Water jars

What started out as a simple landscaping project, became bigger because of my daydreams. What the engineer thought would be quick, easy, done in two-weekends became a much longer affair including moving 5-ton of river rock. I have to admit, it was daringly difficult for me to bravely share, "Well, I just had this thought of making it wider and incorporating the stepping stones and then maybe we could add a rain barrel." "You're kidding me. Do you know how much more work that will be?" Actually, I did. But that was my dream and it took me ten-years of marriage to figure out that he isn't a mind-reader, so I told him my dream. And he went to work. Yesterday, the engineer installed our first rain barrel. The purpose is to collect the runoff from the eaves, fill the 50-gallon drum and use the water for plants. It reminds me of something I've read from Charles H. Surgeon, "Unless you put water jars out when it rains, you will never collect the water."
I first read this after finding out I was pregnant again after two prior miscarriages. I was prompted by the Spirit-teacher to pray in faith: specifically asking God for a healthy, full-term pregnancy and baby. God wants us to ask expectantly, even specifically, in trust. (John 14:12-14.) Trust that He's able and trust that if He answers no, it is part of His good plan for us, part of His plan that under the microscope looks frightful, but stepping back and viewing the completed work of art is beautiful and grew us in holiness. We can ask knowing He will be loving, faithful, righteous and just:

Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,
Your faithfulness to the clouds.
Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;
your judgments are like the great deep;
man and beast you save, O Lord. Psalm 36:5-6

Over the Memorial Day weekend, Ace Hardware had a great paint sale. With painting on our summer agenda we scrutinized through 5 pints of samples to find two colors on which we all agreed. And on the last day of the sale, found our way to Ace to purchase paint at the sale price. Now, nearly 3-weeks later, the paint sits on the floor unopened still on the laundry room floor. Were we just kidding ourselves or will we really put paint roller to wall? How often are we like that with prayer? In America we often pray, "God bless, God bless, God bless... I want paint, give paint, more paint..." How about asking God to put the paint on the wall? God, specifically, will you ....
God will always work in our lives, on our behalf to bring Himself glory.

The Lord is my shepherd ... He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake. Psalm 23:3

And He longs for an intimate, all out in the open relationship with us. If I would have never been bold enough to ask the engineer for a larger landscape project with incorporated stepping stones and rain barrel, he'd never have worked according to my wishes. Even though God can read your mind, He wants you to ask, to be transparent and trusting Him in big and small details.
What are you wrestling with today? Have you specifically asked God for an outcome? Nothing is too difficult for Him to accomplish. And any answer He gives is according to the good plan He has for you.

Childlike

One of the perks of the mundane tasks of being mom (you know: laundry, vacuuming, scrubbing kitchens and bathrooms...) is the time it allows you to pray. During this precious doubly productive time, I often find myself becoming empathic toward my dear ones' circumstance or the possible gamut of emotions they might be wrestling. Typically, I relate to others best when I take time to ponder my own similar experiences. Praying this week, I realized a common theme of my prayers for others and myself: the unknown is scrupulous and we despise it!
Why is the unknown so hard for us to grapple? So hard for us to trust? Why do we desire to know every outcome? To have all the answers? Because sitting in the middle of the unknown is uncomfortable and we have no control.

Why are there holes in the pool liner? Why these muscle aches for my son? What is causing these hives? Why the random abdominal pain? Why depression? Why bleeding? Why are the birds eating the peas? Why these struggles and trials? Why can't I fix it? And why won't God fix it, now?

When a child is young, she takes everything as it comes and has no worries for the morrow. Every day is an adventure waiting to be had.

Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:34

What an example a child's faith and trust is to we older, more mature. We can't see God rule and reign in our hearts on this earth nor on the the throne in the world to come unless we accept each day with its unknowns and expectantly trust that God will work out our great conundrums. This is humility; admititing that we are powerless and He is powerful and mighty! He is in control and we are governed by Him only.
This is childlike humility: to accept with authentic peace that I don't know why, I can't stop it, and I can't control the outcome of my circumstance. He alone is God. Along with everything else, He has even this detail tucked into His good plan for me. Even if there are tears on my part, (and don't children experience plenty of tears?) He never leads me into something He can't and does not control. And He is always with me.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You (God) are with me. Psalm 23:4a

Whatever your trial is right now, will you choose to trust Him even though you do not know the outcome of your situation? I find that trusting God during my circumstance is a layering process and it often needs repeating throughout my day, sometimes minute by minute. But the peace that follows is real and deep (Isaiah 26:3).Will you trust that God has all the details under control, always has and always will? And trust that while He works out the details, you are never alone? He is with you.

Untimely

An organized woman would have written this before the Hallmark holiday we call Mother's Day. I want to dismiss it from my mind and think maybe next year, but the thoughts won't go away. I must commit them to "paper."
On Mother's Day weekend, our family traversed across the city (along with the rest of the metro population), through the beginnings of lake country and into the pine forests for our first camping experience of the year. As we picked up the golden heads from school, this small voice began percolating in my head, You're the lucky one. I woke the next morning on a flat air mattress next to the engineer and two of the three golden heads snuggled beside. As my family exited to start the fire and make warm drinks, I lingered under the covers listening: to two little sisters exploring in the woods, to big sister tending the fire, to giggles, to sips of hot chocolate... I am blown away.
I am the lucky one this Mother's Day weekend. Though I know the grief of two babies miscarried in the past year, I have three healthy, god-fearing daughters trying to walk with Jesus. I have hugs to receive, "I love you"s to hear, homemade gifts to open and extra dishes and clothes to wash. My unheld babies are held tightly in heaven until I meet them face to face and embrace them in my own arms and meanwhile on this earth, my cup truly runs over.
I am extremely grateful yet, it hardly seems fair as I think about those who've lost only children. Those who've dreamed of children for years and yet still wait and wonder. My heart has been pricked for these dear, tender hearts this past week.
So what should be my response? As I woke that Saturday morning to the sounds of my family, God reminded me of Colossians 1:16-17,

For by (Jesus) all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together...

My position is nothing about me. It is all about Jesus. It is all because of Jesus!
Only in Jesus could my marriage be healed from years of neglect and strengthened with endearment and genuine admiration because only Jesus reconciles all things (Colossians 1:22). In a culture where teens struggle with depression, identity, insecurity and anxiety, only Jesus has the power to hold these three golden heads near to Him (and their parents.) So I admit my uselessness, and look only to Jesus. There seems to be no other security than to "continue in the faith (of Jesus), stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel (Jesus)..." Colossians 1:23. Jesus is my only hope in this life today and forever.
I want to trust that if Jesus is strong enough and big enough to hold together my family of five, He is definitely powerful enough to sustain and hold together the hearts and lives of those dear women who's arms do not yet embrace a little one. I pray for you tender ones that you would continue in the faith, held together by Jesus and experience the hope only possible through Jesus.

God-story

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I've been putting my heart, soul and mind into believing God's promise. That He's said it and it's done, as I wait for the details to unfold. This is a moment by moment, minute by minute battle of choice.
At this minute, I believe but Jesus, help me with my unbelief (Mark 9:23-25). Not long ago, a cherished friend shared with me the Message paraphrase of Romans 4. It really bears merit for all to stop and read it! This is when I realized, that I can't do the work of the next step in my life. It truly needs to be God's doing, His work, a God-story. Not a SeekingTheMaker-story.
When Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the humble donkey and its colt, the crowds were caught up in a moment of belief that God had sent this man, their Messiah, to save them from the oppression and tyranny of the Romans. They sang, "Hosanna!" Which in Greek literally means, "Save, we pray." They thought they knew God's plan of sending a big hot shot to overthrow the Romans. God had an even bigger plan in mind. Israel thought they needed saving in their external circumstance. God knew they needed spiritual provision and saving, through the perfect, once for all sacrifice for their sins in Jesus' perfect body slain.
I'm just like that. How many times do I shout, "God, save me, give me Your power and guide me out of my external circumstance (a broken down car, an unpleasant moment with the golden heads, disconnect with the engineer, conflict, a decision...)!" But all I really need has already been provided for me: I am in right standing with God through what I believe Jesus did for me on the cross. His sacrifice saved me from eternal torture and death and the grasp of daily sins and sin habits. These are the things from which I really need saving.
But that's not to say God isn't doing something in the midst of my external circumstances. He allows me to experience these so I can practice reaching up to Him and admit that only He can work to make this His story, not mine.
When God promised Abraham he'd have as many descendants as the stars in the sky, it was not given because of something Abraham did or would do. It was based on God's decision to put everything together for Abraham. The fulfillment of God's promise depends entirely on trusting God and His way and then simply embracing Him and what He does.

When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn’t do but on what God said he would do. And so he was made father of a multitude of peoples. God himself said to him, “You’re going to have a big family, Abraham!”
Abraham didn’t focus on his own impotence and say, “It’s hopeless. This hundred-year-old body could never father a child.” Nor did he survey Sarah’s decades of infertility and give up. He didn’t tiptoe around God’s promise asking cautiously skeptical questions. He plunged into the promise and came up strong, ready for God, sure that God would make good on what he had said. That’s why it is said, “Abraham was declared fit before God by trusting God to set him right.” But it’s not just Abraham; it’s also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God. Romans 4:18-25, Message

Have you believed in the perfect sacrifice of Jesus' life in place of yours? If so, in what area do you need to quit striving, quit working long and hard and let God do the work to fulfill His promise in your life: good plans, prosperous plans that build a hopeful future. 

Don't keep

In my teens, I babysat for a mom who had a poem that hung on the wall collecting dust. To this day, the last lines stick in my head:

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Visiting a friend and meeting her new baby, I dusted off the cobwebs of this poem from my memory. I thought I understood this idea by the time I had my last golden head at 29, but at 37, I realize that I really didn't. "Babies don't keep," so rock longer, gaze longer, these moments are so short so don't fret the other details of life.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

Then I realized the truth: any day in the life of a child-parent relationship is fleeting. I need to cherish them all. Oh that I would be reminded of the gifts my good God gives me: conversations about emotions, chatty-katy tweens, dance classes with the compassionate one, ice-cream bowls before bed... These moments won't last much longer.

Who am I Lord God that you have given me such gifts and promises of a hope and a future? For my sake and according to Your own goodness and grace, You have done all these great things. There is no god like You, O Lord. You have adopted me as Your own child and made Your name great by working in my life and family. I Chronicles 17:16, 19-21, my paraphrase

If you have biological or spiritual children in your life, when was the last time you stopped to praise God for little moments with them? These may seem inconsequential at the time, but they are a reward from God. As they unfold today, choose to thank God for these memories, even the moments of correction.

War

After all the strides we had taken forward in the game of real life, it felt like we'd been sent back to start. I felt like an animal left licking its wounds. Like the loser. Hopeless... I had forgotten how horrible it feels to be at war within our home as the battle rages outside our doorstep.
There's an American Girl movie the goldenheads enjoy that has a theme, "Love has to win." At this moment of defeat, I don't know how love can win.
Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong as we warred within our home. The week was a constant prayer to God, "Okay God, help me with this. And now this. And now that."
Because of the prayers of those closest to me, I knew the first step God had bidden me: forgive. In the depths of my heart, I had to choose to forgive the engineer for the wrong I felt done to me. Over and over again, I would choose to verbalize my forgiveness and trust that God would change my heart to follow my verbal decision.

...forgive your brother from your heart. Matthew 18:35

Within 24-hours of choosing to forgive within my heart, I voiced forgiveness to his ears. As that sank in and God worked in me to act in a gentle, loving manner, he softened and said, "I'm sorry." What happened next in my heart was a shocker. Instantly, my heart turned ice hard and I didn't want to say you're forgiven again. Revenge (Satan's tactic) was rearing its ugly face. The next minute felt like an hour as I held his hand yet battled in my mind for the words and truth of heart to say, "I forgive you." But I did and the truce was made. We're on the same team again.
Twenty-four hours later, we sit in the same place where the truce was made and I feel victorious, like God graciously moved us forward to the same square well into the game of Life. Somehow, I feel like this game of real life could throw us any card or set-back, but because we're a team again, we'll face it stronger together. There is a spiritual war outside your front door, but there can be peace and unity within your home.
Do you feel like your spouse is your enemy? Do you feel like you're on the same team? Choose to see the lies you're believing if you feel that your spouse is your enemy. Satan is exhilarated when you believe your spouse is the enemy. If needed, practice this exercise from Family Life's "Weekend to Remember": Turn to your mate and say out loud, "You are NOT my enemy." Then add, "You are my teammate." Sometimes you have to start with the words and then beg God to change your heart to follow.

Step

I love the living and active Word of God. I love that I can read the exact same passage maybe 20 times and the next time see something new.

Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you, just as I promised to Moses. Joshua 1:3

God couldn't give the land to the Israelites until they walked into it. If we don't step, we don't obtain. Like the Israelites, we need to take the first step toward God's promise.
I have this debilitating fear within as I think about taking new territory. I have this dream, this great big dream, bigger than anything ever before. But if I don't step out, how can God give?
Faith means believing that He's done it and it's already done while you wait for the details to sort themselves out. Though we may feel uncomfortable before that step of faith, after we begin, we may look back and wonder, of what was I so fearful?
When we first moved to the south metro, I was petrified of driving. I remember my first trip out to buy groceries. Bundled up in the cold with my 3-year old, GPS in hand, taking deep breaths, praying for God's strength and confidence as I navigated the "city" of Apple Valley. Today, I look back and laugh. Seriously? Apple Valley? This is not the city, this is my backyard: easy and comfortable.
You know that feeling of returning home after a long trip or a short, exhausting trip? At last, home! The hum of the furnace, the familiar look of decor, the stinky feet smell in the front closet...it's just home. When the Israelites stepped into Canaan, it just felt like home. This is true in our lives, when God gives us a dream and direction and we obediently step out, we may find, it feels like home.
Three times in Joshua 1:6-9, God commands Joshua, to be "strong and courageous...only be strong and very courageous...I command you, be strong and courageous...for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Even when I step out of my safe zone, I am not alone. At the end of Joshua chapter 1, even the officers of the Israelites tell him, "Only, be strong and courageous Joshua." Why are we waiting? Step.
Where is God nudging you to be strong, courageous and take that step? In a relationship, a prior fear, a ministry, work, your health... Read Joshua 1:6-9 placing your name into the scripture and believe God's promise to you as you take that first step.