really was meant for me AGAIN. Would He really lead me out of this "mom guilt" (and wife guilt) road again? Why was Romans 8:1 (no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus) so hard to accept, to believe?
Because it's truly unfathomable! Even though I choose to forgive a wrong done to me, do I forget it? No, it's always there, in the back of my mind. Sometimes in the forefront when I think of that person. But God doesn't work that way. He forgives and forgets.
How do I move on, out of the guilt that lingers even though theologically I believe I'm forgiven? The answer might be tucked deeper in Romans 8. "For the mind set on flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace." I can't move out of the "mom guilt" because I'm thinking about my sin, my shortcoming, my inability. What I started thinking about God's unfathomable grace, His forgiveness (and forgetting) and the abundant life He's promised me instead? That's God's perspective and I must set my thoughts on His way, then I will find wisdom in mothering.
Whether you're a mom, dad, employee, neighbor, friend or co-worker, where is your thought life today? Are you feeling insecure, condemned, not enough? These are lies luring you down a dead end road. Ask God to lead you in a u-turn, teaching you His perspective, His way of life and peace.

Deceived

"Character is built in adversity. Character is built in adversity. Character is built in adversity..." I repeat over and over in my mind as we paddle canoes down the river in the heavy rain. I recall the gorgeous paddling weather of the day before and press on, trying my best to see every beautiful gift from the Maker and setting an example for the golden heads.
From across the river, wrapped in a poncho and perched under an umbrella in the middle of the other canoe, sits the one the engineer has coined, the "Egyptian Princess," mainly because of such requests as, "Could you not splash me?" and "Could you paddle faster?"
Meanwhile, the engine paddler on my canoe has had her fill of paddling in the rain! "That's it. I'm not paddling anymore. She's not the only princess. I want to be the princess too!"
Knowing, there was seriously little to be done about our predicament, I reasoned, "Sweetie, I'm so sorry that you weren't born into royalty. You would make an wonderful princess with your fair skin and golden blonde hair." The truth is, she is a princess of an eternal kingdom (Ephesians 1:5, Galatians 4:5).
What a creep Satan is to feed her lies that would cause her to believe that in her trialous state of paddling down the river in the rain, she would be somehow be dethroned from her heirship.
But oh how I relate! Out on a morning run, the deceiver  (Revelation 12:9) fed me a lie. Right away, I thought, This seems like a lie from Satan. I muttered some words I knew to be true but wasn't convinced. Later that evening, I shared the lie with my trusted friend. His reaction was enough to make me see this was a lie and I had believed it. Throughout the hours of insomnia, I was able to speak truth over and over in my mind and in the morning sunshine, thank God (and the engineer) for the truth I believe; I am valued and accepted.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Some of our trials will seem silly. Like paddling in the rain. Some a crisis of who we are in Christ or a crisis of faith in a good God. Big or little, these pain-staking bumps in the road give us a chance to strengthen our faith, build our character to be more like Jesus'.
What trial are you facing right now? Will you allow yourself to be lied to by the deceiver or will you face Satan with the truth, stand on the Word of God and become more like Jesus.

Now

I was ugly. I was impatient. I was irritable. I was frustrated. At the root of it all, I wasn't trusting God. We had looked forward to this day at Valleyfair with the boisterous one since Christmas and the pain shot and pierced from my back to my middle. How would this day look when I couldn't enjoy any attractions and one-on-one moments with my dear child? How long would the day feel if all I did was wait on the bench while she and the engineer went on ride after ride without me? There was so much uncertainty. What if I went on a ride despite my ailment and was left completely debilitated for days?
As I slowly hinged at the waist to tie my shoes, I thought about how I wasn't trusting God's plan for my today, even though I've applauded many obedient believers who have trusted God. I wanted so badly to trust and I know that God is trustworthy, but I couldn't cross that line.
I envisioned gratitude saving my day if I was forced to sit and wait through each ride by myself. I would consciously choose to thank God for every gift: sunshine, leaves, blue hair, smiles, missing teeth, the smell of wet clothes...
On the other side of our day at Valleyfair, I see God's faithfulness and provision. I was able to ride and my back feels none the worse (maybe better). As I confess my bitterness and lack of trust, I realize that truly what matters is trusting God's plan for my now. This ailment has made me realize that

• sometimes God calls my now to be serving others
• sometimes God calls my now to be resting in Him
• sometimes God calls my now to be trusting in His provision.

God told the rebellious Israelites through Isaiah, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength," (Isaiah 30:15.) The Israelites were unwilling to return, rest, be still and trust in God's plan for their now (especially when their nation's future seemed so uncertain) and so God let them go to their own demise.
I'm so used to doing. I have a heritage of doing. When you're Dutch, you serve; it's what you do. But this ailment has often denied me the opportunity to do anything (literally). And God, in His generosity toward me, showed me how He loves me through the engineer. My programmed brain believes that if I can serve my husband and if I can do more for him, he'll love me more. Yet, in his constant concern with how I'm feeling, his offered hand of assistance, his consistent meeting my needs and then embracing me when I least expect it and saying, "I love you," when I couldn't do anything, I see that my worthiness of love has nothing to do with what I accomplish. That's how God loves me. I don't have to do anything and He loves me and delights in me even when I can't do anything (Zephaniah 3:17).
I trust He will call me to work for Him again. God's given me a passion and love for serving others, but that may not be His plan for my now.

"O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch." Psalm 5:3

I never know how I'm going to feel each morning: could be great, could be awful. But every morning, I can come to Jesus and say, Here I am. Here's my now. I trust in Your plan for my now. And then I watch Him show up.
How is God calling you to trust His plan for your now? Will you choose to rest in the truth that your worthiness of love has nothing to do with what you can accomplish? He simply loves you for being you!

Root

The mind is a constant interpreter of what we hear and experience. My ears hear, "Wow, that is some really pink nail polish." My mind interprets, That is the ugliest color in the world; you are ugly. I experience a sassy, yelling at others golden head and my mind interprets, You're doing a horrible job as a mother.
The mind is a battle field between truth and lies, good and evil. Satan is constantly trying to tempt, distract or attack us and it starts in the mind. The mind interprets based on a primary emotion or fear that often finds its root in an early experience. While it may be interesting to pinpoint the experience that sprouted all this (facing it, forgiving and begin healing), what's more important is knowing the root emotion. In the case above, the emotion is fear of conditional acceptance. When you can pinpoint the primary fear or emotion, you hold it up to the flawless Word of God and speak truth.

• He chose me in Christ before the foundation of the world that I should be holy and blameless before Him. (Ephesians 1:4)
• See what kind of love the Father has given to me, that I should be called a child of God; and so I am. (1 John 3:1a)
• I can go to Jesus and He will never reject me. (John 6:37) 

To believe anything counter to God's Word is to believe a lie and fall victim to Satan's attack.
What emotional language does your brain interpret? Spend time identifying the root emotion or fear and then search God's Word for the truth of the matter. I love these truth statements from Neil Anderson.