Focus

Joyous labor was mine to brainstorm, scrutinize and craft each little mom-made treasure for my golden heads. Laying each unique package out on Valentine morning beside the tower of raspberry cream crepes, the craft and delivery was indeed my focus for a time, but after the thank yous are said and they whisk out the door, I'm left with the substance: loving affection for my fold. Love is more important than the tangible gift.
In the middle of stuck inside winter, when the days seem unbearably long and monotonous, I am guilty of focusing on what I want (to avoid the downers) but I error because I miss seeing Jesus--the true answer to my need. I want Jesus to pull me out of this slump but I become so focused on deliverance, I miss the Deliverer.
When I am truly focusing on Jesus, the circumstances will become less important than the eternal Savior. Last Sunday, I heard "Christianity is an on-going call to every day believe in the Word of God." So my prayer must be submitting my spiritual and physical circumstance to God because He has power over the physical and spiritual realm (Colossians 2:15, Hebrews 2:14 Mark 4:39-41) and choose to believe His Word that

..for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the first born among many brothers. Romans 8:28-29

He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

Do you believe God is working? He has an endless number of powerful possibilities He may choose to work in your circumstance. Will you focus on what you think you want or on Jesus, the one you need? He is superior to the gift.

It's Grace

Everyday my reckless decisions unleash more opportunities to become attuned to God's grace toward me; to realize His generosity toward me when I have done NOTHING to deserve it. Actually, I've done everything to incur His hatred, punishment and damnation. There is truly nothing good in me!
In His righteous judgment, I deserve to stumble and perish, to sink in the pit I have made, to catch my foot in the net in which I've been hiding, to be caught in the work of my own hands (from Psalm 9).
Holed up during the arctic blast, we watched movies and had conversations about character's attitudes toward God and their rebellion. Instead of turning to God for purpose and satisfaction they turned to sex, drugs and alcohol. In my rebellion, I tend to turn to food. Yet because of His grace, Jesus says, "You don't have to stay there. Come to Me."

And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forgotten those who seek you. Psalm 9:10

Because I Come to Him, He awards forgiveness toward my rebellion and all the wickedness and evil propensities in me are replaced with Jesus' perfect righteousness. I trust that's what Jesus did for me. I am reminded of this when I clean up the smudges, crumbs and goo from my little guy's face.
It's typical for me to categorize the wicked as crooked politicians, shrewd businessmen, drug dealers and traffickers, but I am wicked. The ONLY thing that differentiates me from "them" is my choice to come as Jesus invites!
Pray that more would come to Jesus and do not neglect to thank Him for His undeserved grace toward you. 

"All who labor"

As the morning affords just a couple quiet minutes, I'm praying and pondering my thoughts, my circumstance, my anxiety. Am I valuable? Am I replaceable? Am I appreciated? Am I used?

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

It is human to spend my days acquiring self-worth and approval from others. I am easily fixated on approval from mankind. Desiring validation and  commendation, I feel deflated without it. It feels heavy.

The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts the Lord is safe. Proverbs 29:25

Jesus whispers, "You are working too hard for man's approval and it is a heavy burden, so come. No matter what others say, how they label you or make you feel, believe in My estimation of you."
First Peter 2:4 assumes we are coming to Jesus, ("As you come..") and affirms that we will be rejected, devalued by mankind but God has chosen us and deems us precious and as we choose to come to Him, rather than men for our identity. And as we come to Him, we are being fashioned into the person He has designed us to be.
Fearing man will leave you a hot mess but rightly fearing God, as we come to Him, is being fashioned into a masterpiece.

"Come to Me"

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
What would it look like if I learned what this really meant? For a month now, I've been praying this daily. Meditating on it. Believing it. Acting on it.
Today it means trusting in the Creator, not the created. Trusting in God for my hope and happiness, significance and security (New City Catechism, Question 17). My hope for this week doesn't depend on sticking to my new year's resolutions. My happiness for this day doesn't depend on a member of my family. My significance is not dependent on my job, or lack of employment.
The infamous they (whoever that is) say that one day your baby will just start waking up happy, jabbering to himself, playing, smiling... Well, I'm fourteen months into this and I can count on one hand the number of times that's happened. Nearly every wake time is followed by crying and panic. This little one wakes and depends on me for his happiness and security. It's a pathetic picture.
Is that what I look like? When the day's been a little tipsy-turvy, will I become an adult version of wailing, moaning and groaning for someone or something (uh, hum: chocolate and coffee) to be my hope and security? (Idolatry.) Or will I come to the Creator?
My security today and tomorrow rests alone in God my Creator, the very one who gives me breath.
I will claim that He is my happiness. He is my hope. He makes me significant. He is my security. I will come to Jesus and find rest.

If then mothering

Awoken by the upbeat tune of her alarm clock while she's bunking with big sisters after a late night movie, I sit with coffee, moving her latest piece of artwork from my seat. Ah, that little girl is growing up too fast! I don't spend enough time with her. How could I engage more with her? Enter her world? 
I open my Bible to Proverbs 2 and ponder wisdom.
My thoughts shift to the littlest one in our gang and I thank God for the good night's rest and then ask forgiveness for doubting that I'd get it. As I went to bed last night, I was already begrudging and fretting over a presumed middle of the night crying. Ah, selfish mom. 
The buzz word in my circle of friends is, "mom guilt." And it's not even true. It's a lie from Satan himself. But I hear those lies: you're not enough, you messed up again, he's not thriving...
Then I look out the window and up to see cotton ball clouds scattered across the light blue skyline. Considering my grand, awe-inspiring God, stops me in my tracks. That's the answer: God. Where does my help come from? How do I combat mom-guilt? How do I not fall for the lies? How do I mother well? God.
Tucked in Proverbs 2, is a amazing if then formula for mothering.

IF I make my ear attentive to God's wisdom;
IF I turn and make my heart to understand;
IF I ask God for insight and understanding;
IF I pursue God's perspective and wisdom and insight like I would pursue cold hard cash,
THEN I WILL understand the best way to live and discover His know how.
For God gives wisdom...
And I will be delivered from "mom guilt,"
Satan's path of lies leads to death: depression, lack of an abundant life and shame.
"Mom guilt" is a dead end street.
Escape the dead end: ask God how. Proverbs 2, my paraphrase

The truth is, despite my seeking, I will mess up. My life is a string of messing up, heading down that dead end road, believing Satan's lies, following the way of guilt and then making a u-turn, headed on God's road.
For instance, two days later, my morning mind fast-forwarded to the list of tasks in the bursting-full day ahead and she entered the kitchen in a mood. I fell for the trap, the dead end, reacting in my own snappy voice, rushing hastily and rudely. Though I realized my mistake, the whole day felt drab and heavy. It was almost as if I couldn't believe God's grace really was meant for me AGAIN. Would He really lead me out of this "mom guilt" (and wife guilt) road again? Why was Romans 8:1 (no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus) so hard to accept, to believe?
Because it's truly unfathomable! Even though I choose to forgive a wrong done to me, do I forget it? No, it's always there, in the back of my mind. Sometimes in the forefront when I think of that person. But God doesn't work that way. He forgives and forgets.
How do I move on, out of the guilt that lingers even though theologically I believe I'm forgiven? The answer might be tucked deeper in Romans 8. "For the mind set on flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace." I can't move out of the "mom guilt" because I'm thinking about my sin, my shortcoming, my inability. What I started thinking about God's unfathomable grace, His forgiveness (and forgetting) and the abundant life He's promised me instead? That's God's perspective and I must set my thoughts on His way, then I will find wisdom in mothering.
Whether you're a mom, dad, employee, neighbor, friend or co-worker, where is your thought life today? Are you feeling insecure, condemned, not enough? These are lies luring you down a dead end road. Ask God to lead you in a u-turn, teaching you His perspective, His way of life and peace.

"Always"

"This is what you always do," she groans. "You tell me to do something I have no idea how to do. You just expect me to know."
I hate that word, "always." Really, "always"? I almost wonder if we should take it out of the English dictionary. Or at least my vocabulary.
I want to retaliate. Really, do we need to wash the dress right now at 7:30am? The kitchen is a mess, the baby wants to be held and I'd rather just drink a cup of coffee. And there's that stinkin' word always. Why does she always have to make mornings so difficult?
"Okay, let's go wash the dress." We muddle through the function of each machine dial and while holding baby brother, get the dress she wanted to wear to school today in the wash machine.
I retreat to the kitchen mess and begin my one-handed clean-up. While singing "So Rise and Shine," the umpteenth time, I ponder.
She stomps back to the kitchen, throwing herself into her chair at the table. "Draw a goldenrod."
"What?" I ask in bewilderment. What does the goldenrod she learned about in iNature have anything to do with washing clothes?
"See, you don't know how to draw it. You need me to show you," she makes her point and spins back out of my sight.
Finally, I hear her say that I don't teach her. She's saying she'd like to know how and I'm not taking the five minutes to teach.
I return to her pouting body sprawled out on the living room floor, admit that I've not done a good job of teaching her, I'd like to do better and I suggest we return to the whirling washing machine to review the dials on the machine. Why do moms need to be willing to change? Can't I just be right all the time?
Thankfully, she bounded off to the bus with a kiss, hug and smile while I retreated to my coffee cup and study of 1 Peter.

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9

I've been studying the meaning of the word translated, "bless." Our English word, eulogy is derived from this greek word. Zodhiates argues that it would be better translated "speak well of one" and also in 1 Peter three, it implies asking God to act in one's life. The application couldn't have been more spot on for the morning that had just unfolded. Every inch of my being wanted to retaliate, yell, justify my actions but God says through Peter, don't shout back, don't criticize or insult your child but instead speak well of her, listen to her and ask God to work in her life.
So often, I think of Scripture applying to the really big things in life, like being hauled to court and sued for holding fast to your moral convictions. Not what happened over the breakfast table, at the checkout lane or on the highway. Thankfully, my nine-year old helped me see that it indeed applies to the seemly little occurrences and encounters.
The rest of verse nine says, speaking well of others no matter how they treat us is why we were called into God's family or saved, so that we can be spoken well of by God and invite His work in our lives. Through this loving, sympathetic conversation with the golden head, humbly admitting my wrong and inviting Him to work in her life, He will also always work in my life. These encounters refine me to make me more like Jesus. And I think that's a better use of the word always.
The next verses in 1 Peter 3 reference Psalm 34:12-16, which I understand to be a formula for wisdom or the fear of the Lord. ("Come, o children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord," Psalm 34:11.) Take a few minutes right now to mediate on these verses. How does God want you to pursue peace today so that He might work in your life as well as those you speak well of, no matter how they may criticize you.

What's enough?

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

This is why we were created: to show the world God's goodness. But when I think of being God's handiwork, I wonder what's enough?
Struggling with certainty in my roles, I wonder if I am suppose to do more outside or even within these four walls (our family's home). I know I'm called to do the urgent within these walls, just as the engineer is called to provide for his family, but am I missing a call or ministry outside (or from within) these walls?
I've heard over and over, give yourself grace the first year with baby. Heck, I've preached this message myself, but something in me can't help but wonder if I'm missing a work for which God has made me. What about other goals or ministries: freelance graphics; writing; intentional bedtime prayers, hugs and chitchats; date nights; relationships with unbelievers; volunteering at church...? Every time I attempt to add one of these, I get overwhelmed.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, Ephesians 2:4-8

I am God's creation gone wild and then by His goodness alone, reclaimed because of my faith in Jesus' perfect offering of Himself in place of my life. And God did this for His glory and my good joy. He gets glory when I show the world how good and kind He is.
Whatever I do, has to show God's grace to the "world" in which I'm sitting. Show them that I am nothing and God in His mercy, love, riches, and kindness, gave me a gift: salvation, joy, peace and contentment (just to name a few).
Today, I need to wear His salvation "on my sleeve" for all in my sphere of influence to see. I have to believe that this is enough work. It's gotta be; it's all I got most days!
How can I do this while pursuing other ministries or life goals? I need to be real. The people I meet along the way have to know who I was before God's grace gift to really know His infinite rich grace to me and that it is also available to them. They have to know how rebellious and sneaky I was as a teenager, wanting to fit in with the world and yet have a good face on Sunday. They need to know how self-righteous I was in college, thinking I could gain God's favor through my own self discipline and depravation. They need to know I was a nervous, sleepless wreck last night and God in His goodness gave me peace in the morning. Everyone I meet today, needs to know that the same God who rescued me from who I was before wants to rescue them. He wants to show them mercy, love, generosity and kindness. It's never too late and He never says never.
So what's enough work? Well, we can set out with big goals, but achievement is secondary to showing people the patience and goodness of Jesus along the way.
No matter the goal of your work, what is one way you can show or tell those in your sphere of influence today God's goodness toward you and how in His kindness, He gave you a grace gift and it's changed who you are today.

Puddle

Writing the date in my journal and wondering why darkness hovers over me this morning, I remembered. Two years ago today, I sat in an outpatient surgery prep room, fighting nausea and waiting for the wee lifeless baby to be removed from my womb. This was my first lost little one. And even though two years of goodness and growth have been graced to me since that 2015 spring morning, my eyes still weep, my chest still heaves in sobs. I am a puddle.
Just this morning, over yogurt, strawberries and granola, the golden heads read the account of George Mueller's miraculous orphanage provision in the breakfast devotion and were encouraged by Romans 8:28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." We were challenged to remember throughout our day that Scripture says, all things. Not just a few things. Or a lot of things. Most things? No, ALL things.
I can testify to God's goodness and working even in my miscarriage: a stronger faith and trust in God, a strengthened marriage, a beautiful space between children and a healthy little baby boy. But that doesn't mean I don't cry for what was lost. I feel at loss of where to turn. Trusting God in the big picture, but remembering that stroke right now hurts. What do I do, right now in the hurt?

Likewise (waiting with full confidence for heaven) the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

I am trusting the Spirit to minister and direct my course of action and thoughts today. And then I ask those who know me best to pray.
Sometimes, I fault the engineer for being seemingly indulgent with our golden heads: too many Wild hockey games, downhill skiing, vacations, Twins games... But the truth is, we get to hold these children and kiss them in the morning and at night. We get to spoil them and it's just money anyway. Money we can't take and won't need in heaven. Hmmm. I think we need to celebrate with icecream today after school.
During these days with a four-month baby, I'm frequently quoting that song by The Shirelles, "Momma said there'll be days like this..." or Judith Viorst's Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, "Some days are like that, even in Australia." Don't you agree? Some days are just tough! What we do on those days? It's okay to shed a tear. It's okay to have an extra cup of coffee. It's wise to sit at the feet of Jesus and let Him speak to you and reassure you that even though there are days like this, He will work it out for our good and His glory!

Trying

Setting about my morning shower, her words before catching the school bus echoed through my mind, "I'm trying." We called her out on the attitude and she said she was trying to get over it; trying to be pleasant.
Lately, I've been wrestling with this idea that Christ followers try too hard. The beauty of the gospel is that we don't have to try harder but rather let God do the heavy lifting. Being saved from eternal death comes through faith in Jesus alone, not Jesus plus this or that (Ephesians 2:8).  Jesus already did the hard work when he set his face toward death on the cross. Yet, like my teenager, I find myself trying harder to be patient or kind or humble or ____. You fill in the blank.
Recently, while mediating on Romans 8:6, I had this little revelation: it's not about doing but thinking deeply on Christ, on the good news of salvation, on the Holy Spirit.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace...

Letting my thoughts linger on the good news of freedom from death, that's why Jesus went to the cross. So we can win! We see this command to think on the Spirit in Colossians 3:2 as well.
Jesus paid the ultimate price (His life) to set us free from trying harder to get over our habits, hurts and hang-ups!

...you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ... 1 Peter 3:18-19

Then, putting on mascara and thinking about how to not try harder to have a good attitude, I saw the log in my own eye. Typically, my contentment and joy is bound in my family's contentment and joy. But when someone in our family is out of sorts, I easily take on the same attitude, even though I'm telling myself to try hard not to have a sinful disposition. Even if there are moments in our home when no one is happy, my focus, my thoughts need to be on Jesus! My joy and peace and contentment should be from the good news: freedom, reconciliation, peace, hope of heaven. If I get to see happiness within the walls of my home, it's icing on the cake. And Lord willing, I may win them over with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4).
Jesus talked about this himself, the idea of not trying harder in Matthew 11:25-30:

At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.  Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

This understanding or revelation indeed is a gift to those who find it. Dwell deeply on the gospel. Come to Me (Jesus), not try harder or pull yourself up by the boot straps but rather, think about Me.
This isn't to say we sit around and do nothing. 1 Peter 1:17 begins, "If you call on Him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear (respect, reverence) throughout the time of your exile." You don't have license to do whatever you want because of your faith in Jesus. You will want to do the right thing. In fact, right after we read that salvation comes from faith ALONE in Jesus, Ephesians 2:10 goes on to tell us that we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus FOR good works, which God planned for us to do. When we can do something good, we shouldn't sit back and say, "I could give money toward digging wells in Africa, but I'm just going to sit here and think about Jesus." When given the opportunity to encourage, to give gifts, to serve others, we will want to and we should.
However, when you feel like you can't win, can't seem to do the good you really want to do, when the right attitude is hard to come by or patience alludes you, you don't try harder. You stop and think on the gospel. On the Spirit.
Admittedly, I fail miserably, especially when the baby's crying and needs to be fed simultaneously as the big golden heads. Or when I'm tired. Or when I crave more sugary, sweet stuff. Ahh! Think deeply. Feel deeply. About Jesus. About my freedom. About the Holy Spirit.
Is letting the Spirit work in me really only a cerebral effort on my part? I think and the Spirit works. I'm thinking life-giving, holy characteristics: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, love, obedience, reverence, glory of eternal life... That's where I stop and then let the Spirit do the work? Really? It sounds too easy. But then, so does salvation from eternal death by faith alone in Jesus Christ: Jesus lives a perfect life, dies on the cross as a payment for my sins and then God raises Him to life. I believe it and and I'm given eternal life.
For two weeks, I've been experimenting with this idea. And every time I stop to think about my attitude and actions, they truly are always a reflection of my thought patterns.
So what will you think about today? Are you sick and tired of trying harder only to fail or win sometimes? Will you join me in thinking deeply about Jesus? About the cross? About the Holy Spirit? About the gratitude? About the fruit of the Spirit? If so, I'd love to hear how it works for you. Leave a comment below and encourage us all with your thought pattern experiences.

Screaming

As I stepped outside into the winter air to start the grill, I thanked God that He caused the ignition switch to work so I didn't have to hunt down matches, try light the gas grill in the cold wind and thus delaying dinner which needs to be completed on a tight schedule so our family is punctual for evening activities. Is it unspiritual for me to think that a grill ignition switch is something for which to be thankful? I've been conducting a little experiment this week: tracking my attitude and my thought patterns throughout the day, then seeing how they relate.
As I returned inside from preheating the grill, I noticed how calm and peaceful I was before a busy night. Indeed, I think choosing to thank Jesus for the little gift of a working ignition switch rather just chalking it up to good luck is giving God glory and it changes my attitude to one of joy and peace.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6
Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2 

One way, among many, to set my mind toward things of the Spirit (yielding life and peace) is practicing thanksgiving. Paul commands thankfulness in all circumstances to the church in Thessalonica (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
However, I admit that I'm not good at thanking Jesus for a screaming baby. Just a day ago, our 12-week old decided he would have nothing to do with cuddling before nap time. Nothing! Squirm, squirm, cry, scream. Set him in his crib and within minutes, he's soothing himself to sleep. Thinking on this later (not in the moment) I realized that this is new found independence for him is a gift. Yes, it comes with screaming, but he already wants to do something on his own. So thank you Jesus for a self-soothing, sleeping baby.
She's mad. I'm steaming. She's stuck in a rut with a new song on the violin. Stinkin' rhythm, staccato, accents, quarter notes, eighth notes. It's hard. I think she wants help, so I offer. This has only made the situation worse. Leaving the room and leaving her to herself, I continue listening (honestly, I'm still steaming) as she works through the piece. However, at times I can tell she's figuring it out. On her own. Thank you Jesus for nine-year-olds learning the violin.
She hates to enter new places by herself. She loves the comfort of momma beside her. But lugging a carseat in and out isn't exactly fun or easy and she knows it. When I drop her off at her appointment she asks, "Going in myself?" "Yes, please," I plead. And she bounds out the door. Thank you Jesus for twelve-year olds who can (and will) go by themselves.
"Are you sure you don't want someone to go over it with you?" both mom and dad have asked the middle schooler before her next math test. Lately, the engineer hasn't been helping her with any homework but she simply says, "I got it." As parents, we choose to let her go and trust her work ethic. Days later when she delivered the news: 100% on the test, we celebrated with her. Thank you Jesus for her discernment and confidence.
All these  prayers of thanksgiving are really thanking God for my children moving toward independence. Independent children are a gift.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, are the children of one's youth. Psalm 127:4

Arrows aren't meant to stay in the quiver or case, they are meant to go out. Our little (and not so little anymore) golden heads aren't meant to stay in our fold forever, but to go out into the world and spread the gospel. These prayers of gratitude for the little things are really prayers of thanksgiving for a bigger gift of independence. Independent children are a gift.
So on second thought, I will thank God for the screaming baby.
What circumstance in your life seems less than ideal? Sassy children, lying co-workers, broken dishwasher, waiting for surgery, the mundane day-to-day? Will you choose to find gratitude somewhere in that? In Corrie TenBoom's The Hiding Place, she tells the story of her sister, Betsy, thanking God for fleas. Later, the sisters realize it is because of the fleas, the Nazi guards let them have Bible Study and prayer in their bunk beds with other prisoners. Betsy chose to thank God for the circumstance in her life and in the bigger picture, the miserable circumstance was a gift. If you choose to offer prayers of thanksgiving, maybe like me with the screaming baby, you'll see the larger gift.

I'm pleased to report the baby boy found a new pacifier he likes and will occasionally let me cuddle him before naps. Thank you Jesus for pacifiers too!

Vitamin

Awakened by rustling in the bathroom next door and the clank of decor swinging on a bedroom door, I roll out of my bed, slide my feet into slippers, then throw an old sweatshirt over my pajamas so I can go straight to getting breakfast ready before the 7am bus. During the breakfast prep, I slide a horse-sized vitamin down my throat with a glass of water. A biblical teacher once taught me to visualize dressing myself with the following Colossians passage as if each attribute were clothes to put on in the the morning but never before have I realized how much I need this spiritual clothing, or daily vitamin, as to address my attitude, language and heart as I parent.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

Graced with a unique cross-section of parenting, my home and heart embrace teen, tween, elementary-age and infant. Different stages, personalities and temperaments require a diverse set of needs and training. Each golden head requires a varied amount of endurance, creativity and energy on part and I deeply desire to respond to every encounter with a godly attitude; one of those listed in the Colossians 3 passage. Truthfully, I fail miserably mostly. But sometimes, by God's grace, the Holy Spirit speaks louder than my selfishness.

Angered by the waking baby in the middle of the night, I mutter to this crying infant, "Why can't you just sleep? Momma wants to sleep!" In that moment of frustration, I am convicted by the Holy Spirit, Put on compassion. After all, he's just a baby.

Skirting past middle schoolers in the morning kitchen as they rant and rummage through cupboards assembling lunches. I'm just trying to make my way to that glorious first cup of black coffee. I'm tempted to snap, "Can't you be less messy? Fight less? Bicker less? And could you stop slamming the cupboard doors?" Again the Holy Spirit nips on my heels, Bear with one another. 

A hungry, snappy 9-year old claims she "can't load the dishwasher because it's just too hard." I want to yell, "You'll load the dishwasher because I said so!" The Spirit's voice says, Meekness (humility) is not demanding what is rightfully yours: help in the kitchen before a crazy night of taxiing three kids after you've just made the entire meal. Rather in patience, teach her how in a moment of non-conflict. (I admit, I have to get back to that teaching part...)

The most important vitamins I can take are the virtues of Colossians 3. How do we take these one-a-days? I must daily ask the Holy Spirit for these attitudes so that I can respond in holiness to each parenting encounter. It's not about trying harder but letting God in the person of the Holy Spirit work through you. In essence, praying that I take a compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness and love daily vitamin, is inviting the Holy Spirit into my day, setting my mind on the things of the Spirit (Romans 8:5) and letting Him work in me (Colossians 1:29).
After inviting the Holy Spirit into my life, I can naturally "...be thankful," (Colossians 3:15b) for these family moments that sanctify me and give me opportunities to die to myself and live to Christ. And I am thankful for the words of the apostle Paul that instruct my attitude while I train them in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). 

When I desired to become a parent, it never crossed my mind that it would be my chance to grow in holiness. Did you think of this? My mind went to teaching them diligently the words of the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Yes, this is biblical but I have overlooked the sanctifying work in motherhood.

Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. Colossians 3:16

If seeking the words of the Lord in scripture were not part of my daily routine like taking a multi-vitamin, would I hear the Holy Spirit convicting me of my sinful attitudes? This is how the message of Christ dwells in me richly during these days of parenting: teaching, advising and encouraging these children every day in every activity in every word and action.

Maybe you're not in the throws of parenting, but where are you? God sanctifies us in every stage of life. Where in your life could you be reminded to take compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness and love vitamins? Let these words from the Apostle Paul dwell in you richly this week as you set out on the course God has called you.

Weakness

"Mom?" she yells as the front door begins to crack and I answer as the golden heads return from another day of middle school.
"Oh, shoot. I know this sounds terrible, but I was hoping you wouldn't be here." Hoping for a post-it on the table that says, "At the hospital," she can't hardly wait to meet her new baby brother or sister. And yet, here I sit. And wait.
Why do we often question God and lack confidence in His provision for us?

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19. 

Right now, I'm sick and tired of waiting. Of holding every plan loosely. Of disappointing the others in this family who can't wait to meet our newest member face to face rather than by the twitch of my abdomen. Of wondering what to fill my day with while I wait for either the contractions to sustain or one of them to break my "water."
A wise friend once told me that in her opinion, she needed a little more to be well supplied but turned right around to say, "However, it is quite possible our Lord thinks we are good for now. He's always right. Wonder why I keep arguing!"
As I laid in bed last night, my mind racing with possible to-do lists during the wait, I stubbornly agreed that God thinks I might be good for now. However, I'm confident that two-minutes later, I took it back and argued that I really wasn't well supplied and won't be until this baby is in my arms.
This is my weakness; I hate to admit it. I want to be that radiant face of unwavering trust in my Lord God, who holds steady as a rock. It's so easy to think we should be stronger and more trusting, but in truth: trust is hard.
As I listened on the phone, I wanted to point out the obvious. She was lacking trust in God's provision for her. She teared up as she explained, God is good and life is good but it's not how she expects goodness to look. I wanted to scream that God is providing for you, why are you not seeing it as His good, sufficient provision?
Somewhere in my insomnia wrestle with Jesus, my own hypocrisy became as evident as neon lights. I have the exact same weakness. When will I quit arguing with what my Lord says is enough?

For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10b

A week or so ago, when I first realized that I was irritable and unsettled, I took some extra time when I felt physically refreshed to contemplate the root of my actions. You know, "Search me and know my heart, and show me if there be any grievous way in me," from Psalm 139:23-24. About half cup of coffee later was when I first came to realize that I was sick of waiting to meet this little one. I wanted baby in my arms sooner than later. My time, not God's time.
Pinpointing the root of an unsettledness is hard work, time consuming and contemplative. Essentially, you're choosing to stare your own sin in the face, confess it and then ask for God's power to destroy it and walk away from the sin.
I chose to take the next step which is is no small fry either. It's humiliating: choosing to admit your sin to others and ask them to pray for you. I asked three trusted friends to pray that I would wait well. I admitted my weakness and asked for God's help and provision. By the time I went to bed that same night,  I realized I had a different demeanor. I felt calm, content and peaceful. Truly, God's power in me was overcoming my own weakness.
This is the truth of 2 Corinthians. We are absolutely powerless weaklings but this is to show off God as more glorious. When we admit, we got nothin', God can step in and be the hero. He has placed His power within us and and works in us to supply us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Because we've admitted our powerlessness, everyone knows it's God's power providing and working in us and He gets the fame.
Days later, I'm still teeter-tottering trusting God's timing of baby's arrival and arguing with Him about my own timing. I'm still admitting my powerlessness to wait well and begging for His power in me.
Don't lie. You're reading this, likely judging me for not being patient to wait for God's timing of our baby taking first breath. I would be if someone else was writing this. "What's the big deal? No baby has ever not eventually come out of utero. Just wait." But what if you took a cup of coffee to sit quietly with your Lord God as asked him to show you your distrust, discontentment and lack of faith in what He's already supplied for you? I challenge you to get your Caribou (or Folgers if that's your thing) and get serious with God. Then join me in admitting your weak spot and knowing that God will be the hero as He works brilliantly within you.

Wonder

I was thrilled to be the guest reader in her classroom. Eyes sparkling as she walked through the room, she was clearly excited to show off her mom. I had the privilege of reading We Are All Wonders by R.J. Palacio, a picture book that compliments the chapter book, Wonder, that their class is storming through to finish before the movie is released Friday. The chapter book carries a strong anti-bullying message and the picture book a message that we're all amazing people just as we are. This is great literature for any age!
Fast forward a day as I exchange texts with a new dear friend updating each other on prayer requests and reports. As I continued to pray for this friend and her family, I praised God for her son's smile. After a rough day, she reported he smiled: one of the few ways he is able to communicate. As usual, this young man was a trooper in the midst of difficult circumstances. I thought about the books being read in this young classroom and I thought, "Her son is a wonder!" Truthfully, we really are all wonders! All the quirks that make us unique (and believe me, in a household of five, I see we've all got 'em..myself mostly) make us marvelously unique and special beings.
And then my thoughts drop 24 inches to the little one kicking and squirming in my womb, whom we cannot hardly wait to meet face to face. We are fully convinced that this child is a wonder even though we've never laid an eye on him or her.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:13-14

Wonder is used twice in these verses. First to describe mankind. Second to describe God. The original Hebrew words are similar but not the same. Translated, "wonderfully made," into English is a verb that means to be created with a difference, to be shown marvelous, to be set apart, to be illustrious. This is how God made us; different from the rest of creation. And each man and woman is different and magnificent according to God's perfection decision and He made man and woman set apart perfectly in His image (Genesis 1:27).
We are set apart and made wonderfully because He is set apart and made us to be like him. The next "wonderful in this verse describes God's active work. This verb, "wonderful" describes God's work and He is more marvelous than we and set apart from any other god because He is creating and sustaining the world while also supporting His people. This is beyond anything man could do. Indeed for man to do it would be impossible. Yet He does it and proves Himself 100% marvelous.
Why do I more easily see the wonder of a person with extreme disabilities, daily physical obstacles or a newborn baby than the wonder of my neighbor or myself? I tend to see my own life as average, not a wonder. I see my goldenhead's lives as typical. The engineer's life and its tasks as challenging. And lately, talking with grandpa, I find myself questioning the Wonderful God's purpose for not calling grandpa home to be with grandma in heaven. Yet God set every man, woman and child, no matter how young or old, apart as a wonder and has a marvelous plan for each moment of our lives.

Will we choose to believe it? Will we stop trying to change who we are to become more significant and believe that our original design is marvelous? I don't mean to let ourselves waste away but to realize God gave us our quirks and unique characteristics for His Wonderful purpose. Start by believing this about yourself. Then ask God to let you believe it about your neighbor, co-worker, spouse or child.

Hiding

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Genesis 3:8

Relationships are destroyed when we hide. It could be easy to read this verse in Genesis and think, Well, that's silly! You can't hide from God, He sees everything. What were Adam and Eve thinking? But how often do we brush the reality of our sin under a rug and hope God won't deal with it or allow consequence for our sin? And further, how true is this in our interpersonal relationships? Relational intimacy is destroyed when we stop being transparent in our relationships. It happened first in the garden with God and mankind because they were afraid of God (Genesis 3:10).
If a glass jar represented your life, you would have the choice whether or not to let those around you look straight into the jar or to place something around the jar and obstruct other's view into your jar. At a low point in our marriage, the engineer accused me of hiding from him, literally. I was ashamed to be seen by my husband. This was both a physical and and emotional fear and was one of many factors that led to the deterioration of our relationship. When he first pointed this out to me, I denied it. But it was the truth. I had to consciously choose transparency, letting him see inside my jar, both literally and figuratively in order to restore our relationship.
Recently, I became both ugly and confrontational to my compassionate teen who tends to be a picky and inconsistent eater. She had chosen the path of transparency to say she didn't like what I had prepared for her breakfast and instead of grace, I reacted with anger and defensiveness. She had rightly chosen transparency; I chose to not accept and judge her preferences. Later the same day, when she heard that she would be getting a fluoride treatment at the dentist, she (again transparent) chose to wear her anxiety and fear all over her face. I saw straight into her jar. The good in choosing this transparency is that I can respond in grace and pray for her courage and strength. (Though it baffles me how a girl who can't wait to gut a deer with her dad is freaked about a clear substance being smeared across her teeth.) What a gift transparency can be in preserving and restoring a relationship! If she would have stuffed her anxiety inside, I would not have had the privilege of being bonded together with her through prayer.
There is a need to consistently apply transparency to my relationship with Jesus. To be honest, to intentionally search my heart for ways I may have offended, disobeyed or been unfaithful to Him and His ways and then tried to cover the outside of my jar. How often, instead of pulling back the cover from my jar by confessing my sin, experiencing forgiveness and grace in my weakness, do I choose to try forget about it, turn a blind eye or even make excuses (justify) my wrong doing? In doing so, I reject His forgiveness of my sin and His gracious, sufficient power to combat my sinful habits. In essence, I'm just like Adam and Eve, hiding in the garden from God. A relationship spend hiding from someone is no relationship at all. I must consciously choose let God see all that's in my jar.
When was the last time you stopped to look at your life and confess areas you may have been trying to hide from God? In what personal relationship are you withholding truth and honesty? Will you choose to be transparent with God and others?

Choices

Whether I'm opening my "coffee" cupboard at home or standing in front of the menu at the local coffee shop, there are a lot of choices to make in this moment. First off, caffeine or no caffeine? Then, coffee or tea? Iced or hot? Calories or no calories? Cream or no cream? The possibilities abound.

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. Psalm 16:4-6

The choices I make every day, all day are just that: choices. I don't have to choose Jesus. This world has a lot of other alternatives: pleasure, entertainment, idleness, possessions, money, popularity, vanity, sex, creation...just to name a few.
In the past week, I've been convicted of an irritable spirit toward my family. I'm often harboring a rude sarcastic tone toward them and their choices. I believe the reason why I respond this way is because my eyes are set on me and my selfish preferences. I've created myself to be a little god and I'm choosing me as a god, not the true God. I'm choosing my portion, not God's perfect design and plan for me, not trusting His sovereignty over every area of my life, from the first morning waking to the last bedtime prayer. Verse 4 of Psalm 16 says that running after my own self as a god (or any other worldly god) multiplies my sorrows. In contrast, choosing His portion, results with the pleasant places and the beautiful inheritance from the Lord (verse 6).
Praise God that He's made this choice possible for me, to choose Jesus and His cup for me because of what Jesus did by becoming a man, living a perfect life, dying the death I deserved and giving me a new life. And even now He is living within me and providing me with power to choose His cup over and over again. His cup looks like this when I'm irritated:

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which brings everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:12-14

I need to be reminded when I grab that "coffee" cup to fill in the morning, that my attitude, my focus, my aim for this day is whatever Jesus wants to put in my cup: cleaning up messes, paying the bills, grocery shopping, taxiing golden heads... And while He's pouring the portion in my cup, I can (because of His grace) be compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, patient, forgiving and loving.
The next time you pull up to Starbucks or start the coffee pot in the morning, stop and think about what attitudes and choices you will choose to make today.

Team

Our fall camping adventure. And in the quiet cool morning sipping on a Starbucks Mocha Via, I reflect and I count my gifts. Many of the gifts I call out align with this idea of teamwork. Packing and later in the dark, unpacking the gear in the back of the pickup truck. Setting up our large cabin-style tent in the dark. The engineer teaching the calculating one how to start the fire. The engineer bringing the lantern while I had stashed away the new mantles in the bottom of one of those camping totes to replace the broken mantles. All these would have been epic fail for the one flying solo. And while I'm nestled in the warmth of wool blanket, the engineer, who had left with two golden heads for a day of canoeing, returns to the campsite to leave the charcoal at the campsite, rather than in the truck bed 60-miles away: a necessity for the dinner I would begin slow cooking later.
Frank Sinatra sang about love and marriage and claimed, "You can't have one without the other." Whether married or not, mankind is just better together. We're better as teams on this earth. We weren't intended to be lone rangers.
This is God's design for the "C"hurch and for family. He didn't intend for us to hack it on our own. On August 10, 2001, the engineer and I became "one flesh" per God's design and word in Genesis 2:24. We were placed together to complement one another, to help one another fulfill our God-given assignments on this earth. And from our oneness, we've been blessed with three (nearly four) children, our heritage (or gift inheritance) from the Lord, a reward from God (Psalm 127:3.) And we are to use our oneness as an entire family unit to fulfill His good purpose for our lives, namely to bring Him glory.

Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.
I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.” Isaiah 43:5-7

Sitting, it's easy to see, to count, to thank. However, how do we daily remind ourselves of this truth? When we're asked to run a last minute errand? When they lie to us? When they (or I) am in a bad mood? When they slam the door to make a point? When they don't offer to help with the dishes or clean up the tent? It's easy in my pride, stubbornness and frustration to forget the unity and oneness for which God designed us and think, I don't need them. I'd be better on my own. They don't add value to my life. They inconvenience me.
James says to forget this blessing, this teamwork instituted by God is foolish. He says that anyone who has these truths revealed to him by God and then forgets is deceived. Like a person who looks in the mirror and then walks away and forgets what he looks like (James 1:23-24). So how do I avoid deceptive foolishness? To not get stubborn or wrapped up in my own selfishness and forget that they make me better?
One key help for me is stopping. Making myself stop to count the blessings. In a fast-paced world, this isn't normal and it isn't easy. But even while you're driving or in the shower, we can take moments to recognize something like, she turned on the hall light that shone into my room, woke me and diverted me from oversleeping. She made me better today.
As the tween walked alongside me to dispose of our garbage at the end of our camping adventure, she says, "Mom, we're fast, but next year we won't be as fast packing up camp because someone will have to take care of the baby." I agreed, we are an efficient family of five. But six is a reward from the God and will make us even better, even if number six slows us down a bit.
How are you better together with those God's placed you next to in this life? It could be a co-worker, co-laborer in ministry, neighbor, roommate or your family. When was the last time you thanked God for your teammate(s) and specifically recognized he or she made you better? If you have other ways you intentionally remember these teammates as God's gift, will you leave them below in a comment? We can all benefit from what you have experienced and practice.

Water jars

What started out as a simple landscaping project, became bigger because of my daydreams. What the engineer thought would be quick, easy, done in two-weekends became a much longer affair including moving 5-ton of river rock. I have to admit, it was daringly difficult for me to bravely share, "Well, I just had this thought of making it wider and incorporating the stepping stones and then maybe we could add a rain barrel." "You're kidding me. Do you know how much more work that will be?" Actually, I did. But that was my dream and it took me ten-years of marriage to figure out that he isn't a mind-reader, so I told him my dream. And he went to work. Yesterday, the engineer installed our first rain barrel. The purpose is to collect the runoff from the eaves, fill the 50-gallon drum and use the water for plants. It reminds me of something I've read from Charles H. Surgeon, "Unless you put water jars out when it rains, you will never collect the water."
I first read this after finding out I was pregnant again after two prior miscarriages. I was prompted by the Spirit-teacher to pray in faith: specifically asking God for a healthy, full-term pregnancy and baby. God wants us to ask expectantly, even specifically, in trust. (John 14:12-14.) Trust that He's able and trust that if He answers no, it is part of His good plan for us, part of His plan that under the microscope looks frightful, but stepping back and viewing the completed work of art is beautiful and grew us in holiness. We can ask knowing He will be loving, faithful, righteous and just:

Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,
Your faithfulness to the clouds.
Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;
your judgments are like the great deep;
man and beast you save, O Lord. Psalm 36:5-6

Over the Memorial Day weekend, Ace Hardware had a great paint sale. With painting on our summer agenda we scrutinized through 5 pints of samples to find two colors on which we all agreed. And on the last day of the sale, found our way to Ace to purchase paint at the sale price. Now, nearly 3-weeks later, the paint sits on the floor unopened still on the laundry room floor. Were we just kidding ourselves or will we really put paint roller to wall? How often are we like that with prayer? In America we often pray, "God bless, God bless, God bless... I want paint, give paint, more paint..." How about asking God to put the paint on the wall? God, specifically, will you ....
God will always work in our lives, on our behalf to bring Himself glory.

The Lord is my shepherd ... He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake. Psalm 23:3

And He longs for an intimate, all out in the open relationship with us. If I would have never been bold enough to ask the engineer for a larger landscape project with incorporated stepping stones and rain barrel, he'd never have worked according to my wishes. Even though God can read your mind, He wants you to ask, to be transparent and trusting Him in big and small details.
What are you wrestling with today? Have you specifically asked God for an outcome? Nothing is too difficult for Him to accomplish. And any answer He gives is according to the good plan He has for you.

Childlike

One of the perks of the mundane tasks of being mom (you know: laundry, vacuuming, scrubbing kitchens and bathrooms...) is the time it allows you to pray. During this precious doubly productive time, I often find myself becoming empathic toward my dear ones' circumstance or the possible gamut of emotions they might be wrestling. Typically, I relate to others best when I take time to ponder my own similar experiences. Praying this week, I realized a common theme of my prayers for others and myself: the unknown is scrupulous and we despise it!
Why is the unknown so hard for us to grapple? So hard for us to trust? Why do we desire to know every outcome? To have all the answers? Because sitting in the middle of the unknown is uncomfortable and we have no control.

Why are there holes in the pool liner? Why these muscle aches for my son? What is causing these hives? Why the random abdominal pain? Why depression? Why bleeding? Why are the birds eating the peas? Why these struggles and trials? Why can't I fix it? And why won't God fix it, now?

When a child is young, she takes everything as it comes and has no worries for the morrow. Every day is an adventure waiting to be had.

Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:34

What an example a child's faith and trust is to we older, more mature. We can't see God rule and reign in our hearts on this earth nor on the the throne in the world to come unless we accept each day with its unknowns and expectantly trust that God will work out our great conundrums. This is humility; admititing that we are powerless and He is powerful and mighty! He is in control and we are governed by Him only.
This is childlike humility: to accept with authentic peace that I don't know why, I can't stop it, and I can't control the outcome of my circumstance. He alone is God. Along with everything else, He has even this detail tucked into His good plan for me. Even if there are tears on my part, (and don't children experience plenty of tears?) He never leads me into something He can't and does not control. And He is always with me.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You (God) are with me. Psalm 23:4a

Whatever your trial is right now, will you choose to trust Him even though you do not know the outcome of your situation? I find that trusting God during my circumstance is a layering process and it often needs repeating throughout my day, sometimes minute by minute. But the peace that follows is real and deep (Isaiah 26:3).Will you trust that God has all the details under control, always has and always will? And trust that while He works out the details, you are never alone? He is with you.

Untimely

An organized woman would have written this before the Hallmark holiday we call Mother's Day. I want to dismiss it from my mind and think maybe next year, but the thoughts won't go away. I must commit them to "paper."
On Mother's Day weekend, our family traversed across the city (along with the rest of the metro population), through the beginnings of lake country and into the pine forests for our first camping experience of the year. As we picked up the golden heads from school, this small voice began percolating in my head, You're the lucky one. I woke the next morning on a flat air mattress next to the engineer and two of the three golden heads snuggled beside. As my family exited to start the fire and make warm drinks, I lingered under the covers listening: to two little sisters exploring in the woods, to big sister tending the fire, to giggles, to sips of hot chocolate... I am blown away.
I am the lucky one this Mother's Day weekend. Though I know the grief of two babies miscarried in the past year, I have three healthy, god-fearing daughters trying to walk with Jesus. I have hugs to receive, "I love you"s to hear, homemade gifts to open and extra dishes and clothes to wash. My unheld babies are held tightly in heaven until I meet them face to face and embrace them in my own arms and meanwhile on this earth, my cup truly runs over.
I am extremely grateful yet, it hardly seems fair as I think about those who've lost only children. Those who've dreamed of children for years and yet still wait and wonder. My heart has been pricked for these dear, tender hearts this past week.
So what should be my response? As I woke that Saturday morning to the sounds of my family, God reminded me of Colossians 1:16-17,

For by (Jesus) all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together...

My position is nothing about me. It is all about Jesus. It is all because of Jesus!
Only in Jesus could my marriage be healed from years of neglect and strengthened with endearment and genuine admiration because only Jesus reconciles all things (Colossians 1:22). In a culture where teens struggle with depression, identity, insecurity and anxiety, only Jesus has the power to hold these three golden heads near to Him (and their parents.) So I admit my uselessness, and look only to Jesus. There seems to be no other security than to "continue in the faith (of Jesus), stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel (Jesus)..." Colossians 1:23. Jesus is my only hope in this life today and forever.
I want to trust that if Jesus is strong enough and big enough to hold together my family of five, He is definitely powerful enough to sustain and hold together the hearts and lives of those dear women who's arms do not yet embrace a little one. I pray for you tender ones that you would continue in the faith, held together by Jesus and experience the hope only possible through Jesus.

God-story

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I've been putting my heart, soul and mind into believing God's promise. That He's said it and it's done, as I wait for the details to unfold. This is a moment by moment, minute by minute battle of choice.
At this minute, I believe but Jesus, help me with my unbelief (Mark 9:23-25). Not long ago, a cherished friend shared with me the Message paraphrase of Romans 4. It really bears merit for all to stop and read it! This is when I realized, that I can't do the work of the next step in my life. It truly needs to be God's doing, His work, a God-story. Not a SeekingTheMaker-story.
When Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the humble donkey and its colt, the crowds were caught up in a moment of belief that God had sent this man, their Messiah, to save them from the oppression and tyranny of the Romans. They sang, "Hosanna!" Which in Greek literally means, "Save, we pray." They thought they knew God's plan of sending a big hot shot to overthrow the Romans. God had an even bigger plan in mind. Israel thought they needed saving in their external circumstance. God knew they needed spiritual provision and saving, through the perfect, once for all sacrifice for their sins in Jesus' perfect body slain.
I'm just like that. How many times do I shout, "God, save me, give me Your power and guide me out of my external circumstance (a broken down car, an unpleasant moment with the golden heads, disconnect with the engineer, conflict, a decision...)!" But all I really need has already been provided for me: I am in right standing with God through what I believe Jesus did for me on the cross. His sacrifice saved me from eternal torture and death and the grasp of daily sins and sin habits. These are the things from which I really need saving.
But that's not to say God isn't doing something in the midst of my external circumstances. He allows me to experience these so I can practice reaching up to Him and admit that only He can work to make this His story, not mine.
When God promised Abraham he'd have as many descendants as the stars in the sky, it was not given because of something Abraham did or would do. It was based on God's decision to put everything together for Abraham. The fulfillment of God's promise depends entirely on trusting God and His way and then simply embracing Him and what He does.

When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn’t do but on what God said he would do. And so he was made father of a multitude of peoples. God himself said to him, “You’re going to have a big family, Abraham!”
Abraham didn’t focus on his own impotence and say, “It’s hopeless. This hundred-year-old body could never father a child.” Nor did he survey Sarah’s decades of infertility and give up. He didn’t tiptoe around God’s promise asking cautiously skeptical questions. He plunged into the promise and came up strong, ready for God, sure that God would make good on what he had said. That’s why it is said, “Abraham was declared fit before God by trusting God to set him right.” But it’s not just Abraham; it’s also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God. Romans 4:18-25, Message

Have you believed in the perfect sacrifice of Jesus' life in place of yours? If so, in what area do you need to quit striving, quit working long and hard and let God do the work to fulfill His promise in your life: good plans, prosperous plans that build a hopeful future.