If you search long enough, you'll find it. That's one truth God is teaching me lately: just keep searching, My Word really is all the instructions you need for life.
I had been wrestling and searching Scripture for God's will on a sticky situation that required a decision. One of those circumstances marred with emotion, past experiences, hurt and frustration. First of all, I hate decisions. What to make for dinner can be debilitating (okay, so maybe I'm getting better at that one), what to do on a date, when to schedule vacation, can she go to a friend's house... These are hard enough for me, but now I had to make a decision that had much more far reaching consequences. And
I had to choose, I could not defer to my stronger husband.
There, tucked in my memory verse from my Bible study lesson was a nugget that I'd been reciting for weeks.
"Come to me all who labor and are weary laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly of heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30.
In this situation, I knew God wanted me to learn from Jesus. Learn Jesus' way of gentleness and humility. Jesus wasn't bossy, He didn't stride around Galilee demanding, "His way or the highway." He gave people choice. He was compassionate and tender. He made time. He put aside His own personal preferences for the good of mankind. That's what He wants me to learn. And what better way to learn but by doing?
Great! Now I know Jesus' best choice for my decision, but then I realized this meant I had to do the exact thing I didn't want to do. It's easier to demand your own way. To choose your own preference, especially if you can take it. It's hard to say, "No, that's okay. You do it the way you want."
I had to choose obedience and trust the promise that accompanied Jesus' way of gentle humility: I would find rest for my soul. I'm thankful for His written Word that continually reassured me of pressing forward and for the engineer that empathetically walked beside me as I choose Jesus' way. And I did find rest, along with more humility. But I like Jesus' way and I'd do it again.
My sister-in-law helped me to see a simple example of this rest found when you learn gentle lowliness from Jesus. Late one evening, the girls wanted to play Pictionary. I'm not horrible at this game, but I just didn't want to play. I wanted to zone out and go to bed! But seeing their excitement, I agreed to play. (No, I didn't think about the gentle and humbly way of Jesus, it just seemed like the mom thing to do.) We had so much fun playing Pictionary that night and made so many memories, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. That's rest Jesus wanted me to find.
In what ways is God giving you opportunity to learn Jesus' way of gentleness and lowliness? Will you choose to follow Jesus' example, to learn from Him? I'm not certain, but chances are if you do, you will find more inner peace and rest from anxiety than if you demand your own way and exert your own idea.
It had been a long, twisting, exhausting string of days on my own away from home. Exhausted, I reentered our home sweet home in Minnesota. Back in the engineer's embrace, I feel safe, protected, provided, comfortable and accepted. And then with a sigh and prayer of thanksgiving, I recognize again the miraculous gift God has given in the redemption of our marriage over the past year. So much thought occurred during this embrace because I lingered and breathed into the depth of the comfort of it. And in my pause, God gave me a gift of revelation or reminding of the symbol marriage on this side of heaven. It reflects Christ's love for the church; Christ's love for each church member; His love for me.
