Puddle

Writing the date in my journal and wondering why darkness hovers over me this morning, I remembered. Two years ago today, I sat in an outpatient surgery prep room, fighting nausea and waiting for the wee lifeless baby to be removed from my womb. This was my first lost little one. And even though two years of goodness and growth have been graced to me since that 2015 spring morning, my eyes still weep, my chest still heaves in sobs. I am a puddle.
Just this morning, over yogurt, strawberries and granola, the golden heads read the account of George Mueller's miraculous orphanage provision in the breakfast devotion and were encouraged by Romans 8:28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." We were challenged to remember throughout our day that Scripture says, all things. Not just a few things. Or a lot of things. Most things? No, ALL things.
I can testify to God's goodness and working even in my miscarriage: a stronger faith and trust in God, a strengthened marriage, a beautiful space between children and a healthy little baby boy. But that doesn't mean I don't cry for what was lost. I feel at loss of where to turn. Trusting God in the big picture, but remembering that stroke right now hurts. What do I do, right now in the hurt?

Likewise (waiting with full confidence for heaven) the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

I am trusting the Spirit to minister and direct my course of action and thoughts today. And then I ask those who know me best to pray.
Sometimes, I fault the engineer for being seemingly indulgent with our golden heads: too many Wild hockey games, downhill skiing, vacations, Twins games... But the truth is, we get to hold these children and kiss them in the morning and at night. We get to spoil them and it's just money anyway. Money we can't take and won't need in heaven. Hmmm. I think we need to celebrate with icecream today after school.
During these days with a four-month baby, I'm frequently quoting that song by The Shirelles, "Momma said there'll be days like this..." or Judith Viorst's Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, "Some days are like that, even in Australia." Don't you agree? Some days are just tough! What we do on those days? It's okay to shed a tear. It's okay to have an extra cup of coffee. It's wise to sit at the feet of Jesus and let Him speak to you and reassure you that even though there are days like this, He will work it out for our good and His glory!

Changes

It's the end of summer and my potted plants look rough; the pansies have long bit the dust; weeds have taken over the garden, lawn and landscape; the pool has a film of algae clinging to its sides; the house hasn't been vacuumed in a month, (don't even ask about the layer of dust on the mantle); I have more green beans in the fridge than I care preserve; the school supplies are sold out in the store; the birds don't sing as loudly; and the sun peaks later each day. In contrast, the mums look gorgeous; hints of red are popping out on the neighbor's maple trees; the acorn squash blossoms flourish; the golden head's lockers and desks are loaded with supplies after open houses; and invitations have been sent for fall ministries. There's something sad yet beautiful about this transition. Defeating yet victorious about this shifting.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man. Eccelsiates 3:1-13

The wise King Solomon teaches us that God makes "everything beautiful in its time." Sometimes the beauty is yet to come: like when the seeds have just been buried underground. And sometimes the beauty is over: like the thirty birthdays cards and written wishes from friends and family. Beautiful and edifying then, but now just scrawls on a page.
Solomon also instructs us that God "has put eternity into man's heart." God has put a longing and desire for eternity with Him in our souls. Indeed He has given us eternal life that begins when we first know Jesus Christ. "And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent," John 17:3. And though our eternal life begins at belief in Jesus Christ and leads us into His presence in heaven, we don't know the route. However, the route He leads us on is always on purpose and on time even though the seasons change and beauties come and go.

Solomon "perceived that there is nothing better for (us) than to be joyful and do good," as long as we live out our eternal life on this side of heaven. We should enjoy these changes God places strategically on our path. They are God's gifts to us.  

As you walk through your own transitions, do good and do well from a healthy, trusting attitude. To do otherwise would be to cling to a dead daisy when a beautiful mum is within your grasp.

Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man... Ephesians 6:5-7

Gatepost

Trudging through the day more than springing, I steal away some time to be with my Maker. And He said to me, "I made this day too, so rejoice in this day."
The refrain echoes in my ears for days and opening my Bible to read in context, "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it," I find this often quoted verse is surrounded by the idea of a gate.

Open to me the gates of righteousness,
that I may enter through them
and give thanks to the Lord.
This is the gate of the Lord;
the righteous shall enter through it.
I thank you that you have answered me
and have become my salvation.
The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone.
This is the Lord's doing;
it is marvelous in our eyes.
This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:19-24

I don't think I could build a gate, I'm not handy and not detailed enough. From my quick research, it takes some meticulous skills. Of course the gate must be square, but even more importantly, it must hang from a gatepost. I giggled reading WikiHow.com, "fence posts are necessary for installing a fence…you need posts in order to install a gate." Got it? Posts are a must. The essential post is placed in the ground filled half full of concrete and then set, being certain it is straight and vertical, so that the gate can open and close. When set correctly, the rest of the hole is filled with concrete. The post is like the cornerstone of building, it is the first component of construction of a fence and most important since everything else is set in reference to that post. The gatepost determines the position of the entire structure.
Now takes this idea back to Psalm 118's gate. Eternal life, life beyond this is not automatically given. We don't just get it. When Adam and Eve sinned, that privilege was taken away and guarded:

He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life. Genesis 3:24

Though we were separated from the tree of eternal life, all is not lost. God in His mercy made a way to reenter the garden and eat from the tree of life. If there were a fence surrounding that tree of life, Jesus is the cornerstone of the fence and he is the gate.

I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

This is God's marvelous doing, that Jesus would be the only way for us to taste the tree of eternal life.
Every day I live is a day I should stop and realize that Jesus made a way for me to enter the garden and that means it is a day to rejoice. The joy springs from the saving, the rescuing, the deliverance from peril, an entrance into the garden. I should consistently realize that the gate of righteousness has been opened to me by Jesus who is the gate and gatepost.

Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates. Revelation 22:14

Do we realize how blessed we are? Every day is a day to marvel in the truth of God rescuing us and making a way for us to enter the gate, to eat from the tree of life. I would like to complain about the day: I'm cold. I'm bored. I'm annoyed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm angry. But when I put those grumblings into perspective, my moaning should become rejoicing! I will rejoice in this day and be happy, happy, happy!

About perfect

As my baby ventures off to school, I can't quite shake this thought; when she holds my hand, her little paw in mine, it feels about perfect. There are few things more wonderful than that feeling. By design, it fits just right. And yet, I know this fit is fleeting. Her hand will grow. I must train her in the way she should go. I need to become less and He more in her life. She needs to leave me and cleave to Christ. Yet, I never want to forget what it feels like to have her little hand in mine. Does Christ feel the same of me? Whether I am curled up, laid out or basking in the reality of His presence, is He thinking, I just can't get enough of this? I'm not sure. I'm reminded of Mary, Jesus' mother.

And all who head it wondered at that the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. Luke 2:17-18

Here come the shepherd with a message from the angels about this child who is the Messiah, Savior of the world. Everyone is wondering, Is this for real, but Mary treasured. I can't help but notice the contrast. I could wonder what the future holds for this boisterous one, wonder God's feeling for me or I could treasure the moment.
Watching the sunrise, the leaves fully intact to their branches, there's a frame. A little window through the leaves that reaches straight through to the sunlight. Not the whole panoramic view, just a small snippet.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

I know when I see Him face to face, I will see the whole panoramic view. Maybe her little hand in mine is just a glimpse. A glimpse of what glory will be like. What it will feel like for my hand to literally be nestled inside His. But I will treasure.

Destination

Six minutes to destination: babycakes. The boisterous one bought a cupcake maker. It's pink, little and cute as ever. Seriously, it takes six minutes to bake these adorable little cupcakes. Some destinations have longer ETAs (estimated time of arrival).

For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us…we ourselves..groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies…we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:18, 23, 25

Keep your eye on the prize, the destination. I'm not referring to babycakes anymore. A Christ follower's destination is glorification: when I am perfected in the presence of Jesus. Somedays, I crave that day and desire it above anything else! But what surprised me in my contemplating was Jesus saying, appreciate the journey because you are becoming more like me.
A wise Billings Bible teacher teaches, we are on a road:

Salvation-----Sanctification-----Glorification

Salvation is experienced when I put my faith in Christ. Glorification is when God makes me perfect in His presence. No one knows when this will happen. But while we wait, the journey is called sanctification: the process of being made holy. I need reminding of this when I'm on the phone with customer service again, when the engineer and I are running parallel again, when the golden heads are fighting again. All opportunities to change my character and align it with Christ's.
"Would you rather be in heaven or here Mommy?" the boisterous asked this week. I answered by giving her the apostle Paul's writing in Philippians 1:23:

"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh (on earth and be your mom) is more necessary on your account.

'But since God hasn't called me to heaven yet, I'll stay here and (try) love being your mommy!"
Lord, help me enjoy the journey of today. And when I lay my head down tonight, may I be a little more like you.

Zucchini Chocolate Chip Babycakes

1 ½ c. flour (I use white wheat)
½ c. sugar
1 t. baking soda
1 t. cinnamon
½ t. salt
1 egg
2 T. oil
¼ unsweetened applesauce
2 T. milled flaxseed
¼ c. milk
1 T. lemon juice
1 t. vanilla extract
1 c. shredded zucchini
¼ c. semisweet miniature chocolate chips
¼ c. chopped walnuts (the golden heads don't appreciate these)
Preheat Baby Cake maker. Combine dry ingredients. Combine the egg, oil, milk, lemon juice and vanilla; mix well. Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Fold in zucchini, chocolate chips and walnuts. Fill greased cups with 2 T. batter. Bake 6 minutes and enjoy warm.

Plunder...but they can't take the good stuff

...you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For "Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and perserve their souls. Hebrews 10:34-39

It's hard to maintain perspective in this country that seems to be falling further and further away from the True Vine, Jesus. Watch the news on any given night and you see the "fruit" of abiding in Christ is NOT there often enough. Disrespect, self-glorification, rising taxes, scandal... I'd be lying if I said fear never creeps into my mind. This week, I read this passage in Hebrews and it reassured me of hope. I love the end of verse 34, even if we are stripped of everything we work to physically possess, we have a better possession! We have an inheritance: eternal life, and NO government or ill-will citizen could ever take that away from us. But don't overlook the last phrase in this verse: "we have an abiding [possession]," Christ with us, present tense! Every time fear begins its attack...I need to have confidence that He that is in me is more powerful than Satan who is in the world (1 John 4:4). Those in this world Satan uses may plunder and strip me of all my earthly possessions, but they can't take the good stuff, Christ in me--my eternal life!

Heaven-our home already!

I can't wait for Heaven! Since Micah's mortal death, I have been intrigued to know more about Heaven. I am reading Heaven  by Randy Alcorn and have been learning much! What cuts me to the heart and what God has taught me multiple times in the past months is that it starts now. Heaven isn't just our future home it's our home already! In Community Bible Study's lessons on 1 John, I realized this fall that a believer's eternal life begins when we receive the Son (believe that Jesus is the promised Messiah, God's one and only Son, come down from heaven as a man). This point of belief in Jesus as the God become man is the beginning of eternal life.

And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. 1 John 5:11-12

It doesn't say, "believe now and then when your mortal body dies you'll have eternal life." It says you have it when you believe.

Paul says in Colossians 3:3, "For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Notice that died is past tense, meaning my sinful nature has died and that is hidden is present tense. I am in Christ right now. It's Ephesians 2:6 that really blows my mind,

..even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved--and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.

Notice again that raised is past tense. Because we were forgiven in Christ's work on the cross, we were raised up and were seated with Christ. We're already there. Our kingdom is already in Heaven. Notice the writer of Hebrews 12:22-23 uses past tense again

But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven and to God, the judge of all and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect.

God has already brought us into eternal life. I need to start living like that!