Continual

A week or so ago, God nudged me. He reminded me that this whole blog idea began as a way to minister as a Titus 2 woman to younger women. However, mostly, I use it to put my thoughts to "pen and paper." But I wonder if it's to be more than that. I know my highest calling is to abide in Him, my Maker, my God. And I will continue to do that but my focus of blogging may change. I will aim to teach what is good, how to love a husband (when I am so selfish), how to love my children (even when they are difficult), how to be pure (in a corrupt world), how to work at home, and show what it means to be subject to your husband.
Being a married woman and a mom is a call of self-sacrifice. As I meet moms, I see different points of view, different choices, different callings even. And though it's difficult at times, it reaffirms our family's choices: for me to be a worker only at home. One works incredibly hard to earn a college degree. Time, tears, sweat, late nights studying, many financial resources...you finish the list. Then attaining the first job. A foot in the door, a step on the ladder, a starting place. In time, you develop into the leader and woman you were called to be in the workplace. And then comes the deliberate choice to lay all that down. The prestige and power you held at your hard-earned job. The options you had financially when you were a two-income household. To rip that from your life and offer it up to God so that you can treasure the people who are not destroyed by moth and rust (Matthew6:20). This is an example of what it means to be poor in spirit.
I am not saying that working moms are not poor in spirit. Sometimes there is not choice financially, whether she a single parent or husband under or unemployed. Sometimes it's a matter of submission to your husband who asks his wife to work. Sometimes it's a matter of knowing who you are or aren't. But for the woman who is given a choice: to work outside the home or be in the home, I see it as a sacrifice of self. Romans 12:1, my paraphrase:

Offer your whole self continually as a sacrifice to the Lord in logical response of worship to the grace by which He extended to you when He saved you.

In preaching on this verse this weekend, our pastor said, because of your realizing what gift God gave when He saved you, "you can never go back to who you were." And really, in choosing to be a worker in the home, I may never be able to go back to the person I was before I made that choice. I have missed out on years of technology upgrading in the web development world, I would not simply be able to walk back into that field of work. An extended relative, whose husband became unemployed, who was a stay-at-home mom, struggled to find any sort of work and although thankful for an income, she isn't in the same field of work as before making the choice to be at home.
Is it worth it? Honestly, sometime I need to remind myself that it is. But, it doesn't take me long. Discipling my children is a big job. And this isn't a sacrifice just for children. It's a sacrifice for the peace and calmness of your entire household. And my relationships are the only thing going with me to heaven. I watch working mom's lives and I may become jealous but I don't stay there. In a way, I have traded the chaos of running for just "being" sometime.
And so I offer my whole self to God...including this blog.

Helps me

Perched up on the booster beside me at the wheel, my boisterous one, struggling to kick the finger sucking habit. Riding in the car is the worst...what else is a 4-year old to do? Boredom is when we tend to fall into tendencies we'd rather not do. Brainstorming how to help her succeed, we dig her Bible out of her backpack so she might have something to hold instead of sucking her fingers. Ten minutes later, she says, "Mom, my Bible helps me not to suck." So simple, so true! When we struggle with the temptation, "my Bible helps me not to ___."
I know this is true. As I struggle with idolizing food. (Oh Jesus, when will I be set free from this battle?) I know that the times I've been set free in the past are the very same times I have looked to Jesus, quoted scripture and thanked Jesus. What I don't understand is why don't I remember that in the midst of the foggy battle.

I lift my eyes up to the mountains--where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

Lord, help me always remember from where my help comes and look there and thank you for reminding me of truth through my child.

To God for us

And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:2

Nothing exhilarates me more than God revealing a mystery (Colossians 1:26). When you read something you've read before again and then click, you just get it. Before that moment it was simply illusive: God killed Jesus. According to Passover regulations, at precisely 3 pm, the High Priest took a sharp knife and slit the throat of the umblemished sacrificial lamb of the whole of Isreal. And so in Mark 22:34-38 we read how God (the High Priest) took Jesus (the unblemished lamb) as our sacrifice. And to give us a visual, "the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom," (v. 38) a picture of God (the High Priest) slitting of the throat. This cutting did much more because it allowed ALL who asked Jesus to be their sacrificial lamb to enter the presence of God.
And looking back to the Ephesians 5:2 passage, I see how Jesus as the unblemished Lamb was different than a lamb selected for the Passover feast. A lamb in the Passover feast was taken against its will to give to God. Jesus gave himself for us, to God! Now that's love. Pure. Unselfish. Love.

Revealing the heart

As we worshipped corporately and lifted Jesus' name on Palm Sunday this past week, a fresh realization occurred to me: Palm Sunday is about the heart. When Jesus rode into Jerusalem, the people praising Him, they were confident in legalistic rules; Jesus would overturn the Roman rule. It was about the letter of the law. If it had been about the heart, they would not have chanted, "Crucify Him! Crucify Him!" just 3 days later. So today, does praising Him revealed legalistic rules or our hearts?
Never before have I realized that I relate to the people in Jesus' lifetime on earth who wanted the Roman government overturned. Too often, I am frustrated with politics, laws, politicians and think, "Jesus judge them. Show them who's really in charge." But in Jesus' earthly ministry he never claimed to bring his kingdom on our sinful earth but to their hearts. It isn't different now. Jesus simply wants me to have his kingdom rule in my heart.
I think of the present day Christian martyr, Saeed. In chains for the gospel message, he is being persecuted in Iran for preaching the gospel. Yet his correspondence radiates joy and peace amidst the struggle. Truly this is a picture of the kingdom of God reigning in his heart.
Jesus taught in the Beatitudes

Blessed are the poor in spirit
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 5:3)

These are those who've given everything they hold dear to God, holding nothing back. The poor in spirit entrust their most prized possessions to God. A.W. Tozer says, "They have broken the yoke of oppression not by fighting but by surrendering," (The Pursuit of God, p. 23). Abraham is a dynamite example of ripping from his heart his most treasured possession, Isaac, as he laid Isaac on the alter.
My responsibility is not overthrowing the king of this world but to let the kingdom remain in my heart. But how? I can think of no better place to begin than to remain, to abide. How do I have compassion on those who are children of the king of this world? How do I love them like Jesus does? I don't have strength on my own to do this. I will abide. There is no other way.

Green

Every month, same as the last, budgeting. Cash flow. Telling the money God's given us where to go. Some months end in the green, but sometimes emergencies happen and we see red. I never realized that this idea of accounting is what Paul was using to encourage the Philippians in Chapter 3:7-8:

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus for my Lord.

Paul is urging us to think as he, considering all the advantages we seemly have in life are really nothing in comparison to knowing Christ. If you look back to verses 5 & 6 you see him list his credentials. The advantages, not material possessions, he had in life. I think about mine. Those things I carry in my back pocket: I am a US citizen; I had a Christian upbringing; I have a college degree; I am married; I am a mother...but these merely reflect my status. They aren't who I am. They are not my position in life. And further more, Paul calls them nothing, worthless. They alone leave me in the red. Christ is the only thing worth anything. Only Christ can move me to the green.
Twice Paul says, he wants to know Christ (vv. 8 & 10). The greek word is ginosko. It means experiential knowledge, to get knowledge of feel, to understand or perceive, and interestingly, it is an expression used to refer to sex (an intimate knowing).
I am reminded of Randy Alcorn's insight shared in Heaven. What if marriage as we know it is an illustration of our marriage to Christ in heaven. What if sex, getting lost in each other physically, emotionally and mentally, is a glimpse of the thrill and exhilaration we'll feel when we are walking and talking with our Maker, Jesus? It seems to me this may be the knowing that Paul is talking about. Really knowing Christ because you've experienced Him in your life.
In verse 9, Paul states he wants "to be found in Him." Again another reference to abiding in Christ as I shared my thoughts last week.
In verse 10, Paul repeats his desire and longing to know Christ and adds to his list:

• Power of His resurrection; Interestingly, I found the the word power is where the word dynamite comes from. Paul wants to experience the dynamite power God used to raise Christ from the dead.
• Share in His sufferings - The word share (NIV says fellowship) is koinonia meaning intimate fellowship is sometimes used to refer to sex. When Christ hurts, do I? Do I cringe at injustice, aching hearts, orphaned children, widowed women? 

Paul had an intense desire to be one with Christ. Is my life really marked by that? Honestly, it's not. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness," (Matthew 5:6.) Is my soul's longing desire Jesus (Psalm 42:1-2)? Do I know Christ more than I know the engineer?
I have found that knowing more in my head about Jesus has revealed to me much of who Christ is.

We will be like Him because we'll see Him as He is. 1John 3:2

When we meet Jesus face to face, we'll be like Him because we'll see Him. Why can't this process begin now? Indeed this is the process of sanctification...being made holy. The more we know about Him, the better we understand Him (although we can never fully grasp God) the more we can be transformed into His likeness. This is a process that begins now and will be completed at perfection.
I am a list maker. My iCal is loaded with tasks and agendas. I feel I have gained worth if in my day I have mentally checked off the to do list. This in sense, puts me in the green. Now I see that the only way to be in the green is to experience Christ.

My work

The completeness of the Bible is mind bogglingly beautiful and reassuring to me! As God directs me in studying different books of the Bible simultaneously, I am tickled to see how the truths within overlap in perfect unity. Truly, "all scripture is God-breathed," (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
I uncover unity in Philippians 2 (written by Paul) and John 15 (as John writes of Jesus' ministry). In Paul's letter to the Philippians, he urges them to "work out your salvation with fear and trembling," (2:12-13).  "Work out" means to practice or bring that which has already been begun to completion. God has begun a good work in us and will be faithful to bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6). He is working through us...how are we to be working? Why are we to work after we accept the gift of salvation? Not because we have to but because we want to, because we are so grateful for Christ's sacrifice and do not want to do anything to offend such a merciful, gracious God. If someone gave you a house to live in and it wasn't quite finished (say trim work & some painting), would you decline the gift? I would be so thankful and live in it as the finishing touches were being fashioned. To decline the gift altogether or complain about it would seem offensive and ungrateful. How much greater a gift is salvation? God saved us (past tense) from the penalty of sin. God saves us (present tense) from the power of sin and God will save us (future tense) from the presence of sin when we enter heaven. 
What work do we need to do? I think a bigger picture can be seen when we take a look at Jesus' teaching at the Last Passover meal with his disciples in John 15 when he says, "I am the vine, you are the branches." A branch cannot draw nourishment from any other source other than the vine. It would not work for me to draw strength from any other source but Jesus. Think of a vine trying to get nourishment from a can of Diet Coke. That's absurd and it's absurd to think that I could be sustained by anything or anyone BUT the Vine, the Bread of Life, Jesus. Therefore whatever "I" do, it isn't really me doing it, it's God doing it through me. The branch doesn't give food and water to the grapes...it flows through the branch from the vine. So the good things "I" do, it's Jesus doing it through my body. If I detach myself from the Vine, I can do NOTHING! (John 15:5) Romans 11:18 also says "Remember it is not you who support the root, but the root that supports you." Jesus supports me.
So yes, I'm working out my salvation...working at abiding so the Christ can work through me to produce good fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control to name a few (Galatians 5:22-23). It is indeed a two-way flow. If I cut myself off by not abiding, He's still working, but the nourishment and strength He provides won't have any fruit to go to. And the vine is solid, even though I the branch can wilt in the stresses and trials of life. But the Vine, he's not going anywhere!
And while I'm working to remain connected to the Vine, I am to be humble, realizing that it is God who is working in me because He chooses me and because it gives Him pleasure to work in me (Philippians 2:13). The word "work" appears twice in verse 13 and means active energy, effective power or efficacy. This is how God works in me and makes me desire what He wants and enables me to do what He wants me to do. God always supplies the energy and desire to do His will.
My work is abiding, remaining with Him, to be united with Him, one with Him in heart, mind and will. The rest is God's work.

Plunder...but they can't take the good stuff

...you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For "Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and perserve their souls. Hebrews 10:34-39

It's hard to maintain perspective in this country that seems to be falling further and further away from the True Vine, Jesus. Watch the news on any given night and you see the "fruit" of abiding in Christ is NOT there often enough. Disrespect, self-glorification, rising taxes, scandal... I'd be lying if I said fear never creeps into my mind. This week, I read this passage in Hebrews and it reassured me of hope. I love the end of verse 34, even if we are stripped of everything we work to physically possess, we have a better possession! We have an inheritance: eternal life, and NO government or ill-will citizen could ever take that away from us. But don't overlook the last phrase in this verse: "we have an abiding [possession]," Christ with us, present tense! Every time fear begins its attack...I need to have confidence that He that is in me is more powerful than Satan who is in the world (1 John 4:4). Those in this world Satan uses may plunder and strip me of all my earthly possessions, but they can't take the good stuff, Christ in me--my eternal life!