Fear

Emotions of unbelief, joy, thrill and fear engulf me as I ponder what should be simply good news. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just be joyful? Why am I so scared to accept this new assignment from God? So scared of trusting the call, giving 100% and falling short of fulfilling the mission. The "what-if" scenarios fill my reasoning and fight to steal my joy.

The account of Joseph, husband of Mary, grips my attention (Matthew 1:18-25). Joseph, engaged (as good as married) to Mary, realizes she's pregnant and knows that he's not the father. He has not been intimate with Mary. Intimacy would wait until the wedding ceremony in the months to come. We can only imagine the sear of emotions Joseph might have felt: shock, betrayal, deceived, ashamed, anger... In my experience men are most often problem-solvers. They like to fix, so Joseph was resolving the situation in his mind: what would be best for him and his family; Mary and her family? (After all, she could be stoned for finding herself in this condition.) And then, during one possibly fitful night of sleep, something happens that cannot be dismissed.

But as (Joseph) considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, "Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus for he will save his people form their sins." Matthew 1:20-21

The word behold isn't a word we use in the English language too much, so I couldn't help but wonder its significance here. It means to call to attention something external or exterior to oneself; it often comes before words which are to be particularly noted. It's like throwing fifty exclamation points after the sentence for emphasis. It's screaming, "Pay attention, what's about to happen is huge!"

An angel comes to Joseph and says do no be afraid to take the next steps because God is doing something huge! And what does Joseph do? He obeys and he chooses to trust that everything thing the angel said was true even though he doesn't know all of the details.

There's such hope for us in this part of Jesus' arrival as the God-Man. God takes what was shameful and hard to believe and he makes it great. In Joseph's case, God implements the plan to save mankind.

Okay, so maybe situations in our lives won't be quite so huge, but our lives are important to God. Every detail of our lives is recorded in God's book of life (Psalm 139:16). And I feel like this little verse in Matthew 1:20 is for all of us, And while we're considering the things in our life we'd like to forget because it hurts, or we're ashamed, or it embarrasses us, God says, BEHOLD, I'm going to do something huge with this! Our job right now is to trust God with the details, just like Joseph did. Did you notice the first thing the angel said to Joseph? "Do not be afraid..." We need to trust without fear. We can't truly say we trust God if we hold onto fear in the back of our heads. Okay, God's given this, but if it doesn't last or work out then... That's not faith.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we can not see. Hebrews 11:1

Faith is being confident in God's plan unfolding in your life. Trusting in every day He has ordained for your life. Being secure in the belief that He will work out all the hills and valleys of your life out for ultimate good, even though He may not tell you the outline of His plan. It's accepting what He's placed on your plate without a having a contingency backup plan.
So when you feel like me and you're afraid to trust God with complete abandon, recall the angel that appeared to Joseph, and his words, "(Your name), child of Christ, Do not fear..." to take these next steps!

What is that?

I like re-dos. Sometimes when a sentence gets said with a wrong attitude or disrespectful tone, I like to give myself or the golden heads a "try that again." I mess up all the time. I'm thankful for the opportunity to do it better the second time.
It's a daily choice, or discipline, to sit quietly before the Lord allowing Him to search my heart and reveal ways I've offended Him, the opportunities for a re-do. Actually, it's not really that much fun. It reveals what I've done wrong, and like most, I don't like being wrong.
This got me thinking about how even confession is a type of trial that builds character, and if I let the Holy Spirit do its work in me, it produces Christ-like character. But what is that tangibly? What was Jesus like as he walked on this earth? One answer is found in what I would consider the most unlikely of places, in what most of us call the "Love Chapter" of the Bible: 1 Corinthians 13. You know, the one read at weddings. What I've realized is that this chapter contains a beautiful list that begins with the value of character, then describes character that builds until we meet Christ and can literally see His every character quality.

I could be the best Teaching Director in all of CBS or writer in all America, but if I don't have Christ-like character, I might as well be a bump on a log. I could have the most awe-inspiring spiritual gifts but if I don't build Christ-like character, I might as well not have any gifts. I could be the most generous giver of all time, serving others with every ounce of my time and resources, but if I don't give and serve with genuine Christ-like character, it's all for nothing.
Christ-like character worth striving for is patient, kind, not jealous, humble, generous, courteous, puts others before myself, forbearing, goes out of my way for others, doesn't hold grudges, believes the best possible outcome about others and always gives the benefit of the doubt. Christ-like character believes and establishes its life on every syllable of God's Word. The person with Christ-like character trusts in God's protection and that God works every detail of their lives out for His glory and their ultimate good, even when she can't know or make sense of all the details.
As I build more Christ-like character, I will be sustained by God and grow more and more consistently in character until I meet Jesus face to face.

I won't perfectly attain these, but I must daily choose to obey the Holy Spirit working out these characterists in me. And when I derail, missing the mark, I'll confess, thanking for forgiveness and allow the Holy Spirit to rule and work these out again. These derailings, these confessions are a part of the adversity that builds Christ-like character.
Spend some time this week rewriting 1 Corinthians 13 for yourself and ask the Holy Spirit to begin working these characteristics out in you.

Deceived

"Character is built in adversity. Character is built in adversity. Character is built in adversity..." I repeat over and over in my mind as we paddle canoes down the river in the heavy rain. I recall the gorgeous paddling weather of the day before and press on, trying my best to see every beautiful gift from the Maker and setting an example for the golden heads.
From across the river, wrapped in a poncho and perched under an umbrella in the middle of the other canoe, sits the one the engineer has coined, the "Egyptian Princess," mainly because of such requests as, "Could you not splash me?" and "Could you paddle faster?"
Meanwhile, the engine paddler on my canoe has had her fill of paddling in the rain! "That's it. I'm not paddling anymore. She's not the only princess. I want to be the princess too!"
Knowing, there was seriously little to be done about our predicament, I reasoned, "Sweetie, I'm so sorry that you weren't born into royalty. You would make an wonderful princess with your fair skin and golden blonde hair." The truth is, she is a princess of an eternal kingdom (Ephesians 1:5, Galatians 4:5).
What a creep Satan is to feed her lies that would cause her to believe that in her trialous state of paddling down the river in the rain, she would be somehow be dethroned from her heirship.
But oh how I relate! Out on a morning run, the deceiver  (Revelation 12:9) fed me a lie. Right away, I thought, This seems like a lie from Satan. I muttered some words I knew to be true but wasn't convinced. Later that evening, I shared the lie with my trusted friend. His reaction was enough to make me see this was a lie and I had believed it. Throughout the hours of insomnia, I was able to speak truth over and over in my mind and in the morning sunshine, thank God (and the engineer) for the truth I believe; I am valued and accepted.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Some of our trials will seem silly. Like paddling in the rain. Some a crisis of who we are in Christ or a crisis of faith in a good God. Big or little, these pain-staking bumps in the road give us a chance to strengthen our faith, build our character to be more like Jesus'.
What trial are you facing right now? Will you allow yourself to be lied to by the deceiver or will you face Satan with the truth, stand on the Word of God and become more like Jesus.

Dreaming

I value dreaming. Possibly even daydreaming. How many times has the boisterous one waved her growing hand in front of my face saying, "Mom. Mom! Are you lost in a daydream?" I believe it healthy to look forward and anticipate something whether its a lunch date with your husband or a family vacation. God wants us to be excited to receive His gifts.

However, sometimes things don’t turn out the way we expected. You anticipated your date ending with cuddling by the fireplace but it ends in a fight. The "surprise" vacation was found out by the golden heads and was a stressful time in your family relationships instead of the bonding time you anticipated. The newborn child you anticipated welcoming into your fold slipped into Jesus' arms before he could make it to your nursery.

Some of these disappointments are more heart wrenching than others. But I'm going to ask the hard question (which is much easier to apply to the date gone nightmare than a lost child). What if in being focused on what you wanted (your dream), you missed what God gave? Missed the skyline He painted for you. Missed the opportunity to encourage. Missed the rich, bold taste of your coffee. Missed the feel of your child’s hand tucked in yours. Missed the smell of summer rain (when it’s winter at home). Why would you miss these? Because you focused on the disappointment of your dream. You focused on yourself.
It's easier to see God's gifts in the good times than the difficult times.

Which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! Matthew 7:9-11

The Jews had been waiting for a promised leader for centuries when Jesus arrived on the scene as an infant. The prophets has predicted the arrival of a savior, a Messiah. The Jews believed this savior would come as a powerful, mighty, earthly king and deliver them from Roman oppression and rule the nation in perfect justice. Many Jews had overlooked the prophet Isaiah who predicted a suffering servant who would be rejected and killed (Isaiah 52:13-53:12).
A few recognized this Messiah, in Jesus, the Son of God becoming a man to establish a heavenly kingdom. Thank goodness these select few shared how they saw Jesus, by writing and telling the message to others. Because of their firm belief, we can see God today.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be satisfied... Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God... Matthew 5:6, 8

But how often am I like the Jews who didn't recognize their savior? I get so wrapped up in how I believe God should paint the story of my life I forget He (not me) has the blueprints of my future. I focus on my disappointment, not His gifts.
I don't know how deep your disappointment is today. Maybe you grieve over a lost Saturday or a lost child. They're both grief. But I know this, God is there (Psalm 139:7-12). In the midst of your disappointment, don't miss Jesus. You'll usually find His fingerprints in the details.

Why the dark?

Like the rainy, stormy weather this past week, so has been the dark cloud hovering over me. Feelings of uncertainty, heavy-heartedness, and lethargic slowness billow over my being. I don't even know from where these feelings come. I'm a serious person, but not a Debbie-downer.

Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble His way.
All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.  Psalm 25:8-10

I try do what's right. I sit before the LORD and ask Him to return to me the joy of my salvation. I ask why. I recall His faithfulness. I count my gifts. But the heaviness continues and I feel the blow of being hit by a freight-train. I want to know His way. I want certainty in His direction. My theology believes in His faithfulness but I want to see the purpose of this right now!
What matters is treading with Him! I may never understand this heaviness and uncertainty, but if I am abiding in Him, despite my burdened feelings, even this heavy path is one He's on with me. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness.
These feelings don't mean that I've derailed. Though I should make sure I don't have unconfessed sin hindering my relationship with Jesus, but if nothing seems unconfessed, then I must just accept that I am only human and I am allowed to feel the whole gamut of emotions. I can still choose to tread with Jesus, to know He's beside me in the darkness ,and that He is good and upright and soon the sun will come out while the dark clouds move on toward the east like after a morning rain.
Do you find yourself in a dark spot wondering why? If anyone understands, it's Jesus. As His time to walk the road to the cross drew near and came upon Him, Jesus knew the darkness. Talk to Jesus about your circumstance. Choose to believe that even this dark path is one He will remain on with you and His love remains with you. I'd love to pray for you, that the sunshine on your heart would rise. Email me here.

Forgotten

I'm tired. Exhausted. Worn out. The petunias in my hanging pot describe me well. As my friend said last week, pitch the old annual flowers, "It's time for mums." In contrast to my end-of-summer petunia-like fatigue, I am encouraged that God's enlightenment and truth never needs replacing. It's always vibrant.
Paul has only just got started in his letter to the Ephesians, when he conveys his personal prayer for them: he gives thanks to God for them and asks that God gives them, as a result of being controlled by the Holy Spirit, the opportunity to go deeper in their relationship with Jesus.

..that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe... Ephesians 4:17b-19a

What Paul emphasizes is the experiential and practical knowing Jesus, not just a feeling, sense or desire. If you have any history, be it 10 minutes or 10 years walking with Jesus, you have experienced Him, His goodness and His grace. But you may be like me. You may have simply forgotten what's you've experienced!
In my summer fatigue, I've found myself taking on anxiety and I shared this anxiety as a prayer request with a few trusted friends. One friend pointed me to Philippians 4:6 that charges me to present petitions to God with thanksgiving.
Ah...yes! I knew that, I've experienced Philippians 4:7's peace in the past, I had just forgotten! I needed reminding.
The practice of thanksgiving, in my experience with Jesus, is choosing to see, identify and write down my gifts. This has made a huge impact on my life. On one of the hardest days of my life, I was forcing myself through the routine of the morning. The coffee didn't even taste good (no offense Starbucks) and I felt numb. Sitting in my chair with coffee cup in hand, I realized I was forced with a choice: His way or my way. A grateful heart or grieved heart. On that dark day of my life, I chose gratitude. And I continue to choose gratitude. It gets me through the rough days, when I feel like the petunias in August: dried out, leggy and ready to be tossed. My experience with Jesus is always fresh and revitalizing.

Your past is your lens for today. In what way have you experienced Jesus (peace, joy, love, forgiveness...)? Will you share in a comment below? Maybe other readers need to remember what they've forgotten.

Someone

"Well, I had to yell at someone and mommy was the only one home to yell at!" she verbally reasoned. While I didn't enjoy the hour of verbal abuse, I was more concerned with the heart of the matter: training her in the way she should go, teaching her Jesus' way of love and confronting anger.
Kevin Leman on parenting has revealed to me the wisdom of allowing my golden heads to experience natural consequences. But not knowing the best consequence (no sleepover, no swim party, no bonfire, make dinner for a week, doing sister's chores, doing dishes for a week...) my heart became anxious.

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore. Psalm 131

O mom, hope in God! Wait for God to mold this young heart. Expect that He will do His work in His time, today, tomorrow and always. I can't really know her heart. I can't truly discern her ways. It's too complex for my simple mind to understand. But God knows this face, this heart and what every day of her life beholds (Psalm 139:13-16).
And because I know God's got this golden heart, I can choose to calm my heart, my emotions, my mind, my whole character chooses to be calm. I take a deep breath and remember His control and His trustworthiness.
I trust that my heavenly Father knows best and is in control. Like a momma that knows when it's best to wean a nursing child, even if an infant isn't so sure. It's a natural next step. So also my Father knows best how to direct my child and my parenting, though the process might be grueling.
This anxiety isn't limited to parenting. You might be perusing Facebook and become burdened, concerned and disturbed with broadcasted choices. You could sense a call to something new and different but not know any details of this great unknown. You might desire something so badly yet not know if your will aligns with God's.
Deep breath. God's got her. God's got him. God's got you. God knows best. But maybe in the thick of the unsettledness, the unknown, you need to yell as someone. Please don't yell at your mom. She didn't sign up for that. Goodness knows, I didn't. But take your pleadings, anxiety and verbal shoutings to God. Pour your heart out before Him. Like weaning, the process is painful, but the outcome is peaceful, best and the bond between you and God is tightened because the process builds trust. And like a faithful parent, God's in it every step of the way.
What is your heart anxious or heavy with today? Will you choose to trust God's control over the circumstance and quiet your soul?