What's enough?

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

This is why we were created: to show the world God's goodness. But when I think of being God's handiwork, I wonder what's enough?
Struggling with certainty in my roles, I wonder if I am suppose to do more outside or even within these four walls (our family's home). I know I'm called to do the urgent within these walls, just as the engineer is called to provide for his family, but am I missing a call or ministry outside (or from within) these walls?
I've heard over and over, give yourself grace the first year with baby. Heck, I've preached this message myself, but something in me can't help but wonder if I'm missing a work for which God has made me. What about other goals or ministries: freelance graphics; writing; intentional bedtime prayers, hugs and chitchats; date nights; relationships with unbelievers; volunteering at church...? Every time I attempt to add one of these, I get overwhelmed.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, Ephesians 2:4-8

I am God's creation gone wild and then by His goodness alone, reclaimed because of my faith in Jesus' perfect offering of Himself in place of my life. And God did this for His glory and my good joy. He gets glory when I show the world how good and kind He is.
Whatever I do, has to show God's grace to the "world" in which I'm sitting. Show them that I am nothing and God in His mercy, love, riches, and kindness, gave me a gift: salvation, joy, peace and contentment (just to name a few).
Today, I need to wear His salvation "on my sleeve" for all in my sphere of influence to see. I have to believe that this is enough work. It's gotta be; it's all I got most days!
How can I do this while pursuing other ministries or life goals? I need to be real. The people I meet along the way have to know who I was before God's grace gift to really know His infinite rich grace to me and that it is also available to them. They have to know how rebellious and sneaky I was as a teenager, wanting to fit in with the world and yet have a good face on Sunday. They need to know how self-righteous I was in college, thinking I could gain God's favor through my own self discipline and depravation. They need to know I was a nervous, sleepless wreck last night and God in His goodness gave me peace in the morning. Everyone I meet today, needs to know that the same God who rescued me from who I was before wants to rescue them. He wants to show them mercy, love, generosity and kindness. It's never too late and He never says never.
So what's enough work? Well, we can set out with big goals, but achievement is secondary to showing people the patience and goodness of Jesus along the way.
No matter the goal of your work, what is one way you can show or tell those in your sphere of influence today God's goodness toward you and how in His kindness, He gave you a grace gift and it's changed who you are today.

Now

I was ugly. I was impatient. I was irritable. I was frustrated. At the root of it all, I wasn't trusting God. We had looked forward to this day at Valleyfair with the boisterous one since Christmas and the pain shot and pierced from my back to my middle. How would this day look when I couldn't enjoy any attractions and one-on-one moments with my dear child? How long would the day feel if all I did was wait on the bench while she and the engineer went on ride after ride without me? There was so much uncertainty. What if I went on a ride despite my ailment and was left completely debilitated for days?
As I slowly hinged at the waist to tie my shoes, I thought about how I wasn't trusting God's plan for my today, even though I've applauded many obedient believers who have trusted God. I wanted so badly to trust and I know that God is trustworthy, but I couldn't cross that line.
I envisioned gratitude saving my day if I was forced to sit and wait through each ride by myself. I would consciously choose to thank God for every gift: sunshine, leaves, blue hair, smiles, missing teeth, the smell of wet clothes...
On the other side of our day at Valleyfair, I see God's faithfulness and provision. I was able to ride and my back feels none the worse (maybe better). As I confess my bitterness and lack of trust, I realize that truly what matters is trusting God's plan for my now. This ailment has made me realize that

• sometimes God calls my now to be serving others
• sometimes God calls my now to be resting in Him
• sometimes God calls my now to be trusting in His provision.

God told the rebellious Israelites through Isaiah, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength," (Isaiah 30:15.) The Israelites were unwilling to return, rest, be still and trust in God's plan for their now (especially when their nation's future seemed so uncertain) and so God let them go to their own demise.
I'm so used to doing. I have a heritage of doing. When you're Dutch, you serve; it's what you do. But this ailment has often denied me the opportunity to do anything (literally). And God, in His generosity toward me, showed me how He loves me through the engineer. My programmed brain believes that if I can serve my husband and if I can do more for him, he'll love me more. Yet, in his constant concern with how I'm feeling, his offered hand of assistance, his consistent meeting my needs and then embracing me when I least expect it and saying, "I love you," when I couldn't do anything, I see that my worthiness of love has nothing to do with what I accomplish. That's how God loves me. I don't have to do anything and He loves me and delights in me even when I can't do anything (Zephaniah 3:17).
I trust He will call me to work for Him again. God's given me a passion and love for serving others, but that may not be His plan for my now.

"O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch." Psalm 5:3

I never know how I'm going to feel each morning: could be great, could be awful. But every morning, I can come to Jesus and say, Here I am. Here's my now. I trust in Your plan for my now. And then I watch Him show up.
How is God calling you to trust His plan for your now? Will you choose to rest in the truth that your worthiness of love has nothing to do with what you can accomplish? He simply loves you for being you!

Chose

Walking through the crisp winter sunshine, I am overwhelmed! This must be a dream. How could I be so lucky? It's 8:05am and I've already engaged in two great conversations with brilliant young ladies, drank two cups of Caribou coffee made by the engineer, baked breakfast for my family, enjoyed a hot shower, have bed-sheets in the washing machine, stirred up bus-stop chatter with neighborhood kids, received a greeting and wave from a new neighbor and am shoveling the drive-way. I am so blessed! My thoughts immediately went to the engineer who holds down the other end of the teeter-totter: working long-days at a stressful, high-paced job. What did I do to deserve the better end of that (well, today anyway as there were no "trouble on the high-seas" among the golden heads before school)?
Then I saw the connection.

--but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 8:5

I was depraved, hopeless, pitiful and ugly and He chose me. I see myself on the lighter end of the teeter-totter.

…(God) chose me in (to be in) Christ before the foundation of the world, that I should be holy and blameless before Him. Ephesians 1:4

I was an enemy of God and He couldn't even look at me because I was sinful, yet God made a way for me to be at peace with Him because Jesus said yes to death on the cross. I did nothing to deserve saving from eternal condemnation and death. My penalty for being sinful should have been death forever in hell, but God gave me a gift: a get out of jail free card in Jesus. He wanted to have a relationship with me.

For our sake God made Christ to be sin who knew no sin, so that (when we are) in Christ we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

If you are in Christ, when was the last time you fully realize how blessed you really are? Take time right now to praise Him for choosing you!

Chicken and broccoli

CLANK, CLINK, CLANK-CLANK. Looking up to the noise overhead, I spy the aphid heaving its little shell body into the light fixtures above. Pausing a moment, I realize, that's what I've been like the last 10 weeks. Clanking, banging around like (as my mother used to say) a chicken with my head cut off.

"Love more and more, and aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one." 1 Thessalonians 5:10b-12

And while we haven't ceased to have food to eat and the house isn't in shambles, it's likely a pace that's not beneficial to all in my family and thinking about Paul's decision in 1 Corinthians 8:13, the lady bug gives me a new understanding or application.

"Therefore, if my busyness causes my family's relationship with Jesus to falter, I will never run around crazy, if it makes my family fall away from Jesus." (my application of 1 Corinthians 8:13)

Reading on in Corinthians,

"For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them." 1 Corinthians 9:19 

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God…not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved." 1 Corinthians 10:31,33b

I feel called to lay aside some of my own preferences so that I might serve for God's glory. Loving a plan of action, I make my list of tangible ways to love and serve those within the walls of my home. This is the creative part that comes easily for me…but the day to day rubber meets the road application is definitely tougher! However, if I don't apply God's Word to my life, it would have been better to not even had read God's Word or listened to His conviction.

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing." James 1:22-25

Not applying God's Word and personal convictions in my life is like looking in the mirror, seeing I have a chunk of broccoli stuck in my teeth and walking away without doing anything about it. And who wants to be that person? No, I will remove the broccoli; I will take the steps to love and serve my family.
When God convicts your heart about something, do you respond? Will you take the principle and put it into action? Or will you walk around with broccoli stuck in your teeth?

Nets

"Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men." And immediately they left their nets and followed him. Mark 1:17

 The ESV adds become in its translation, indicating an future process of change or growing. The disciples weren't yet fishers of men, but would be transformed into what Jesus' will was for them and Jesus would do the work (I will make). Jesus did the fashioning, molding or transforming in his disciples in New Testament times and is molding you and me now if we follow him. Our action of following comes first.

And immediately Jesus left the synagogue and entered the house of Simon and Andrew, with James and John. Now Simon's mother-in-law lay ill with a fever, and immediately they told him about her. And he came and took her by the hand and lifted her up, and the fever left her, and she began to serve them. Mark 10:29-31

Simon had a mother-in-law, so we infer that he was married. Simon left more that just his nets, to follow Jesus; he left his family for a time (or maybe his family followed Jesus and his disciples.) This rocked me. If Jesus calls the engineer to do a completely time-consuming ministry in which Jesus would work through him and the engineer had to leave our family for days and weeks to become what Jesus intends, I would have a really hard time accepting God's will. I have always held tightly to keeping family before or above ministry on the priority list. This revelation of family in Scripture reminds me to hold loosely. However, I am comforted: Jesus showed up at Simon's house and healed Simon's mother-in-law. Jesus cares about families and will take care of them, providing for all their needs. I'm sure he'd do this even if Jesus hadn't physically walked into the home. He is an omnipresent God. I wonder what the perspective would be from Simon's wife. How many stories would she have of how God provided, cared and healed their family while she was "holding down the fort" during Simon's following?
A day after my pondering, the blue Jays moved in. In my office, I look out a window overlooking the boisterous one's rainbow flower garden. At first I noticed just one blue jay, then realized it was a whole flock. I had never noticed a blue jay in my yard prior to this, so it really grabbed my attention. I wondered why they had moved in and then I recalled the sunflowers she had planted. Food: the blue jays were after the sunflower seeds. Remember that movie, Field of Dreams and that famous voice in the corn field: "If you build it, they will come," ? Suddenly in my head is the phrase, "If you feed them, they will come."
Mark chapter one: fishers of men. If you feed them (literally as Jesus did feed the 5000+ and then 4000+ and figuratively feeding spiritually), they will come. Read through any gospel account, people flocked to him! When they follow, God's Word and Holy Spirit will do the work to transform them.
In the middle of preparing my teaching on 1 Corinthians 3, I see the parallel. Our class membership attendance has fallen from last year. But if follow (and leave my nets) he will make me become fisher of men. And if I feed them, they will come.
Since my calling, I've had the hardest time leaving my nets: my family. Just a day prior, the boisterous one ran off the school bus and asked, "You're coming to my fall walk, aren't you?" In fact, I had not volunteered for this field trip. Intentionally, this was an act of leaving my net. And even now as I work on my teaching, watching the blue jays, her look of devastation rips my heart in two. I know I'm called to teach right now but I'm feeling guilting about "leaving" my family. Knowing I'm following Him, I press on in my study and preparation.
A while later, I indulge in the last piece of Dove dark chocolate from Valentine's Day. (It is fall but, chocolate keeps, right?) I don't believe in horoscopes but I do believe God speaks to us in sometimes bizarre ways. Inside the chocolate foil is a message: "You are exactly where you are suppose to be." Not on a field trip, but parked in God's Word preparing for teaching. So I resolve to do the work God has called me to for this season and allow him to provide and care for my family as I follow.

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 4:10

You have a mission you are called to for Christ. What is your "net" right now? Practice flexing your trust muscles and leave your "net" to walk following Him.

Different but same

Breathing hard and forcing my body to go, Exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale. He gives me a gift: a gorgeous goldfinch. A feast for my eyes. An invitation for conversation with Him, to take my mind of the agony of the run. Our conversation is filled with thanksgiving and He blesses me again with another goldfinch to marvel. Then, in camouflage, I see him; the mourning dove. My absolute favorite sound in the morning (yes, more than the coffee perking) is their song; perrr-coo, coo, coo. Yet, he's kinda ugly. Mostly uniform color of grey-brown and a member of the pigeon family, he doesn't look beautiful as the bright yellow finch.
And God gently says, They have different gifts and are equally mine. How true of His children as well.

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. 1 Corinthians 12:4-7

The same Spirit that lives in my golden heads, pastor, best friend, and the engineer lives in me. The Spirit gives each believer a gift (hospitality, mercy, leadership, evangelism, encouragement, giving, service, Biblical counseling, apostles, wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, miracles, prophecy, discernment, speaking in tongues, interpreting tongues, teaching, administration, etc.) as He chooses (1 Corinthians 12:11). Because our all-knowing God sees the big picture, He assigns different gifts to various believers and then weaves His believers together so that we as His church can accomplish His purposes. A mature believer uses their gift to serve Jesus, in gratitude for Jesus paying the debt of our sin. Because there are different gifts, this service looks different for everyone.
The engineer was given gifts of knowledge and service. I am gifted in hospitality and faith.
Different gifts, same Holy Spirit.
Because the engineer was given a gift to learn, research and study, he spends his time looking at every detail of buying a minivan. With faith and hospitality in my corner, I optimistically see the big picture and trust God will direct our paths to what we need. I spend my time praying and packing snacks and drinks so the golden heads don't collapse of starvation while we are out car shopping.
Different service, same Jesus.
We are both temples for the same Holy Spirit and we both use our gifts to serve and glorify Jesus' name by providing for our family. And giving life, energy and ability for all this activity is God, the Father and creator and sustainer of everything.
Different activities, same God.
The Holy Spirit, Jesus and God have different roles but are one, so also we as believers can can different giftings, service and action but serve and glorify one God and be unified, as one.
Before you discredit a fellow believer from brining something "good" to the table, recognize what their gifting is and repent of judging. Like the finch and the mourning dove, you are both valuable and equally God's. Thank God for her and your gifting and praise God that He weaves these different gifts together into one cloth for His purpose.

Serving in

I am God's servant (Romans 14:4, 18). He saved me to work and before I was born, He prepared work for me to do for Him (Ephesians 2:8-10).

The expected motivation for the work in Romans 14:17 & 18, jolts me: 

..for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. For he who is serves Christ in righteousness, peace and joy, is acceptable to God and approved by men.

First, remember that the kingdom of God is within the believer and it's not temporary (as is eating and drinking) but permanent. When you believe Christ as God's only Son and accept His sacrifice as sufficient payment to God for your sin, the Holy Spirit comes to live in you...that's the kingdom of God within you forever. Since this is a permanent and welcome invasion in your life, we should be concerned about lasting things:

1. Righteousness - God's standard of rightness & perfection, declared about us by Him.
2. Peace - Here it means the absence of confusion. Therefore, consistent and firm conviction that will not confuse others in regards to your motives and decisions. Further, God first declared peace with us  (Romans 5:1) so now we are to pursue to end hostility with others.
3. Joy - Chara, exceeding gladness that results in thankfulness. We are to rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15).

All three pillars are gifts from God to us. And when righteousness, peace and joy are driving factors of our acts of service, they are pleasing to God and others. Being approved by men is a bonus, what I desire most is to be acceptable to God.

First, I ask myself, am I serving? Then, I need to access my motives. Am I serving in righteousness, lack of confusion (peace) and joy? Consider these questions:

• Do I pursue truth in all situations? (Rather than assumptions or gossip.)
• Do others clearly and consistently see through my words, actions and attitudes why I serve?
• Do I build others up by my service?
• Do I serve with so much joy that it causes myself and others to be thankful?

These questions are convicting. I see need for improvement and adjustments. Especially in the area of mothering. I often jump to conclusions or assume the golden heads' disobedience or omission. Taxed, I often complain about my circumstance instead of realizing that I am blessed no matter the situation. What kind of example is that to my family and others? My words and body language often tear down their little hearts. I need a tune up, focusing on righteousness, peace and joy.
Ah, words. There is much power in the spoken or written word. A struggling, insecure 9-year old compassionate golden head who's momma told her she's beautiful, knows without a doubt that she is beautiful despite what the mean girls at school say. I know it all too well myself, I still recall, sitting on mom's bed, caught shaving my arms because I thought the hair on them was ugly and mom saying, "You're such a pretty girl." From that moment on, I knew deep down that I was pretty simply because my mom said it. There's something about a mother's affirmation. I don't even believe the sincerity in the engineer's words when he says I'm beautiful. They feel as words of obligation, not heart-felt conviction...but mom saying I look beautiful in my bridesmaid dress...now I know my worth.
In my own life, the power of these words is affirming as I struggle with my own beauty and value. Is the key to overcoming my insecurity, building others with my own words?

Pursue the things (righteousness, lack of confusion and joy) which make for peace and the building up of one another. Do not tear down the work of God (others)...Romans 14:19-20.

I am determined to affirm others (in truth) in the area of my weaknesses (esp. beauty and value). It may not be their struggle but to me, it takes eyes off self and places it on others.

These are the things that you shall do: Speak the truth to one another; render in your gates (own minds) judgements that are true (righteous) and make for peace (lack of confusion in regards to my own motives). Zechariah 8:16

Survey your area of service, and if needed, ask God to graciously move you toward righteousness, peace and joy.

Well to the ways of her household

Every week, schedule shopping into you iCal. (This cannot be normal, but I seem to love shopping so much that even grocery shopping is a highlight to my week.) Although, I don't always enjoy watching the money just go, I have found that getting the monthly (weekly, bi-weekly, however you budget) budgeted amount for grocery and household goods in cash in an envelope has been very helpful to curb overspending. The engineer and I have been faithful Dave Ramsey Financial Peace Graduates for 7+ years now and in his teaching, I learned that studies on the brain showed that people who paid for purchases with a credit or even check card activated the pleasure center of the brain as where paying for purchases with cash activated the pain center of the brain. Try it for yourself, but I am a total believer! Parting with "real money" (cash) is much more painful to me than swiping a card, even if I'm buying milk and toilet paper.
In keeping your life simple, a couple tips on shopping lists. One idea is to have a monthly (or weekly) master shopping list. I used this for years. My list looked like this:

Cleaning
Toilet Cleaner
Clean Shower
Bleach
Household
Air Freshners
Electrosol
Era
Snuggle
Shout!
Charcoal
Lighter Fluid
Garbage Bags
Napkins
Paper Plates
Paper Towels
Toilet Paper
Softener Salt
Hygiene
Bar Soap-Zest
Razors
Shampoo/Conditioner
Toothpaste
Floss
Gel
Hair Spray
Deodorant
Cotton balls
Contact Solution
Wipes
Bath Bubbles
Dairy
Margarine
Yogurt
Eggs
Cottage Cheese
Frozen
Frozen Veggies
Frozen Pizza
Frozen Bread Dough
Baking
Flour – white & wheat
Sugar
Brown Sugar
Powdered Sugar
Chocolate Chips
Oil
Produce
On Sale Fresh Fruit
Potatoes
Green Pepper
Lettuce
Others
OJ
Raisins
Peanut Butter
Mac & Cheese
Spaghetti
Chips
COSTCO
Cheddar Cheese
Mozzarella Cheese
Tortilla Shells
Bananas
Yeast
Milk
Butter 

Each month, I printed this list, crossed out the items we didn't need more of for the coming month and then kept the list with me when I was shopping. Of course printed out, there was room to add to my list special ingredients for recipes and requests from the family.
For a while, I used the app called Grocery iQ. It allowed me to make a list of favorites (this would be my master shopping list), add stores, access online coupons, and more. I still use this to remember what kind of oil to buy for the car and truck, and what size air filter for the furnace/air conditioner.
It was a good app, but because I'm one of "those" couponer and sale-circular shopper, I found it easier to just keep my shopping list and sale items we purchase anyway in notes on my iMail (that syncs to my iPod). It seemed quicker to me to be able to type my list on the computer when I was at home, and while on the go, be able to edit it on my iPod.

Keeping milk and juice in the fridge, healthy & nourishing snacks on hand, and yes, even HelloKitty bandaids in-stock is providing for my family. They may never notice I have them stocked, but they will definitely notice if I don't have the essentials available! Sometimes it's an overwhelming feeling but I stop to trust in God that I'm falling in-line with the example of the Proverbs 31 woman:
¹³ 

She seeks wool and flax,    and works with willing hands. (v. 13)  

She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. (v. 14)

She rises while it is yet night    and provides food for her household    and portions for her maidens.  (v. 15)

She is not afraid of snow for her household,    for all her household are clothed in scarlet. (v. 21)

 She looks well to the ways of her household    and does not eat the bread of idleness. (v. 27)

Decide how you will organize your time and your shopping list in a style that fits you and provides well for your family.

Working

I've been pondering what work will I be doing in Heaven. Our service to Him now will be evaluated to help determine how we'll serve Him on New Earth (Heaven). It thrills me to wonder, what does God think I do well here on earth so that He'll have me doing it to serve Him in Heaven? Much insight can be earned from Jesus' parable of the Ten Minas in Luke 19:11-27. First, as an amazing notice of foreshadowing, notice Jesus tells this parable to the crowds as they walked toward Jerusalem right before his triumphant entry (Palm Sunday). He says, "A nobleman went into a far country to receive for himself a kingdom and then return." (v.12) How many times have I overlooked how much that foreshadows? Jesus, leaves the splendor of heaven enters earth to receive a kingdom, has left for a time and will return."Calling ten of his servants, he gave them ten minas, and said to them, 'Engage in business until I come.'" (v.13). He calls those of us who are his children and entrusts to us talents, money, time..and says work until I come back."But his citizens hated him and sent a delegation after him, saying, 'We do not want this man to reign over us.'" (v. 14) Just think, five days after Jesus shares this parable, the crowd yells "Crucify Him," (Luke 23:21.) And it is true today, when people who he loves and calls to himself reject him.When the king (Jesus) returns to his kingdom, he demands to know what his servants did with their minas. He commended the servants that worked and used their gifts. He condemned the one that did not. "'I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away." (v. 26) I want to think that I am using the talents, gifts, money, and things God has entrusted me with here on this earth so that when I get to Heaven, I will be entrusted with more. The more I serve Him now, the greater my capacity will be to serve Him in Heaven.
So, I think about the work God has given to me now. It isn't glamorous. Important, but not glamorized in our day: driving to practice and lessons, cleaning, cooking, teaching, nursing, discipling, book-keeping, organizer, back-rubber... Colossians 3:23-24 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." But if I am put on this fallen earth to work as preparation for our work in the New Earth (Heaven) then I really am working for the Lord. It makes me smile to think that as I'm scrubbing down the refrigerator again that I am working for the Lord and in preparation for my work in Heaven. (Although, surely, kids in Heaven won't leave sticky fingerprints all over...)
I will not soon forget a recent experience with the boisterous one. Walking through Menards, drooling over the coming displays of seeds and such, I am excited for a new growing season. I used the moment to sharing with the boisterous one how I hope that when I get to heaven, I get to work in the garden. Maybe I'll even have my own vineyard. In talking about Heaven recently, she has not been sure she's so excited about it but I'd like to think my enthusiasm has been contagious as she has now changed her mind and decided maybe she'd like to be helping me with gardening in heaven. Until that glorious day, I'll be working for the Lord here on earth.

Do less...BE more

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

It’s counter-culture really. We’ve been taught to do more. The more you do, the better you look, the more worth you carry. If you work more hours, you’ll move up the career ladder more quickly. If you keep your home immaculate, you’ll be the envy of your friends, not to mention housewife of the year. However, there’s something that doesn’t sit quite right with me. The New Living Translation of Psalm 39:6 pinpoints it, “We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.” NOTHING.

In my last correspondence with my mentor, she said, “We have been brought up to DO.  We're not good enough if we don't do.  You're not good enough unless you work hard, unless you garden and can and get up early and clean and bake for others and do and do and do.  What about just being?  What about just talking to God all through the day…”

That thought resonated in my heart for a week. All week long echoing, “Do less. Be more.” Especially with my family: resisting the urge to clean instead of just being with my golden heads. Putting aside my work at 9 o’clock to spend time with the engineer. In visiting with my mother-in-law attempting to share some of my resolve, she offers her wisdom and life-findings, “I realize now, the time is so short.”

Yet the world says, do, do, do. When I reflect on what I’ve learned about eucharisteo, thanksgiving (thanks for God’s gifts that bring joy) there isn’t much do in that. In fact, I believe that doing takes emphasis off the person you are serving and puts it on a tangible task like the Martha vs. Mary debate in Mark 10:38-42. While Martha runs around scurrying to do, Mary sits at Jesus feet and Jesus’ reply is “Mary has choose that good part, which will not be taken away from her,” (verse 42.) Jesus wanted Martha to do less, and look at Him. Jesus wants me to do less, and be more. So often, since this revelation, I find myself saying Jesus, direct my path, (Proverbs 16:9.)

“You do not delight in the tasks I can do or I would do them; you do not take pleasure in a long checked off to do list,” Psalm 51:16, my paraphrase.

“Seek first, the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you,” Matthew 6:33.

Who am I?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

In visiting with my wise mother-in-law tonight, she said something about jobs, “It’s not who you are, it’s just what you do.” That struck me and I see so much wisdom in it when I use it to measure up an outside the home job. What your employment is doesn’t define who you are. You are a child of God. Heir to His kingdom. More precious than rubies. Forgiven. Righteous. Perfect. Being made holy. However, my wrestle with this is, who does that make me? My job is in the home: being a mom, home keeper, wife. I think I am these things in additions to His daughter. Is there error in this? Or am I a mom and a wife but in the eyes of God not a home keeper? I don’t know how to be the best mom and wife I can without keeping my home in an organized, tidy manner. I can’t seem to overlook sticky floors, splatter all over the cupboards, running out of ingredients and supplies and just be “there” as a mom and wife. I don’t feel like I can have one without the other. Is there error in this? I know in all things I should strive for balance and meanwhile maintain perspective: it’s more important for me to give time, service, physical affection, gifts, words of affirmation to my kids than having clean bathrooms. Or is having the clean bathrooms and kitchen and floor and clothes part of the service to my husband and children? “I am not a home-keeper, it’s just what I do,” but “I am a home-keeper, mom and wife.” What does scripture say about this?

1.       Alicia revealing her heart

2.       Golden heads helping me shop

3.       Patience to make it through the shopping

4.       Being able to treat them to lunch

5.       3 more Scoops tokens

6.       Giffeys arriving safely

7.       Kids not missing a beat

8.       Big kids talking until 10

9.       Heart to heart with Gail past midnight

10.   The compassionate one offering to take out the trash

11.   The engineer’s flight arriving earlier than previously thought

12.   Micah being able to spend the night at home..not Mayo

13.   Opportunity for Micah to see his doctor for a check-up

14.   The miracle You’re going to do in Micah’s life

15.   Big kids up and excited to be together at 6am!

16.   Kids Camp pictures

17.   Ability to mop the kitchen floor & wash away “sticky”

18.   Seven kids climbing onto the hammock with me in the middle

19.   Popcorn all over the ground…feeding the birds

20.   Bottle caps on the table

21.   Ice cream in a bag with the older kids

22.   Naps for the middle kids

23.   Treasure in heaven

24.   Opportunity to go to Kracht Garbage Day

25.   Being “emotional support” for grandma and mom

26.   Ability to share insight about marital roles with mom

27.   Derrick’s eagerness to serve at Garbage Day

28.   Delburt’s verbal gratitude expressed to Derrick

29.   Watching fathers and sons work together

30.   Watching brothers and cousins work together

31.   Safety getting home although sleepy

32.    Really sleeping until 8am

33.   Folgers

34.   Shawna serving grandpa compassionately...making scrapbooks

35.   A Sabbath without golden heads

36.   Family planning on the calculating one’s birthday party

37.   A week without being mom

38.   The golden heads eagerly staying at grandma’s for a week

39.   Eagerness of grandpa & grandma to have them a week

40.   Compassionate one making special K bars for grandpa

41.   Wanting grandpa to have the leftovers

42.   Visiting with uncle Carl

43.   Boisterous one’s kisses for grandpa great

44.   Cousins swimming for hours in the stainless steel calf feeder

45.   Find the boisterous one’s capris and undies

46.   Boisterous one so excited for grandma Barb’s play dough

47.   Living close enough to make a day trip “home”

48.   Laughing with the engineer about pulling the wrong chain for the ceiling fan

49.   Ripstick

50.   Ripping out cooper tubing with the skid loader

51.   Luke’s leadership

52.   Praying Philippians 2:1-4 for Kestrel

53.   Good movies

54.   Soaker hoses

55.   Blueletterbible.com

56.   Memories of the farm

57.   Picture of compassionate one and dad with the baby pigs

58.   Dew drops

59.   “Life is like a mountain railway” on itunes

60.   Over half the deck stained

61.   Drier weather to stain

62.   Cool morning breeze

63.   Fish in the pond

64.   Soaker hose

65.   Grandpa getting enough money to pay for the funeral

66.   Lunch & friendship with Alicia

67.   Running beside corn that I just barely taller than

68.   Having a birthday cake to make

69.   Slip & Slide

70.   Cousins coming to the party

71.   Having the deck stained

72.   Tiki Torches

73.   Repentance from selfishness

74.   Campfire with just the two of us

75.   Mulch in the flower bed

76.   Home Depot having plastic sheeting

77.   Bakery buns

78.   Java Chip Frappuccino @ Starbucks

79.   Realizing my homemade ones are just as good

80.   Stack of brush…gone

81.   Wearing a dress just because

82.   Shopping

83.   Finding the engineer half way between Eagan & Woodbury

84.   Going to “work” with the engineer

85.   Sitting in the little café for 30 minutes with the engineer

86.   Not getting our chicken so I could have Starbucks for lunch

87.   Not having to pay for our drinks & salad

88.   Opportunity to navigate new territory

89.   Tiny peppers

90.   Peas to pick

91.   Blossoms on the green beans

92.   Beets sprouting

93.   Sevin to stop Japanese beetles

94.   Learning to garden as a child

95.   Working from home

96.   Running up the stairs after dinner

97.   Peanut butter toast & apples for dinner

98.   Making jerky for Micah

99.   Note from Jessica