Before the blossom

Why is it at Mother's Day, Christians pull out Proverbs 31? The woman described seems like the ideal model. She's amazing: a blessing to her husband "all the days of her life," works hard and willingly, provides for family, friends and the poor, creates a home and clothing to protect her family and therefore has no worries for her family. She's wise, in shape, in the marketplace, disciples her children, works in ministries, is dignified, fears the Lord, teaches, proactive, prays…. How in the world?
I think what comes first is clearly at the beginning,

"She is far more precious than jewels," (v. 10b). 

She knows who she is. She's not just someone's wife, mom or mentor. She's in Christ. The Proverbs 31 woman knows that she is the jewel of her heavenly Father's eye. She knows, He rejoices over me with gladness; He will quiet me by His love; He will exult over me with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17). She is in Christ.
Planting season is upon us. Peering through a book from the library, gaining tidbits of knowledge, I noticed a tip for planting annual seedling: "Pinch off any flowers or buds so the plant can focus it's energy on getting it's roots established rather than flowering, then water well." This Proverbs 31 woman, establishes her roots in Christ. She knows she is fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). She knows she is the apple of God's eye (Psalm 17) and that she is His treasured possession (Deuteronomy 7:6), she's forgiven (1 John 1:9), gifted (1 Corinthians 12:7), and blessed (Ephesians 1:3). After she's grounded in Christ, she can focus her energy on the rest of her attributes and blossom.
Establishing her identity in Christ, is only the beginning of her spirituality. If you noticed, in my gardening book, the last phrase was, "then water well." I think the wise Proverbs 31 woman waters in verse 15:

She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.

Rising "while it is yet night" is her daily multi-vitamin. Solomon was not referring simply to physical food. He was also speaking of spiritual food. When the alarm goes off at 5am, I'm not always excited to jump out of bed, but I know that if I don't, I'll regret it. If I wake early, spend time marinating in God's Word, I'm ready to give. Contrary, if I hit snooze for an hour, waking the same time as my family, I am like a dry wilting, stressed plant, and it's ugly. The wise Proverbs 31 woman knows she needs a daily spiritual vitamin. This rich time of fellowship with God in the morning, feeds our spirit throughout the day and gives us energy to blossom.
Read Proverbs 31:10-31. Which attributes of this Proverbs 31 woman convicts you the most? She is overwhelming! Select ONE area that you will focus on this week. Can I suggest you begin with establishing your worth in Christ or nourishing your spirit with Him daily if these are areas of conviction?

Head and heart collide

Scurry. Anytime you get ready to leave on vacation, it's chaotic. Now, throw four cases of head lice in the mix and imagine what you get. "I wanted to paint my toenails this week, not scour heads for lice," I cry.  Right before takeoff, God in his graciousness gave me time for toenails. And as I finish, I can't find the top coat. Surely it's somewhere in the golden head's "Nail House Salon" and I search through their stash and my bathroom repeatedly unsuccessful. Anger boils within me. Why do I get so worked up over something so stupid? I know I shouldn't be angry. I want to feel calm. It's toe nails for golly sake!
I've been wrestling with knowing something, praying about it and then believing the truth God speaks. In 2 Samuel 5:17-25, David finds out the Philistines are advancing upon him. He takes cover, prays, knowing God can deliver, and then believes that God will direct and rescue him.
I know that I am a child of the King, that I am worth more than rubies and precious gems, that He delights and sings over me. Why can't I feel it?
Satan. His tactics are clever. But God's are greater. The Philistines advance again after their previous defeat by David. Again, David inquires of the Lord and obeys His command. David's's given the smartest war tactics yet.

And the Philistines came up yet again and spread out in the Valley of Rephaim. And when David inquired of the LORD, He said, "You shall not go up; go around to their rear, and come against them opposite the balsam tress. And when you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam tress, then rouse yourself, for then the Lord has gone out before you to strike down the army of the Philstines." And David did as the Lord commanded him, and struck down the Philistines from Geba to Gezer. 2 Samuel 5:22-25

God ambushes the Philistines. Much more clever than David likely originally thought of attacking.
Satan will repeatedly attack us at our point of weakness because He knows our weakness. Whether it's self-confidence, self image, a fear, physical limitation or idol. He will use this weakness and speak lies to us through our circumstances and daily encounters.

Little children, you are from God and have overcome (Satan's spirits that do not confess that Jesus is from God), for He who is in you is greater than he (Satan) who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

This is why Saul, can be filled with the Holy Spirit and rebuke the evil spirit in the magician, bringing believers to God.

But Saul, who was also called Paul, filled with the Holy Spirit, looked intently at him and said, "You son of the devil, you enemy of all righteousness, full of all deceit and villainy, will you not stop making crooked the straight paths of the Lord?" … Then the proconsul believed… Acts 13:9,10,12

This is where Saul (the murderer of Christians converted, Acts 9) was first called Paul and his legacy for Christ really begins. Is this rebuking of Satan's lies where our legacy of faith and trust in Christ can begin?
In her study, Believing God, Beth Moore challenges student to commit to memory a Five Statement Pledge of Faith:

1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's Word is alive & active in me.  I'M BELIEVING GOD!

You can't believe both lie and truth. I love her idea of trading the devil's lies for God's truth.

Vacation came and yet and my toenail polish hasn't even chipped. I knew I shouldn't have been upset. God reminds me that I have should have trusted His provision because "love is not irritable or resentful," (1 Corinthians 13:5) and I should have felt calm and gracious. Last week following Paul's example in Acts 13, I point blank rebuked Satan's lies regarding my self-image and felt free. Sometimes we can know something in our head, but we can't feel it. Rebuke of Satan's lies is where your head and heart collide; you start feeling what you know is true. Satan will lie, but if we recognize the lie, rebuke it and replace the lie with God's truth, we will be set free.
What lie are you believing today? What scripture verse will you use to rebuke Satan's lie and experience freedom because of Christ. He's near.

Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more the that, who was raised--who is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution or famine or nakedness, or danger, or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor heights nor depth, or anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:33-35, 37-39

In the abyss

One snide remark and I've spend the last week in the abyss, unsure of who I am in Christ. Anger fills my heart toward that owner of those rude words. Yet I know that God is using this for growth. To become more like Christ. To remember that I am secure in Christ, claiming my identity in Him. My weight doesn't define me, it might explain me but it doesn't define me. I am a child of the King. He's crazy about me. I am free.
As I've wrestled with this issue again, I've thought about being thankful. Seeing what God's given as a gift to add to my list of 1000+. In mid-vacuum swipe, I came to my senses: I need to be thankful for my weight. It was this wrestle that brought me to a deeper relationship with Him! After my last golden head was born, I began the Lord's Table. I lost weight, but more importantly, I began to understand that life is more than food, that "Man does not live by bread alone," as Jesus quoted Old Testament in the desert (Matthew 4:4). This obstacle was pivotal in my daily walk with Jesus and really began my deeper love for Him and seeking of Him. Thank you God that you used my insecurity to bring me to You.
What has brought you closer in intimacy with Christ? Have you thanked God for it? God never wastes a hurt (Rick Warren.) The issue you wrestle with the most, can turn you to God or make you run away. Even if you run away, He will stay right by your side. "If we are unfaithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny His Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13.

Lightbulb

Sometimes things just click. Come together. Sometimes I can suddenly say as Mr. Gru in Despicable Me, “Lightbulb!” And God in His gracious, merciful being reveals these truths to me in layers, perfectly timed so that I might see the picture He's masterpiecing.

Driving last weekend, Dara MacLean's, "Free" came on the radio. Belting it out as countless times before, suddenly I realized God wants me to claim my freedom.

Hurting heart and broken wings
Cannot stop Your love from always finding me
No more days wasting away
I finally realize the gift inside of me
My strength alone will never be enough
Your arms keep lifting me up.
You tell me I've been made free
You give me everything I need to walk in my dreams.

I saw a glimpse of God telling me, stop claiming your insecurities...I made you free. When you feel insecure, claim that I have made you free.

My mind went to studying "Who I am in Christ" through Neil Anderson's book Victory Over the Darkness. I am accepted, secure and significant. When I feel insecure about my body, I need to continually claim that I am complete in Christ, there is no condemnation for me because I'm in Christ, I am adopted as His child and He can never reject me.

Fast-forward two days...working through discipleship with a mentor and parked in Matthew 6:25-34. In my 30 years of following Christ, I have never notice Jesus saying in this verse, "Do not be anxious about your life...nor about your body." Years of quickly summarizing this passage saying, don't worry about food or drink or clothes but I’ve missed the phrase tucked between those two…“nor about your body.” The birds don’t worry but simply carry on daily tasks as God created them to do. They take care of their bodies but don’t worry or fret about their bodies.

My mind quickly tries to justify, but what about the literal scars on my body from the past: Stretch marks, flabby skin? Yet Jesus took my shame upon Himself, on His scarred body on the cross (Psalm 69:9).

Jesus doesn’t see those literal or emotional scars anymore so why would I fret about them?

Therefore, do not be anxious saying, “What do I look like?” For unbelievers seek after these things and your heavenly Father knows your body. Instead, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:31-33, my paraphrase

Anxiety is to be replaced by two directives. The first, seeking the kingdom of God, is submitting every area of my life, even my insecurities, to Him and letting all of me be under His domain. The next directive, seeking His righteousness, is choosing to obey His commands, His written Word. When I take the focus off myself (my insecurities) and focus on His rule, reign and my obedience to Him, security in my body image will be given to me.

In studying this scripture, the question was asked, What have you let rule and control your life in the past months? Why? Lightbulb! I suddenly see that in trying so hard to overcome my bodily insecurities by reading books, studying how to, I have let these bondages that I’m trying to break free from, rule and control my life, motives, actions and attitudes. I have also let food, what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, etc, rule my life. The insecurity of my body and food has been sitting on the throne of my life. It is what I have been focusing on instead of Christ and allowing His rule on my life. Why? Deep down, I don’t trust God to heal or sustain me through this process. But what of trust?

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And rely not on your own understanding,
But in all your ways acknowledge Him
And He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

And we know that for the good of those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:38

Lack of trust, lack of His rule and reign in my life, has resulted in no spiritual fruit, no peace, no gain in self-confidence. Jesus said by their fruit you will know they are His. I have lacked fruit. I want fruit.

So I keep thinking, who cares? Who cares if I eat dessert? I am accepted. There is no condemnation for me. Who cares if I have a belly? God calls me His own, I am His and He can never reject me. When insecurity creeps in, I literally say, Christ doesn’t care about the insecurity; it doesn’t define me. He accepts me.

Realizing this truth is huge, but consistently, continually letting Him rule and control my life is my next step. The hardest step. In my quiet time, I see and grasp this concept so easily and clearly. Then the day begins…I quickly loose sight. A visual comes to mind of Jesus’ yoke. Neil Armstrong describes Jesus’ teaching recorded in Matthew 11:28-30 in his book Victory Over the Darkness. A yoke is designed for two oxen, pulling in the same direction. Often, a younger ox is trained side by side by an older, seasoned ox. I am the younger, inexperienced, don’t know what I’m doing at times ox. Jesus is the strong, experienced, older ox carrying most the burden, teaching me. And when Isaiah paints a contrasting picture of worn out or renewing strength in chapter 40:28-30, I see the yoke:

He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
And to him who has no might He increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
And young men shall fall exhausted;
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary;
They shall walk and not faint.

Growing up, my parents had a corkboard with the phrase, “Things I have to remember not to forget.” So as I focus on being yoked with Jesus throughout my day, I think to myself, God, help me to remember not to forget that YOU are the seasoned ox, I may be weary, I may feel insecure, but You call me Your own and You renew my strength.

What or who has been ruling and reining your life the past months? Why? What steps will you take today to let God back on the throne of your life as the seasoned ox?

Who am I?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

In visiting with my wise mother-in-law tonight, she said something about jobs, “It’s not who you are, it’s just what you do.” That struck me and I see so much wisdom in it when I use it to measure up an outside the home job. What your employment is doesn’t define who you are. You are a child of God. Heir to His kingdom. More precious than rubies. Forgiven. Righteous. Perfect. Being made holy. However, my wrestle with this is, who does that make me? My job is in the home: being a mom, home keeper, wife. I think I am these things in additions to His daughter. Is there error in this? Or am I a mom and a wife but in the eyes of God not a home keeper? I don’t know how to be the best mom and wife I can without keeping my home in an organized, tidy manner. I can’t seem to overlook sticky floors, splatter all over the cupboards, running out of ingredients and supplies and just be “there” as a mom and wife. I don’t feel like I can have one without the other. Is there error in this? I know in all things I should strive for balance and meanwhile maintain perspective: it’s more important for me to give time, service, physical affection, gifts, words of affirmation to my kids than having clean bathrooms. Or is having the clean bathrooms and kitchen and floor and clothes part of the service to my husband and children? “I am not a home-keeper, it’s just what I do,” but “I am a home-keeper, mom and wife.” What does scripture say about this?

1.       Alicia revealing her heart

2.       Golden heads helping me shop

3.       Patience to make it through the shopping

4.       Being able to treat them to lunch

5.       3 more Scoops tokens

6.       Giffeys arriving safely

7.       Kids not missing a beat

8.       Big kids talking until 10

9.       Heart to heart with Gail past midnight

10.   The compassionate one offering to take out the trash

11.   The engineer’s flight arriving earlier than previously thought

12.   Micah being able to spend the night at home..not Mayo

13.   Opportunity for Micah to see his doctor for a check-up

14.   The miracle You’re going to do in Micah’s life

15.   Big kids up and excited to be together at 6am!

16.   Kids Camp pictures

17.   Ability to mop the kitchen floor & wash away “sticky”

18.   Seven kids climbing onto the hammock with me in the middle

19.   Popcorn all over the ground…feeding the birds

20.   Bottle caps on the table

21.   Ice cream in a bag with the older kids

22.   Naps for the middle kids

23.   Treasure in heaven

24.   Opportunity to go to Kracht Garbage Day

25.   Being “emotional support” for grandma and mom

26.   Ability to share insight about marital roles with mom

27.   Derrick’s eagerness to serve at Garbage Day

28.   Delburt’s verbal gratitude expressed to Derrick

29.   Watching fathers and sons work together

30.   Watching brothers and cousins work together

31.   Safety getting home although sleepy

32.    Really sleeping until 8am

33.   Folgers

34.   Shawna serving grandpa compassionately...making scrapbooks

35.   A Sabbath without golden heads

36.   Family planning on the calculating one’s birthday party

37.   A week without being mom

38.   The golden heads eagerly staying at grandma’s for a week

39.   Eagerness of grandpa & grandma to have them a week

40.   Compassionate one making special K bars for grandpa

41.   Wanting grandpa to have the leftovers

42.   Visiting with uncle Carl

43.   Boisterous one’s kisses for grandpa great

44.   Cousins swimming for hours in the stainless steel calf feeder

45.   Find the boisterous one’s capris and undies

46.   Boisterous one so excited for grandma Barb’s play dough

47.   Living close enough to make a day trip “home”

48.   Laughing with the engineer about pulling the wrong chain for the ceiling fan

49.   Ripstick

50.   Ripping out cooper tubing with the skid loader

51.   Luke’s leadership

52.   Praying Philippians 2:1-4 for Kestrel

53.   Good movies

54.   Soaker hoses

55.   Blueletterbible.com

56.   Memories of the farm

57.   Picture of compassionate one and dad with the baby pigs

58.   Dew drops

59.   “Life is like a mountain railway” on itunes

60.   Over half the deck stained

61.   Drier weather to stain

62.   Cool morning breeze

63.   Fish in the pond

64.   Soaker hose

65.   Grandpa getting enough money to pay for the funeral

66.   Lunch & friendship with Alicia

67.   Running beside corn that I just barely taller than

68.   Having a birthday cake to make

69.   Slip & Slide

70.   Cousins coming to the party

71.   Having the deck stained

72.   Tiki Torches

73.   Repentance from selfishness

74.   Campfire with just the two of us

75.   Mulch in the flower bed

76.   Home Depot having plastic sheeting

77.   Bakery buns

78.   Java Chip Frappuccino @ Starbucks

79.   Realizing my homemade ones are just as good

80.   Stack of brush…gone

81.   Wearing a dress just because

82.   Shopping

83.   Finding the engineer half way between Eagan & Woodbury

84.   Going to “work” with the engineer

85.   Sitting in the little café for 30 minutes with the engineer

86.   Not getting our chicken so I could have Starbucks for lunch

87.   Not having to pay for our drinks & salad

88.   Opportunity to navigate new territory

89.   Tiny peppers

90.   Peas to pick

91.   Blossoms on the green beans

92.   Beets sprouting

93.   Sevin to stop Japanese beetles

94.   Learning to garden as a child

95.   Working from home

96.   Running up the stairs after dinner

97.   Peanut butter toast & apples for dinner

98.   Making jerky for Micah

99.   Note from Jessica

Name them

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I struggle with who I am. I hate the person I am. I don’t like my body, I don’t like those ugly moments of being a mom, when I pierce the heart of tender child. I don’t like who I am as a wife, as a home keeper…I feel so insecure. Then I think about eucharisteo. Thanks. Gifts. Grace. Joy. I want to name them. It’s hard. But, if Christ is in all and through all, then aren’t all those things good? God is always good and even in those things I hate about self, God is in them, I just need to see through the black and choose to see through to the goodness of God, to wait just a little longer because God isn’t finished with me. “We all..are being transformed into the same image of God’s glory by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 3:18, my paraphrase. So I will name my gifts:

1.     All the body

2.     Lungs breath in and out

3.     Heart beats steadily

4.     Strong legs that carry

5.     Digestive system working

6.     Immune system

7.     Metabolism

8.     Ribs that protect heart

9.     Waist that bends body

10. Hips that carry and bear babies

11. Home

12. Wedding ring

13. Prayer with the engineer

14. Engineer’s navigating skill

15. Engineer’s attention to details

16. Newsies on broadway

17. Strength in the engineer’s arms and legs

18. Unshakeable faith of the engineer

19. Leadership of the engineer

20. Forbearance from the engineer

21. Wise mentor

22. Long hair, brown

23. Fine hair on face

24. Power of God come down when I lack patience

25. Nail polish

26. Fragrance of flowers on trees

27. Flipping on hair around head to flash a smile

28. Dance

29. Popcorn

30. Three girls in one bed

31. Big sister helps little sister spell her name

32. Forgiveness from the compassionate one

33. Detangler

34. Ponytails

35. Braids

36. Couch

37. Thai peanut sauce

38. Roasted veggies

39. Cheese

40. Garlic

41. Eave keeping house dry

42. Pink blossoms on tree

43. Blur of white in gusts across horizon

44. Yellow on wheels

45. Workout dvd in basement

46. Reese pieces

47. Birthday parties

48. Peanut butter eggs

49. Whoppers

50.  Star of the week

51. Mrs. Foster

52. Excited small voice reading Old McNoah

53. Jellybean soup

54. Baby

55. Yogurt

56. Berries, red and blue

57. Bananas so sweet

58. Make believe

59. Texting

60. Holy Spirit

61. Oatmeal with apples and banana

62. Sugar & cinnamon on muffin

63. Peanut butter

64. Paper and pen

65.  On the Shores of Silver Lake

66. Tall grass bend in wind

67. Drip of rain

68. Run of nose on boisterous face

69. New mittens

70. Holy Word of God